cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

I had a dentist appointment. Nothing new is wrong. They're having me come in to have a very old filling replaced before something goes horribly wrong with it. Since I have dental insurance, I'm okay with this plan.

The rubber on my Fitbit is starting to pull away from the hard plastic display. I checked out the Fitbit forums to see what to do. Unanimously people said, "Contact Fitbit support. They'll send a new one." So I did. And they are.

I haven't started packing for Dallas yet. I'll do that tonight, I guess. I haven't contacted any of the people I know down there. Feeling guilty about that, but after an overnight shift and long days, I know I won't be good for much. I should, I know. But....am listening to anxiety brain. Not good.

I've bought more musical soundtracks. Now I can listen to Hamilton, Repo! The Genetic Opera, and Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. There might be something wrong with me.

My hair is shorter and super cute. I can pull it up off my neck in a very small ponytail and the layers on my face look like anime. Super-duper adorable. Also, my stylist is still jealous of my henna. Apparently I'm not supposed to get as good of results with it as I do. I am an anomaly. I am okay with this.

Downwood is sick. I'm leaving town tomorrow. And the kids are home on summer break.

I'm kind of sick to my stomach, but that could be the extra coffee talking. And the lack of water. I'm feeling better today, probably because I got almost enough sleep.

I put on eye makeup, but forgot lipstick. Bleah.

The new Star Wars Legos are AMAZING. Downwood bought me the set with the Maz minifig. Best husband ever. Considering spending some Christmas money on more sets. There's one with a minifig of GENERAL ORGANA. Be still, my fangirl heart.

Dance last night was good. The choreography is very zippy. I'm continuing with my "walk like a Sith" approach to body language and posture. It's still dreadfully amusing, especially when doing tush pushes.

Almond lattes are wonderful.

I found some note cards in the supply room that are entirely blank on one side. I've started doing my work zentangles on those in addition to my lined notebook. I try to post something daily to Instagram. It makes me really proud when "real" artists "like" my pictures. I'm very proud, especially when I go to their feed and look at their amazeballs work.

My "Ms Zero" nail wraps are finally giving up. I put these on over New Year's Eve, so I've gotten a pretty good run out of them. They're really pretty and I'll totally buy them again when they go on sale. Emi lost her mind when she saw that I had Elsa nails.

P4P released a new slim fit raglan shirt pattern today. I want it.

Every so often throughout the day, my Headspace app will pop something up on my phone to remind me to be mindful. The one just now said "When was the last time you did something for the first time?". Hm. Excellent question, phone.

Taking two days off of work to spend with my family? Terrific idea.

I have a haircut tonight. My hair will be shorter. Probably hacking it off to my shoulders, maybe a bit shorter. Need a change on this front.

I'm thinking of getting this pattern for girl dresses (https://www.youcanmakethis.com/products/girls-piko-top-newborn-18-tween) and making it with either this fabric (http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/1663167) or this fabric (http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/3662809) or this one (http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/1662132) as the skirt and a solid as the top. Then, probably, make a sparkly cape that can be added, if Emi feels like being a full Snow Queen in Summer.

Started sketching ideas for a steampunk jetpack in a meeting yesterday. Also sketched an airship engineer-type outfit. Too many irons in fire? NEVAR!

I'm SOOO close to finishing up a couple of cute t-shirts for Ox from some of my KnitFix fabric. All I have left is the neck-binding. They're v-neck shirts. I should maybe have done this step earlier so that if I totally screw it up, I won't be as sad. But I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Pretty sure. After they're done, Emi wants me to make her another shirt or something. So that's easy.

We're driving to down-state IL tomorrow morning and coming back Sunday afternoon. Emi's beside herself with joy. Ox has a cold and was all snotted up last night and kind of miserable. So we'll see how that goes. Things I must remember to pack: MiL's bday present, FiL's xmas present, MiL's GS cookies, FiL's GS cookies.

My TL helped me jettison my Worst Customer onto someone else. Now I have a couple extra hours a week that I used to use in Dire Frustration And Wanting To Throw Things. Now, I get to use it to do some of the stuff I love. So he told me to just go forth and do the things I love and to also think about how I can get more of what I love into my daily job and what else we'd have to change in order to make that happen. He actually wants me to be happy at work. HAPPY?! What a concept!

When I get home, I will have some comic books waiting for me. And a new silicone muffin tin. And a pound of raw cocoa butter. And some new oils. The homemade lotion route seems to be going well for the kidz and there was a sale.

And now, I go to get tasty Indian food for lunch. Because it's there and I'm hungry. Later, I have time to do work (gasp!) and will put on new nail wraps (Literary, from the first Nailed It KS). I'm wearing my Glitter is the New Black shirt. Things do not totally suck, no matter what my jerkbrain says.

Not good things about the weekend

• We ended up staying home instead of driving down to visit my folks. This actually wasn't such a bad plan, since it was bitter cold and they got SLAMMED with snow, which would have made coming home an interesting drive.
• Emi got sick. She started out the weekend by having a tummy ache Friday evening. And then by throwing up everywhere. She spent most of Saturday either sleeping or wrapped in blankets, sipping flat Sprite. Her appetite didn't come back until dinnertime Sunday night, when she ate All The Things.
• Ox got sick, sort of. Homeboy's had a head cold for a while. Friday night he was having major coughing and gagging fits. Luckily, my organic faux-Vapo Rub (lotion with eucalyptus, peppermint, and rosemary oil) seems to calm down his cough.
• I spent most of Sunday in a depression/anxiety haze. No fun.
• Sunday morning, Ox got down the bottle of carpet cleaner meant to get rid of a milk spill stink/crunch area. He managed to get the top open (how, we don't know), and poured the whole bottle out on the carpet, but nowhere near where it needed to be. I got his hands washed and him into Time Out. Emi also got into Time Out with the "You need to tell us when he first starts on a dangerous track, not after he's already dumped chemicals everywhere". We got the mess cleaned up and both kids took naps while in Time Out, though the TV room wasn't really usable the rest of the day.

Good things about the weekend

• I did some cooking. I made a huge batch of oatmeal and another of mini quiches to have for breakfast this week. So far, darn tasty and cheaper than buying the (admittedly) cheap breakfast options at work. Also, this way I don't have the daily temptation to get fancy coffee or pastries.
• I also made some for-real pudding with egg yolks, milk, and everything. It's ASTONISHINGLY rich. zomg. But very tasty.
• Emi felt better. That's a win.
• I finished two sewing projects. One - a Moneta dress for me - just needed hemmed on the skirt and sleeves. I also managed to go from printing the pattern, assembling, tracing, cutting, and all the way through sewing on a shirt for Emi. I had a yard of red jersey fabric that needed a home, so I started with this pattern. She chose the hood option, so I dug out some remnants of the blue star fabric from my Wonder Woman dress to use as the hood lining. It turned out super cute. A+, will make again.
• I did a ton of laundry. This is not unusual.
• I started listening to a new podcast that I'm pretty sure is hypnotizing me into having a good night's sleep. It's called "Sleep With Me". It's a dude telling a story in a monotone, rambling way, so the sound isn't steady. It starts with a bit of guided meditation to get rid of free-floating worries and then goes into an ongoing story. The episodes are an hour long, so when I fall asleep and then wake up after 10 minutes, I go right back to sleep. In the couple of days since I started listening, I've woken up easily and early. Even today, when my alarm is early, I was awake and - get this - *ready* to get up. Weird, but welcome. Since this is the only part of my bedtime routine that's changed, I'm going to credit it with actually getting rested at night. I'm okay with that.
• Downwood made some amazing pork spareribs for dinner last night. I made some amazing popcorn shrimp and pasta for dinner Saturday.

On the whole, not so bad. Though I could have done without having to clean up throwup and carpet cleaner.

...but I may not be so lucky at dinner.

But I look nice today - peacock blue dress, hair actually looking okay in a high ponytail, new faux pearl choker and earrings. And the weekend starts in a couple of hours. Also, I've been on the phone or in meetings all day today and gotten work done in spite of that.

And there's a new email chain where we're hammering out costuming for the new Mnah-Mnah Troupe. And the Swedish Chef's theme song is stuck in my head.

And I'm almost through with "Mansfield Park" by Ms Austen and it's FULL OF HORRIBLE PEOPLE. Just like some of my customers.

But I've done a decent job of derailing the jerkbrain today. Better than usual, anyway.

And the weekend starts in a couple hours.

Today is better than yesterday.

Yesterday, Emi got in mega-trouble for taking one of the pairs of kitchen shears to her room and cutting holes in her t-shirt, shorts, mermaid doll, pillow case, planet, and probably some other things she didn't admit. Today, I woke up way before my alarm, felt rested, and got snuggles from my girl. She had fruit salad for breakfast and helped me put a load of laundry in before work.

Yesterday, I forgot my emergency Xanax. Today, I remembered my emergency Xanax. I haven't taken any of it yet, but just knowing that it's there is an easing of this burden.

Yesterday, I cut out my new Sekret Project dress. Today, I can sew some of it. I don't like cutting fabric, thanks to my thumb tendons and general m'eh-ness. I like sewing, though. And I know I'm going to like the outcome of this project.

Yesterday, I had to go to the grocery store. Today, I can go straight home.

Yesterday, I had 7 hours of scheduled meetings. Today, I only have 5.5 hours of scheduled meetings. True, I got another couple hours of meetings tacked on last minute, but still.

Yesterday, I was PMSing. Today, my uterus is celebrating its continued vacancy.

Yesterday, I caved and had chocolate chip cheesecake with lunch. Today, I caved and had hot fudge pudding cake with lunch. There's really no comparison here. Both were amazing treats in the middle of the day.

My to do list at work is insane. What the hell, reality?

I got a pedicure yesterday. I also went to the grocery store, did several loads of laundry, organized clean sheets for all beds, and did some sewing. I'm not a failure for wanting to play some GW2 and work on my Maze of Games book. I got things done and that's okay.

Sewing update: I finished a beige slip yesterday, so I can wear my pencil skirt with confidence! I need to put black thread in my regular sewing machine, and I'll be done with my black slip. Both are lining fabric tubes with an elastic casing at the top and lace at the bottom. I didn't have a pattern, just an idea of how I needed them to work.

I almost finished my Lady Skater dress. I need to topstitch the neckband and hem the bottom and it's done. I tried it on and it fits like a freaking glove. I'm afraid to look in the mirror because I felt fabulous when I put it on, but I know I won't feel fabulous when I see myself. The majority of the dress is this feather fabric from Girl Charlee (http://www.girlcharlee.com/feathers-on-silver-peony-cotton-jersey-blend-knit-fabric/girl-charlee-p-7910.html?cPath=149 ;), but the neck and sleeve bands are the deep peacock. I also added a 5 inch band of the peacock around the hem. I'm glad I did, since otherwise it would be much too short. Next time, I make the skirt longer. Yus. This is the peacock fabric (http://www.girlcharlee.com/peacock-blue-solid-cotton-spandex-knit-fabric-p-7166.html?cPath=90_114 ;). Overall, it's a lovely pattern and I'll make it again.

eShakti's having a sale. I could get a couple of the poplin dresses that I love for far cheaper than usual. Crap.

The guy in the office next to me is ALREADY cursing at the top of his lungs. Fuck.

I'm glad I upped my Kickstarter pledge for the Maze of Games to get the PDF of the book as well as the hardcover. I'm working through the first set of puzzles, and it's nice to not be scribbling in my book while doing it. Some of the puzzles are HARD, yo. It's stretching my brain in weird ways, but I like it. It's a good story, a neat concept, and it's hard. It makes me feel smart and clever when I solve the problem.

Okay. Time to get another cup of caffeine and tackle this to do list. Yes.

I made it to the end of the day. I wanted to call in sick this morning, but it was more mental health than anything. By noon, a tension headache'd started and it never actually switched over to migraine. So I just kept doing work and trying to make it through.

I filled up my first henna sketchbook yesterday. I'm out of pages! Luckily, I'd purchased 2 when I got the first one, so I was immediately able to pick up and keep going. I've also killed my first real artist marker. I bought 2, but I'm not sure where the second one went. I'm sure it's on my desk somewhere.

Dahlal has Magic Dresses back in stock. They have both purple with silver beads and teal with silver beads. Damn them. They don't have bra/belt sets that fit my Amazonian stature, but the Magic Dresses are Magic.

I need to call my psych MD. We changed up my meds over the winter and, while one of my symptoms is better, the side effects of the med are kicking my butt and making the other symptoms worse.

Things to do on my way home: Stop at wall of green for refills. Stop at grocery store for cider. Call Mom. Listen to "Shattered" (seriously, you guys, you need to read this series. Atticus FTW!)

Things to do this weekend: Dye my hair, excavate my desk, clean my bathroom, laundry, finish my Mabel skirt, finish poofy pants. Read books to my kids. Drink coffee. Walk to our downtown and go to the craft fair. Continue looking at beautiful tattoos online. Rest. Read. Play video games. Hug my kids. Breathe.