cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

One of my small joys in life is when I get an email from Burda patterns with their new "style book". It's generally around 10 patterns, all on a theme. They have photos of the garments and the line drawings.

They make...questionable decisions. These can range from "what were they thinking?" styles to "why, gods, why?" fabric choices.

Why is this a joy in life? Because I look at the pictures, form an opinion, and then forward the email to People Who Understand (but may not want to be named). They respond with their opinions. The snark will flow.

Small joys in life, I tell you.

I bought this song on iTunes just so I could add it to my "Songs to Make Me Smile" playlist. So far, I like all the songs I've heard by this group, but this is my favorite. It just...yeah.
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I've been listening to good music this morning and have only had to deal with annoying email, not annoying phone calls.

I embraced the glitter lotion this morning and donned a sequined shirt. This makes me feel better about life.

...I want to see local dancer R.T. do her choreography to this version of "Burn". With a Flame-o-phone, natch.
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I just about have my packets ready to go to the people who volunteered to participate in my craft-it-forward challenge. This means I can extend it to more recipients! Yay!

Also, I GOT THE PART! I'm going to be one of the roving cast members for Big Werk Conference of Doom in the fall. I'm both excited and exhausted by the prospect.

Small victories. Yes.

Day Ten - Little things

Coffee exists. There's the coffee pot that has a timer and the husband who sets it up before bed every night. There's the Cuban coffee that we have on mornings that are just terrible. There's my Minibru at work that was a Mother's Day gift from my kids. There's Pumpkin Spice lattes. There's good coffee. There's bad coffee. There's endless coffee at Perkins when you really just need an all-night conversation. Coffee exists.

Tea exists. I have Calm tea at home and Tummy Mint for days when I've had too much bad food. I have strong tea at work. I have a fantastic electric kettle and someday I'll install a hot water tap for tea whenever I want.

Chocolate exists. Yum.

Hugs exist. I got big hugs from Emi and Ox this morning. Last night, Emi fell asleep in my arms. She was melting down at bedtime because she knew I had to leave for a trip today, so that was a lot of hug. Ox had a bad dream this morning, so I sat and snuggled him until he was ready to start the day. They both hugged me before I left. Downwood hugged me, too.

Skype exists. I'll get to see and talk to my kids while I'm gone. I got to see my sister and little nephew last night. Emi and Ox got to see and talk to their aunt and cousin. Much communication is possible.

Wrist braces, KT tape, and Aleve exist. These are things that help me get through the daily pain of tendonitis. This is not a great way to live, but maybe I should have taken family history into account when picking a career and avoided anything with repetitive motion. Not that any jobs like that exist, but I can dream.

Water exists. As do water bottles and single serve packets of electrolyte powder.

Books exist. I have a Kindle loaded with new things and some hardcopy books for plane reading. Fiction is my happy place. I like dreaming that I'm in a world where magic is real. Because this world is pretty boring some days.

Dice exist. You can buy dice in every conceivable color combination and size. I always have dice in my purse, just in case emergency gaming or decisions need to be made.

Nail polish exists. Sequins exist. Glitter exists. Football exists. Minions exist. Henna exists. Lotion exists.

There are many reasons to be happy and many things to enjoy. I have to head to TX in a couple hours for work for the weekend, but I'm pretty thankful for a lot of things right now.

Yay coffee!

Right. I'm locating a happy headspace if I have to track one down, trap it, gut it, and use its liver as a jaunty hat.



Day Seven - Nerdlings

I held out for as long as I possibly could before caving and using my kidz as my daily happy place. Truth be told, I use them as my happy place about five times an hour. I have pictures of them on my desk and my phone, so that no matter where I go, I can find my center.

Emi crawled into bed with me this morning, snuggled down, and went straight back to sleep. I held her close and just enjoyed the few minutes left before my phone told me it was time to start the day. She was really confused and wanted to know why my phone was going crazy. I told her we could snooze a bit more. She got up when I did, but wasn't awake enough to do more than sip chocolate milk and watch cartoons.

Ox also got up when we did. He demanded loudly that someone should come open his door Right Now. He can reach the doorknob, but not yet turn it to get out. He was his usual happy morning self and wandered out to the kitchen to hang with me.

Emi is smart, determined, devious, talented, beautiful, and my wonderful girl. Ox is smart, determined, handsome, and my wonderful boy. They both love trains. Emi loves superheroes. Ox loves construction equipment. Emi has wide mood swings. Ox is pretty easy-going, but has the occasional total meltdown.

They both give the best hugs.

They make me crazy. Sometimes I have to walk out of the room and take a deep breath or five before I can speak in a reasonable tone of voice. I don't hit and I try to not yell. I don't tell them that they're bad kids or that I'm disappointed in them. I might not like their actions, but I still love them.

I'm scared of messing them up the way my mom did me. I know they'll probably need therapy some day, but I hope it's more "I'm afraid of small girls wielding cutlasses" than "I've never been certain if my mom loves me". I have more hopes and dreams for them than I do for myself.

There are times when I'm out of money, energy, and coping that I wonder why I wanted kids so badly. Without kids, I'd have free time and free money for doing fun things with my husband - like GenCon, Teslacon, world travel, keeping the house reasonably in order, going to the gym regularly, etc. And then Ox runs up when I get home from work and tries to tackle me with a hug and Emi talks my ear off, telling me all about her day at school and things aren't quite so bad.

And then Downwood hands me a glass of wine and things are actually pretty darn good...

...until there's a crash, a thud, tears, and crys of "It wasn't me!"

My job is so full of negativity and awfulness that I need to try to send some good vibes out into the universe to compensate. Also, this will help focus me on the good things in life and make the bad things seem less bad. That's the theory, anyway.
Day Four - Ridiculous alcohol

My folks were in town to watch Emi play soccer. So we did and it was fun. They then decided that we should all play at the park. So we did and it was fun. Then they decided that we should totally go downtown to Oktoberfest. So we did. Beer is delicious. Watching Emi be entranced by the giant Alpine horn players and Ox entranced by the polka = also awesome. Coming home and putting my feet up = awesome.

When Downwood took the kiddos down to the train show, I cracked open my mini bottle of pink Kinky vodka. It tasted like fruity rainbows and unicorn giggles. I listened to some more "Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters" and read some more "Let's Pretend This Never Happened"*.

We had french fries and popcorn for dinner. I opened my mini bottle of blue Kinky and offered Downwood a sip. He declared it to be poison. He's right. it tasted like crushed dreams and instant regret. 

So now I'm sipping some candy bar vodka and not at all regretting that it's not whiskey. I need to rack my cherry stout to a secondary fermenter to let it settle before bottling, but for right now I'm content with hoping the Badgers make this a game and trying out our various vodkas in the name of science.





* - Side note, I'm now reading the archives of The Bloggess. Laughing so hard. I wish I was this entertaining.

My job is so full of negativity and awfulness that I need to try to send some good vibes out into the universe to compensate. Also, this will help focus me on the good things in life and make the bad things seem less bad. That's the theory, anyway.


Day Two - Continuing the theme of living in the future, I have a small device on which I can read anything I want, whenever I want. It's backlit, so I can even take it to bed with me and continue to read until I fall asleep. I can get whatever books I want for this thing, probably far too easily for my bank account to be happy, but I love it.

Last night I made a major miscalculation in my bedtime book. Instead of reading and falling asleep, I read and laughed so hard that I was crying and wheezing. I staggered my way out to the kitchen and handed my Kindle to Downwood. I'm not sure how much I communicated beyond giggling gasps that he was to read the same chapter I'd just read.

I returned to bed, still giggling over the book.

A few minutes later, I heard Downwood's reaction. He then came in to share the gigglefit with me. So good. Then, of course, I couldn't fall asleep for the giggles. So I listened to some "Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters" (thank you Day One) and tried to relax enough to stop giggling.

The book? "Let's Pretend This Never Happened" by Jenny Lawson (Amazon link). TOTALLY WORTH IT, OMG READ THIS SO FUNNY!

I'm not sure what day it is. This morning, Emi came in sobbing at 5, saying she'd had an accident. She hid a sippy cup in bed - she's not allowed to have cups in bed for just this reason - and everything was soaked. Downwood got up and cleaned her up and she crawled in with me. When my alarm went off just a bit later, she went to the couch and dozed. I went to the coffee pot, then to my computer. I have several lists of comics, each labeled with a day of the week, so that I only check the comics that update that day. I couldn't figure out which day it was. And now I just sent an email asking if we should make Friday night plans for tonight.

It's not Friday. That'd be tomorrow. Not today.

I have a meeting with my Team Lead this afternoon. I'm supposed to be talking about career growth and such. Don't know what I want to bring up. Phooey.

Those overnight refrigerator oatmeal things that have been popping up on Pinterest and Facebook lately? Actually pretty tasty. And it means it's something I don't have to put together in the morning. Win! I don't eat breakfast until I get to work, otherwise I'm starving to death by 10 AM. Having a bento breakfast at work means that I can have a wider variety of food - carbs, protein, fruit, maybe something else - and space it out over a longer period of time.

For some reason, I can't use my debit card to make purchases at Corset Story. Every time I try, the transaction is denied and my bank calls me to ask about potentially fraudulent activity. And then they're all like "Was this Kickstarter purchase yours? How about this Audible purchase?" Yeah, I do all my shopping online. I'm a sad computer addict consumer monkey.

I will dye my hair this weekend. And sew. And dance.

I have my dance for SitG patterned out. There are a couple of fuzzy spots, but I know where I'm supposed to be and the emotions to project at each part. Now to just do it until I can't do it wrong. Also, continue to bond with my new veil from RH. Each veil acts a little different and has a different personality. This one is very loving. Not in a "I'm going to smother you now" sort of way (usually), but in a "let me be a part of your limbs" sort of way. I can work with this.

I read Neil Gaiman's "Ocean at the End of the Lane" on the way to faire two weeks ago. I'm now listening to him narrate it. This is really awesome. I recommend both.

Time to get ready for morning phone calls. My afternoon is weirdly open. Maybe I'll actually get work done today!! WHAT A CONCEPT!

Thursday - Danced at Med Hookah. Aside from my skirt wanting to escape, I think I did pretty well. I was going for soft, feminine, and subtle. The other dancers were lovely. Some had interesting music choices, and quite a few stepped outside their comfort zone. It was super fun. I love being a part of this community.

Friday - After werk, I went home and Downwood and I got some things cleaned up. A & A brought their Alex over so they could go out and have some adult times. I can't bring my kiddos to their place b/c of Pug, so it's not the most convenient babysitting gig ever, but it seems to have worked. At one point, Emi came running out of her room in full superhero costume, then ran back to get Alex to dress him up as her sidekick. He went along with it really well. Ox seemed to think it was fun having someone his size, but eventually got so tired that he couldn't handle playing. It was much fun.

Saturday - We went to my werk picnic. We met up with my cousin and his lovely wife and they helped wrangle the kiddos. Downwood, Ox, and I enjoyed the food - Ox got to have lobster and seemed to dig it - but Emi refused to touch anything. She even refused a popsicle after she asked for one. It was blazing hot and we separated from Downwood and Ox to try to find Emi's balloon and craft tent. In retrospect, this was a terrible idea, since he didn't have his phone and I left my phone with him and we didn't set up a place to meet. Emi got more and more cranky, finally throwing up while just walking down the sidewalk. We collected the guys and went home. She really, really didn't feel good. To the point that she napped most of the afternoon, woke up and had some juice, then put herself to bed about 7. I went looking for her to put her in the tub and found her curled up in bed, still dressed, with all the lights on. Poor kiddo.

Sunday - Totally rocked. I gathered up all the pieces of my Steampunk ensemble, got clothes on the kids, and helped Downwood pick out what he wanted to wear. After a far too long drive, we made it to Bristol! Ox was fascinated by everything. His eyes were SO BIG the whole day. Emi was super shy whenever anyone wanted to talk to her, but she danced with a fairy, examined a spider web, and fangirled over a Merida (from Brave) cosplayer. She also liked looking at everything, especially all the shiny stuff. I got lots of praise and picture requests. I did a good job of putting things together in a way that made sense and was consistent with who I felt I was being. Totally fun, even if I didn't get to see really any of the entertainment acts I was looking forward to.

Faire again on August 24 for the Monsters of Myth theme!!! I have a steampunk fairy idea percolating that I'm very excited to try out.

Today - Werk. Total lack of motivation. Want to be home sewing.

Black and green bedlah is in the car. I have all the pieces in the bin. After I tried it on for fit, I put everything in the bin so that I wouldn't forget any of the important pieces. I even remembered to put the hair clips I made into the bin this morning! My cover-up needs a little work to be awesome, but it's something I can do while on the phone.

Makeup kit is in my purse. I didn't have time or energy this morning to put my face on. I'll do that at the end of the work day. My nails are 2/3 done. This is how I stay sane on terrible phone calls. My bangs are a little weird, so I hope they don't get more weird by tonight.

My music is running on repeat in my head. This is a good, if somewhat distracting thing.

Fresh strawberries go really well with honey-roasted almonds.

Life is still pretty good.

Saturday was SUPER FUN! We had friends over for card games, wine, flirting, and fun. It was so, so fun. I'm still waiting on my new anti-anxiety med to kick in and help out, but I managed to have a good time anyway, so that's really what's important.

Sunday was not as much fun, due to chores and needing to act like a grownup. I restarted my Zombies! Run Couch to 5K program. Ox "helped" me stretch after. I love that little dude so much. He's totally awesome. Emi pulled me downstairs to make her a purple super cape and I enlisted her in making some crash pads for Sasha. I like stash busting!

Monday included a screw-up at work and some awesomeness at work, so I hope they balance out. I need to pay my mortgage and keep health insurance and all that. I know my brain tends to overreact and always seek out the worst case scenarios, but it makes me nervous. I was able to get my nails painted for the first time since breaking my arm, though. And dance class was totally fun. M is evil, my classmates are fantastic, and the laser cane choreography makes me happy.

Today was snuggles with Emi, a Zombie Run on the trails near work, and breakfast at my desk. I moved my mouse back to my left hand and have high hopes that this will make my neck and shoulder pain less. My arm's finally strong enough/not hurting so much so that I can use it. I made progress on some work and am getting frustrated trying to figure out another one. Now I get to be on a phone call with the people who make me crazy (again!) and drink some coffee from my Minibru. Note to self: I need to get better coffee - the stuff here at work is too finely ground to make decent press coffee.

This week should be fun. I have some Aloe Purell to set on fire and I'm going to see if my arm's strong enough to spin light. I don't know if that will hurt like a bitch or be okay. I also have a promise of fun times on Saturday and a dance workshop to kick my butt and brain on Sunday. All I have to do is keep moving and everything will be fine.