cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

Thursday - Med check at noon. I took a half sick day after it and just went home. I was headachy, but mostly just needed the mental health break.

Parent-teacher conferences went well. Both kids' teachers are happy with them. Alex, in particular, is so far beyond where he was last year, that his teachers are overjoyed.

Friday - Dressed up for Formal Friday in a vaguely western/steampunkish ensemble. I was happy with it. Came home and collapsed. We thought Emi had Girl Scouts, but our Google calendar tricked us. That was all to the good, as she didn't end up eating much dinner and probably would have been ultra-cranky at the end of it.

Saturday - Alex's cold kicked into high gear. Emi melted down about going to tap, but had a good time once we got her out of the house. I worked on work issues (upgrade happened in the wee hours of Saturday morning), CS homework, cleaning the kitchen, and sewing. I've made a good start on Hogswatch presents.

Emi and I made a tuna-noodle casserole that both tasted good and was safe for EVERYONE to eat. Alex had a couple noodles, but then asked for plain noodles. It was too weird to have all the things mixed up like that, but he tried it. So it was a win.

I ended up going to bed at halftime of the UW game. I am tired and need sleep.

Sunday - Homeboy was pretty miserable. Emi had been begging and begging, so we finally took our fall trip to the apple orchard. The walk from the entrance to the trees exacerbated Alex's asthma and he was totally miserable. Emi and I picked some apples and we were off. Fastest orchard visit ever. Still, we got some good apples, some fresh apple cider, and Emi got to go into their food area and buy some cider all on her own (Alex didn't want to go in, just wanted me to hold him, so Emi stepped up and was awesome).

I got all my laundry done and most of my homework. I still have a couple of bugs to work out of the homework and it's due tomorrow, so I'll be doing that instead of anything fun tonight. I got some sewing done and some more cleaning done. Alex just wanted to lay on top of Mom, so my productivity took a major hit. Still, I got enough done that I didn't beat myself up about it at the end of the day.

Today - zomg. Everything is on fire and full of bees. People across the country are panicking at me. I'm still kind of in a mode of  "Behold the fields in which I grow my fucks. Seest thou that they are barren?". My Calming Voice is getting a workout today. I haven't rolled a 1 on anything yet and my aura of "Magic of Tech Support" has already given me a couple of free saving throws.

Also, I'm tired. Alex isn't sleeping well, so neither are Downwood and I. Ugh.  But I'm wearing my new Nyx "soft matte lip cream" in Monte Carlo. It's a lovely bright red, though the matte texture is taking a little getting used to.

Teacher M is down with my plan to start a Comp Sci certification program this summer. Anything to make me more stable and happier in my job is a good thing, especially since I don't plan on quitting. My health insurance is amazing, yo, and I need it.

Back in January (I think), I was working on a wearable muslin of a pea coat pattern. I kept thinking that it'd be okay, but turned out to completely not fit. So I took it to class last night and had ReplyHazy try it on. It fit and I told her it was hers. She has to sew on the buttons and cut the button holes, but everything's there. I am sort of sad because it's totally awesome, but I don't have the energy to take it apart to make it fit better. I know more for next time, that's for sure. And RH is super cute in it. And she can appreciate the total nerdery of the somber exterior and kind of silly lining.*

I did a bunch of yoga over the weekend. It felt nice, so I'd like to keep doing this. I didn't have the energy this morning, though. Tuesdays are hard. Maybe after work. Or something. I just need to get more active again. I'll feel better.

Werk's Spring Conference of Minor Doom is this week and next. Our culinary options are limited, since we're feeding all the extra people instead of the usual employees.** I bought bananas and granola bars to have at my desk to help with the limited menus. They're still sitting at home on the kitchen table. I has a sad.

Dungeon Roll is the current game of choice for Downwood and me. It's us against the dice instead of us against each other, so it doesn't end with hurt feelings (he crushes me in pretty much every game we play ever). It doesn't take forever to set up.*** Also, Emi and Alex can roll some of the dice to help, but they don't yet understand that they can't then manipulate the dice until Momma or Daddy has decided what to do about the current layout.

I cracked 125k words on the writing project I'm sharing with Downwood. The plot thickens and the characters are about to have a series of very bad days. Mwahahahaha.****

I caved and bought all three new flavors of peanut M&Ms. None of them suck. I was surprised. The Honey Nut are standard peanut M&Ms, just a bit sweeter than normal. The Coffee Nut ones have a nice coffee bitterness to them. The Chili Nut ones have a surprising amount of heat on the back end. Downwood claims that the red Chili Nut M&Ms have more heat than the other colors in the pack. Clearly, I need to eat more M&Ms. FOR SCIENCE.

I've been wearing tinted lip balms for the last couple months and I love it. My current favorite is Neturogena MoistureSmooth color stick in Rich Raisin. I feel pretty.

My officemate has been in the office the last two weeks. She's been on the phone and loud pretty much constantly. She was going to be out this week and I was excited. Then she cancelled her trip because of things on fire and full of bees. I am disappointed.

I'm wearing my new dress from this pattern. I'm wearing a tank top under so that the v-neck is more work-appropriate. It's comfortable and cute, which is nice.

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*Star Wars. It's mostly lined in flannel with a lovely navy contrast print on lapels and cuffs. Totes adorbs.

**Not bitter, truly, just annoyed that my usual routines are disrupted. They're moving my cheese and I do not approve.

***I'm looking at you, Pathfinder card game. You're fun, but SERIOUSLY.

****A lot of guys ignore the laugh, and it's about standards. I mean, if you're gonna get into the Evil League of Evil, you have to have a memorable laugh. What, do you think Bad Horse didn't work on his whinny? His terrible death-whinny?

I got new glasses! Stylish, hip glasses and actual prescription sunglasses! All hail Zenni Optical!

I had lunch with Downwood and Alex! They brought me my old glasses, since my new ones are pretty tight.

I finished the Anxiety pack on Headspace! Onto learning more about Self-Esteem! But, seriously, I've learned some good things about my brain and how I think. I like this feeling.

I've started on our work Happiness Challenge! One of my coworkers wanted to start a 21-day Be Happier Challenge. I chose three of the five activities: meditate daily (yeah!), a random act of kindness, and write down three unique gratitudes. My random act of kindness today was to write a nice note on the back of one of my zentangles and give it to that coworker. She said it made her day.

My invisible Sith cloak continues to improve my posture and body language!

My writing project with Downwood is over 25k words! Whoa.

Friday - I had lots of anxiety at work. I left a little early and made it to Aldi for werk and skool snacks. Protein bars and such for me, applesauce and such for kids. Aldi has some AMAZING gluten free stuff. They have GF pretzels that are safe for BOTH kids' allergies! And they taste like pretzels! Score! Basically came home, ate dinner, put kids to bed, and collapsed.

Saturday - Picked up the kitchen and living room. One of my college biochem besties asked if they could spend the first couple days of their summer vacation up by us (before heading to his mom's and...crazy times). I adore him and his wife and their adorable sons. The older boy is 3 and the younger is just about to turn 1. Super cute.

We cleaned a little - mostly just clearing out clutter so we'd have places to walk and sit. Alex and I went to the grocery store for provisions. Bexdragon came down, too, and we had a giant late lunch. Ribs (on sale for $1/lb! whoa!), smoked salmon, corn on the cob, cole slaw, baked beans, and fruits. All of it was safe for Emi and Alex could have everything but the ribs and beans. We all ate too much, then sat around and talked. The kids played in the yard and with all the toys all over the house.

It was busy and chaotic. And good.

Sunday - I spent a bunch of the morning ironing. I have quite a few 50's style dresses, but the ones that are most appropriate for Lucy are the ones that are cotton and thus need ironing. So I ironed. Ugh. And did laundry. And snuggled kiddos.

In the late morning, everyone came down to our house again. We had a lunch of the leftovers and some pulled pork from earlier in the week. The kids played and the grownups sat and chatted.

In the afternoon, we took a field trip down to the Toy Train Barn. It's a barn FILLED with model trains. There are some giant layouts and train memorabilia EVERYWHERE. Our train-crazed kids and husbands loved it. They also had the big outdoor train up and running, so the kids got to take a ride on it. Super fun.

When we got home, Downwood took V downstairs to look at the trains. I started getting food into some very hungry kids. The kids got popcorn shrimp, chicken nuggets, fries, and veggies. The grownups ordered in pizza.

By bathtime, it was apparent that the kids were all exhausted. Lots and lots of hugs and promises to visit soon and they went back to their hotel.

Alex and I have almost finished "Hamster Princess". I don't know what we're going to read next, but it'll be fun. Emi was kind of a pill about going to sleep, but that's nothing new. I sat at the computer, mainlined some "I Love Lucy", and packed my makeup and stuff for today. Then I went to bed early. I only have to get up about 15-20 minutes earlier than normal, but that's starting to get to the point of just being stupid early.

I miss my friends. They're good people and I wish they lived closer than Pittsburgh. It would be cool if our kids could be closer and I dearly love them.

Today - Got up super early. Turned on coffee. Stared at the internet for a bit. Got dressed and out the door early.

At work, I dropped off my snacks and purse in my office and headed to the backstage dressing room. I put in my contacts, put on my wig and petticoat, and applied both makeup and false eyelashes (THANKS! dance performance experience!). I even put on heels.

I looked spectacular. Many customers wanted pictures with Lucy. It. was. awesome.

After spending a couple hours on my feet in uncomfortable heels, I kind of regretted this decision. I went back to our dressing room and de-glammed. My hair is a bit of a disaster (bangs are just pinned back - there was no helping them) and I still have on way too much makeup, but the eyelashes and wig are put away until tomorrow. I'm wearing shoes that do NOT go with my dress, but are ridiculously comfortable.

Calendar

• Today - One more shift, but de-glam. I could technically make it to dance, but I'd be a WRECK tomorrow. No me gusta.
• Tomorrow - Glam most of the day. I may de-glam from 1:30-3:30, but I need to be Lucy off and on from daybreak to 1:30 and then from 4-8. I...won't be wearing heels the whole time. Nope. Nope. Nopefish.
• Wednesday - No more glam. :( Just a couple of things that I have to be "on" for. Host a session, attend a session, then give away ice cream. Woo!
• Thursday - One thing to be "on" for. And many things to hide in my office for.
• Friday - No more customers. No glam. I may try to get a couple hours off. We'll see.
• Saturday/Sunday - Pick a day to go to Faire. Finally.

Madison's the first stop on the WtNV tour. It's also one of only two stops that won't have Eliza Rickman as the weather. Madison and Minneapolis get Dessa instead.

I haz a sad - the largely unknown act I love won't be at the show. It's some other largely unknown act instead.

I haz a hipster sad.

But still, LIVE SHOW!

I wore my new Moneta dress and it was lovely. It is of this fantastic knit and I put a plain white collar on it. 

http://www.girlcharlee.com/black-stained-glass-floral-on-ivory-jersey-ity-knit-fabric-p-9067.html

No pictures of the dress because I am a doofus. Given the holiday, I wore it with green jewelry and green tights. I felt very, very pretty.

That is all. 

...but I may not be so lucky at dinner.

But I look nice today - peacock blue dress, hair actually looking okay in a high ponytail, new faux pearl choker and earrings. And the weekend starts in a couple of hours. Also, I've been on the phone or in meetings all day today and gotten work done in spite of that.

And there's a new email chain where we're hammering out costuming for the new Mnah-Mnah Troupe. And the Swedish Chef's theme song is stuck in my head.

And I'm almost through with "Mansfield Park" by Ms Austen and it's FULL OF HORRIBLE PEOPLE. Just like some of my customers.

But I've done a decent job of derailing the jerkbrain today. Better than usual, anyway.

And the weekend starts in a couple hours.

I bought fabric today. This really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

• From Denver Fabrics, I bought stretch lace for overlay panels and, inspired by Au's success with iced pink velvet, gold stretch velour for a trumpet skirt.
• From Girl Charlee Fabrics, I bought dark peacock knit for a Moneta dress, bright peacock knit for a Mabel skirt, black knit for a Mabel skirt, and a really bright feather pattern knit for an a-line skirt.

I'm wearing skirts or dresses almost every day now. It's easier to get them to fit and I don't have the same anxiety that jeans, slacks, or shorts give me. Making my own skirts and dresses is satisfying, I have several eShakti '50s shirtdresses that fit beautifully and other maxi skirts that I've collected over the last year, and I like skirts. Also, trying on pants in store dressing rooms makes me sad and very upset with myself.

Blah. It's okay to like dresses and feel pretty in them. Also, dresses take very little thought in the morning. No coordination necessary!

• Overslept
• Hugged both my kids, who both still have fevers and coughs
• Made pancake batter for Downwood to cook for said sick and whiny kids
• Gotten dressed up in pretty clothes and pretty smells
• Made it to work
• Had a healthy breakfast
• Added another coat of glitter to my nails.
• Answered email
• Been on phone calls
• Promoted the hell out of a henna thing for Sunday
• Did my daily henna design post
• Made a cup of tea
• Taken half a Xanax because all of the above wasn't enough to make the anxiety monsters go away.

Been feeling really rotten the last couple days. The jerkbrain seems to have invested in a light up marquee of negative energy. Some of the words on scrolling repeat include "failure", "ugly", "lazy", "loser", and "worthless". These are not things that I'd call anyone. I can't look in the mirror without wincing.

This is not what I want to model for Emi. I don't want her to be broken.

So I'll keep drawing on my legs and in my sketch book. I'll drink my tea and my water. I'll be as "present" as possible during my day of meetings and calls. I'll try to not be frustrated by people who punt everything to me, assuming that I'll deal with their problems for them.

Blah. Just keep moving, Sabine. You can go to bed early tonight as a reward for making it through the day without too much harm done.

My classic coping mechanism to phone calls that are making me crazy at work is to do my nails. I'll carefully apply polish, sometimes in really cool combinations, and use the motion as a way to focus on something other than making someone's head explode with only the power of my brain.

Since I'm going in for my annual shellac manicure tomorrow night, I figured it wouldn't be a great idea to be painting my nails today.

So instead I brought in a tube of henna and started drawing on my hand.

I'm not very good at it yet, but I'll get there. It's therapeutic in the same way as the nail polish - it's something pretty and something to keep me from cursing at the customer.

I have some more calls this morning. We'll see how far up my arm I end up going.