cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

Books I've rated 5 stars on Goodreads this year. Includes new and re-reads. In reverse chronological order. New since last update.

• TBD
• Poison Study by Maria V Snyder
  • I liked how once the protagonists figured out that they love each other, that was it. No angst about "how will we make this work" just "welp, let's make it work." Many competence boner.
• Briarley by Aster Glenn Gray
  • The m/m retelling of Beauty and the Beast we all need. It's just SO GOOD. SO. FREAKING. GOOD.
• The badger books by Shelly Laurenston
  • These are potato chip books and as such are excellent comfort reads. Yus.
• Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones
  • Comfort read. I love this story.
• Act Your Age, Eve Brown by Talia Hibbert
  • Sexy? Yes. Kind, inclusive storytelling with neurodivergent characters? Heck, yes. This whole series is just lovely.
• The Witness for the Dead by Katherine Addison
  • SUCH a different book from The Goblin Emperor and a completely different look at the society. I mainlined this book in a matter of hours and am considering a re-read already. Just continues to be SO GOOD.
• The Box in the Woods by Maureen Johnson
  • A standalone Stevie Bell mystery, but you'll get more out of it if you've read the Truly Devious trilogy.
  • A love letter to 70s horror movies set at teen campgrounds. Also to small-town English mysteries. Just great.
• Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert
  • I don't fully identify with Dani, but I loved the way the couple grew towards each other and learned their love languages. Happy sigh.
• Neon Gods by Katee Robert
  • Persephone/Hades retelling? In the same world as her Carver City and Sabine Valley books? YES PLEASE PUT IT IN MY EYES I LOVE IT.
• Network Effect by Martha Wells
  • Dang do I love Murderbot and ART together. This book continues to make me happy
• All Systems Red by Martha Wells
  • I needed some comforting Murderbot during these dark and stressful times. This novella is to me what Sanctuary Moon is to Murderbot. Yus
• You Can Do Anything, Magic Skeleton by Chuck Wendig
  • It's motivational. And weird. But oddly cheering and it makes me happy. I just have this one near me for random inspiration.
• Hot and Badgered, Badger to the Bone, and In a Badger Way by Shelly Laurenston
  • Honey badger. Shifter. Romance. I mainlined this trilogy over the course of a couple of feverish (literally, thanks vaccine!) days. So worth it
• The Devil's Advocate by Ashley Jade
  • This erotica is Dark Romance. It's smoking hot and really disturbing. But really hot. 
• When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain by Nghi Vo
  • This fable/fairy tale hit me in all my feelings. The way the same story can be told from two cultures and the way a mammoth can totally end a dinner party before it starts. Also, Chih is a great cleric and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

• Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
  • Holy CRAP was this book good. So many things that I, a white, cis, low-middle class, bi woman have never had to contend with. So many things that I've taken for granted. And THE LANGUAGE in this book is just SO GOOD.
• Paladin's Strength by T. Kingfisher
  • In a fluffy paladin romance, we get the CREEPIEST RABBITS ever to grace literature. Just fantastic all around and I need more stories in this world. All hail the Rat!
• The Duke Who Didn't by Courtney Milan
  • This book made me squee and hug my Kindle to my chest. It's the absolute BEST use of the "only one bed" trope and "secret identity" trope that I've ever seen. Just abso-fucking-lutely what I needed
• Success is 90% Spite by Jane Zei
  • This comic collection made me happy. Very funny, very...real. Just made me happy in a week when happy was hard to come by.
• Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson
  • I needed to laugh and this book fucking DELIVERS. So good. Still so good.
• Persuasion by Jane Austen
  • Just one of my favorite books and comforting.
• The Wicked Villains series by Katee Robert
  • The Disney villains are SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING than the insipid princes. 
  • This whole series is great. The books can be read as standalone, so if there's one particular villain you like best, grab their book first. So steamy. Much sex.
• Bryony and Roses by T. Kingfisher
  • Comfort read most extreme.
• The Seventh Bride by T. Kingfisher
  • Oh man does this book make me happy. Such comfort. Much peace.

On
Downwood's right foot has decided to stop working. Stabbity pain and everything. So I took advantage of our sick leave policy and stayed home. Got kids on bus, got house picked up, got kid off of bus, and got Downwood to the dr. Work took this opportunity to explode, but I ignored it and continued running after kids, cleaning, and shopping.

Two
I'm exhausted. Like, constantly. Fitbit thinks I'm sleeping okay and long enough, but it doesn't feel like it.

Three
I went for comfort in my attire for today. Jeans that are far too big, WtNV shirt, Browncoat Whiskey hoodie, fuzzy purple boots, and my GitNB beanie. Not stylish, not pretty, but warm and cozy.

Four
I'm still actively angry about the results of the election. I'm calling DC frequently. I refuse to be gaslit and accept that this is our new normal. This is not okay.

Five
My next UW course starts on Thursday. I should really pay my tuition. It's about machine-level language, so not sure what we'll be doing. But I'll be taking it with [Bad username or site: bexdragon, @ livejournal.com] so that will be fun.

Bonus
I'm looking forward to sewing this weekend. My subtle Starfleet cosplay fabric arrived yesterday, so that's on the docket, as are some sweaters and quilt blocks. Sewing makes me happy. I like making things

Thanks to a stellar performance on my final programming project and the good graces of our professor applying a very, very slight curve, I'm sitting at a 4.0 GPA. EVERYBODY HAPPY DANCE!

I've received my official assignment for my Werk Conference of Doooom cosplay. During the massive Tuesday night shindig, I'm the Queen of Hearts! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! I don't have to be QoH the whole week if I don't want to. I have permission to be both Cheshire and White Rabbit if I so choose. MWAHAHAHAHA! Now to negotiate with my official costumer and buy bunny ears.

Kid birthday party is Sunday. I have a Google Doc with lists of things to do, find, clean, buy, and prep. This is how I roll. Our allergy-friendly menu will be hot dogs (Emi only), chips, fruit punch, and sno-cones. I'm tempted to make some Rice Krispy treats, just to have something in which to stick candles. I have face paint, glitter tattoos, DIY bouncy balls, sidewalk chalk, and the entirety of the park to run around in. And lures for the Pokestop that's next to the shelter.

I've spent nearly an hour and a half on the phone with a customer that's not mine. I'm the expert they need, though, so I'll stay on the line. I am both the voice of reason and the voice of experience. They're at a better place now than when their tech manager called me in a panic, so it's all good.

My EC Boom!Box is on the way. I'm SO EXCITED to see what I get! Mystery makeup!!

I'm listening to the Iron Druid Chronicles again. I'm on Hammered and things are starting to go horribly wrong for Atticus.

As always, I have too much to do at work, but I'm doing okay with it so far. So far. We'll see how the rest of the week goes.

The view from my window today is not motivating. It is gray and rainy and icky. Bleah.

I'm wearing "I don't care" clothes today. Bright red palazzo pants (so comfy), xkcd shirt, UW ball cap, WtNV hoodie, and my favorite walking shoes. This doesn't actually improve my mood at work, I've found. If I look nice, I think I do better work, since I feel better about things. At least I'm comfortable.

Emi and I are continuing to cheer each other on in our 30 Day Plank Challenges. It feels good to do this with her, even as she's CRUSHING ME. Her starting baseline time was 30 seconds longer than mine. I'm so proud!

I felt virtuous last night. I finally submitted my nominations for the Hugo ballot. I worked primarily from my Goodreads shelf, sorting by publication date. Turns out that I'm REALLY BAD at reading new books in a timely manner. Lately I've been really bad at reading in general. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I really wish they served booze at work. This phone call is killing my soul. I've explained the same thing approximately SEVEN THOUSAND TIMES. Argh.

Platypus Evolution and Octopus Evolution are stupid time sinks, but they're oddly soothing little games. The critters rapidly become things that wouldn't look out of place at a petting zoo in Night Vale. I like it.

I'm on an anxiety roller coaster spiral deathmatch today. Various unpleasant emotions are cluttering up my mind. I'm using the tricks and tools from years of therapy and meditation, but it sucks.

It's Friday! Woo!

Tonight is for dropping the car off to get fixed, dinner with friend, books, and buying of ice cream
Tomorrow is for Ice Cream For Breakfast Day, calling Mom to sing Happy Birthday, and picking up my car from the fixers.

Downwood and I just passed 50k words on this thing we've been writing. We started it on 1/6. Therefore, we won a NaNo.

KUEC just said, in response to someone on Twitter wondering if there are dildos in Star Wars, "Anywhere there are humans, they have invented dildo technology! Humans are just like that." I'm laughing too hard to breathe. Now they're discussing the anthropology and archaeology of dildos. I. can't. breathe.

Work is making me crazy. Whatever.

Emi has a pretty nasty chest cold. She shared it with me. She's been pretty miserable lately.

Alex is trying new words and new sounds every day. He's becoming more and more vocal. It's an amazing, wonderful thing.

I've done a good job (I think) managing anxiety this week. Meditation is helping. I'm very much enjoying the Self Esteem pack so far! 15 down, 15 to go.

My zendoodles and zentangles are becoming popular-ish on Instagram. Actual artist people seem to like them. Enormously flattering.

Friday. Yay!

 Wait, what?! How is it already the end of the year?! I'm pretty sure it should still be Halloween or maybe Thanksgiving. The year just sort of evaporated on me. And now I'm at the end of my vacation with not nearly as many things done around the house as I should've.

• Learned
  • that I can make art just for the sake of making something pretty and it doesn't suck.
  • that it's okay to go back to therapy
  • German and Spanish. Sort of. 49% fluent, anyway.
  • how to meditate
  • that work doesn't suck so much if I have a team lead who's willing to work with me and actually get me things that bring me joy and take away the things that bring me misery and woe.
  • how to navigate railway systems in three cities where I didn't speak the language.
  • that I can drink 4.5 liters of beer in a day and not have too bad of a hangover the next morning.
  • that getting a new cell phone is horrible and painful and I don't want to deal with it for another three years. Or until a new shiny iPhone comes out and I can upgrade for free.
  • that it feels really good to go through things and fill boxes and boxes with STUFF for donation.
  • that my friends are awesome and even when my jerkbrain tries to tell me to not leave the house, they're still glad to see me and things will be okay.
  • how to blow dry my hair and get the lovely flips and waves that my hairdresser can get.
  • how to wear red lipstick.
  • that taking my husband and son to the ER sucks. Staying with my son for the next day in the hospital is also no fun.
  • how to use super glue for first aid and that liquid bandages are great.
  • that I get an allergic reaction to red pigment in tattoos. This is troubling. Also, I completed my shoulder peacock and got my birthday cardinal. And an adorable tiny pumpkin.
• Read
  • lots and lots of good books. Goodreads has my full list. 
    • Highlights include: Uprooted, The Thirteenth Tale, William Shakespeare's Star Wars, PrinceLess, Castle Hangnail, Furiously Happy, The Martian, and Ancillary Mercy.
  • many old favorites cover-to-cover
    • Highlights include: Eleanor and Park, Sunshine, Snowcrash, The Enchantment Emporium, Hogfather, The Wee Free Men, The Finishing School series, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, The Girl who...Fairyland books, American Gods, and Good Omens.
  • not much in the way of newspapers or magazines.
  • probably too much online.
  • chapter books to BOTH kids, including the entirety of the Dragonbreath series to Alex.
  • that while most dating sim concepts make my eyelid twitch, a PIGEON dating sim will make me cackle maniacally.
• Watched
  • not much TV, honestly. 
  • some good football
  • some terrible football
  • Emi at ballet
  • Alex at soccer
  • Emi graduate from Kindergarten
  • only a couple movies, but TWO were in the theater (Inside Out with Emi, Force Awakens with Downwood)
  • not enough bellydance, but some of it was Ozma, so that balances everything out.
  • cultural events in Berlin, Munich, and Brussels. I have no idea what was going on for most of it, but it was very interesting. And confusing
  • Alex start trying out words and talking to us
  • my kids LOSE THEIR MINDS on a train ride, in the Field Museum, in the Shedd Aquarium, and at the new cafeteria at werk.
• Tried
  • more cosplay. Specifically Lucille Ball. For work. LIVING THE DREAM.
  • making more clothes. I made LEGGINGS THAT FIT. This is miraculous.
  • to not let the depression and anxiety win. I think my record's about 50/50.
  • to come up with a way to kill myself, but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't traumatize Emi. Not the best reason, but certainly not the worst.
  • to not beat myself up about being on 5 full time psych meds and another for emergencies.
  • to cut most alcohol out of my diet. I do pretty good most of the time now.
  • meditation. I love it.
  • using colored pencils and coloring books. So fun. Especially when I get pages from Colorful Language or the Sweary Coloring book.
  • to brew some beer. Still need to bottle. Bottling sucks.
  • to teach Alex how to use the potty. Still struggling. But he can mostly get clothes on and off by himself, so that's a big step forward.
• Didn't
  • play any pen-and-paper RPGs. I ran my Scion game, but didn't play anything other than computer games.
  • play all the board and card games I bought
  • take any belly dance workshops (I think). I went to some shows, but not to the workshop...at least, not that I remember.
  • always listen to my jerkbrain. Tried to let some of it go, in fact.
  • chicken out of going on the trip of a lifetime
  • go to any funerals
  • have any serious injuries
  • get any piercings or change my hair color. I'm still using the same henna as the last couple years and I love it.

But I am sick and distracted and frazzled.

Things I have recently learned and/or experienced:

• Thanksgiving was awesome. It's my favorite holiday. There's no pressure for gifts or fancy costumes (though I do love me a fancy costume). I just have to cook good, simple food and have my house clean enough that there are places for people to sit. The food was delicious and our people were great. It was wonderful.
• This year's emergency call to bexdragon wasn't for butter, bread, or any of the usual items. It was for super glue. For first aid purposes. Yes, I managed to slice my thumb open pretty badly while prepping veggies. Bex was a hero and bought superglue for the sealing of the wound. It's healing nicely.
• In related news, Emi learned that she shouldn't play with super glue. She glued two of her fingers together and was sobbing because it was instant and hurt to pull them apart and then the glue wouldn't come off her fingers. She learned some important lessons, but I told her it was okay because she told me the truth about what happened and she didn't glue her finger inside her nose or eyes and she didn't glue her buns to the toilet seat. She laughed and things are okay.
• I think I'm done with my holiday shopping. I'm waiting on some things to be delivered, but I think I'm done. This is good. I have a couple things yet to make (princess dresses and mermaid blankets), but those are pretty easy. Now I need to wrap all the things. Ugh.
• My kids are wonderful. Alex is getting new words and sounds. He's trying SO HARD to communicate. Whew! Emi is a bundle of drama. There are moments when I regret having kids - mostly when our child-free friends go on spontaneous vacations - but then they do something cute and I'm glad I'm their Momma.
• I have a chest cold and feel icky and my voice is dropping octaves. I want to go home at noon so I can rest and not talk. And sew.
• I've been working on Things To Make Me A Better Human. These include: continuing to use Duolingo daily, but switching to Spanish instead of German, using my coloring books and colored pencils, making Zentangles, making elaborate doodles with colored pens, and learning meditation. I think I'm in a better place because of all these...and a new anti-anxiety med. I'm now on a regime of LOTS OF MEDS, so I need to find the other things that will smooth out the edges of my mental state and let me remember what "relaxation" feels like.
• Meditation is interesting. I'm using the Headspace app. I bought a year membership so that I'd commit to doing this daily. So far, it's been a nice thing. I'm worried about how I'll get the time when we're visiting family, but I can use it as a "I need to lie down" moment and hopefully maintain my calm. I have a voucher for a free month if anyone's interested. Voucher claimed on FB!
• Dance is good. We're working on a choreography that is mostly gentle, 1970s-style. Lots of Reda. It's a nice change from the OMG!DRAMAH of the last piece.
• Work is still work. Lots of things to do and my levels of cope are low. No bueno.

I got my birthday tattoo on Saturday. It's a gorgeous male cardinal. Grandpa Tom wouldn't approve, but I think he would understand.

My neck and shoulders are nothing but pain. I have a massage tomorrow for my birthday. Everything hurts. Much stabby.

It makes me a little crazy when people say "dithered" instead of "disabled" or "deactivated" when it comes to a button that isn't lit up for clicking. There are all sorts of words you could use, but that one's just wrong.

We went out to Hookah as a family Saturday night. I was hoping for a Newer Dancer Night, but not enough other people volunteered. Instead, we had dinner with an old friend and a fellow Mnah-Mnah dancer. It was lovely. We also watched new dancer K's first set as a roster dancer. She needs to slow down a bit - she was trucking back and forth between the rooms super fast. She also underestimated how long it would take her to collect tips, so she was just dancing with a basket of money for a while. She'll learn. Alex was ENTHRALLED. It was nice.

Emi has been nothing but whiny lately. Either she's picked up a bad habit from a TV show or from friends at school. Either way, it's entirely on all of my nerves.

Alex has been a snugglebug. He's also been using more and more words. This is awesome.

A couple weeks ago, Downwood put up several gallons of cider and honey to start brewing. Yesterday, he racked it to secondary fermentation and I put down a batch of Saison de Noel. It was nice to be brewing again. I'd forgotten how soaked everything gets...and that I need a new thermometer.

I need to go through things and winnow/clear. I have a box of gifts downstairs that needs to be inventoried so I know who still needs a present for the holidaze. I need to go through my brewing stuff and see what I have and what's still good. I need to clear my closet and shelves of things that don't fit or I don't like. I need to declutter my life. Too. Much. Stuff.

Anxiety brain is kicking into overdrive today. Here are some of the things:

• Major program I need to do my work decided to just not load today. Uninstalling and reinstalling didn't help. PANIC!
• Restarting my computer to help Major Program work. Outlook didn't want to come back up. PANIC!
• Customer is being dumb about organizing a meeting. They keep changing the time, now to a point where I have to miss another meeting I should really go to. PANIC!
• I'm doing a Lucy makeup test today. I'm wearing Bright Red Lipstick. I don't even. PANIC!
• My shirt, though cute, is snug. My skirt is also snug at the top. All chub on display. PANIC!
• My shoes, though EXTREMELY comfortable, are neither trendy nor adorable. PANIC!
• Werk crazy times start on Monday. I have to be dressed, makeup, hair, and doing a Lucy impression by 7:15 Monday morning. I don't know how to do the hair yet. I need to binge watch more episodes to be able to do a decent impression. PANIC!
• I need to re-henna my hair. We have out-of-town guests this weekend. How am I going to both dye my hair and practice styling it and get my hemming done and my laundry done and iron my clothes for next week and do my fantasy football draft with work group and get the house picked up and get all the things accomplished and still be a decent host and talk to my friends and admire their offspring and and and and and PANICPANICPANIC.

My shirt is bright blue. It has Karen Hallinon's illustration of Stitch wearing Jayne's Cunning Hat. It is teh cute.

Voice is still growly. Coughing *seems* less.

Downwood found Ox's lovey! Bedtime contentment restored.

I purchased a travel backpack and a theft-resistant purse for our trip. I may yet purchase a new carry-on bag. I just don't want to deal with hassle in Germany.

This petal skirt seems reasonable (http://bundleupsale.com/product/perfect-petal-skirt-by-little-lizard-king/). This petal skirt does not (http://www.cashmerette.com/2014/12/by-hand-london-kim-is-party-girl.html), unless you *want* everyone at the company party to know what brand and style of undies you prefer.

The audiobook for Of Noble Family is lovely. It's also intensely uncomfortable. The narrators are really selling the characters and since this is Regency England and the characters are on a sugarcane plantation on Antigua...yeah. For my homeward commute, I'm placing a bookmark where I am now and then jumping to the last couple chapters. I can handle those...probably. Many feels.

My kids are growing so fast. They still need hugs and snuggles, but they're not babies anymore. *sniff* They're small people with minds of their own. And senses of humor. I need to not screw this up too badly.

Do they do Groupons or deals for the Field Museum and Shedd Aquarium? We're thinking that dinosaurs and fishies will make a good birthday treat for our nature-loving kiddos.

I have my semi-annual dentist appointment tomorrow. Yey. But then it's over for 6 months. So, yay?