cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

Alex has been having problems sleeping. He'll go to be at his usual time (~7:30), but will then wake up very sad sometime between 9 and 10. Then he gets up another couple times throughout the night. Sometimes he comes in and wants hugs. Sometimes he just stays in bed and sobs. When he's that upset, he loses his words, so we don't actually know what's wrong. I have a suspicion that he's hitting a growth spurt and isn't eating enough food to support it. Whatever the case, it's making morning hard on Momma, Daddy, and Alex. Luckily, he's done with school for the year so that he can get some extra sleep in the morning.

We walked down to our little Farmers' Market in the park on Saturday morning. The kids made a beeline for the sandbox and swings. Downwood and I got coffee and were able to browse the stalls in relative peace. I visited the library to change out exercise DVDs. Then we walked downtown. We stopped at the bakery for bread (for grownups) and drinks (juice/water for everyone!). We then hit up two of our small businesses to get presents for grandpas for Fathers' Day.

Emi has developed a rather alarming habit of bursting into tears at the slightest provocation. Instead of saying that she's upset or asking for something she wants, she immediately starts crying. Not sure where she's getting that, but we talked about it and she's going to try to do better. I told her that I would try to listen better, but she will probably still hear "No" at the same frequency.

Sunday was quiet. Downwood mowed the yard and smoked a brisket. I dyed my hair and finished my Comp Sci homework. I also finished a pair of swim bottoms and have a swim top about 70% done. Not sure how cute this is going to be on me - I think I need to modify the legs to have a slightly higher cut on the thigh - but it's an accomplishment.

I'm still not reading books or listening to audiobooks. I'm still stuck in some fairly negative mental loops. But it's not all negative and things will continue to change. Just...I'm tired and I want it to change FASTER.

I took the entire time of the con - Friday through Monday - off of work. Here's how it played out.

Friday
Original plan had been to head up to the con, grab badges, and go to the "It's My First Con" panel. I didn't do this. I really should have. Instead, I ran to Target and Aldi for the things we needed - snacks for us/kids, pull-ups, basic tank tops, etc.

I got to hang out with Alex a bit, then my folks swung by our house and picked him up for the afternoon. I gave Mom her birthday, Mother's Day, and Thanks For Doing Our Taxes gifts (Julia cardigan; custom tote, hand lotion, treats; two new kitchen knives). I met them up at their hotel in the evening and we chatted for a bit. Then it was off to Emi's recital.

2 hours into the recital, Emi's group finally went onstage. She was act 19 out of about 40. Good things: they kept the show moving. No announcers. No introductions. Just continuous music. Bad things: I am SO SPOILED for good dancing. Srsly. I'll give most of the kids passes because kids, but even the senior solo showcases made me sad. So much badly performed modern dance. So. Much.

After the show, Mom, Emi, and I went swimming for a bit. Then we talked for a bit longer. Emi and I got home about 10. 

I didn't get to go to the social at the Con. That makes me sad, since the reports of the freaking amazeballs costumes were numerous and jealously-inspiring.

Saturday
We got up reasonably early, but didn't get moving very quickly and ended up getting to the convention just before 10. I wore my Moneta-modded Queen of Hearts business casual dress. I also wore my playing-card-teacup fascinator. Every compliment I got the whole day was due to the hat, but it's tremendously adorable, so I'm not sad about it.

I had lots of costume inadequacy feelings. Still do. There were SO MANY lovely, complicated, gorgeous costumes and mine seemed half-assed by comparison. The panels were either very good or very bad, but I got good information out of each of them, DESPITE some of the presenters. Electrical wiring and lighting, corsetry, pattern modification, linothorax, historical weaponry, and something else that I've forgotten already. 

Downwood and I got a hotel, since we were trying to use this weekend as a minor vacation. When we checked in, I realized that I hadn't packed any of my meds. Not good, especially since one of them is the only reason I ever sleep. Ever. I fought off the anxiety eventually, mostly by calling a nearby Walgreens and asking if they could get me a refill before closing. They could. Hooray!

We had dinner with RH and sister and teacher M. It was very tasty. We compared purchases and swapped some stories. Everyone was impressed by my magical lipstick. This stuff claims to last for 24 hours and DOES NOT LIE. My bright red lips are perfect from morning to evening. So much love. 

We ended up not going back to the con for the evening event. It was the stage show/masquerade. I had too much latent anxiety and not enough People Points to deal with it. Instead of being inspired, I'd just be sad and depressed. So we bought pie and went to the hotel's free happy hour. The bartender gave me something fruity and very red. And strong. Gods bless good bartenders.

Sunday
Woke up astonishingly early, mostly due to having an early night and not getting interrupted by kids or anything. It was quiet, dark, and the bed was super comfy. The coffee sucked, as did the water pressure, but you can't have everything. 

We drove home and rescued Grandma from the kids and gave her our Mother's Day gift (custom tote, hand lotion, treats). We then went out to brunch for Mother's Day. One of the restaurants in town does a very, very good brunch. Emi ate about two pounds of shrimp. I had more pastries than is healthy. So good.

We then got dressed up and went back to the con, kids in tow. Emi wore the Wonder Woman dress I made her. Alex wore the fleece tabard and knight hat I made and "carried" the sword and shield he got at the last Ren Faire (he claimed to carry them, but it was usually me or daddy). I wore my Carmen Sandiego getup. Downwood pulled on the full Faire gear, including chainmail and leather surcoat. He also put our very expensive, very sharp swords in a rifle case. He wanted to show off his maile and swords to the arms and armor museum guys.

I got to drool over RH's blue and purple steampunk awesomeness. I got to catch the tail end of a Victorian Fashion Evolution presentation. I also got to watch an Underwear Through the Ages presentation. I also drooled over a steampunk Snow White and Aurora duo. So luscious. So ruffles. So color.

I got to see Emi go totally fangirl over first a good Merida (Brave) and then a truly amazing Anna (Frozen). The Anna cosplayer was PERFECT. She knelt down and talked to Emi totally in character. Emi was enthralled and ended up totally convinced that Frozen is a documentary. If I'd had ribbons or other awards on me, I would have given that Anna all of them, just for how she interacted with my kid.

We were only at the con for a couple hours. There wasn't a whole lot geared toward kids specifically, so they didn't have an overall fantastic time. During my underwear session, Downwood introduced Alex to the con suite. There were snacks he could have (carrots and grapes) and people to make friends with. Emi played on my phone.

The vendors were great. My money went POOF!GONE. I bought some random trim from the Jawa bins (everything a dollar, dig until you find something you like). I bought a drawstring threader and swastika measuring guide (terrible description, but accurate. It's an amazing little tool). I got some iridescent snowflake chiffon for Emi and some yellow-gold chiffon for me. I got a book on how to work with Spandex for superhero costumes. Since it was near the end of the day Sunday, I got a deal on Con-engraved pint glasses. I almost bought a set of buttons with gears embedded in resin.

I also bought a pattern for the single-pattern contest next year. And a pair of memberships for next year's con. Now I need to figure out how we're going to get to Toronto and thence to Costume Con 35 next April. And beg someone to stay with the kids.

We spent the evening hiding at home. The kids were tired from the day. I was tired from the day. Downwood was tired from the day. I did a bit of laundry and passed out early.

Monday

Slept in. Woo! I got to snuggle Alex and read lots of books. And be totally silly with him. Woo!

Did all the laundry that I would normally have done yesterday. Went up to JoAnn's while Downwood took Alex to the grocery store. I got superhero, utility, and accessory fabric and supplies. I have PLANS, yo.

We picked Emi up at school and had a late lunch together at Culver's (all hail Early Release Mondays!). While I folded clothes, Emi read to me.

I've done both my Spanish Duolingo and meditation. If I meditate tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, I'll get the 180 day streak achievement. Woot!

I've hemmed and sewn the side seams on a petticoat and the ruffles. Now to gather and apply the ruffles, then pleat the petticoat to the waistband. It's a very basic petticoat that should work well under a variety of long skirts.

I'm nearing the time when I need to head up into Madison to go to dance class. I don't particularly want to go back to work tomorrow, but I'll have to leave early to go to both therapy and my monthly maintenance massage.

I'm trying to focus on the things that I did well this weekend. I'm struggling with it, as usual. My jerkbrain is loud and likes to focus on all the ways that I screwed up and was unproductive and a bad person and a worse mother.

I only have until Friday to get all my things done this week. I fly to Florida very early Saturday morning and don't get to come home until Wednesday night. Also an anxiety trigger, but what can you do.

Jerkbrain is being loud. To drown it out, I feel the need to list my accomplishments from the weekend.

In no particular order:

• Got to go to Med Hookah with Downwood. Got to sit with lots and lots of friends. The conversation was good, the service was INCREDIBLY SLOW, the dancing was good. Like, we got there at 7:30 and got drinks. We didn't get drink refills until 8:30 and didn't get our food until after 9. No bueno.
• For going to Med Hookah, I dressed up. I did full makeup, including getting to use my new eye shadows from Espionage Cosmetics (https://espionagecosmetics.com/makeup/the-browncoats-collection.html). I also pulled out a somewhat springtime dress covered in bright sunflowers with a reasonably trendy neckline (https://www.colettepatterns.com/catalog/myrtle).
• I decided I didn't like any of my other spring dresses and made a new dress for Easter. I found several yards of a floral print on what I think is a scuba knit. It's a minty teal with white flowers. I'm guessing it was from Girl Charlee, but I don't actually remember. I made yet another adjustment to my favorite dress pattern (https://www.colettepatterns.com/catalog/moneta) and had a custom fit, very pretty dress for Easter.
• I got to go to Easter Brunch with Downwood, kids, and MiL. Emi ate ALL THE SHRIMP. Alex ate the snacks that we packed. We didn't want to risk cross contamination with other foods for him. I drank mimosas and ate probably too much. I didn't need dinner later. It was delicious and fun. The kids are generally very well behaved in restaurants, which helps make outings like that enjoyable.
• I made muslins of both my new M4M patterns. I finally figured out the shoulder fitting issues I was running into with the shirt (http://www.madeformermaids.com/product/mamamya/). I also got lucky with my test run of the dress (http://www.madeformermaids.com/product/meganpattern/). I made a peplum top, since I didn't want to commit the fabric required for a dress. Downwood loves it.
• I did lots of laundry. Three loads on Saturday and five on Sunday. I am very glad that we have an HE washer and dryer.
• I read a little bit, including finishing Seanan McGuire's new book. I am torn. While the book got disjointed in the last 1/4, it was an accurate reflection of the inner turmoil of the 1st person narrator. I still enjoyed it and am very much looking forward to the next book with our third and final narrator.
• My MiL liked her birthday presents. I made her a cardigan. I also found a set of fancy dishes on Zulily. She has had fancy Christmas dishes and now she has some fancy summer plates and mugs. Covered in flowers, yo. COVERED in flowers. Very much her style.
• I finished up the Happiness pack on Headspace and have started on the Stress pack. Stress seems to be yet another visualization pack, using the same imagery as Balance and Self-Esteem. It's good, though. I need the practice.
• Emi and I continued to crush our 30 Day Plank Challenge.

See, jerkbrain?! See?! I did a lot of things and did them well! Nothing to be ashamed of! NOTHING!

It's snowing. Has been for a while now. Gorgeous fluffy flakes. It looks very slippery. I'm not enthusiastic about going to dance and driving home very late through this.

The weekend was good. We had friends over for board games on Saturday. Pandemic killed us quickly. The Shadow Over Westminster killed everyone but the Templar, who turned out to be working for the Darkness all along. Templars!

Sunday was for laundry, taking down the Christmas decorations, cleaning, and trying to not freak out about the upcoming week. My dad sent us a gorgeous beef tenderloin that Downwood cooked to PERFECTION. It was amazing and wonderful and all things good.

Alex spent the weekend showing off his new words. He has lots. This is an amazing thing. We always knew that he had a lot to say and now he's able to share some of what's going through his head.

Emi spent the weekend being demanding and difficult. She gets bored easily and isn't good at it. She'd rather have us entertain her than try to entertain herself. This is unpleasant for everyone.

Downwood and I spent the weekend doing chores and writing in a game we've played off and on over the years. We're at 9.1k words, which is nothing to sneeze at.

I feel like I never get enough done on the weekends. I have TWO WHOLE DAYS to be productive and I just don't manage it most of the time. And then I start imagining catastrophes and feeling bad about how I expect the upcoming week to go. And it just doesn't feel good. I'm doing better at spending time with the uncomfortable feelings, labeling whether I'm thinking or feeling and whether it's pleasant or unpleasant. It's a trick from Headspace and it's helping.

And it's snowing harder. 1.5 hours until I make the call on what I think the roads will be like after 9. Ick.

I'm still sick, but getting around better. I should probably go to the doctor at the end of the week if I'm still rattling and hacking. My cough is pretty darn impressive.

Thursday evening was Emi's winter concert. Alex won't be in it until next year. Since I'm sick and Alex goes to bed early, he and I stayed home and watched the livestream of the concert, texting my mom as we all watched together from our various living rooms.

Did I mention our rural elementary school livestreams important events - concerts, graduations, and the like? Because it totally does. I love living in the future.

Friday was mostly for coming home from work and dying. So tired.

Saturday was mostly lovely. I didn't get to sleep in, but I got to get things done when everyone was still sleeping. Downwood took the kids grocery shopping and left me alone in the house for 3.5 glorious hours. I did my meditation, drank tea, and did a lot of sewing on xmas presents.

I also didn't get to sleep in on Sunday. I woke up coughing and went out to sleep on the couch. I don't think I was out there long before Emi and Ox were up and bouncing on me. Ugh. I love them, but no jumping on Mom when she can't breathe.

We put up the Christmas tree. Ox was BESIDE HIMSELF with joy. SO EXCITED.

I did a lot of laundry and frantic sewing. One of our friends with small kids is facing a possible entire lack of presents from Santa. I was already going to send them something, but decided to make some more things. Luckily, I had enough fluffy warm fabric on hand to make a mermaid tail blanket for each girl.

Then Emi wanted to wrap presents. This was not fun for me. I had to bring all the wrapping stuff upstairs. Then I had to go through all the presents and pull out everything not for our immediate family. And get it sorted. And then teach Emi how to wrap. And how to spell "Grandma". And every other name in our family.

Not. Fun.

But all the presents to go to our families are wrapped. All the presents that need to be mailed are wrapped. The presents for the friends mentioned above have no From names on them, the better to be from Santa if necessary.

----

I'm having my usual winter anxiety and mental upset of the holidays. It's not so bad this year, mostly. I have days and hours where the anxiety's getting to me, but it's not quite as constant as I remember it being.

Reasons for better mental state this year: meditation, art, therapy, new anti-anxiety meds.

I'm trying to shut down the negative thoughts and be more at peace with who and where I am. It's not easy. Coloring and drawing are helping. Sewing is helping. Not setting up intricate travel plans is helping.

I'm REALLY looking forward to the week between xmas and New Years. There will be psych appointments. There will be Paint Nite. There will be sewing. There may well be sleeping. There will be games to play.

I can do this. I can make it through this.

I can also re-listen to some of my favorite books. That helps.

Friday - Another long day at werk. Another frustrating day at werk. Things are starting to come unglued and I need to put it all back together again before my sabbatical. Sheesh.

Saturday - Had a little bit of a lazy morning, then went out shopping. We went to the Sprint store and got new phones! It took FOREVER to arrange everything, but I now have a new iPhone and it's shiny and fast and has more storage space. Totally awesome, but it took so long that I ended up walking Emi over first to Taco Bell (for beverages and bathroom) and then to Goodwill just to get her out of the building and not being crazy. Then Target for last minute essentials (enough socks without holes for the whole trip, for one). Then Aldi to restock lunch items and some freezer options.

By the time we got home, all of us had just about had ENOUGH of people. Also, both kids have head colds and Alex in particular was getting miserable. And Downwood's foot is still sort of broken (not actually broken, but hurting as if it was). We watched the Iowa State-Iowa football game and I got depressed in the fourth quarter.

Alex's head cold was getting worse by bedtime. So much so that when he got worked up after bath and again in the middle of the night, there was wheezing and throwing up and very sad panda boy. One of those nights where (1) I'm glad I didn't work the next day and (2) worried about leaving in a couple days. Grandma isn't exactly up to handling this kind of panic.

Sunday - Pretty lazy day. I re-hennaed my hair and did a lot of laundry. I didn't get any of my hemming done - and I have things to hem that I want to take on the trip! - because Alex felt pretty puny all day. Since I'm his Favorite Person, that meant that he wanted Momma on the couch to snuggle. So I spent almost the entire day on the couch with a feverish boy either on my lap or laying on me. I kept trying to get him to drink juice wiping his nose. He kept either falling asleep or being mostly asleep on top of me. Every so often I'd either prop him up on a pillow or put him on Daddy's lap. This is how I got my hair dyed, the laundry folded and put away, and dinner made. Everything else got pushed aside in favor of helping Alex rest so that maybe he can kick this cold by the time we leave.

Emi didn't feel so hot, either, but instead of being clingy and wanting snuggles, she just whined about everything. Instead of resting and napping, she got more and more tired and more and more difficult. Ugh. Not fun.

Today -  I have a headache and am cranky. I'm getting more and more anxious about this trip. Downwood can't walk very well, so there go most of my plans for exploring - I could go off with my sister, but that doesn't seem like a very positive thing to do. I'm worried about Alex being sick when we leave. I'm worried that I'm going to catch his cold and be miserable the whole time we're overseas. I still have to call the bank to let my cards work and call the phone company to make sure my phone works.

I have my dance stuff, but I'm not sure if I'm going or not. I have lots and lots to do at home and kids who need Momma. We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Today and tomorrow are going to be very long days. Too damn much to do.

Friday - I had lots of anxiety at work. I left a little early and made it to Aldi for werk and skool snacks. Protein bars and such for me, applesauce and such for kids. Aldi has some AMAZING gluten free stuff. They have GF pretzels that are safe for BOTH kids' allergies! And they taste like pretzels! Score! Basically came home, ate dinner, put kids to bed, and collapsed.

Saturday - Picked up the kitchen and living room. One of my college biochem besties asked if they could spend the first couple days of their summer vacation up by us (before heading to his mom's and...crazy times). I adore him and his wife and their adorable sons. The older boy is 3 and the younger is just about to turn 1. Super cute.

We cleaned a little - mostly just clearing out clutter so we'd have places to walk and sit. Alex and I went to the grocery store for provisions. Bexdragon came down, too, and we had a giant late lunch. Ribs (on sale for $1/lb! whoa!), smoked salmon, corn on the cob, cole slaw, baked beans, and fruits. All of it was safe for Emi and Alex could have everything but the ribs and beans. We all ate too much, then sat around and talked. The kids played in the yard and with all the toys all over the house.

It was busy and chaotic. And good.

Sunday - I spent a bunch of the morning ironing. I have quite a few 50's style dresses, but the ones that are most appropriate for Lucy are the ones that are cotton and thus need ironing. So I ironed. Ugh. And did laundry. And snuggled kiddos.

In the late morning, everyone came down to our house again. We had a lunch of the leftovers and some pulled pork from earlier in the week. The kids played and the grownups sat and chatted.

In the afternoon, we took a field trip down to the Toy Train Barn. It's a barn FILLED with model trains. There are some giant layouts and train memorabilia EVERYWHERE. Our train-crazed kids and husbands loved it. They also had the big outdoor train up and running, so the kids got to take a ride on it. Super fun.

When we got home, Downwood took V downstairs to look at the trains. I started getting food into some very hungry kids. The kids got popcorn shrimp, chicken nuggets, fries, and veggies. The grownups ordered in pizza.

By bathtime, it was apparent that the kids were all exhausted. Lots and lots of hugs and promises to visit soon and they went back to their hotel.

Alex and I have almost finished "Hamster Princess". I don't know what we're going to read next, but it'll be fun. Emi was kind of a pill about going to sleep, but that's nothing new. I sat at the computer, mainlined some "I Love Lucy", and packed my makeup and stuff for today. Then I went to bed early. I only have to get up about 15-20 minutes earlier than normal, but that's starting to get to the point of just being stupid early.

I miss my friends. They're good people and I wish they lived closer than Pittsburgh. It would be cool if our kids could be closer and I dearly love them.

Today - Got up super early. Turned on coffee. Stared at the internet for a bit. Got dressed and out the door early.

At work, I dropped off my snacks and purse in my office and headed to the backstage dressing room. I put in my contacts, put on my wig and petticoat, and applied both makeup and false eyelashes (THANKS! dance performance experience!). I even put on heels.

I looked spectacular. Many customers wanted pictures with Lucy. It. was. awesome.

After spending a couple hours on my feet in uncomfortable heels, I kind of regretted this decision. I went back to our dressing room and de-glammed. My hair is a bit of a disaster (bangs are just pinned back - there was no helping them) and I still have on way too much makeup, but the eyelashes and wig are put away until tomorrow. I'm wearing shoes that do NOT go with my dress, but are ridiculously comfortable.

Calendar

• Today - One more shift, but de-glam. I could technically make it to dance, but I'd be a WRECK tomorrow. No me gusta.
• Tomorrow - Glam most of the day. I may de-glam from 1:30-3:30, but I need to be Lucy off and on from daybreak to 1:30 and then from 4-8. I...won't be wearing heels the whole time. Nope. Nope. Nopefish.
• Wednesday - No more glam. :( Just a couple of things that I have to be "on" for. Host a session, attend a session, then give away ice cream. Woo!
• Thursday - One thing to be "on" for. And many things to hide in my office for.
• Friday - No more customers. No glam. I may try to get a couple hours off. We'll see.
• Saturday/Sunday - Pick a day to go to Faire. Finally.

Today is a high anxiety day. There are some internal/biological factors (period, headache, neck/back ache, tired) and some external factors (job has high stress, new problems that MUST BE FIXED NAO). I've finally admitted that this isn't going to go away by itself due to FAR too much worry and stress about today, so I will take my meds, get something to eat, and work on one thing at a time.

I will also try to recap the weekend as best as I can.

Friday
After spending nearly 11 hours at or near my desk, home was a wonderful place to be. I went to bed early because work was so darn early.

Saturday
I did a little laundry and a little sewing. Most of the sewing was clearing the scraps and remnants from my sewing table and getting my fabric stash (some of it, anyway) into order. In the process, I cut out a pair of pants (P4P Palazzo FTW) and found two projects that were cut and just needed to be sewn.

During the afternoon, I started to get anxiety flashes about going to MH for the evening. My brain says "It's a social situation, so you should PANIC", even though it doesn't make much sense.

I got through it, put on a new dress, and took Emi up to MH to watch Ozma dance and hang with Au and family, RH, and newer dancer K.

Holy buckets. Ozma is AMAZING. The costume and the zils and the WOW! It was worth getting home super duper late.

Sunday
Laundry day. Sewing day. Tired day.

In the evening, Emi had a T-ball game. It was late in the evening (7 pm) so it could be "under the lights". They divided the kids into three teams and each team got two chances to bat and two to field. And, of course, every kid got to score a run.

Emi's batting form is way better than most of the other kids. The problem with her fielding is that she's playing the game as she's meant to: stay in your position and cover your assigned area. The other kids....not so much. They were mobbing the ball and pretty much ignoring where they'd been assigned on the field. One of the boys would run from third base, over to first base to get the ball, and then would run with the ball to home plate. No throwing it to team mates, just going for personal glory. Little fucker. So Emi didn't like fielding because she never got a chance to catch or throw the ball.

Monday
Got to my desk bright and early. Looked at my phone and remembered that I had a med check up in Madison. Luckily, I was at my desk early enough to make it to my appointment on time. It was a sad appointment since my doctor - the one who's been treating me for 6-7 years - is leaving the clinic. So I have to get a new dr. Yay.

Work was just...ugh. So many competing priorities and people demanding. Just...I need to get to my sabbatical. I need a break from this. I'm nearly back to having panic attacks just walking in the door. Not cool.

Because the T-ball game got over at 8pm, we'd promised Emi that she could have a lemon ice on Monday instead of right after the game. So I sat in the Culver's drive through for 15 minutes, waiting on a small meal for me and a lemon ice for her. When I walked in the door, Ox nearly mugged me for my fries and drink (fruit punch, since I was expecting this) and Emi tore into her treat.

Today
I'm very tired. The Advil, Xanax, lunch, and music are starting to help. I still have a crapton of things to do, but I don't feel like telling my backups I'm sick and need to go home.

Tonight is for picking Emi up from dance, doing some back-to-school shopping (Emi's going to be in FIRST GRADE. How'd the time go so fast?!), getting a fast-food dinner, and then sleeping.

Upcoming calendar - Nothing until Saturday. Saturday, if it's not ghastly hot, will be for dressing up in steampunk and going to the Ren Faire in Bristol. If it's ghastly hot, we'll stay home and not get heat stroke.

Friday - Newer Dancer Night and Teacher M dancing! Downwood brought the kids up and we had dinner together. Then, he took a wheezy Ox to Walgreens and I took a hyper Emi up to Med Hookah. We sat with Au and family and RH and family. And it was wonderful. During the first Newer Dancer, I crowded into billzilla's personal space - this dancer has never had a good relationship with where she is in space and nearly smacked me in the head multiple times with her grand, sweeping gestures. Ugh.

But overall it was fun. I have friends! Interesting friends! And my Wonder Woman Moneta dress got many compliments. And there's a picture out there of Teacher M trying to lick my tattoo. Good times. :)

Saturday - Hot and muggy. It was Werk Picnic day, so we got sunscreened up, grabbed swimming stuff, and headed up to town. We met my folks and then trekked over to werk. The picnic food was DELICIOUS. We about had to use a crowbar to pry a very, very sweaty Ox out of the bouncy houses. Emi got a balloon octopus and likewise loved the bouncy houses.

Then, the rain finally started. Hooray for cooling down and giving us an excuse to go inside!

So I took my folks and Downwood on a bit of a tour of campus. I showed our new-ish auditorium. It's impressively huge. Downwood wants them to move GenCon to it. I then took them over to our new buildings. Emi was ASTOUNDED by the new train-station-themed cafeteria and wants to come have lunch with me every day. The grownups were impressed both by the pretty of the buildings and the scale of this construction.

After walking, walking, walking, we went back to the hotel and went swimming. Best. Plan. Ever. Then we just hung out in the hotel room. The kids snacked and played with Grandma and Grandpa. I chatted with my folks. Downwood nearly napped.

The kids were SO TIRED that bedtime was a battle. Too tired to chill out.

Sunday - I fell back into the depression/anxiety pit. I tried to play some Guild Wars, but had the start of a panic attack at the loading screen, so gave up on that. I did a TON of laundry and a bunch of sewing instead. I hemmed many things (test shorts, test capris, dress, skirt, 2 emi dresses, skirt, probably something else), since hemming doesn't really take a lot of brain. I nearly finished two dresses for Emi, but either have run out of or lost my package of 3/8" elastic. Drat.

I also did a lot of picking up with the kids. We got the TV room organized. I also went through both kid rooms and put all the books on the shelves correctly. My former librarian nature came out, though I didn't even bother trying to alphabetize. Instead, I sorted by size and got almost everything stood up with the spines pointing out. Ox thought this was GREAT and spent a lot of the afternoon looking at the books and pulling out favorites that he hadn't been able to find. :) So we got a lot of reading in, which was lovely. It'll probably be a disaster soon, but it made me happy to bring order to a little bit of our chaos.

Bedtime was difficult for Emi. She picked up on my overall sad/anxious mood and it all came out at bedtime. Then, she noticed that I was packing and I told her I'd be gone for a couple days. Cue the meltdown. So sad.

Today - I've got travel anxiety happening. In about 10 min, we'll go over to staff meeting. Then, I'll grab lunch, get my hand prints in clay (WOO! 10 years of werk here!), and race to the airport. I'll get on a plane, go to Dallas, get a rental car, get to the hotel, and then look for dinner. It'll either be Whataburger or Eatzi's, depending on how healthy I feel like being.

I'll come home on Thursday. I've got my standard pre-travel freakout. What if I miss my plane? What if I get lost? What if I get stuck? What if, what if, what if...

Yeah. Welcome back anxiety. I didn't miss you.