cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

IT'S DONE! IT'S DONE! THE BIG PROJECT ON WHICH I STAKED MY REPUTATION AS A USEFUL SOFTWARE DEVELOPER IS DONE!!!

IT. IS. GLORIOUS!

AND DONE!

It's probably not as thoroughly tested as it would have been had I gotten it done far, far earlier in the dev cycle, but it does exactly what it claims to do. I have enhancements, sure, but it's READY FOR THE WORLD!

EVERYONE HAPPY DANCE!

I'm sitting at a solid A+ in my CS course. My first graded program got 100/100. I also got 100/100 on the midterm.

HELL YEAH! I can DO THIS THING!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


Also, I'm level 3 on Pokemon Go. Walking around our campus at lunch, approximately 75% of the people around me were also going from point to point, looking, and swiping. I asked a group of guys for help with the UI and it was super awesome. I work with good people. This game is hell for productivity, but great for our company's new dedication to helping us live healthy lives.

I took the entire time of the con - Friday through Monday - off of work. Here's how it played out.

Friday
Original plan had been to head up to the con, grab badges, and go to the "It's My First Con" panel. I didn't do this. I really should have. Instead, I ran to Target and Aldi for the things we needed - snacks for us/kids, pull-ups, basic tank tops, etc.

I got to hang out with Alex a bit, then my folks swung by our house and picked him up for the afternoon. I gave Mom her birthday, Mother's Day, and Thanks For Doing Our Taxes gifts (Julia cardigan; custom tote, hand lotion, treats; two new kitchen knives). I met them up at their hotel in the evening and we chatted for a bit. Then it was off to Emi's recital.

2 hours into the recital, Emi's group finally went onstage. She was act 19 out of about 40. Good things: they kept the show moving. No announcers. No introductions. Just continuous music. Bad things: I am SO SPOILED for good dancing. Srsly. I'll give most of the kids passes because kids, but even the senior solo showcases made me sad. So much badly performed modern dance. So. Much.

After the show, Mom, Emi, and I went swimming for a bit. Then we talked for a bit longer. Emi and I got home about 10. 

I didn't get to go to the social at the Con. That makes me sad, since the reports of the freaking amazeballs costumes were numerous and jealously-inspiring.

Saturday
We got up reasonably early, but didn't get moving very quickly and ended up getting to the convention just before 10. I wore my Moneta-modded Queen of Hearts business casual dress. I also wore my playing-card-teacup fascinator. Every compliment I got the whole day was due to the hat, but it's tremendously adorable, so I'm not sad about it.

I had lots of costume inadequacy feelings. Still do. There were SO MANY lovely, complicated, gorgeous costumes and mine seemed half-assed by comparison. The panels were either very good or very bad, but I got good information out of each of them, DESPITE some of the presenters. Electrical wiring and lighting, corsetry, pattern modification, linothorax, historical weaponry, and something else that I've forgotten already. 

Downwood and I got a hotel, since we were trying to use this weekend as a minor vacation. When we checked in, I realized that I hadn't packed any of my meds. Not good, especially since one of them is the only reason I ever sleep. Ever. I fought off the anxiety eventually, mostly by calling a nearby Walgreens and asking if they could get me a refill before closing. They could. Hooray!

We had dinner with RH and sister and teacher M. It was very tasty. We compared purchases and swapped some stories. Everyone was impressed by my magical lipstick. This stuff claims to last for 24 hours and DOES NOT LIE. My bright red lips are perfect from morning to evening. So much love. 

We ended up not going back to the con for the evening event. It was the stage show/masquerade. I had too much latent anxiety and not enough People Points to deal with it. Instead of being inspired, I'd just be sad and depressed. So we bought pie and went to the hotel's free happy hour. The bartender gave me something fruity and very red. And strong. Gods bless good bartenders.

Sunday
Woke up astonishingly early, mostly due to having an early night and not getting interrupted by kids or anything. It was quiet, dark, and the bed was super comfy. The coffee sucked, as did the water pressure, but you can't have everything. 

We drove home and rescued Grandma from the kids and gave her our Mother's Day gift (custom tote, hand lotion, treats). We then went out to brunch for Mother's Day. One of the restaurants in town does a very, very good brunch. Emi ate about two pounds of shrimp. I had more pastries than is healthy. So good.

We then got dressed up and went back to the con, kids in tow. Emi wore the Wonder Woman dress I made her. Alex wore the fleece tabard and knight hat I made and "carried" the sword and shield he got at the last Ren Faire (he claimed to carry them, but it was usually me or daddy). I wore my Carmen Sandiego getup. Downwood pulled on the full Faire gear, including chainmail and leather surcoat. He also put our very expensive, very sharp swords in a rifle case. He wanted to show off his maile and swords to the arms and armor museum guys.

I got to drool over RH's blue and purple steampunk awesomeness. I got to catch the tail end of a Victorian Fashion Evolution presentation. I also got to watch an Underwear Through the Ages presentation. I also drooled over a steampunk Snow White and Aurora duo. So luscious. So ruffles. So color.

I got to see Emi go totally fangirl over first a good Merida (Brave) and then a truly amazing Anna (Frozen). The Anna cosplayer was PERFECT. She knelt down and talked to Emi totally in character. Emi was enthralled and ended up totally convinced that Frozen is a documentary. If I'd had ribbons or other awards on me, I would have given that Anna all of them, just for how she interacted with my kid.

We were only at the con for a couple hours. There wasn't a whole lot geared toward kids specifically, so they didn't have an overall fantastic time. During my underwear session, Downwood introduced Alex to the con suite. There were snacks he could have (carrots and grapes) and people to make friends with. Emi played on my phone.

The vendors were great. My money went POOF!GONE. I bought some random trim from the Jawa bins (everything a dollar, dig until you find something you like). I bought a drawstring threader and swastika measuring guide (terrible description, but accurate. It's an amazing little tool). I got some iridescent snowflake chiffon for Emi and some yellow-gold chiffon for me. I got a book on how to work with Spandex for superhero costumes. Since it was near the end of the day Sunday, I got a deal on Con-engraved pint glasses. I almost bought a set of buttons with gears embedded in resin.

I also bought a pattern for the single-pattern contest next year. And a pair of memberships for next year's con. Now I need to figure out how we're going to get to Toronto and thence to Costume Con 35 next April. And beg someone to stay with the kids.

We spent the evening hiding at home. The kids were tired from the day. I was tired from the day. Downwood was tired from the day. I did a bit of laundry and passed out early.

Monday

Slept in. Woo! I got to snuggle Alex and read lots of books. And be totally silly with him. Woo!

Did all the laundry that I would normally have done yesterday. Went up to JoAnn's while Downwood took Alex to the grocery store. I got superhero, utility, and accessory fabric and supplies. I have PLANS, yo.

We picked Emi up at school and had a late lunch together at Culver's (all hail Early Release Mondays!). While I folded clothes, Emi read to me.

I've done both my Spanish Duolingo and meditation. If I meditate tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, I'll get the 180 day streak achievement. Woot!

I've hemmed and sewn the side seams on a petticoat and the ruffles. Now to gather and apply the ruffles, then pleat the petticoat to the waistband. It's a very basic petticoat that should work well under a variety of long skirts.

I'm nearing the time when I need to head up into Madison to go to dance class. I don't particularly want to go back to work tomorrow, but I'll have to leave early to go to both therapy and my monthly maintenance massage.

I'm trying to focus on the things that I did well this weekend. I'm struggling with it, as usual. My jerkbrain is loud and likes to focus on all the ways that I screwed up and was unproductive and a bad person and a worse mother.

I only have until Friday to get all my things done this week. I fly to Florida very early Saturday morning and don't get to come home until Wednesday night. Also an anxiety trigger, but what can you do.

Alex didn't want to get out of bed this morning. So snoozy. When we have to get someone out of bed before they're ready, we'll say that they're "not done on both sides". This is something I remember my grandmother telling me. Alex wasn't even done on one side this morning. He finally staggered out of his room just as I was getting ready to go. He held his arms up and just wanted hugs. He laid his head on my shoulder and refused to let go. So we hugged for a long while.

Our family xmas present from my in-laws was a piano. It's a full keyboard and has all sorts of electronic effects. It has very high reviews on Amazon. The kids are enthralled. Now we need to find a teacher.

It is Tuesday, so I had an extra coffee this morning. Small skim almond latte for the win!

I have only two sessions left in my 30 day Anxiety pack on Headspace. It has helped. I haven't had to take the Xanax in a while! Woo!

My Fitbit thinks I didn't have any active minutes yesterday. My Fitbit doesn't understand me. The Saidi choreography that Teacher M's putting us through is ZIPPY. Holy buckets. Also, my phone is convinced that my Fitbit is out of battery. There's a lot of miscommunication going on here.

I don't have pockets today so I'm not going to refresh my lipstick. Still, I put it on this morning, so that counts toward my resolution.

While at home this weekend (more on that later), my stepdad told me that having a resolution to "be a better human" wasn't a good one. He wanted me to come up with something quantifiable so that I can prove progress.

Have I mentioned that he's been in education his whole career? A teacher and then an administrator?

So here are my goals for the year and how I will measure success.

• Wear lipstick more often. If I wear lipstick once a week or once every two weeks, that will be more often than the once every 3 months (average) of last year. I have to decide if this means I'll wear other makeup, too. We'll see.
• Get to 65% fluent in Spanish on Duolingo. I'm at 49% right now, so this seems like a reasonable goal. If I make this goal early (say, by June or something), I'll extend it to be a higher amount.
• Get to a streak of 100 days on Headspace. I'm at 48 now, so I could conceivably get this mark 4 times. I didn't want to say 365, since if I mess up once, I'll have failed. I also didn't want to say that I'll work on being more grounded and in the moment. Headspace is helping with that and if I keep working on it, I'll keep getting this streak.
• Meet my Goodreads book challenge of 175. This is doable. Re-reading counts. Audiobooks count. Books read to kids count.
• Game at least once as a player. Pretty self explanatory. I like running games, but I miss playing in them.

Here are some smaller goals for the year:

• Have fun with my sister at the PostSecret concert in Milwaukee in February. Reach out to Milwaukee natives to find good places to go eat and/or visit during the day.
• Have fun at the Costume Convention. Don't beat myself up for not being as awesome as I'm anticipating all the other people there being. Relax. If I can make a costume, cool. If not, I can shop in my closet. I have Carmen Sandiego, Poison Ivy, Rainbow Brite (a blond wig would really help sell the look), the Glow Cloud (ALL HAIL), Lucy (need my own wig, though. or lots and lots of hair spray), and any number of historical bits and pieces. I know what I WANT to do, but I need so many foundation garments (proper corset, petticoats, bustle, etc) that I don't think it'll happen.
• Find a heritage train in either MN or IL for us to ride this summer. We've gone on train rides in WI and IA already and I have this idea that it could be cool to try to hit a train every summer in a different state.
• Start planning my 2017 sabbatical. Current thought is to take my parents, kids, Downwood, and MiL to a resort in Central America. Something where there are activities for kids, allergy friendly dining, Wi-Fi, and a beach.
• Continue wearing clothes that fit me as I am today.
• Continue Kon-Mari-ing my stuff. I've gotten rid of a whole bunch of things and have many, many more to go.
• Sew from my stash and not buying new fabric. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
• Read from my To Be Read pile and not buy new books. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
• Try to use the library instead of just buying all the Kindle books if I don't know the author/series, but don't beat myself up if I don't change this habit right away.
• Continue Zentangling, drawing, coloring, and paper journaling. These are good things. They relax me and make me happy, so I should do them. Don't beat myself up if I don't do it every day, though.
• Dance. Breathe. Be present. Be creative. Be smart.

I feel rather put together today.

• Thanks to college teaching me that I don't really like my natural hair color, I have freshly hennaed hair in a deep wine red.
• Thanks to Teacher M showing me that peacocks make one happy, I have a turquoise shirt and a gold and cream scarf patterned with teal peacock feathers
• Thanks to the Field Museum, I have purple socks with dinosaurs on.
• Thanks to my grandmother teaching me to crochet when I was small, I have lacy fingerless gloves to ward off the chill of my office.
• Thanks to replyhazy , I have gold Alegria clogs with roses and skulls. They are spectacular.
• Thanks to the internet introducing me to Espoinage Cosmetics, I will shortly put in very little effort and have red and black sparkly nails.
• Thanks to Headspace, I'm slowly gaining a sense of clarity and mindfulness that's helping put some distance and perspective around my anxiety. I'm still full of bees, but we're also getting some honey.

 Emi was super itchy tonight. Her feet are covered with cracks, some bleeding. Her hands have super deep cracks over the knuckles. She NEEDS to let them rest, heal, and soak up some lotion, but she's so itchy that she can't leave them alone. And when she's exhausted and not wanting to fall asleep, she itches more.

Text message from Downwood informing me that the family germs finally hit and could I bring ginger ale and saltines home.

Penultimate session on my peacock. There's just a tiny bit left - like maybe an hour - and it's SO PRETTY.

My Make Your Own Jeans order came in. I have small quibbles with some of the fit - the back rise isn't quite enough and the waist and thighs are a touch loose - but OMG I HAVE JEANS THAT FIT!

Ox ate food at dinner. It was a bit of a battle, but he actually ate real food.

Emi loved the dinner I made out of last-minute desperation. I am a champion.

I only got one of my new P4P patterns printed. Need to get the other two. Then taping and tracing. Yey. But cute clothes, so Yay!

I have a haircut tomorrow! I'll be able to restock my face wash (spa is next door) and conditioner. I'll talk to my lovely stylist. I'll be able to see without sweeping my bangs all over the place.

 

My father-in-law got me some amazingly nice headphones for xmas. I finally remembered to put them in my purse. I'm listening to podcasts at work and both not having my ears hurt from earbuds and not being deeply annoyed by the noise all around me. It's quiet, even if I don't actually have a podcast running.

Ahhh. This is a good thing. I am thoroughly spoiled. These headphones are made of win and beauty and comfort.