cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

Downwood's up at the hospital. He was having chest pains and shortness of breath and the EMTs took him there last night. I got the kids back to bed and then tried to stay awake to find out what was going on with him. So I tried to make my daily NaNoWriMo word count. The worry and upset crept into what I was writing. Eventually I realized that I wasn't going to be able to stay on target, so I gave up and just wrote what I was feeling. I wrote most of it with my eyes closed (see above about trying to stay awake).

I read over the last little bit of it just now. I'm....not entirely sure what I was thinking.

I present to you: Unedited Ramblings of a Tired, Worried Sabine:

And no, I am really, really tired. Faling asleep at the eyboard again tired. There needs to be an argument where bakerhas to admit that the machine isn't totally rea ready to discussion and leanring. Also, he investion needs to be strong and slow. Sometimes'Now, if someone else would tae a risk, tat'd be neat. Hus Hedird.

And now bed, I think. Not sue why I was thinking about my poor, defunct html code

Yeah, bed. Otherwide I need to start talking about some of the even wirder things going on in my  min. Also, Iceland is the center of dealing with things from the imort file. I had to write an autohokey scrip to be able to pull the dat from the view into the master. Then the Master decides what it needs/wants to send with a…not master, View-model. Then the view modelt post back to the database. And the circule of life, liberty, and the perusuirt of broken doorknos, I need to wonder if the dorornobs there have funny or lewed shaps. Or if they're just pling door knockers.

 I...just got hit on. On LinkedIn.

I have no idea how to respond to this besides a hearty: WTF?

 The entry page just ate my very long entry about work and the past weekend. I'm not re-creating that thing.

The highlights:

• Work is terrible. I haven't gotten to do the things I enjoy in a long time. I have to do the things I'm good at and the company needs, but that kill my soul a little more each day.
• We went to the zoo on Saturday. It was super fun and we enjoyed it a lot.
• We played with some fun stuff from my "Things to do without screens" book. If you mix baking soda, salt, dish soap, and water, you can make a kind of dough to play with. Then give the kids a squirt bottle of vinegar. Yay, science!
• I sewed some of my new hacci knits into a sweater for Mom for xmas.
• I played far too much of Hatoful Boyfriend. It's the most messed up dating sim in the history of the world. You're a human, hunter/gatherer, living in a cave, getting text messages, and going to school at a prestigious pigeon academy. You must romance the pigeons. If you don't romance pigeons effectively enough, Bad Things happen. I've played through 3 endings and have probably 4 more to go. It's gloriously messed up, but really only worth it if you buy it at 75% off. It's good value for $2.50. 
• The summer is nearly over. Emi has her last ballet and swim lessons this week. Sunday-Monday are our Big Birthday Trip to Chicago. I'm not sure where all the time went.
• Emi can be an overly dramatic pill. She can also be a sweet, loving, intelligent, creative kiddo. These are not mutually exclusive.
• Ox not only knows the letters and that they can make sounds, but has figured out that words make sounds. And that Momma will say a word over and over if he keeps pointing at it. This is hilarious for both Momma and Ox. I thought he was going to either get the hiccups or throw up, he was laughing so hard tonight. This was right after he had me say QUACK about 20 times. 
• My back and neck are very messed up. I have about 60% of my normal range of motion. Ugh.

Good enough, I think.

So here I am, searching for that one picture of the Nopefish. I require it for an email I'm sending.

Google Image search gives me the picture I want on the first try. Win! Then I see the top has a section of "Wiki". I think, "Hm. Well, sure, the Nopefish has a wiki. I mean, *I* don't have a wiki, but I'm not as terrifying as the Nopefish."

So I click it.

It delivers unto me another Google Image search. This time for "Nopefish wiki"

https://www.google.com/search?q=nopefish&tbm=isch&imgil=uXz2TjJLQXs9AM%253A%253Bhttps%253A%252F%252Fencrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com%252Fimages%253Fq%253Dtbn%253AANd9GcQI5jE9gW9yvy747KWiBYPUEh9Be0N_H-cQK1_nnJwfbB2-9jcm%253B736%253B736%253BJv1ZhXfXoNmpdM%253Bhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.pinterest.com%25252Fpin%25252F89720217550259662%25252F&source=iu&usg=__ZACHFCfaYzjX0TCedSmj_ys9dMs%3D&sa=X&ei=65_FU7-IOouV7Aa4pIC4Dg&sqi=2&ved=0CB8Q9QEwAA&biw=1280&bih=927#q=nopefish%20wiki&revid=704051483&tbm=isch&imgdii=_

I'm going to crawl into a hole now and never ever go in the water ever again. Nope. Not happening.

I can get through today. I'm tired and want to hide from the world, but I can get through today. I got hugs and snuggles from BOTH kids this morning and actually was able to do work before people started trying to make me crazy.

I had a really good lunch of really unhealthy food. I don't regret it, though, since it was really, really good.

My tshirt today has Stitch dressed up in Jayne's Cunning Hat. It's adorable and appropriate. Cute and fluffy and shiny. My nails got an extra coat of glitter this morning, so they are also shiny, but not fluffy.

I can make it through today. Then I only have one more day of work before the weekend. I have a spa morning on Saturday and no other plans. I might take Emi out for a girls' night on Saturday to either the fusion hafla (wtf) or teacher M's set at MH. Or I might just hide at home because I've been having to be on my A Game of Extroversion lately and I really, really want to hide.

Did I mention lunch was really good? I'm eyeing the other half of my carrot cake and considering whether I really need to go make some tea to properly enjoy it, if I'm still too full to give it proper consideration, or if it's just that good and to hell with the consequences.

My internal voice is still really mean to me and makes me sad. "Fucking idiot" might be the nicest thing I've called myself today. Don't know. Changing this habit is hard. I know it'll be worth it in the end, but right now it seems unachievable. Also, I haven't even attempted a morning workout in probably 2 weeks, so that's more ammunition for the jerkbrain to fire at me. "Maybe if you weren't such a lazy fuckup, you'd actually have the balls to do a piddly workout. But, no, you just wallow in the fat slobbiness and have another cookie".

Okay. Time to bring out the big guns. I have a Call From Hell at 3, so that gives me a bit over 90 minutes to listen to my Smile Dammit playlist and get things done and ignore the voices in my head calling for a re-election, coup, or other armed insurrection.