cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

 When I get out of the habit of writing here on a semi-regular basis, it seems like a very hard thing to come back to it. Like, I get anxiety and stress about it, so I avoid it. Yay, me?

It's December. It's cold and dark. The societal pressure of the holidaze is upon us. 

Also, the world is continuing to fall apart at the seams. What the hell, 2016? What the hell?

My hair is amazing. This short reverse bob thing has continued to be a good decision. I'm spending more time on my hair each day, but I'm way happier with the results. 

Work is still crazy. This is neither new nor surprising.

I have a whirlwind trip to Dallas on Monday and Tuesday of next week. How whirlwind? My plane leaves at 7 Monday morning and I get back about 5 Tuesday evening. Yeah. I'll be in Dallas for about 26 hours. This is somehow a good use of my time. I has a confused, but am resigned to my fate.

This weekend is for maybe freshening up the henna in my hair, sewing, and coffee with the girls...assuming we don't get Snowmageddon on Sunday again this week.

The next weekend will be in Illinois. Again, assuming no Snowmageddon. 

Then the next weekend is Thanksgiving. I decided that we're grabbing a nearby hotel room instead of trying to find a place to sleep at Grandma's house. It'll be better for Alex, especially, to have a quiet place to retreat to. Also, my folks are grabbing a room in the same hotel, so we could maybe even split up the kids between the rooms if necessary. We'll see.

We'll be home on the 26th. I have a pedicure on the 28th and work on the 29th and 30th.

Then it'll be January. Maybe 2017 won't be quite the dumpster fire that this year has been. Or maybe it's gonna be even more "hold my beer, watch this" than 2016. Who knows? 

I had a dentist appointment. Nothing new is wrong. They're having me come in to have a very old filling replaced before something goes horribly wrong with it. Since I have dental insurance, I'm okay with this plan.

The rubber on my Fitbit is starting to pull away from the hard plastic display. I checked out the Fitbit forums to see what to do. Unanimously people said, "Contact Fitbit support. They'll send a new one." So I did. And they are.

I haven't started packing for Dallas yet. I'll do that tonight, I guess. I haven't contacted any of the people I know down there. Feeling guilty about that, but after an overnight shift and long days, I know I won't be good for much. I should, I know. But....am listening to anxiety brain. Not good.

I've bought more musical soundtracks. Now I can listen to Hamilton, Repo! The Genetic Opera, and Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. There might be something wrong with me.

My hair is shorter and super cute. I can pull it up off my neck in a very small ponytail and the layers on my face look like anime. Super-duper adorable. Also, my stylist is still jealous of my henna. Apparently I'm not supposed to get as good of results with it as I do. I am an anomaly. I am okay with this.

Downwood is sick. I'm leaving town tomorrow. And the kids are home on summer break.

I'm kind of sick to my stomach, but that could be the extra coffee talking. And the lack of water. I'm feeling better today, probably because I got almost enough sleep.

Jerkbrain is trying to tell me that I'm fat, lazy, useless, and awful. Logicbrain and Headspace brain are fighting back.

Lazy?
I was in Florida for work from the 14th to the 18th. I then had to cram the rest of my customer work into Thursday and Friday, since I'm out all this week, too (work, then recovery). Over the weekend, I did yard and house work, made rhubarb jam, and did science experiments with the kids on Saturday. On Sunday I did a metric ton of laundry, hemmed a bunch of things*, cut out a new dress (another Megan romper, but a dress), and took my family to the movies.** We got the kids signed up for their summer programs. I also packed because work trip today.

Also, I not only got my steps in on both weekend days, but used the exercise bike while doing my Spanish. So there.

Fat?
Yes, I'm chubby. I like ice cream. I've also had two babies and work crazy hours. I'm getting healthier and am trying to make better choices. I need to be a good example for my kiddos, but not preach to them (like my mom did me). It helps that I know how to make clothes that fit my body as it is now, which makes me feel pretty.

Useless?
Um, HELLO?! While in Florida last week, I may have told a sysadmin that I didn't care if it was hard to fix, he just needed to do it. I also pulled together the things we'd need on the database side to fix it. And wrangled the other vendor into helping. All with a smile on my face. This week is going to be mostly answering questions and keeping everyone on task. And going to a baseball game with my team. Go Cardinals!! Woo!

Also, I got all the laundry done, folded, and sorted. I didn't get it all put away because the kids were already in bed, but I got it done.

Also, I need to pay UW for my summer classes. This is the first time in my college career that I've actually had to pay, so it feels a little weird.*** I'll get most of it reimbursed at the end of the summer, but it's a good chunk of cash up front. It'll be worth it, though.

Awful?
Nah. I could be a better person, but so could everyone else. I've just finished the Change pack on Headspace and it was SUPER helpful. Very, very good tools. I'll do that one again later. Now I'm onto Pro Pack Two, then Creativity. I'm working my way through Duolingo Spanish and am getting exercise while doing it. My hamstrings are terribly mad at me, but they'll get over it.

My kids are generally happy and healthy. I spend time with them and am actively trying to not warp them in the same ways I'm warped. All new mistakes = my goal.


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* - Capri leggings with attached skirt for Emi, T-shirt for Alex, Ruffle skirt for Emi, Cut-off shorts for Emi (huge hole in knee = cutoffs), Cut-off shorts for me (too-short pants = cutoffs). I have skillz.

** - I was originally going to take Emi to see the new Jungle Book, but decided to take all of us. Alex did okay, but got squirrelly toward the end. He's four. It's to be expected.

*** - Community college in HS was covered by the school (I ran out of classes to take). Undergrad was covered by a full-ride academic scholarship (I r smrt). Grad school was covered by lab work. Yes, I know how lucky I've been. I also worked my butt off for most of it, but I'm still very, very lucky.

 Sept 23 - Rough morning for almost everyone. We got out of the hotel and made our way to the train station. We missed the commuter train to Fussen by 10 min, so we had to wait around for almost an hour for the next one. Ugh. It was rainy and a little miserable.

The is also the only time in this entry that I'll put the umlaut over the u in Füssen. It's a complicated key entry, so I'm going to give up on it. Still, that's how it's actually spelled, so for reference and respect, here you go.

The train ride to Fussen took about 2 hours. The train was full of teenagers who seemed to be on a school trip. We wanted to strangle the lot of them by the time we made it there. Stupid kids. 

Once we got to Fussen, we had to figure out how to get to our hotel. It was a VERY long walk, including along a narrow road through a break in a cliff. Weird, scary, rainy, and pretty much miserable. Then we had to wait for our hotel rooms to be ready so that we could ditch our stuff.

Then we went to find lunch and waited and waited. Then was the bus ride from Fussen up to the area around Neuschwanstein and Hohenschwangau castles. We had to walk up a hill from the bus stop to where we could buy tickets for tours of the castles. We were there late enough in the day (2 pm) that the only tour we could get was at 5:20. We decided that Downwood's foot and Sis's leg problems meant that we should really only go to one of the castles.

Getting to the castle from the ticket booth is an issue. You can either take a bus or a carriage most of the way, but there's still quite a bit of walking to do before you get to the castles. We chose the bus and it was TERRIFYING. Holy crap. I thought we were going to die a couple of times. 

The walk to and around the castle was beautiful, but then we had to wait for almost 2 hours before we could go in. It was windy, cold, and still miserable. We were questioning our judgement in wanting to do this thing.

We ended up waiting and going on our tour and it was lovely. The castle is intense, luxurious, and still unfinished. We couldn't take pictures inside, but it was cool and worth doing. 

Then we went to leave. Our plan had been to take the carriage down the hill. But, since we were there late, the horses went home to bed. So we had to walk. Down a mountain. In the cold. On a steep switchbacked trail. This did NO ONE'S feet/legs any good. 

That evening, we opted for dinner at the hotel. Very exhausted. Much trees. So walking.

Sept 24 - Travel day. We got up, had breakfast at the hotel, then took the train back to Munich. On the train, we saw how real Germans go to Oktoberfest. They get up early, dress up in their drindls and lederhosen and take the train in from the surrounding areas. The guys each have a six pack of beer. The girls each have at least one bottle of wine or Boones. They drink during the hour or two ride into town, then hop a Metro over to the Oktoberfest grounds. We're amateurs. They're professionals. 

Sis and BiL went to the airport and flew to Berlin. Downwood and I took the high speed express train from Munich to Berlin. We got to see pretty much all the countryside of western Germany from south to north. It was cool and all, but felt like a wasted day.

Note to future travelers: don't do what we did. Instead, keep your hotel in Munich and book a day trip to Fussen and the castles through Viator or some other website. They'll take care of getting you there, getting the tickets, and getting you to and through both castles. Way more worth it. It was cool to stay there, but it would have been better all around to have done it through a tour. Live and learn.

Sept 17 - Get up, get kids ready for school. Start to panic about not seeing them again for 10 days.

Drive to Madison airport. Get there in PLENTY of time for flight. Downwood's foot is still hurting, so drop him and our bags off at the terminal before going to find parking in the economy lot.

Our flight from Madison to Chicago gets delayed and then delayed again. Apparently ALL of American Airlines' computers went down at once. Sheesh. We eventually got on a plane and got to Chicago, where we met up with Sis and Brother in Law. We then sat in Chicago and waited and waited.

Our flight from Chicago to London got delayed due to weather. First we couldn't board, then we ended up just sitting and sitting on the tarmac. Eventually we took off. I think I got a couple hours' sleep on the plane. Not sure. It wasn't restful sleep, in any case.

Sept 18 - Arrive in London. Our flight from Chicago was delayed enough and the terminals and security at Heathrow are far apart and slow. So we missed our flight to Brussels. The agents eventually got us on a new flight, so we got to hang out in Heathrow for four hours waiting for it. Ugh.

We eventually made it to Brussels. From the airport, we figured out how to get a train to the city. Luckily for all concerned, our hotel was across the street from the train station. 

We went out that night for an early-ish dinner, mostly to try to stay awake long enough to make it to a reasonable bed time to prevent too much jet lag. First, we ended up in a Spanish soccer bar and drank some beers. Then we went to a Greek restaurant where the staff spoke Greek and French but not much in the way of English. I, of course, couldn't remember please/thank you in Greek until 2 days later. Naturally. The food was amazing and we went back to the hotel to pass out.

Sept 19 - Our first "real" day abroad! We breakfasted at the hotel and were initially confused by some of the offerings. Sliced meats and cheeses and baked beans. There was good coffee and lots of other choices, so we were able to load up and head out for the day!

First item on agenda: Figure out subway system. This done, we hopped a couple trains into the center of town and proceeded to walk ALL OVER IT! We saw palaces and the grand plaza. It was Cultural Fest weekend, so we saw cultural things that were...odd. I'm sure it would make sense if I'd lived there my whole life, but...odd. We found chocolates and fancy sandwiches. We found more coffee. We found a street vendor with the best waffles in the history of the world. We also discovered just how much the people in Belgium love french fries and that the ketchup is really weird.

We walked and walked with very little in the way of sitting still. By the end of the day, Downwood was about to kill all of us, his foot was hurting so badly.

That evening, I'd booked a Belgian Beer Tasting Tour for the four of us. Our guide was Mick from Ireland. He knows a LOT about the history of beer in Belgium and can talk about all the kinds of beer and what to look for in really good beer. We ended up walking quite a bit between the pubs for the tour, but we had good beer and it was nice.

At the end of the tour, we were all buzzed and starving. On our way back to the subway, we found a food truck selling burgers. We immediately ordered cheeseburgers. They were the BEST cheeseburgers. They would have been the best anyone's EVER EATEN, but the cheese wasn't perfect. It was melty, but forgettable. Everything else about the burgers was wonderful. It was the perfect ending to the day.

Sept 20 - At breakfast, we discussed options for the day. We could go to Antwerp, Bruges, or Ghent. Or we could walk around Brussels some more. We eventually decided to continue exploring Brussels, since our beer guide had pointed out the one place in Brussels that serves Trappist Westvleteren - widely considered to be the Best Beer in the World. 

We wandered the streets of the lower city and eventually found the place. From the street, all you see is a door in a wall. Go through the door and you're in an alley. There's a fairly non-descript door in the alley. Go through the door and you're in a pub straight out of a D&D novel. It's all dark, polished wood and stained glass. I fully expected to see a hooded figure in the corner who would give us our Plot. It was super neat.

We ordered the beer and...yeah. Not quite a religious experience, but close. It's an INCREDIBLY complicated beer. Lots of layers of flavor, very interesting. Lots going on there. We're not wine people, so we don't have the full vocabulary to describe this beer. Let's just leave it at "This beer is very good. If you like beer and you get the chance, you should try it. It's interesting and complicated and good."

We continued wandering. There was chocolate, waffles, and lunch. In the afternoon, we decided we should have a goal. The goal? The natural history museum.

It was a trek to get there. It has no nearby train stations, so we had to walk and walk and walk and walk. It was hot, sunny, and up and down many hills. Downwood's foot was killing him by the time we made it to the museum. We went in and found DINOSAURS! They have many dinosaur skeletons, including a flock/murder/congress/something of EIGHT full-grown iguanodons. Super cool. I squee'd. We went through a couple of their other exhibits before heading out.

I asked the ladies at the front desk of the museum how to easily get to a metro station. It turned out that our map didn't show a short cut tunnel under one of the big government buildings, so it was MUCH easier to get to the station than we'd thought.

Back at the hotel, Downwood collapsed and I watched some Belgian TV. It was interesting, though I don't really know what was going on. Game shows are weird when you understand neither the rules nor the language.

For dinner, Sis, BiL, and I went out in search of take-away. Downwood still couldn't walk. We checked out some kebab places and a deli-ish place, but settled on BFC - Brussels Fried Chicken. It was cheap, plentiful, and really tasty. The cole slaw was very weird and the fries were excellent. We grabbed a couple cans of Jupilier - what seems to be the Belgian equivalent of Coors: generic but still way better than generic beer in USA - and some sodas. One of the sodas was Mojito 7up. It was mostly terrible, though Downwood drank it. 

All in all, much exploring, much walking, and a pretty good day.

Sept 21 - We took the train back to the airport and flew from Brussels to Copenhagen and then to Munich. More about this day in the next post.

 Last night, Alex had a coughing fit that ended up with vomit everywhere. He was then coughing for most of the rest of the night. No school or soccer for little buddy today. 

This morning, I got to sleep in by almost an hour! This isn't as decadent as it sounds, since my habit lately has been to leave for work no later than 6:30. 

After seeing Emi off to the bus, I went to get my hair did. My stylist was wonderful, as always. She was showing a new girl how to do a layered cut, so I got to hear all the technique that goes into making my hair amazing. I had NO idea. After hair (and a PSL from Starbucks) was therapy.

Basically, the message from therapy today was: Try not to worry. Accept that there will be curveballs, but overall you will find a way to have fun on this trip. Everything will work out and you will enjoy it. Remember that the kiddos' grandparents were PARENTS first. They will take care of the kids just fine. You will have fun, even if everything isn't exactly as you expect.

Then it was to the Sprint store to get my account reset - so I could call the international department and figure out wtf to do with my phone - and HyVee for refills on fruits, juice boxes, and pepperonis.

Then laundry. And hemming. And packing - laying out all the things that I thought I'd need, figuring out what can go in my rolly bag, what in my backpack, and what in my smaller, supposedly anti-theft purse. I'm fine on space. The protein bars will get eaten, so that's space I'll have back. I'll also pack dirty clothes into a compression bag, so that will be smaller. I've been told that a requirement of leaving Germany is the purchasing of a cuckoo clock. So there's that.

I have audiobooks, podcasts, and Kindle books downloaded. I have my guide books and travel docs in the bag. I think that I'm as prepared as I can be.

Now, back to getting some snuggles from my kids. I'm going to miss them very, very much.

Friday - Got to work silly early and worked hard. Left work at 3:30 (WHAT?! I KNOW, RIGHT?!) and went to meet Downwood and kids at the doctors' office. Switched cars with Downwood, kissed him, hugged Emi, and bundled Alex in the car to go to my folks' for the weekend.

Much caffeine, some podcasts and Felicia Day's audiobook, and several "conversations" about big trucks later, we arrived at my parents' house. I was both wired and exhausted. Alex was super happy to be out of the car and was a total squirrel until I got us both in bed, rather late by our standards.

Saturday - Alex and I slept in LATE. Mom just let us sleep. We eventually staggered upstairs for breakfast, coffee, and a start of a busy, busy day.

Alex got my mom's Potty Training Boot Camp. He got frustrated with it after a while, poor guy. He still freezes up if asked to do a hard thing many times in a row, at which point you need to sit back and let him calm down before asking again.

He got to open his birthday present - a Cars scooter! We went to watch the town's Founders Day parade. There were FIRE TRUCKS and people throwing CANDY. Given that their town is tiny, there were about 4 floats, a handful of classic cars, the fire trucks and police cars, and that was it. It was just about perfect for Alex.

We washed and vacuumed both Mom's car and my car. So. Many. French. Fries. We had lunch.

Then we walked to the park for the rest of the Founders Day things. Alex wanted to be carried the whole time. I'm wondering if his shoes are uncomfortable. It's a bit of a walk for a little dude, but he wanted to be carried before we got out of the driveway.

We toured the library. Alex enjoyed TWO bouncy houses. We looked at all the fire trucks. Alex got to CLIMB INTO one of the fire trucks. We played at the park and he climbed all the things. He even got brave and decided to try the spinny tire swing. We walked home and Alex got piggy back rides or carried most of the way.

We went to church in the evening. I...don't think I love Jesus the way the priest wants us all to. I mean, I like a lot of what he teaches, but I can't handle most of the other stuff with the religion. Alex slept the whole way to church and actually behaved pretty well during Mass.

Sunday - I managed to get up at a respectable time. I read through the results of the Hugos voting. While I'm sad that "The Goblin Emperor" didn't take first prize, I was very glad to see that the Puppies got NO AWARDED right out the door. I drank coffee and talked with my parents.

When Alex finally got up, we got him some breakfast and went out to run some errands. Alex LOVES the hardware store and my folks needed to go to Menards anyway. It was obviously paradise for little dude. He adored it. We then went to the elementary school's playgrounds, where he got to climb, slide, and dig in the pea gravel. Again, he adored it.

After lunch, I packed the car and we headed for home. Alex slept for the entire first half of the drive.

Once home, I got engulfed in unpacking, doing laundry, picking up, reading to kids, more laundry, decide about dinner, bath, bed, argh! Emi also got a scooter, but hers is Frozen, not Cars. They plan to go to Target today to pick out helmets so they can practice in a nearby parking lot (our driveway is STEEP). Emi was very excited to see us. I think Downwood was, too.

Today - Work, which has been surprisingly chill for a Monday. We're entering the Two Weeks of Hell. Next week is our Giant Work Conference, where parking becomes a nightmare and you shouldn't try to eat out anywhere near WorkTown.

I need to get a lot done this week. Next week Monday-Wednesday will be mostly taken up with Giant Work Conference stuff. Monday and Tuesday, I'll be dressed up as Lucy, as in Lucille Ball, which is TOTALLY EXCITING. Then, it's only 2 weeks until my sabbatical and our trip! Woo!

This week -
Tonight - Dance. I'll be there tonight, but not next week, there for 2 weeks, then out for at least one, maybe two, depending on how jet lagged I am on the 28th.
Otherwise, not a whole lot. I need to talk to the bank and the phone company about international usage. I also need to order some new shoes (my poor shoes are getting holes in) and get some red lipstick. And hairspray. And see if I can get my hair to do the updo thing or if I'll be wearing a wig.

I'm starting to freak out about the travel. I haven't done something this big and expensive since our honeymoon. I haven't been away from my kids this long EVER. It's just...a lot. There's a lot.

I am home. Long half day of on-site work (6 hr), then Dallas traffic (UGH), then airport waiting, then airplane, then the extremely long drive from the airport to our house.

Somewhere in the trip to work on Monday or to the airport, my wonderful Subaru clocked over 100k miles. So that's a thing. I think it means my car is officially middle-aged.

I made it home in one piece. The kids each got a treat (Skittles for Ox, Bubble gum for Emi) and a postcard. Postcards are portable, cheap, and colorful. I can make this a thing for them.

I hurt. I didn't really eat dinner, so that's not helping. I spent too much of the last couple days all knotted up and never really slept well. I think I've forgotten how to sleep. This sucks. 

The kids were overjoyed and are now both in bed. I am in comfy clothes. I have tomorrow morning off work so that I can watch the kids while Downwood goes to the dentist. I have piles and piles and piles of work to do when I'm back at my desk and meetings straight from 1 to 5. 

But I'm home. And I will continue to be home tomorrow. That doesn't suck. The lack of a maid service sucks, but it's home.

After Staff Meeting, I went to hang out in a conference room. I ate lunch and sent some emails. Then, people invaded the conference room and my purpose for being there became clear: I got to put my handprints into a clay slab. This will get fired, glazed, and hung on the wall in our training compound. All hail A DECADE of werk! Hail!

Then I went to the airport. And got on a plane. And got off a plane. And picked up a rental car. 

Yes, I'm safely in Dallas. On the way to the hotel, I decided that hunger was going to win out over common sense, so I got Whataburger. I can get a salad from Eatzi's tomorrow.

I've Skyped with kidz and am considering early bed. It's stupidly hot here and I need to be cheerful and ready to go at 8. Given that it's about 45 min later with a much shorter drive than usual, I'm not worried. Just a little anxious still.

Also, my phone apparently hates the hotel wireless. It says it can see it, but is refusing to actually connect. I'm going to blame iPass for this, Ugh. WTF, phone, WTF? 

Filling out the forms to get my passport renewed. It's been expired for more than 5 years, so I have to apply (and pay for) a brand new one. Joy. Also had to set up an appointment with a Post Office to go through the renewal. Their appointment hours are generally 1-3, in the town halfway between work and home. Luckily, he had an opening on Saturday and took the time to review all the things I need to have with me.

Just...ugh.

But it'll be good for 10 years, so I won't have to think about it again for a while.

It was actually surprisingly easy to navigate the government website. I'm still a little chilled by that.