cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

 Emi put on the new leggings I made for her. They're the same legging material as a pair I made for myself, but these have an attached bright red circle skirt. Emi's favorite color is red, so she loved them. I asked if I could take some pictures of her in her new leggings. She posed for a bit, then came to look at the pictures.

Alex came over. I asked if he wanted pictures taken. He said yes and got up and smiled for me.

I said, "Strike a pose!". He started bending and being upside down and touching the floor and stuff. I asked what he was doing, if he just wanted to be a goofball or what. He stood up and deliberately bent to the side again and smiled.

I said "pose". He did yoga poses.

Many giggles and high fives. 

Alex got to visit the pediatric cardiology group today. This was one of the results of the Great Hallway Collapse of earlier this month. He got to listen to his heart and see it on a screen! They did an EKG and an ultrasound. Everything's normal! His heart wasn't the reason he collapsed at school.

Work is crazy. Lots and lots of things piling up. Ugh.

That said, I made a new work friend. A new hire came to interview me for a project. I discovered she likes NaNoWriMo. I happen to be friends with people who do this. I made connections. :) Also, she laughed at my jokes. This is a good thing.

I have lots and lots of wonderful fabric at home. I have several planned princess dresses for Emi and nearly-nieces. I also have more legging material because OH GODS THESE LEGGINGS ARE SO COMFORTABLE. I may never wear real pants again. Except my palazzo pants. Also super comfortable and look a little more classy.

I miss good, restful sleep. I miss the sleep I could get in grad school and college. Oh me, why did you decide to grow up and be a Real Adult (tm) and such? That was not a good decision on your part. Just sayin'.

And now, to dinner and dance! Whee!

Friday - Newer Dancer Night and Teacher M dancing! Downwood brought the kids up and we had dinner together. Then, he took a wheezy Ox to Walgreens and I took a hyper Emi up to Med Hookah. We sat with Au and family and RH and family. And it was wonderful. During the first Newer Dancer, I crowded into billzilla's personal space - this dancer has never had a good relationship with where she is in space and nearly smacked me in the head multiple times with her grand, sweeping gestures. Ugh.

But overall it was fun. I have friends! Interesting friends! And my Wonder Woman Moneta dress got many compliments. And there's a picture out there of Teacher M trying to lick my tattoo. Good times. :)

Saturday - Hot and muggy. It was Werk Picnic day, so we got sunscreened up, grabbed swimming stuff, and headed up to town. We met my folks and then trekked over to werk. The picnic food was DELICIOUS. We about had to use a crowbar to pry a very, very sweaty Ox out of the bouncy houses. Emi got a balloon octopus and likewise loved the bouncy houses.

Then, the rain finally started. Hooray for cooling down and giving us an excuse to go inside!

So I took my folks and Downwood on a bit of a tour of campus. I showed our new-ish auditorium. It's impressively huge. Downwood wants them to move GenCon to it. I then took them over to our new buildings. Emi was ASTOUNDED by the new train-station-themed cafeteria and wants to come have lunch with me every day. The grownups were impressed both by the pretty of the buildings and the scale of this construction.

After walking, walking, walking, we went back to the hotel and went swimming. Best. Plan. Ever. Then we just hung out in the hotel room. The kids snacked and played with Grandma and Grandpa. I chatted with my folks. Downwood nearly napped.

The kids were SO TIRED that bedtime was a battle. Too tired to chill out.

Sunday - I fell back into the depression/anxiety pit. I tried to play some Guild Wars, but had the start of a panic attack at the loading screen, so gave up on that. I did a TON of laundry and a bunch of sewing instead. I hemmed many things (test shorts, test capris, dress, skirt, 2 emi dresses, skirt, probably something else), since hemming doesn't really take a lot of brain. I nearly finished two dresses for Emi, but either have run out of or lost my package of 3/8" elastic. Drat.

I also did a lot of picking up with the kids. We got the TV room organized. I also went through both kid rooms and put all the books on the shelves correctly. My former librarian nature came out, though I didn't even bother trying to alphabetize. Instead, I sorted by size and got almost everything stood up with the spines pointing out. Ox thought this was GREAT and spent a lot of the afternoon looking at the books and pulling out favorites that he hadn't been able to find. :) So we got a lot of reading in, which was lovely. It'll probably be a disaster soon, but it made me happy to bring order to a little bit of our chaos.

Bedtime was difficult for Emi. She picked up on my overall sad/anxious mood and it all came out at bedtime. Then, she noticed that I was packing and I told her I'd be gone for a couple days. Cue the meltdown. So sad.

Today - I've got travel anxiety happening. In about 10 min, we'll go over to staff meeting. Then, I'll grab lunch, get my hand prints in clay (WOO! 10 years of werk here!), and race to the airport. I'll get on a plane, go to Dallas, get a rental car, get to the hotel, and then look for dinner. It'll either be Whataburger or Eatzi's, depending on how healthy I feel like being.

I'll come home on Thursday. I've got my standard pre-travel freakout. What if I miss my plane? What if I get lost? What if I get stuck? What if, what if, what if...

Yeah. Welcome back anxiety. I didn't miss you.

Found a meditation app for my phone and tried it last night. Very relaxing. If I wasn't on the phone every minute of today, I'd try it out and see if it makes work easier.

Emi's decided that helping me with my German lessons is fun. Last night she decided that she wanted to do the typing, too. It take 17 times as long, but she's enjoying herself.

Competent coworkers are a joy. People who are really good at their job, who know that I'm really good at mine, and who are good collaborators? Wonderful.

Noise-cancelling headphones. Not so good when someone at my door wants my attention. Good to muffle the continuous drilling that's going on outside my window.

Ice cream.

Pretty fabric. I got a KnitFix this month and was disappointed by 3 of my 6 fabrics. I was able to trade away two of them that I really didn't love. The third was only a disappointment because it was red solid jersey...which I actually had purchased to get my purchase to free shipping. No, it's not the exact same shade of red, but it's darn close. Just...if I'm already buying plain red, it would have been nice to get something else. I guess it makes sense that I'd like it, since I ordered something similar, but it was disappointing to get as a surprise.

Bad days end.

Friday - Came home and nearly passed out. The kids played outside well after dinner time and well after when they usually would be in the tub and heading to bed. It was nice out and they were having fun, so it was okay.

Saturday - Did a little bit of laundry and did some sewing. Played some GW2 with friends. I told Emi that if she cleaned her room, she and I would go do something fun, just us. Her definition of Clean Room and mine are significantly different. She'd have me check and I'd tell her to pick up the things that I told her to pick up 5 minutes before. I ended up texting my mom with an apology for the years of eye-rolling and heavy sighs when told to clean my room.

It eventually got clean. Her treat? Going to Culver's for a sundae. Yes, even with her allergies. :) Turns out that their Lemon Ice is vegan and totally safe. The fruit toppings are also totally safe. So as long as they have this (seasonal), it's a valid treat for her.

Right before dinner, I was tooling around GW and Downwood was doing something and we heard Ox having a coughing fit. We go out there and see that he'd been chewing on the end of a tailor tape measure. The end cap for the tape measure is missing. We ask Ox where it went and he pointed to inside his mouth. Christ.

We searched the living room and around where he'd been coughing, but couldn't find it. Since those are metal, I put clothes and stuff in a bag and Downwood called urgent care. He ended up going up to the hospital with Ox and I stayed home with Emi.

Emi and I snuggled and ate a series of snacks for dinner. She watched cartoons while I crocheted and waited for updates. She went to bed about 2 hrs later than normal - kept getting up and wanting a snack, or a drink, or a hug, or a glowy, or a hug, or a drink, and so on. I made a pan of Machurros (http://kevinhearne.com/machurros).

Downwood and Ox got home shortly before 11. The xrays showed no metal at all inside his body. They were worried that it had been made of plastic and got into his lungs during the coughing, but the ENT on call came in and checked Ox out and said that he didn't have any symptoms that would indicate that'd happened. I got out of bed, gave Ox a hug, then finally was able to fully go to sleep.

Sunday - Good GOD, why do kids drag their feet in the morning during the week but then get up AT THE CRACK OF DAWN on the weekends?!

After a VERY late night, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning with a coughing fit. I couldn't stop, so went out to sleep on the couch (yay, recliners!). Very early in the morning, I had two chipper kids climbing on me. Downwood brought me coffee and machurros.

Lots and lots of laundry and more cleaning. Emi really wanted to go get another Lemon Ice, so I set her a harder task to clean up. I didn't think she'd do it, but I underestimated the attraction of the Lemon Ice, so we went back to Culver's after lunch.

I harvested a couple of stalks of asparagus (our poor plot this year is just not lovin' it) and lots more rhubarb. I finished sewing Emi's summer Elsa dress and some Elsa dress-up accessories (short glittery overskirt and a cape). Emi was thrilled, though not thrilled that she can't go outside and get dirty in the Elsa dress.

Neither kid wanted to go to bed - Ox took a late, long nap and Emi didn't want the weekend to end.

Today - Had to pry Emi out of bed, using Ox as a crowbar. When I left for work, Ox was trying to use the potty and Emi was about to fall back asleep, face first into her cereal bowl. Emi wanted to know if she and I could take the day off.

I'm wearing the kimono cardigan I made out of some KnitFix fabric. I pinned it to my shirt so that it won't continuously fall off my shoulders. I had to make the back wide enough for my body, but since there's nothing pulling across the front, it wants to fall off. Maybe tacking some clear elastic between the back shoulder points would help? Don't know. I love the fabric, but I'm not sure that the lines of this thing are working.

And Staff Meeting starts in a little under 2 hours. Yey.

But I have requested a vacation day for June 12. We will be going to see Postmodern Jukebox the night before and there is not a universe in which I'll be able to get to work and be productive the day after. 10 years ago? Sure. Now, not a chance.

Also, my voice is back. Hooray! But I'm still coughing and kind of miserable. Boo!

Friday - No visit from my sister. Very sad me. Made it home reasonably early and just chilled.

Saturday - Tried to sleep in and utterly failed. So I got up and made muffins and coffee. Then I sat on the back porch in my PJs with my book, muffins with Real!Butter, and coffee. It was lovely and peaceful. That was about it on the peaceful front for the day, though.

Downwood mowed and I tried to convince Ox to use the potty. I played some GW2 and harvested asparagus and rhubarb from our garden. Emi ate all the asparagus right away and asked for more, but our poor plot isn't doing so well this year, so I couldn't harvest extra. The rhubarb, though, is going gangbusters. So I made rhubarb-raspberry jam and got three jars worth of delicious red stuff. You can't actually tell that I harvested any rhubarb, since the plant is still enormous. Maybe I can get more next weekend!

Sunday - Everyone got to sleep in for a while and woke up to a very chilly house. Turns out that if you leave windows open overnight and the temp drops to the 40s-50s, it gets cold. Who knew?

I woke up with terrible back and head pain, so I drank some coffee and took a bunch of Advil. By the time the Advil finally kicked in, Emi was up and about and requesting pancakes because "It's Sunday, so the pattern says to have pancakes on Sunday).

I had a couple of wonderful hours with my sewing machine. I got quite a bit done on two skirts and a dress for me. I also have a prototype of Emi's summer Elsa dress nearly done. Since the Spoonflower fabric is freaking EXPENSIVE, I don't want to cut into it until I'm sure I have my ideas down pat.

I also did a ton of laundry, because it was Sunday. Sunday is cleaning day (also, according to Emi's internal patterns). We also went outside and planted a bunch of flower seeds. Not sure if any of them will grow/survive/bloom, but if they do, it'll be lovely.

Talked to my mom for a while because Mother's Day. Got some updates about family, which was nice.

At bedtime, we couldn't find Ox's lovey. This is his Most Important Thing. We tore the house apart looking for it, but eventually had to give up. No idea where that little blanket went to. Not good.

Emi was also a pill at bedtime, interrupting my reading every paragraph or two to ask dumb questions. Things like "What does 'fire' mean?", when she knows darn well what a fire is. Or a frog. Some of the things, yeah, she won't have seen a heron or some of the other random words, but come on!

My bedtime sucked. I could feel my ears getting clogged up and the drainage starting into my throat, so I went to bed early. And laid there shivering uncontrollably for an hour. Then I was finally warm down to my bones, but still couldn't sleep. I know I got some rest at some point during the night, but I couldn't tell you when or for how long. Just miserable.

Today - I overslept on purpose by a half hour. Just feeling icky. Some coffee and orange juice got me to the point of being able to get Emi out of bed and me into the shower. I came out of the shower to absolute CHAOS.

Emi was in tears because she thought she was the snack leader at school, but she couldn't find the yellow snack bag. Downwood checked the schedule and found out that, yes, Emi is supposed to be providing snacks for her class today. We tore apart the house, but couldn't find the snack bag. We figure she left it on the bus *AND* she'd put most of her schoolwork folders into it, so we're working at a double disadvantage.

I got to work an hour later than usual. I've had some ice water and hot tea with honey, but my throat still feels not good. I'm very tired and lacking all motivation. Bleah.

Also, I forgot to restock my emergency Xanax, so today needs to get better in a hurry. Yuk. Depending on if I feel better or worse as the day goes on, I may or may not be at dance tonight. Right now, I don't want to talk or eat. Or breathe. Or stay awake. So we'll see how this goes.

I got to work at quarter to seven this morning. I decided this entitled me to go get a fancy coffee a couple hours later. I decided to get the special. The special this month is Lavender Mocha. It's...weird. Will not buy again.

I'm leaving work at 3:30-ish today. I get to go get the final bit of my peacock tattoo colored in. I should be thrilled, but I'm just exhausted.

I only have one customer call today. This is good, as my customer service politeness reserves are dangerously low.

My eyelid is still twitching. Balls.

I organized some of my sewing table last night. I moved some patterns around and pinned together some quilt squares that were taking up space. I also had to get out the dustbuster to clean up the flying fuzz from the fabric. Ick.

Still conflicted about the workshop tomorrow. Only bit of conflicted about the show is whether I should wear a fluffy petticoat under my dress or not. I'm leaning toward not, since the seats and aisles are not that big.

Kids are still cute. Kids are still trouble. Kids are about to be sold to the gypsys. Kids don't understand why Momma is sad and grumpy and not a fan of being screamed at.

And my mouth still tastes like flowers and coffee. This is not good. Bleah.

Food
My brain has decided that my tasty mini quiches are not, in fact, tasty. Something about the texture this morning just went horribly wrong. Luckily, my oatmeal muffin was still okay and my PB&J tortilla picked up the slack. This bodes poorly for this morning, though. Eesh.

Werk
The field in which I grow my fucks is barren. Even so, there are okay things. My keyboard stopped working yesterday. Luckily, a coworker had a spare that I'm using until I can get a replacement ergonomic keyboard from our IT team. This "normal" keyboard is making my wrists, forearms, and shoulders ache. Ick.

Other than those things, I have some cool stuff to do today. I'll probably get yelled at by someone at some point, which is no fun. But I'll probably also be thanked, so that's nice. I may even solve a problem or two.

Kidz
Ox is making more and more sounds. He might actually be finally understanding that if he can talk, he can get what he wants a lot easier. Also, it's very obvious that he's a morning person and Emi is...not. He was bouncing around, playing a toy piano when I left for work. Emi was about to fall face-first into her cereal bowl.

Oktoberfest
We're finally starting to make plans and figure out where we're going to be on what days. I've purchased guide books. Future will eat me, but I'll get to drink beer and see cathedrals and castles. So, you know, it'll probably be okay.

Sewing
I'm trying to decide what to do with the last couple pieces of fabric from the KnitFix I bought. I'm also trying to decide what to do next for the kidz. I have a couple prints and then some 1 yard solids (for contrast, neck bands, cuffs, etc) in my Denver Fabrics shopping cart. I also have a yard of sparkly snowflake fabric in my Spoonflower cart. I'm having emotional problems with Spoonflower. On the one hand, I'm getting exactly what I want. On the other hand, it's 3x as expensive as I want to pay. I don't generally buy expensive fabric, being a cheapskate, but it's perfect and...yeah.

Also, I need to come up with a better fabric storage method, especially for remnants. This bears thinking on. Also, I need to clean my sewing area. Emi's spread her scraps of fabric EVERYWHERE and I can't handle it anymore. Ox likes to bring his cars over so that he can play next to me while I sew. Awesome, but dangerous.

Mental Health
I have no idea what's going on in my head day to day. Some days are full of anxiety and panic. Some are not. Some days are just inexplicably sad (today). Some are not. I've no energy to fix the things that are wrong, so things just stay bad.

Books
Over the weekend, I finished book three in The Ouroboros Cycle: A Long-Awaited Treachery. All the feels. Now I'm re-reading The Princess Bride, though I had to skip past all three (THREE!?!) introductions by the author. Dude loves to hear himself talk. Just...ugh. If those had been there on my first reading of this book, I might not have ever read it. Major ugh. Also, I'm listening to Small Gods again. Sir Pterry says some interesting things about religion that I think I need to hear again. Also, it's funny and sad and worrying. So there's that.

Dance
I am not looking forward to the Saturday workshop. I'm looking forward to the show and the drinks after the show, but not so much the workshop itself. Dunno. There's not likely to be anything I want among the vendors and the space they chose is painful. And parking on campus sucks. It just seems like a lot of stress for something that I may or may not actually enjoy.

I have a haircut tonight. My hair will be shorter. Probably hacking it off to my shoulders, maybe a bit shorter. Need a change on this front.

I'm thinking of getting this pattern for girl dresses (https://www.youcanmakethis.com/products/girls-piko-top-newborn-18-tween) and making it with either this fabric (http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/1663167) or this fabric (http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/3662809) or this one (http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/1662132) as the skirt and a solid as the top. Then, probably, make a sparkly cape that can be added, if Emi feels like being a full Snow Queen in Summer.

Started sketching ideas for a steampunk jetpack in a meeting yesterday. Also sketched an airship engineer-type outfit. Too many irons in fire? NEVAR!

I'm SOOO close to finishing up a couple of cute t-shirts for Ox from some of my KnitFix fabric. All I have left is the neck-binding. They're v-neck shirts. I should maybe have done this step earlier so that if I totally screw it up, I won't be as sad. But I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Pretty sure. After they're done, Emi wants me to make her another shirt or something. So that's easy.

We're driving to down-state IL tomorrow morning and coming back Sunday afternoon. Emi's beside herself with joy. Ox has a cold and was all snotted up last night and kind of miserable. So we'll see how that goes. Things I must remember to pack: MiL's bday present, FiL's xmas present, MiL's GS cookies, FiL's GS cookies.

My TL helped me jettison my Worst Customer onto someone else. Now I have a couple extra hours a week that I used to use in Dire Frustration And Wanting To Throw Things. Now, I get to use it to do some of the stuff I love. So he told me to just go forth and do the things I love and to also think about how I can get more of what I love into my daily job and what else we'd have to change in order to make that happen. He actually wants me to be happy at work. HAPPY?! What a concept!

When I get home, I will have some comic books waiting for me. And a new silicone muffin tin. And a pound of raw cocoa butter. And some new oils. The homemade lotion route seems to be going well for the kidz and there was a sale.

And now, I go to get tasty Indian food for lunch. Because it's there and I'm hungry. Later, I have time to do work (gasp!) and will put on new nail wraps (Literary, from the first Nailed It KS). I'm wearing my Glitter is the New Black shirt. Things do not totally suck, no matter what my jerkbrain says.