Work is trying to kill me
Oct. 16th, 2013 11:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabineI made the executive decision this morning that I was not awake enough to attempt a bento box. Something about not getting any good sleep after about 2:30 this morning and still getting up early and all that jazz. This decision led directly to my decision a bit ago to walk across the courtyard at work to get Tasty Indian Food for lunch.
This was when I realized that work is trying to kill me. Like, actually trying to kill me.
Maybe it's an exaggeration to say that work has it in for me, but when I see a rake lying in the middle of the sidewalk with the tines pointed up, I assume it's there for the sole purpose of smacking someone in the head. Maybe I watched far too many Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid, but I think we can all agree that this bodes poorly for forehead structural integrity.
As I carefully stepped around the implement, I noticed the fire truck. It was carefully and quietly circling the courtyard. The only logical conclusion is that fire trucks run on blood, not gas, and the rake was put there as a mechanism to daze a victim and the truck could then pounce and devour the hapless tech slave.
Or, maybe, the people on the fire truck have a certain quota of victims they need to transport or rescue or something and this was all a clever ploy. It's a bit early in the month for that sort of chicanery, though, but I could see the rake as kind of a speed-trap, but with more concussions and fewer tickets.
It could also be a prank set up by some coworkers. There's some landscaping they could be using as cover to surreptitiously film folks who are answering emails or chatting or just otherwise unaware of their surroundings. Then when they get bashed by the rake, they laugh hysterically and the video will be proudly presented at our next staff meeting. Those bastards should get fired instead of celebrated for their wasting of company time. I'm just sayin'.
Or maybe it's all a crazy coincidence. But that doesn't seem likely. I like my reality better.
This was when I realized that work is trying to kill me. Like, actually trying to kill me.
Maybe it's an exaggeration to say that work has it in for me, but when I see a rake lying in the middle of the sidewalk with the tines pointed up, I assume it's there for the sole purpose of smacking someone in the head. Maybe I watched far too many Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid, but I think we can all agree that this bodes poorly for forehead structural integrity.
As I carefully stepped around the implement, I noticed the fire truck. It was carefully and quietly circling the courtyard. The only logical conclusion is that fire trucks run on blood, not gas, and the rake was put there as a mechanism to daze a victim and the truck could then pounce and devour the hapless tech slave.
Or, maybe, the people on the fire truck have a certain quota of victims they need to transport or rescue or something and this was all a clever ploy. It's a bit early in the month for that sort of chicanery, though, but I could see the rake as kind of a speed-trap, but with more concussions and fewer tickets.
It could also be a prank set up by some coworkers. There's some landscaping they could be using as cover to surreptitiously film folks who are answering emails or chatting or just otherwise unaware of their surroundings. Then when they get bashed by the rake, they laugh hysterically and the video will be proudly presented at our next staff meeting. Those bastards should get fired instead of celebrated for their wasting of company time. I'm just sayin'.
Or maybe it's all a crazy coincidence. But that doesn't seem likely. I like my reality better.
