cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

Bad Joke of the Moment

The tour guide was finishing the tour at Mozart's grave
and told everyone that if they listened very carefully,
they could hear actual music coming from the grave.
Everyone immediately fell silent and, sure enough,
symphony music could be distinctly heard coming from the
ground although it sounded as if it were being played
backwards. What could possibly explain this?

( The Answer )

The Bad Joke of the Day is brought to you by the caffeine buffer, pH 2.3.

Two hillbillies walk into a bar and order a shot of whiskey.
They talk about their own moonshine operations. Suddenly, a
woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to
cough. After a minute or so, it becomesapparent that she is
in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says Kin ya swaller?
The woman shakes her head no. Kin ya breathe?
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of
her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right
butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked
that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of
her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back
to the bar and his partner says:

"Ya know, I'd heerd of that there Hind Lick Maneuver, but I
ain't never seed nobody do it."

An American in Scotland asked one of the locals, "Why do you call it a kilt?" The Scotsman replied, "Because we kilt the last bloke who called it a dress."

A kind of long joke/story that I got from my aunt this morning. Made me laugh and repeat my vow that I'm never going to grow up or get old.

( Swimsuit Hell - cut for length )

After nearly snorting milk and rice all over my keyboard, I decided that I should probably eat dinner at my kitchen table. I'm convinced that there's a conspiracy of all the funny people to make raisins come out my nose. I tell you now that if you want to continue this war, I'll...um...I'll...do something. Yeah, that's it! I'll do something really menacing. Rowr.

My Hero of the Moment
jiveturkey in her post here.

After reading these reviews, I really wanna find one of these. It'd be purely for research, I assure you.

I'm not sure why, but this comic strip gives me a giggle fit. I calm down enough to breathe, look at the last frame, and I'm laughing helplessly again. It shouldn't be this funny...heheh...perhaps it's time to break out the vodka...

*grin*

...I'd be so dangerous. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to figure out a way to be an evil genius while lacking a brain. mwahahahahaha!

*ahem* Sorry about that, I'll try to get my maniacal tendencies under control. But, how much fun would I really be if I weren't just a tiny bit insane? I mean, how boring to wake up every morning and know that I'm nothing more than a clone of everyone around me, clinging to the thin line of "normalcy"!

hm, I wonder why launchcast is giving me so many country songs in a row. I mean, I like country, but it's kinda weird to get so much twang at once.....why does that sound dirty to me? It could be innocent, like a powdered fruit drink, or it could be some very naughty something. Heh.

From my horoscope today:
Scorpio
You might even begin to wonder if you're the sturdy, reliable person that you once imagined yourself to be.

Since when have I ever claimed to be sturdy or reliable?!? I'm thinking that the stars don't so much know of what they speak.

Funny from the paper this morning:
A linguist was giving a lecture on languages. He said, "In English, a double negative is a positive. In other languages, a double negative is still a negative. In no language, however, is a double positive a negative."
From the back of the classroom came, "Yeah, right"

Quotes:
"We have a dysfunctional relationship with our elected officials. It's like that college girlfriend who's out of your league: You know she's no good for you, but you can't help yourself. Damn you, Bill Of Rights, for making our elected officials too attractive to ignore." - Paul Mecurio

"You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it." - Robin Williams


Ok, I'm done now. *grin*