not so even, but keeping on
Aug. 21st, 2014 08:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sabineI have a new nervous habit. When I'm trying to not freak out and out myself as being as generally depressed and anxious as I am, I play with my new necklace. I bought it from The Bloggess's shop. It simply says "Depression LIES". Emi wanted to know what it meant and I just couldn't explain. I had to break out the dreaded "I'll explain when you're older". I know that's a cop-out, but she's not old enough to understand.
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Work cafeteria had honey-Sriracha-glazed grilled chicken. It's spicy, sweet, and good (though a bit dry). I braved the super-warm rain to fetch it and am not sad.
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No one on this phone call is being the voice of reason. That's a problem. I'm too busy eating lunch and not familiar enough with the arguments to be that voice. This is troubling and could go really, really wrong. Also, "irrespective" is not a word. Jerk.
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Tensions are mounting at home. I'm waking Emi up in the morning far earlier than she wants to get up. She'll have to be up, fed, and dressed pretty early when school starts and I don't want those first days to be absolutely terrible. Daddy and Ox will also have to be getting up earlier, since I'm reasonably sure that they'll be walking Emi to and from the bus stop for at least a couple of days. I'm having to be the morning person of the group, which is not exactly a natural role for me, but it's a Momma role.
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I'm really enjoying the Jane Jameson series by Molly Harper. They're fun, the heroine is flawed in many of the same ways I am, and there are many interesting characters in the cast. Not high class literature, but fun.
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I'm excited for Odd Video Night next week. I'm bringing some shinies to unload and my henna kit. Yes. This will be a good thing.
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I'm not a failure or a terrible person. I'm doing the best I can with the hand I've been dealt. I don't get to fold, so I'll just keep going. There are good, brilliant things and some pretty awful things. The world would NOT be a better place with me not in it. Emi would never, ever understand. That has to be good enough for right now.
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Work cafeteria had honey-Sriracha-glazed grilled chicken. It's spicy, sweet, and good (though a bit dry). I braved the super-warm rain to fetch it and am not sad.
----------
No one on this phone call is being the voice of reason. That's a problem. I'm too busy eating lunch and not familiar enough with the arguments to be that voice. This is troubling and could go really, really wrong. Also, "irrespective" is not a word. Jerk.
---------
Tensions are mounting at home. I'm waking Emi up in the morning far earlier than she wants to get up. She'll have to be up, fed, and dressed pretty early when school starts and I don't want those first days to be absolutely terrible. Daddy and Ox will also have to be getting up earlier, since I'm reasonably sure that they'll be walking Emi to and from the bus stop for at least a couple of days. I'm having to be the morning person of the group, which is not exactly a natural role for me, but it's a Momma role.
----------
I'm really enjoying the Jane Jameson series by Molly Harper. They're fun, the heroine is flawed in many of the same ways I am, and there are many interesting characters in the cast. Not high class literature, but fun.
----------
I'm excited for Odd Video Night next week. I'm bringing some shinies to unload and my henna kit. Yes. This will be a good thing.
---------
I'm not a failure or a terrible person. I'm doing the best I can with the hand I've been dealt. I don't get to fold, so I'll just keep going. There are good, brilliant things and some pretty awful things. The world would NOT be a better place with me not in it. Emi would never, ever understand. That has to be good enough for right now.
