10 Days of Positivity - Day Three

My job is so full of negativity and awfulness that I need to try to send some good vibes out into the universe to compensate. Also, this will help focus me on the good things in life and make the bad things seem less bad. That's the theory, anyway.


Day Three - Finding my voice.

Today I'm wearing sparkly jewelry, KT tape on both wrists and a brace on my left, a taupe maxi skirt, candy-corn striped knee socks, a BRIGHT orange shirt with an asymmetric neckline and ruffle, and a black and purple checked trench coat. I have perfume that smells like chocolate pie. I have a french press cup of coffee, a bright purple purse, purple phone and kindle covers, and way more varieties of music readily at hand than most people would consider healthy. I also have purple nail polish applied in varying geometric patterns.

In dance, I've started expanding my music options and learning where my voice comes from. Not trying to dance like M, AJ, or Ph. Not trying to dance like Au or RH or our GPS, but trying to dance like Sabine. Figuring out what feels good on my body, what parts of the music I want to illustrate, what props fit my idea of where the music is going.

At work, I've set some new goals around playing to my strengths and the things that I really love to do. The things that make me want to come in early and stay late. This is not to say that I'll always be putting in the extra hours, but my TL and I are working on making work better for me.

In all these things, I'm trying to be kind to my mental state and grasp the things that make me happy. I LIKE wearing eye-searing color combinations. I LIKE dancing to filk - it's much, much easier for me to pull meaning from English than Arabic (go figure) and I think it makes me a better dancer. I LIKE writing code and growing new hires into useful techs. I don't feel like I need to apologize for my choices in these areas.

Maybe it's that I'm finally getting comfortable in my skin - I don't look exactly like I want, but how I am is okay. I'm okay. I'm not perfect, and that's okay. I'm still very insecure and have a lot of social anxiety, but I'm not worried that people are whispering about my clothes or my dance. I still struggle daily with the super-fun combination of depression and anxiety, but there are a few places where I can drop kick those baddies and embrace what makes me Me.

Friday Five

[Poll #1935980]

Good idea or bad idea?

I have a black velvet dance top. Scoop neck, 3/4 sleeves. Cute.
I'm making some black pants with gores in lime green glitter dot.
I was planning on making a lime green glitter dot sash instead of a tentacle skit.

I'm considering making a sort of ghawazee coat in glitter dot to go over the black top but give my midsection a bit of coverage. Is this a terrible idea or kind of awesome?

all good things eventually come to an end

My mother finally knows that I have tattoos.

Multiple tattoos.

One really big tattoo.

...actually, I'm not sure which bothered her more: the fact that my phoenix takes up much of my upper back or that it's joined by my Terpsichore. 

She really wanted to bitch at me about it. Like, really wanted to make me feel like I was ten and an Utter Disappointment. Instead, she confined herself to a heavy sigh, a comment about how I used to have such lovely skin, and went back to towing her granddaughter through the pool.

Tomorrow morning they'll come up to watch Emi play soccer and then hang out for the morning/early afternoon. They may go to the train show with Downwood and the kids. We may all go apple picking. Hard to say.

But...I can't bring myself to do anything but smile about it. After all, she doesn't know that I have three more tattoos planned. :)