remix

Dance class continues to blow my mind. We're getting longer, more complicated combinations thrown at us with less explanation. We can still ask for explanation - and still get it when we're not picking up on the subtleties of movement - but it's not broken down count-by-count. It's challenging.

We're also asked to come up with combinations on the spot - something that doesn't have to be explained with words, but can be picked up from watching. It also has to be repeatable and fit the music reasonably well - not so good as a "real" choreography, but not jarringly out of sync with the mood and style of the music.

I don't think I'm very good at this game. I look at the combinations that the other ladies come up with and I look at mine and feel like, "Gee. That's lame." When I'm just dancing for myself, it doesn't seem like a bad idea - I want it to be visually understandable - but I'm not sure that I'm pushing into new, uncharted territory. Last night seemed to be hard on all of us - when the GPS loses her feet, it's all over.

The choreography, though. Dude. It's speaking to my soul.

I'm not good at giving up control. I'm not good at letting loose. In the words of the kelda, "There's this wee bitty bit of ye that disna melt and flow." I worry about what other people see in me when I dance. I worry that I'm not doing it right. I try to watch what I'm doing as I do it.

But this. This won't let me do that.

Don't get me wrong: I have no idea what I'm doing through most of this dance. But it feels Right in a way that I haven't gotten lately. It's trance-inspired and exercises the demons and exorcises worry and stress.

It's NOT a dance to be performed without thorough warm-up.

It's just...something that I need right now. I need it a lot. I left class last night exhausted and exhilarated. I felt as though a weight had been taken from my shoulders. It's back today, of course, but it's less.

My drive home was moderately terrifying, since Mother Nature's continuing her winter hissy fit. But it gave me a lot of time to think about the choreography, how it flows, how it builds, and how it works together. I had my current Song Of Obsession on and I realized that I could remix the choreography and it would work GREAT for that song.

So now I'm thinking that maybe this could work. It'd be another "you're dancing to WHAT?" song choice, but I think it'd work in the right venue.

Still feeling good. Still certain that this is right. Still stressed and sad, but I think I have a way to help mitigate it. Even if just a little, this is what I need.