the part that gave me a gigglefit on an elliptical trainer

"...in fact, now I think of it, is there any lovelier, more comforting four-word combination than 'Activate the force field'? All my life I seem to have seen wonderful, battery-draining force fields demonstrated in science-fiction movies, but let me tell you: if you try to buy one, you draw a blank. You can't even get an automatic apple-atomizer that will detect inappropriately propinquitous apple-consumption, blow the fruit to smithereens and deliver a mild incidental electric shock to the genitals."

-from Talk to the Hand by Lynne Truss