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sabineA strategy my psychiatrist wants me to work on implementing is to go do the things that I would enjoy, even though I can't really enjoy much right now. The act and intention are key to this self-care strategy. If you do the things that you would normally enjoy, eventually you will start to enjoy them again.
I'm still in that place where things are not as vibrant as they should be, as they are, or as they could be. I'm still in that place where I believe that people would be happier and healthier and more -iers without me around. This is, obviously, no fun.
So I'm trying to do the things. I go to dance class. I pick Emi up from her Tuesday dance class. I play video games. I wear my Wonder Woman dress to work. I plan to go to teacher M's party and scheme about surprises. I make crazy dress-up plans. I plan to go to the werk picnic with whole family, even though it'll be hot. I plan to take the kids swimming at the hotel with my parents after. I read Emi a chapter every night. I read to Ox and play. I sew. I read. I listen to books that I'd laugh at on a better day.
I make long-term plans. I schedule things in August, September, October, November. Things that I really want to happen. I seek out books that will come out in the next 6 months and pre-order them. I window shop at Etsy stores that I will never be able to afford. I listen to Pandora. I think about tattoos and browse Pinterest. I find fabric for the making of things for Hogswatch presents.
I take a little bit of Xanax and hope that the latest change to my meds is enough to convince my brain to not be broken.
Depression lies. Empirically, I should know that this will get better, since it's always gotten better in the past. It's just really hard to believe that.
And, yes, I'm wearing the Wonder Woman dress today because of teacher M's party. I want to show it off to my sewing friends. And it's pretty. And I'm a tremendous nerd.
I'm still in that place where things are not as vibrant as they should be, as they are, or as they could be. I'm still in that place where I believe that people would be happier and healthier and more -iers without me around. This is, obviously, no fun.
So I'm trying to do the things. I go to dance class. I pick Emi up from her Tuesday dance class. I play video games. I wear my Wonder Woman dress to work. I plan to go to teacher M's party and scheme about surprises. I make crazy dress-up plans. I plan to go to the werk picnic with whole family, even though it'll be hot. I plan to take the kids swimming at the hotel with my parents after. I read Emi a chapter every night. I read to Ox and play. I sew. I read. I listen to books that I'd laugh at on a better day.
I make long-term plans. I schedule things in August, September, October, November. Things that I really want to happen. I seek out books that will come out in the next 6 months and pre-order them. I window shop at Etsy stores that I will never be able to afford. I listen to Pandora. I think about tattoos and browse Pinterest. I find fabric for the making of things for Hogswatch presents.
I take a little bit of Xanax and hope that the latest change to my meds is enough to convince my brain to not be broken.
Depression lies. Empirically, I should know that this will get better, since it's always gotten better in the past. It's just really hard to believe that.
And, yes, I'm wearing the Wonder Woman dress today because of teacher M's party. I want to show it off to my sewing friends. And it's pretty. And I'm a tremendous nerd.
