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"The new results are ironic, given that three years ago a study suggested that ecstasy might cause Parkinson's-like symptoms in monkeys. But the researchers who published that study retracted it after they realized they had mixed up ecstacy with methamphetamine, commonly known as speed."
We then move from nice, uplifting science to a series of articles that make me despair for the future of this country and the species in general.
Arsenic-laden rice just makes my mouth water. Really. Stop looking at me like that.
Dubya once again shows his true colors in this charming little piece about the mistaken mindset that Intelligent Design has anything to do with science. This makes me very upset, as usual. I'm impressed by the rhetoric tricks that they utilize to try to convince their audience that they're not proselytizing for "religion", just trying to get "a different viewpoint" into the mix. Sure. Fine. Go ahead and bring ID into the schools so that I can talk about the Flying Spaghetti Monster with equal enthusiasm and moral correctness.
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Well, yes, you could do that too, but PETA's gonna be a bit upset with you.
My favorite part of the article is near the end. I envision the author throwing his hands up in the air and shouting, "For the love of Darwin, I couldn't make this up if they paid me DOUBLE!! Why, me, WHY?!" The line in question begins, "Sophisticated death-star lasers are vulnerable to low-tech counterresponses, such as $6 smoke grenades..."
Finally, we have a winner for Overreaction of the Year award. This award is only rarely presented, but this lady is going to be in the record books for a long while to come. I'm very glad that it's a felony. I mean, Jesus McBiscuit, that's just not cool. Lady, most of us are taught by our parents that stealing is wrong, the rest have to learn it from our judicial system. What the fuck gives you an exception to this rule? And the biting thing? Yeah, I hope the judge throws the book at you and you forget how to duck.