Entry tags:
don't WANNA
Got home last night and found Emi sleeping on the couch. Her head cold seems to be doing better during the day, but she coughs a whole lot at night. Poor kiddo.
Tuesdays are hard. I get home very late on Monday. Dance class goes late, then we chat after, then I have a very long drive home. Then when I get home, I take my nighttime meds and have to wait 30-45 minutes and hope they kick in.
The good thing about my night meds is that they usually help me get tired and go to sleep. The bad thing about my night meds is that I'm kind of dependent on them for sleep. The "Sleep With Me" podcast really helps, but even it sometimes can't break through my mental static.
The other bad thing about my night meds is that they keep me non-functional for about 8-9 hours after I take them. So, if I do the math, I'm getting out of bed on Tuesdays about an hour before my brain chemistry will let me do anything.
And then people want to be cheerful at me at that hour and want me to be pleasant and interactive. And then are surprised when I'm a grouch.
I am not naturally a morning person. Yes, I get to work at an ungodly hour, but it's mostly so that I can get things done without people bothering me. If I don't get in early, I have to stay really late. The only times I'm left alone to work are before 8:30 and after 5. The rest of the time is filled with interruptions, meetings, shifting priorities, and "can you do just this thing for me"?
But being tired, being grumpy, and overall feeling unappreciated really makes me not want to work today. I want to finish listening to Jane Austen's "Persuasion" (aka, How Saint Anne Forbade Bitch-Slapping All Her Relatives), read more of my silly romance novel ("A Kiss at Midnight" by Eloisa James), drink tea and/or fancy coffee, do some sewing, and not get whined at.
My psychiatrist says that my feelings of just wanting to run away from my life - get in the car and drive away from all my responsibilities or clean out my savings, buy a shack on the beach, and learn how to be a pirate - are incredibly common. That it doesn't make me weird or strange, just human.
Sigh. Two weeks until a vacation day. Less than a week until a haircut. Just under two weeks until an ink appointment. 5 minutes to a cup of tea.
Tuesdays are hard. I get home very late on Monday. Dance class goes late, then we chat after, then I have a very long drive home. Then when I get home, I take my nighttime meds and have to wait 30-45 minutes and hope they kick in.
The good thing about my night meds is that they usually help me get tired and go to sleep. The bad thing about my night meds is that I'm kind of dependent on them for sleep. The "Sleep With Me" podcast really helps, but even it sometimes can't break through my mental static.
The other bad thing about my night meds is that they keep me non-functional for about 8-9 hours after I take them. So, if I do the math, I'm getting out of bed on Tuesdays about an hour before my brain chemistry will let me do anything.
And then people want to be cheerful at me at that hour and want me to be pleasant and interactive. And then are surprised when I'm a grouch.
I am not naturally a morning person. Yes, I get to work at an ungodly hour, but it's mostly so that I can get things done without people bothering me. If I don't get in early, I have to stay really late. The only times I'm left alone to work are before 8:30 and after 5. The rest of the time is filled with interruptions, meetings, shifting priorities, and "can you do just this thing for me"?
But being tired, being grumpy, and overall feeling unappreciated really makes me not want to work today. I want to finish listening to Jane Austen's "Persuasion" (aka, How Saint Anne Forbade Bitch-Slapping All Her Relatives), read more of my silly romance novel ("A Kiss at Midnight" by Eloisa James), drink tea and/or fancy coffee, do some sewing, and not get whined at.
My psychiatrist says that my feelings of just wanting to run away from my life - get in the car and drive away from all my responsibilities or clean out my savings, buy a shack on the beach, and learn how to be a pirate - are incredibly common. That it doesn't make me weird or strange, just human.
Sigh. Two weeks until a vacation day. Less than a week until a haircut. Just under two weeks until an ink appointment. 5 minutes to a cup of tea.