Oct. 17th, 2016 02:29 pm
sabine: (Default)
Thursday - Med check at noon. I took a half sick day after it and just went home. I was headachy, but mostly just needed the mental health break.

Parent-teacher conferences went well. Both kids' teachers are happy with them. Alex, in particular, is so far beyond where he was last year, that his teachers are overjoyed.

Friday - Dressed up for Formal Friday in a vaguely western/steampunkish ensemble. I was happy with it. Came home and collapsed. We thought Emi had Girl Scouts, but our Google calendar tricked us. That was all to the good, as she didn't end up eating much dinner and probably would have been ultra-cranky at the end of it.

Saturday - Alex's cold kicked into high gear. Emi melted down about going to tap, but had a good time once we got her out of the house. I worked on work issues (upgrade happened in the wee hours of Saturday morning), CS homework, cleaning the kitchen, and sewing. I've made a good start on Hogswatch presents.

Emi and I made a tuna-noodle casserole that both tasted good and was safe for EVERYONE to eat. Alex had a couple noodles, but then asked for plain noodles. It was too weird to have all the things mixed up like that, but he tried it. So it was a win.

I ended up going to bed at halftime of the UW game. I am tired and need sleep.

Sunday - Homeboy was pretty miserable. Emi had been begging and begging, so we finally took our fall trip to the apple orchard. The walk from the entrance to the trees exacerbated Alex's asthma and he was totally miserable. Emi and I picked some apples and we were off. Fastest orchard visit ever. Still, we got some good apples, some fresh apple cider, and Emi got to go into their food area and buy some cider all on her own (Alex didn't want to go in, just wanted me to hold him, so Emi stepped up and was awesome).

I got all my laundry done and most of my homework. I still have a couple of bugs to work out of the homework and it's due tomorrow, so I'll be doing that instead of anything fun tonight. I got some sewing done and some more cleaning done. Alex just wanted to lay on top of Mom, so my productivity took a major hit. Still, I got enough done that I didn't beat myself up about it at the end of the day.

Today - zomg. Everything is on fire and full of bees. People across the country are panicking at me. I'm still kind of in a mode of  "Behold the fields in which I grow my fucks. Seest thou that they are barren?". My Calming Voice is getting a workout today. I haven't rolled a 1 on anything yet and my aura of "Magic of Tech Support" has already given me a couple of free saving throws.

Also, I'm tired. Alex isn't sleeping well, so neither are Downwood and I. Ugh.  But I'm wearing my new Nyx "soft matte lip cream" in Monte Carlo. It's a lovely bright red, though the matte texture is taking a little getting used to.


Jun. 6th, 2016 11:21 am
sabine: (Default)
Alex has been having problems sleeping. He'll go to be at his usual time (~7:30), but will then wake up very sad sometime between 9 and 10. Then he gets up another couple times throughout the night. Sometimes he comes in and wants hugs. Sometimes he just stays in bed and sobs. When he's that upset, he loses his words, so we don't actually know what's wrong. I have a suspicion that he's hitting a growth spurt and isn't eating enough food to support it. Whatever the case, it's making morning hard on Momma, Daddy, and Alex. Luckily, he's done with school for the year so that he can get some extra sleep in the morning.

We walked down to our little Farmers' Market in the park on Saturday morning. The kids made a beeline for the sandbox and swings. Downwood and I got coffee and were able to browse the stalls in relative peace. I visited the library to change out exercise DVDs. Then we walked downtown. We stopped at the bakery for bread (for grownups) and drinks (juice/water for everyone!). We then hit up two of our small businesses to get presents for grandpas for Fathers' Day.

Emi has developed a rather alarming habit of bursting into tears at the slightest provocation. Instead of saying that she's upset or asking for something she wants, she immediately starts crying. Not sure where she's getting that, but we talked about it and she's going to try to do better. I told her that I would try to listen better, but she will probably still hear "No" at the same frequency.

Sunday was quiet. Downwood mowed the yard and smoked a brisket. I dyed my hair and finished my Comp Sci homework. I also finished a pair of swim bottoms and have a swim top about 70% done. Not sure how cute this is going to be on me - I think I need to modify the legs to have a slightly higher cut on the thigh - but it's an accomplishment.

I'm still not reading books or listening to audiobooks. I'm still stuck in some fairly negative mental loops. But it's not all negative and things will continue to change. Just...I'm tired and I want it to change FASTER.
sabine: (Default)
Jerkbrain is trying to tell me that I'm fat, lazy, useless, and awful. Logicbrain and Headspace brain are fighting back.

I was in Florida for work from the 14th to the 18th. I then had to cram the rest of my customer work into Thursday and Friday, since I'm out all this week, too (work, then recovery). Over the weekend, I did yard and house work, made rhubarb jam, and did science experiments with the kids on Saturday. On Sunday I did a metric ton of laundry, hemmed a bunch of things*, cut out a new dress (another Megan romper, but a dress), and took my family to the movies.** We got the kids signed up for their summer programs. I also packed because work trip today.

Also, I not only got my steps in on both weekend days, but used the exercise bike while doing my Spanish. So there.

Yes, I'm chubby. I like ice cream. I've also had two babies and work crazy hours. I'm getting healthier and am trying to make better choices. I need to be a good example for my kiddos, but not preach to them (like my mom did me). It helps that I know how to make clothes that fit my body as it is now, which makes me feel pretty.

Um, HELLO?! While in Florida last week, I may have told a sysadmin that I didn't care if it was hard to fix, he just needed to do it. I also pulled together the things we'd need on the database side to fix it. And wrangled the other vendor into helping. All with a smile on my face. This week is going to be mostly answering questions and keeping everyone on task. And going to a baseball game with my team. Go Cardinals!! Woo!

Also, I got all the laundry done, folded, and sorted. I didn't get it all put away because the kids were already in bed, but I got it done.

Also, I need to pay UW for my summer classes. This is the first time in my college career that I've actually had to pay, so it feels a little weird.*** I'll get most of it reimbursed at the end of the summer, but it's a good chunk of cash up front. It'll be worth it, though.

Nah. I could be a better person, but so could everyone else. I've just finished the Change pack on Headspace and it was SUPER helpful. Very, very good tools. I'll do that one again later. Now I'm onto Pro Pack Two, then Creativity. I'm working my way through Duolingo Spanish and am getting exercise while doing it. My hamstrings are terribly mad at me, but they'll get over it.

My kids are generally happy and healthy. I spend time with them and am actively trying to not warp them in the same ways I'm warped. All new mistakes = my goal.

* - Capri leggings with attached skirt for Emi, T-shirt for Alex, Ruffle skirt for Emi, Cut-off shorts for Emi (huge hole in knee = cutoffs), Cut-off shorts for me (too-short pants = cutoffs). I have skillz.

** - I was originally going to take Emi to see the new Jungle Book, but decided to take all of us. Alex did okay, but got squirrelly toward the end. He's four. It's to be expected.

*** - Community college in HS was covered by the school (I ran out of classes to take). Undergrad was covered by a full-ride academic scholarship (I r smrt). Grad school was covered by lab work. Yes, I know how lucky I've been. I also worked my butt off for most of it, but I'm still very, very lucky.
sabine: (Default)
I took the entire time of the con - Friday through Monday - off of work. Here's how it played out.

Original plan had been to head up to the con, grab badges, and go to the "It's My First Con" panel. I didn't do this. I really should have. Instead, I ran to Target and Aldi for the things we needed - snacks for us/kids, pull-ups, basic tank tops, etc.

I got to hang out with Alex a bit, then my folks swung by our house and picked him up for the afternoon. I gave Mom her birthday, Mother's Day, and Thanks For Doing Our Taxes gifts (Julia cardigan; custom tote, hand lotion, treats; two new kitchen knives). I met them up at their hotel in the evening and we chatted for a bit. Then it was off to Emi's recital.

2 hours into the recital, Emi's group finally went onstage. She was act 19 out of about 40. Good things: they kept the show moving. No announcers. No introductions. Just continuous music. Bad things: I am SO SPOILED for good dancing. Srsly. I'll give most of the kids passes because kids, but even the senior solo showcases made me sad. So much badly performed modern dance. So. Much.

After the show, Mom, Emi, and I went swimming for a bit. Then we talked for a bit longer. Emi and I got home about 10. 

I didn't get to go to the social at the Con. That makes me sad, since the reports of the freaking amazeballs costumes were numerous and jealously-inspiring.

We got up reasonably early, but didn't get moving very quickly and ended up getting to the convention just before 10. I wore my Moneta-modded Queen of Hearts business casual dress. I also wore my playing-card-teacup fascinator. Every compliment I got the whole day was due to the hat, but it's tremendously adorable, so I'm not sad about it.

I had lots of costume inadequacy feelings. Still do. There were SO MANY lovely, complicated, gorgeous costumes and mine seemed half-assed by comparison. The panels were either very good or very bad, but I got good information out of each of them, DESPITE some of the presenters. Electrical wiring and lighting, corsetry, pattern modification, linothorax, historical weaponry, and something else that I've forgotten already. 

Downwood and I got a hotel, since we were trying to use this weekend as a minor vacation. When we checked in, I realized that I hadn't packed any of my meds. Not good, especially since one of them is the only reason I ever sleep. Ever. I fought off the anxiety eventually, mostly by calling a nearby Walgreens and asking if they could get me a refill before closing. They could. Hooray!

We had dinner with RH and sister and teacher M. It was very tasty. We compared purchases and swapped some stories. Everyone was impressed by my magical lipstick. This stuff claims to last for 24 hours and DOES NOT LIE. My bright red lips are perfect from morning to evening. So much love. 

We ended up not going back to the con for the evening event. It was the stage show/masquerade. I had too much latent anxiety and not enough People Points to deal with it. Instead of being inspired, I'd just be sad and depressed. So we bought pie and went to the hotel's free happy hour. The bartender gave me something fruity and very red. And strong. Gods bless good bartenders.

Woke up astonishingly early, mostly due to having an early night and not getting interrupted by kids or anything. It was quiet, dark, and the bed was super comfy. The coffee sucked, as did the water pressure, but you can't have everything. 

We drove home and rescued Grandma from the kids and gave her our Mother's Day gift (custom tote, hand lotion, treats). We then went out to brunch for Mother's Day. One of the restaurants in town does a very, very good brunch. Emi ate about two pounds of shrimp. I had more pastries than is healthy. So good.

We then got dressed up and went back to the con, kids in tow. Emi wore the Wonder Woman dress I made her. Alex wore the fleece tabard and knight hat I made and "carried" the sword and shield he got at the last Ren Faire (he claimed to carry them, but it was usually me or daddy). I wore my Carmen Sandiego getup. Downwood pulled on the full Faire gear, including chainmail and leather surcoat. He also put our very expensive, very sharp swords in a rifle case. He wanted to show off his maile and swords to the arms and armor museum guys.

I got to drool over RH's blue and purple steampunk awesomeness. I got to catch the tail end of a Victorian Fashion Evolution presentation. I also got to watch an Underwear Through the Ages presentation. I also drooled over a steampunk Snow White and Aurora duo. So luscious. So ruffles. So color.

I got to see Emi go totally fangirl over first a good Merida (Brave) and then a truly amazing Anna (Frozen). The Anna cosplayer was PERFECT. She knelt down and talked to Emi totally in character. Emi was enthralled and ended up totally convinced that Frozen is a documentary. If I'd had ribbons or other awards on me, I would have given that Anna all of them, just for how she interacted with my kid.

We were only at the con for a couple hours. There wasn't a whole lot geared toward kids specifically, so they didn't have an overall fantastic time. During my underwear session, Downwood introduced Alex to the con suite. There were snacks he could have (carrots and grapes) and people to make friends with. Emi played on my phone.

The vendors were great. My money went POOF!GONE. I bought some random trim from the Jawa bins (everything a dollar, dig until you find something you like). I bought a drawstring threader and swastika measuring guide (terrible description, but accurate. It's an amazing little tool). I got some iridescent snowflake chiffon for Emi and some yellow-gold chiffon for me. I got a book on how to work with Spandex for superhero costumes. Since it was near the end of the day Sunday, I got a deal on Con-engraved pint glasses. I almost bought a set of buttons with gears embedded in resin.

I also bought a pattern for the single-pattern contest next year. And a pair of memberships for next year's con. Now I need to figure out how we're going to get to Toronto and thence to Costume Con 35 next April. And beg someone to stay with the kids.

We spent the evening hiding at home. The kids were tired from the day. I was tired from the day. Downwood was tired from the day. I did a bit of laundry and passed out early.


Slept in. Woo! I got to snuggle Alex and read lots of books. And be totally silly with him. Woo!

Did all the laundry that I would normally have done yesterday. Went up to JoAnn's while Downwood took Alex to the grocery store. I got superhero, utility, and accessory fabric and supplies. I have PLANS, yo.

We picked Emi up at school and had a late lunch together at Culver's (all hail Early Release Mondays!). While I folded clothes, Emi read to me.

I've done both my Spanish Duolingo and meditation. If I meditate tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, I'll get the 180 day streak achievement. Woot!

I've hemmed and sewn the side seams on a petticoat and the ruffles. Now to gather and apply the ruffles, then pleat the petticoat to the waistband. It's a very basic petticoat that should work well under a variety of long skirts.

I'm nearing the time when I need to head up into Madison to go to dance class. I don't particularly want to go back to work tomorrow, but I'll have to leave early to go to both therapy and my monthly maintenance massage.

I'm trying to focus on the things that I did well this weekend. I'm struggling with it, as usual. My jerkbrain is loud and likes to focus on all the ways that I screwed up and was unproductive and a bad person and a worse mother.

I only have until Friday to get all my things done this week. I fly to Florida very early Saturday morning and don't get to come home until Wednesday night. Also an anxiety trigger, but what can you do.


Apr. 4th, 2016 11:35 am
sabine: (Default)
I've notices a small shift in my internal monologue. Instead of saying "I am anxious", I'm saying "I feel anxiety." This may not seem like a big deal, but it's huge. Because if I'm *feeling* something, that will change. If I *am* something, that won't easily change.

So far, it only works for feelings. The other thoughts, "I'm too fat", "I'm not pretty", "I'm a failure", "I'm a bad person" aren't as easily shifted. Some I can rebut and say "but that's not true", but others I just have to acknowledge as being my current truth, but not my only truth.


The weekend was weird. I didn't have to leave the house, which was good. I made another dress from my stashed fabric. I made Emi the craziest, most ruffled skirt ever to be ruffled. I played with the kids. I read twenty whole pages of a book before getting interrupted.

Saturday was icky out. It was below freezing all day with gale force winds. At the top of the hour, it'd be white out conditions - snow not so much "falling" as "blowing directly sideways". At twenty past, it'd be amazingly sunny with beautiful blue skies (but still super windy). At twenty to, we'd be back to white out. Top of the next hour, sunny. And so forth. Mother Nature was clearly having a rough day.

Sunday started out cold, but got to 70 by late afternoon. The kids spent a long, long time outside. That was a very good thing, as they'd both just about had enough Spring Break. Emi went back to school today and everyone's back into the routine.


Work is moving my cheese. We have new processes to follow and new expectations to live up to. It's a moving target. Also, no signs of my workload changing to allow me to do what I really want. If I want the role change, I need to prove I can do the development. But I need time to do that. I don't have time with my current responsibilities. So if I want this change, I'll need to do the work on nights and/or weekends. Which is not good for long-term mental health.


I hope the universe lets me go to dance class tonight. I want to see my friends. I want to have a bit of time that's just for me.
sabine: (Default)
Jerkbrain is being loud. To drown it out, I feel the need to list my accomplishments from the weekend.

In no particular order:
  • Got to go to Med Hookah with Downwood. Got to sit with lots and lots of friends. The conversation was good, the service was INCREDIBLY SLOW, the dancing was good. Like, we got there at 7:30 and got drinks. We didn't get drink refills until 8:30 and didn't get our food until after 9. No bueno.
  • For going to Med Hookah, I dressed up. I did full makeup, including getting to use my new eye shadows from Espionage Cosmetics (https://espionagecosmetics.com/makeup/the-browncoats-collection.html). I also pulled out a somewhat springtime dress covered in bright sunflowers with a reasonably trendy neckline (https://www.colettepatterns.com/catalog/myrtle).
  • I decided I didn't like any of my other spring dresses and made a new dress for Easter. I found several yards of a floral print on what I think is a scuba knit. It's a minty teal with white flowers. I'm guessing it was from Girl Charlee, but I don't actually remember. I made yet another adjustment to my favorite dress pattern (https://www.colettepatterns.com/catalog/moneta) and had a custom fit, very pretty dress for Easter.
  • I got to go to Easter Brunch with Downwood, kids, and MiL. Emi ate ALL THE SHRIMP. Alex ate the snacks that we packed. We didn't want to risk cross contamination with other foods for him. I drank mimosas and ate probably too much. I didn't need dinner later. It was delicious and fun. The kids are generally very well behaved in restaurants, which helps make outings like that enjoyable.
  • I made muslins of both my new M4M patterns. I finally figured out the shoulder fitting issues I was running into with the shirt (http://www.madeformermaids.com/product/mamamya/). I also got lucky with my test run of the dress (http://www.madeformermaids.com/product/meganpattern/). I made a peplum top, since I didn't want to commit the fabric required for a dress. Downwood loves it.
  • I did lots of laundry. Three loads on Saturday and five on Sunday. I am very glad that we have an HE washer and dryer.
  • I read a little bit, including finishing Seanan McGuire's new book. I am torn. While the book got disjointed in the last 1/4, it was an accurate reflection of the inner turmoil of the 1st person narrator. I still enjoyed it and am very much looking forward to the next book with our third and final narrator.
  • My MiL liked her birthday presents. I made her a cardigan. I also found a set of fancy dishes on Zulily. She has had fancy Christmas dishes and now she has some fancy summer plates and mugs. Covered in flowers, yo. COVERED in flowers. Very much her style.
  • I finished up the Happiness pack on Headspace and have started on the Stress pack. Stress seems to be yet another visualization pack, using the same imagery as Balance and Self-Esteem. It's good, though. I need the practice.
  • Emi and I continued to crush our 30 Day Plank Challenge.

See, jerkbrain?! See?! I did a lot of things and did them well! Nothing to be ashamed of! NOTHING!
sabine: (Default)
This weekend was not good for anxiety. My hormones did their monthly BURN IT DOWN, SALT THE EARTH thing. I'm handling anxiety better these days, but still needed some Xanax to get through the worst spots.

There were highlights, though.

I did a lot of drawing. Emi drew with me.
I did some reading. Alex demanded the same couple of books over and over.
I got a pedicure.
I did a ton of laundry.
I sat on the couch in my Star Wars mermaid blanket and wrote on my laptop.
I made brownies. And bacon. And tea.
I talked to my sister.
I helped build a Lego Millennium Falcon. Then put Maz and her lightsaber into the cockpit.

So, not a terrible list of accomplishments. There was a lot more I probably should have done, but this is enough.

This week already looks kind of awful on the "have to do things other than hermit in my house" front:
Monday - Therapy. Then dance. Then drive home with several fresh inches of snow.
Tuesday - Collapse in my usual Tuesday fog
Wednesday - Haircut
Thursday - Maybe, MAYBE go to a Crochet Club meeting thing.
Friday - Collapse?

sabine: (Default)
It's snowing. Has been for a while now. Gorgeous fluffy flakes. It looks very slippery. I'm not enthusiastic about going to dance and driving home very late through this.

The weekend was good. We had friends over for board games on Saturday. Pandemic killed us quickly. The Shadow Over Westminster killed everyone but the Templar, who turned out to be working for the Darkness all along. Templars!

Sunday was for laundry, taking down the Christmas decorations, cleaning, and trying to not freak out about the upcoming week. My dad sent us a gorgeous beef tenderloin that Downwood cooked to PERFECTION. It was amazing and wonderful and all things good.

Alex spent the weekend showing off his new words. He has lots. This is an amazing thing. We always knew that he had a lot to say and now he's able to share some of what's going through his head.

Emi spent the weekend being demanding and difficult. She gets bored easily and isn't good at it. She'd rather have us entertain her than try to entertain herself. This is unpleasant for everyone.

Downwood and I spent the weekend doing chores and writing in a game we've played off and on over the years. We're at 9.1k words, which is nothing to sneeze at.

I feel like I never get enough done on the weekends. I have TWO WHOLE DAYS to be productive and I just don't manage it most of the time. And then I start imagining catastrophes and feeling bad about how I expect the upcoming week to go. And it just doesn't feel good. I'm doing better at spending time with the uncomfortable feelings, labeling whether I'm thinking or feeling and whether it's pleasant or unpleasant. It's a trick from Headspace and it's helping.

And it's snowing harder. 1.5 hours until I make the call on what I think the roads will be like after 9. Ick.
sabine: (Default)
The weekend was good, I think. I still have a pretty bad cough at night, so sleep was an issue. Saturday was mostly taken up by applying henna to my hair and sewing. I finally finished all of Emi's xmas present - various princess dresses, including Wonder Woman and Batman because that's how I roll - and was able to start on some selfish sewing - leggings and a modded-Moneta-to-Darth-Vader dress.

Sunday morning I got up and did some sewing. Then I cleaned up the kitchen and did a bunch of laundry. Then people came over for gaming and pizza. I ran my Scion game for the first time in months. It went okay, I guess. Downwood was happy with it for the first time in a long time and he's reassured me several times over that the other players also enjoyed it.


I finally got to sew up a pair of incredibly soft leggings and a pair of leggings in a Marvel superhero print that is AWESOME. I have trendy legs! These are super comfortable, to the point where I may never wear actual pants again.

I am wearing actual pants, though. I have a couple pairs of jeans that almost fit - need a belt to keep them up. I have a couple of pairs of palazzo pants, too, which are basically comfy pajama bottoms that look like dress pants.

I find myself looking at tunics and palazzos on my shopping sites, not so much at the dresses and skirts that I'd been living in for the year previous. I'm not sure if this means that I'm paying attention to trends, finally, or if it means that I just like pants when they actually fit correctly. Probably a little of both. Hard to say.


Dec. 7th, 2015 01:53 pm
sabine: (Default)
I'm still sick, but getting around better. I should probably go to the doctor at the end of the week if I'm still rattling and hacking. My cough is pretty darn impressive.

Thursday evening was Emi's winter concert. Alex won't be in it until next year. Since I'm sick and Alex goes to bed early, he and I stayed home and watched the livestream of the concert, texting my mom as we all watched together from our various living rooms.

Did I mention our rural elementary school livestreams important events - concerts, graduations, and the like? Because it totally does. I love living in the future.

Friday was mostly for coming home from work and dying. So tired.

Saturday was mostly lovely. I didn't get to sleep in, but I got to get things done when everyone was still sleeping. Downwood took the kids grocery shopping and left me alone in the house for 3.5 glorious hours. I did my meditation, drank tea, and did a lot of sewing on xmas presents.

I also didn't get to sleep in on Sunday. I woke up coughing and went out to sleep on the couch. I don't think I was out there long before Emi and Ox were up and bouncing on me. Ugh. I love them, but no jumping on Mom when she can't breathe.

We put up the Christmas tree. Ox was BESIDE HIMSELF with joy. SO EXCITED.

I did a lot of laundry and frantic sewing. One of our friends with small kids is facing a possible entire lack of presents from Santa. I was already going to send them something, but decided to make some more things. Luckily, I had enough fluffy warm fabric on hand to make a mermaid tail blanket for each girl.

Then Emi wanted to wrap presents. This was not fun for me. I had to bring all the wrapping stuff upstairs. Then I had to go through all the presents and pull out everything not for our immediate family. And get it sorted. And then teach Emi how to wrap. And how to spell "Grandma". And every other name in our family.

Not. Fun.

But all the presents to go to our families are wrapped. All the presents that need to be mailed are wrapped. The presents for the friends mentioned above have no From names on them, the better to be from Santa if necessary.


I'm having my usual winter anxiety and mental upset of the holidays. It's not so bad this year, mostly. I have days and hours where the anxiety's getting to me, but it's not quite as constant as I remember it being.

Reasons for better mental state this year: meditation, art, therapy, new anti-anxiety meds.

I'm trying to shut down the negative thoughts and be more at peace with who and where I am. It's not easy. Coloring and drawing are helping. Sewing is helping. Not setting up intricate travel plans is helping.

I'm REALLY looking forward to the week between xmas and New Years. There will be psych appointments. There will be Paint Nite. There will be sewing. There may well be sleeping. There will be games to play.

I can do this. I can make it through this.

I can also re-listen to some of my favorite books. That helps.
sabine: (Default)
Friday ended well. That is, it ended on time at work. I was able to get home, have dinner, and actually see my kids for a bit. It was lovely.

Saturday morning we all slept in a bit. Daddy took Alex off to his final soccer game of the season. When Momma goes to soccer, he comes over for hugs, snuggles, and refuses to play. When Daddy goes, Alex actually plays...mostly. He's still 4 and doesn't really have the attention span for an hour-long game. But he had fun, so that was good.

Emi and I went down to the basement to get some stuff done - I wanted to sew and she wanted to clean up the giant box of American Girl doll stuff my dad mailed us. They have a dog, so I refused to let her play with the stuff until we cleaned it. Everything that could be washed went into the washer. The rest...well, I gave her a box of Clorox wipes and told her to wipe everything. I'm not sure how good of a job she did, so we'll see how badly her hands break out as she continues playing with this stuff.. I hemmed a pair of leggings, then cut out, sewed, and hemmed matching leggings for Emi and me! They're a space-dyed lime green and teal spandex knit. I adore them. Emi adores them. We both decided we needed to wear them that day. Alex was jealous and wanted to know where *his* new pants were.

Then, we went out for lunch (Culver's) and went up for apple picking! It was a gloriously sunny day and it was wonderful. The kids are finally big enough that no one needed to be carried, pushed, or pulled. We picked apples, ate apples, and had a lovely long walk. We bought some cider, the apples we picked, and some apples for sauce. On our way home, we stopped by a local farm and bought pumpkins and squashes. Downwood got to recreate a viral video when he put the apples onto a drill to peel faster. It worked surprisingly well - only one exploded from the G-forces. We made apple sauce, ate apples, and hung out for the rest of the day.

Sunday morning we all slept in LATE. Emi came in and snuggled with me, which was lovely. She's getting so big and most of the time I'm up and doing stuff long before she is, so this was a wonderful treat for Momma.

I did a lot of laundry and a lot of sewing. I started getting pieces cut out for Emi's Hogswatch present (tons of princess dresses). I also pulled out the leftover green fabric and a blue jersey remnant and put together a shirt for Alex. It's super cute and he loves it. Now I need to make a similar shirt for Downwood and trim it with the last little bits of the green fabric and we could have an ADORABLE xmas card picture.

We also did a lot of cooking. Downwood boiled apple juice down into apple juice concentrate, then mixed it with more cider and honey. It's currently sitting in the brewing closet with Campten tabs, killing off any unwanted bacteria. Tomorrow, he'll put in the yeast and let it do its thing. I decided that I was tired of stopping at the gas station every morning to grab a breakfast sandwich and coffee, so I made some english muffin egg sandwiches and some breakfast burritos and put it all in the freezer. This will work. I will make it work.

I did NOT get over to the tattoo place to get my pumpkin done. They were super busy and I had too much anxiety to call early enough for them to get me in. UGH. So now I'm Fbook chatting with the owner and we're setting up a time. I finally decided that this can go on the back of my left calf. That way, it won't interfere with my plans for my right leg, with my back phoenix, or clash with my ideas for my right arm. Also, I didn't feel like dealing with the potential embarrassment of a high hip placement. My calves are lovely and deserve to be decorated, too.

So, yeah, I accomplished a lot this weekend. I was decent at adulting, even if a couple of times I just said "Heck with it" and tried to enjoy the moment. I did NOT want to get out of bed today, but werk's been reasonably quiet. This is a nice change of pace and one I will be embracing.
sabine: (Default)
Friday - Another long day at werk. Another frustrating day at werk. Things are starting to come unglued and I need to put it all back together again before my sabbatical. Sheesh.

Saturday - Had a little bit of a lazy morning, then went out shopping. We went to the Sprint store and got new phones! It took FOREVER to arrange everything, but I now have a new iPhone and it's shiny and fast and has more storage space. Totally awesome, but it took so long that I ended up walking Emi over first to Taco Bell (for beverages and bathroom) and then to Goodwill just to get her out of the building and not being crazy. Then Target for last minute essentials (enough socks without holes for the whole trip, for one). Then Aldi to restock lunch items and some freezer options.

By the time we got home, all of us had just about had ENOUGH of people. Also, both kids have head colds and Alex in particular was getting miserable. And Downwood's foot is still sort of broken (not actually broken, but hurting as if it was). We watched the Iowa State-Iowa football game and I got depressed in the fourth quarter.

Alex's head cold was getting worse by bedtime. So much so that when he got worked up after bath and again in the middle of the night, there was wheezing and throwing up and very sad panda boy. One of those nights where (1) I'm glad I didn't work the next day and (2) worried about leaving in a couple days. Grandma isn't exactly up to handling this kind of panic.

Sunday - Pretty lazy day. I re-hennaed my hair and did a lot of laundry. I didn't get any of my hemming done - and I have things to hem that I want to take on the trip! - because Alex felt pretty puny all day. Since I'm his Favorite Person, that meant that he wanted Momma on the couch to snuggle. So I spent almost the entire day on the couch with a feverish boy either on my lap or laying on me. I kept trying to get him to drink juice wiping his nose. He kept either falling asleep or being mostly asleep on top of me. Every so often I'd either prop him up on a pillow or put him on Daddy's lap. This is how I got my hair dyed, the laundry folded and put away, and dinner made. Everything else got pushed aside in favor of helping Alex rest so that maybe he can kick this cold by the time we leave.

Emi didn't feel so hot, either, but instead of being clingy and wanting snuggles, she just whined about everything. Instead of resting and napping, she got more and more tired and more and more difficult. Ugh. Not fun.

Today -  I have a headache and am cranky. I'm getting more and more anxious about this trip. Downwood can't walk very well, so there go most of my plans for exploring - I could go off with my sister, but that doesn't seem like a very positive thing to do. I'm worried about Alex being sick when we leave. I'm worried that I'm going to catch his cold and be miserable the whole time we're overseas. I still have to call the bank to let my cards work and call the phone company to make sure my phone works.

I have my dance stuff, but I'm not sure if I'm going or not. I have lots and lots to do at home and kids who need Momma. We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Today and tomorrow are going to be very long days. Too damn much to do.

sabine: (Default)
Today is a Tuesday that feels like a Monday. Ugh.

Yesterday was for playing with kids, Skyping with parents, sewing, and dance class. It was nice to sleep in. It was nice to snuggle with the kids. I got some sewing done, though not as much as I would have liked. I cleaned off the top of my desk and found all sorts of interesting things.

All in all, it was lazy, but with the tinge of "you have to go back to work tomorrow and you still have all these things NOT DONE around you and there's too much so you can't do it all so how can you decide what has to get done at all" anxiety. No fun.

Dance class was usual. No Au (yay baby!) and no New Dancer K (whew), but Entomologist Dancer was there, which was kind of nice. The drum solo is...probably not going to happen in my brain. It's fast and I'm coming in two weeks late. Also, I'm going to be at class next week, then skipping at least one week. By the end of the choreography hour, I wasn't completely lost, but I was utterly dependent on GPS and Teacher M to make it through.

Sigh. I didn't feel completely hopeless, at least. I just...I'm not very good at the sharp, staccato movements that drum solos require. I feel like they don't look very good on me. I still try hard, but I just don't really enjoy this kind of dancing.

Sunday was also lazy for most of the day. Alex and I snuggled while I read Seanan McGuire's latest. The big highlight of the day was taking the kids to the annual Library Book Sale and park. The kids pooled their money to buy a canvas bag, which they then had me stuff with books. I spent $5 on a 1876 copy of Alexander Pope's translation of The Odyssey and $10 on a 1880-1890 2nd edition copy of Darwin's Descent of Man. I haz a smug about this. Afterward, the kids played at the park. The heat index was insane (for Wisconsin) so when our water bottles were empty, it was time to head home. We went down to the basement to cool off and I got a couple more Hogswatch presents finished and put into the Present Box. Also, Emi lost her right front tooth and the left is super wiggly. She looks like a hockey player now.

Saturday was supposed to be for going to Faire. I'd promised it to myself as a "Get through Work Week of Hell and Don't Slap Anyone". But with a heat index in the triple digits, I decided that there was no way I was taking the kids out in the heat all day. So we lazed around, I read "The Shepherd's Crown", then Emi and I went to JoAnn's (all hail 25% off entire purchase coupon!) and Woodman's (UGH!). When we were at JoAnn's, Emi explained that she really NEEDS a new tiger blankie. Her blankie is pretty small (basically one square yard) and doesn't cover her anymore. So we got fuzzy, furry fabric for new blankies for her and Alex. And some knit for me for a skirt and leggings. And some surprise fabric.
sabine: (Default)
Friday - I had lots of anxiety at work. I left a little early and made it to Aldi for werk and skool snacks. Protein bars and such for me, applesauce and such for kids. Aldi has some AMAZING gluten free stuff. They have GF pretzels that are safe for BOTH kids' allergies! And they taste like pretzels! Score! Basically came home, ate dinner, put kids to bed, and collapsed.

Saturday - Picked up the kitchen and living room. One of my college biochem besties asked if they could spend the first couple days of their summer vacation up by us (before heading to his mom's and...crazy times). I adore him and his wife and their adorable sons. The older boy is 3 and the younger is just about to turn 1. Super cute.

We cleaned a little - mostly just clearing out clutter so we'd have places to walk and sit. Alex and I went to the grocery store for provisions. Bexdragon came down, too, and we had a giant late lunch. Ribs (on sale for $1/lb! whoa!), smoked salmon, corn on the cob, cole slaw, baked beans, and fruits. All of it was safe for Emi and Alex could have everything but the ribs and beans. We all ate too much, then sat around and talked. The kids played in the yard and with all the toys all over the house.

It was busy and chaotic. And good.

Sunday - I spent a bunch of the morning ironing. I have quite a few 50's style dresses, but the ones that are most appropriate for Lucy are the ones that are cotton and thus need ironing. So I ironed. Ugh. And did laundry. And snuggled kiddos.

In the late morning, everyone came down to our house again. We had a lunch of the leftovers and some pulled pork from earlier in the week. The kids played and the grownups sat and chatted.

In the afternoon, we took a field trip down to the Toy Train Barn. It's a barn FILLED with model trains. There are some giant layouts and train memorabilia EVERYWHERE. Our train-crazed kids and husbands loved it. They also had the big outdoor train up and running, so the kids got to take a ride on it. Super fun.

When we got home, Downwood took V downstairs to look at the trains. I started getting food into some very hungry kids. The kids got popcorn shrimp, chicken nuggets, fries, and veggies. The grownups ordered in pizza.

By bathtime, it was apparent that the kids were all exhausted. Lots and lots of hugs and promises to visit soon and they went back to their hotel.

Alex and I have almost finished "Hamster Princess". I don't know what we're going to read next, but it'll be fun. Emi was kind of a pill about going to sleep, but that's nothing new. I sat at the computer, mainlined some "I Love Lucy", and packed my makeup and stuff for today. Then I went to bed early. I only have to get up about 15-20 minutes earlier than normal, but that's starting to get to the point of just being stupid early.

I miss my friends. They're good people and I wish they lived closer than Pittsburgh. It would be cool if our kids could be closer and I dearly love them.

Today - Got up super early. Turned on coffee. Stared at the internet for a bit. Got dressed and out the door early.

At work, I dropped off my snacks and purse in my office and headed to the backstage dressing room. I put in my contacts, put on my wig and petticoat, and applied both makeup and false eyelashes (THANKS! dance performance experience!). I even put on heels.

I looked spectacular. Many customers wanted pictures with Lucy. It. was. awesome.

After spending a couple hours on my feet in uncomfortable heels, I kind of regretted this decision. I went back to our dressing room and de-glammed. My hair is a bit of a disaster (bangs are just pinned back - there was no helping them) and I still have on way too much makeup, but the eyelashes and wig are put away until tomorrow. I'm wearing shoes that do NOT go with my dress, but are ridiculously comfortable.

  • Today - One more shift, but de-glam. I could technically make it to dance, but I'd be a WRECK tomorrow. No me gusta.
  • Tomorrow - Glam most of the day. I may de-glam from 1:30-3:30, but I need to be Lucy off and on from daybreak to 1:30 and then from 4-8. I...won't be wearing heels the whole time. Nope. Nope. Nopefish.
  • Wednesday - No more glam. :( Just a couple of things that I have to be "on" for. Host a session, attend a session, then give away ice cream. Woo!
  • Thursday - One thing to be "on" for. And many things to hide in my office for.
  • Friday - No more customers. No glam. I may try to get a couple hours off. We'll see.
  • Saturday/Sunday - Pick a day to go to Faire. Finally.
sabine: (Default)
Friday - Got to work silly early and worked hard. Left work at 3:30 (WHAT?! I KNOW, RIGHT?!) and went to meet Downwood and kids at the doctors' office. Switched cars with Downwood, kissed him, hugged Emi, and bundled Alex in the car to go to my folks' for the weekend.

Much caffeine, some podcasts and Felicia Day's audiobook, and several "conversations" about big trucks later, we arrived at my parents' house. I was both wired and exhausted. Alex was super happy to be out of the car and was a total squirrel until I got us both in bed, rather late by our standards.

Saturday - Alex and I slept in LATE. Mom just let us sleep. We eventually staggered upstairs for breakfast, coffee, and a start of a busy, busy day.

Alex got my mom's Potty Training Boot Camp. He got frustrated with it after a while, poor guy. He still freezes up if asked to do a hard thing many times in a row, at which point you need to sit back and let him calm down before asking again.

He got to open his birthday present - a Cars scooter! We went to watch the town's Founders Day parade. There were FIRE TRUCKS and people throwing CANDY. Given that their town is tiny, there were about 4 floats, a handful of classic cars, the fire trucks and police cars, and that was it. It was just about perfect for Alex.

We washed and vacuumed both Mom's car and my car. So. Many. French. Fries. We had lunch.

Then we walked to the park for the rest of the Founders Day things. Alex wanted to be carried the whole time. I'm wondering if his shoes are uncomfortable. It's a bit of a walk for a little dude, but he wanted to be carried before we got out of the driveway.

We toured the library. Alex enjoyed TWO bouncy houses. We looked at all the fire trucks. Alex got to CLIMB INTO one of the fire trucks. We played at the park and he climbed all the things. He even got brave and decided to try the spinny tire swing. We walked home and Alex got piggy back rides or carried most of the way.

We went to church in the evening. I...don't think I love Jesus the way the priest wants us all to. I mean, I like a lot of what he teaches, but I can't handle most of the other stuff with the religion. Alex slept the whole way to church and actually behaved pretty well during Mass.

Sunday - I managed to get up at a respectable time. I read through the results of the Hugos voting. While I'm sad that "The Goblin Emperor" didn't take first prize, I was very glad to see that the Puppies got NO AWARDED right out the door. I drank coffee and talked with my parents.

When Alex finally got up, we got him some breakfast and went out to run some errands. Alex LOVES the hardware store and my folks needed to go to Menards anyway. It was obviously paradise for little dude. He adored it. We then went to the elementary school's playgrounds, where he got to climb, slide, and dig in the pea gravel. Again, he adored it.

After lunch, I packed the car and we headed for home. Alex slept for the entire first half of the drive.

Once home, I got engulfed in unpacking, doing laundry, picking up, reading to kids, more laundry, decide about dinner, bath, bed, argh! Emi also got a scooter, but hers is Frozen, not Cars. They plan to go to Target today to pick out helmets so they can practice in a nearby parking lot (our driveway is STEEP). Emi was very excited to see us. I think Downwood was, too.

Today - Work, which has been surprisingly chill for a Monday. We're entering the Two Weeks of Hell. Next week is our Giant Work Conference, where parking becomes a nightmare and you shouldn't try to eat out anywhere near WorkTown.

I need to get a lot done this week. Next week Monday-Wednesday will be mostly taken up with Giant Work Conference stuff. Monday and Tuesday, I'll be dressed up as Lucy, as in Lucille Ball, which is TOTALLY EXCITING. Then, it's only 2 weeks until my sabbatical and our trip! Woo!

This week -
Tonight - Dance. I'll be there tonight, but not next week, there for 2 weeks, then out for at least one, maybe two, depending on how jet lagged I am on the 28th.
Otherwise, not a whole lot. I need to talk to the bank and the phone company about international usage. I also need to order some new shoes (my poor shoes are getting holes in) and get some red lipstick. And hairspray. And see if I can get my hair to do the updo thing or if I'll be wearing a wig.

I'm starting to freak out about the travel. I haven't done something this big and expensive since our honeymoon. I haven't been away from my kids this long EVER. It's just...a lot. There's a lot.


Aug. 18th, 2015 06:42 pm
sabine: (Default)

Work. Lots of work. I actually left a little early, but since I got there Really Early, I still worked a lot. I came home and basically collapsed, much like any other Friday.


Slept in a little, then got ready to host the Scion game. I had to do some research and a little bit of preparation for what I expected my players to want to do. They fooled me a little, but not terribly much. They actually chose to NOT pick a fight. They probably would have won, but someone would have died a little in the process.


Woke up reasonably early and packed the car and the kids. We drove to Chicago and the traffic, naturally, sucked. We made it to the Field Museum right about noon and spent the entire afternoon. We saw DINOSAURS and stuffed ELEPHANTS and SPARKLY GEMS and all sorts of other things. By the end of the afternoon, we were all very footsore. On the way back to the car, Ox demanded to be picked up and carried. He then dropped his head on Downwood's shoulder and was asleep about 3 minutes after getting in the car.

We didn't buy the tickets that would let us go into any of their special exhibits. The only one that Downwood was even tempted by was the Vikings exhibit. On the way out, we found out that Vikings will close in November. The incoming exhibit to replace it? All about ancient Greece. I WILL BE BACK, FIELD MUSEUM!!! I WILL BE SO BACK FOR THAT!

We made our way out to a nearby suburb and to our hotel. The hotel, including dinner at Portillo's, was the cheapest part of the weekend. Ugh. But they had a pool and we went swimming. It was nice.

No one got a good night sleep, though. I forgot to turn on my podcast. Emi talked in her sleep and woke up Ox. Ox talked in his sleep and woke up Downwood. Downwood tossed and turned and woke up me. Vicious cycle all around.


The hotel breakfast was respectable. Ox ate 5 Frosted Flakes. Emi ate three bowls of Froot Loops. We sang Happy Birthday to Emi. We packed up the car and drove back into the city to hit the Shedd Aquarium. 

The line to get in the Aquarium was long. It took about an hour to get from just outside the front door (where we started) to buying tickets. I took the kids over to a bench and let them snuggle/play on my phone. Downwood took one for the team and stood in the line the whole time. 

Once we got into the aquarium, Emi started being a pill. Her feet probably still hurt from the day before, she was hungry, and she was thirsty. And some of the tanks were too far up for her to see. Ox had to be picked up for most of the tanks. There *are* tanks that go down all the way to the floor that he could easily observe, but many of them are up on the wall at grownup height. We saw sharks and fish and turtles and more fish.

By the time we left, the line to get in was down the steps and across the block. It was 95 degrees and muggy. Ox demanded to be carried again. We got in the car and headed for home, once again through very slow traffic.

Overall, the value for the Field Museum was FAR, FAR SUPERIOR to the value of the Shedd. Field has more things to look at, cheaper tickets, and wasn't nearly so crowded. There were probably more people actually in the Field than in the Shedd, but it's so huge that it still felt wide open.


We sang Happy Birthday to Ox. I did a bunch of laundry and got a couple Hogswatch sewing projects cut out. We took Ox to the elementary school for his pre-4K teacher meeting. Our school district is completely amazing. He'll have the same teacher pair that Emi had, so they're totally down with handling food allergies.

We played a lot of Lego - both kids got multiple sets - watched Mythbusters, read books, made lotion, and generally relaxed. It was a pretty good birthday, according to Ox.

I just...I've no idea how my kids got so big so fast. The days and hours are long, but the years are just flying by. Ox is still my snugglebug. He's still the one who will climb into my lap and demand cuddles. Emi will snuggle sometimes, but it's getting rarer. They're just so big and changing so fast. I know I sound like every other mommyblogger out there, but it's still true. I love my kiddos and am excited to see the people they'll grow into. I just need to soak up these snuggles now.

This week:
Wednesday - Paint Nite at a bar/restaurant in town
Thursday - Nothing. Woo!
Friday - Take Ox and drive to my mom's for a potty-training intensive weekend. 

sabine: (Default)
 The entry page just ate my very long entry about work and the past weekend. I'm not re-creating that thing.

The highlights:
  • Work is terrible. I haven't gotten to do the things I enjoy in a long time. I have to do the things I'm good at and the company needs, but that kill my soul a little more each day.
  • We went to the zoo on Saturday. It was super fun and we enjoyed it a lot.
  • We played with some fun stuff from my "Things to do without screens" book. If you mix baking soda, salt, dish soap, and water, you can make a kind of dough to play with. Then give the kids a squirt bottle of vinegar. Yay, science!
  • I sewed some of my new hacci knits into a sweater for Mom for xmas.
  • I played far too much of Hatoful Boyfriend. It's the most messed up dating sim in the history of the world. You're a human, hunter/gatherer, living in a cave, getting text messages, and going to school at a prestigious pigeon academy. You must romance the pigeons. If you don't romance pigeons effectively enough, Bad Things happen. I've played through 3 endings and have probably 4 more to go. It's gloriously messed up, but really only worth it if you buy it at 75% off. It's good value for $2.50. 
  • The summer is nearly over. Emi has her last ballet and swim lessons this week. Sunday-Monday are our Big Birthday Trip to Chicago. I'm not sure where all the time went.
  • Emi can be an overly dramatic pill. She can also be a sweet, loving, intelligent, creative kiddo. These are not mutually exclusive.
  • Ox not only knows the letters and that they can make sounds, but has figured out that words make sounds. And that Momma will say a word over and over if he keeps pointing at it. This is hilarious for both Momma and Ox. I thought he was going to either get the hiccups or throw up, he was laughing so hard tonight. This was right after he had me say QUACK about 20 times. 
  • My back and neck are very messed up. I have about 60% of my normal range of motion. Ugh.

Good enough, I think.

sabine: (Default)
Today is a high anxiety day. There are some internal/biological factors (period, headache, neck/back ache, tired) and some external factors (job has high stress, new problems that MUST BE FIXED NAO). I've finally admitted that this isn't going to go away by itself due to FAR too much worry and stress about today, so I will take my meds, get something to eat, and work on one thing at a time.

I will also try to recap the weekend as best as I can.

After spending nearly 11 hours at or near my desk, home was a wonderful place to be. I went to bed early because work was so darn early.

I did a little laundry and a little sewing. Most of the sewing was clearing the scraps and remnants from my sewing table and getting my fabric stash (some of it, anyway) into order. In the process, I cut out a pair of pants (P4P Palazzo FTW) and found two projects that were cut and just needed to be sewn.

During the afternoon, I started to get anxiety flashes about going to MH for the evening. My brain says "It's a social situation, so you should PANIC", even though it doesn't make much sense.

I got through it, put on a new dress, and took Emi up to MH to watch Ozma dance and hang with Au and family, RH, and newer dancer K.

Holy buckets. Ozma is AMAZING. The costume and the zils and the WOW! It was worth getting home super duper late.

Laundry day. Sewing day. Tired day.

In the evening, Emi had a T-ball game. It was late in the evening (7 pm) so it could be "under the lights". They divided the kids into three teams and each team got two chances to bat and two to field. And, of course, every kid got to score a run.

Emi's batting form is way better than most of the other kids. The problem with her fielding is that she's playing the game as she's meant to: stay in your position and cover your assigned area. The other kids....not so much. They were mobbing the ball and pretty much ignoring where they'd been assigned on the field. One of the boys would run from third base, over to first base to get the ball, and then would run with the ball to home plate. No throwing it to team mates, just going for personal glory. Little fucker. So Emi didn't like fielding because she never got a chance to catch or throw the ball.

Got to my desk bright and early. Looked at my phone and remembered that I had a med check up in Madison. Luckily, I was at my desk early enough to make it to my appointment on time. It was a sad appointment since my doctor - the one who's been treating me for 6-7 years - is leaving the clinic. So I have to get a new dr. Yay.

Work was just...ugh. So many competing priorities and people demanding. Just...I need to get to my sabbatical. I need a break from this. I'm nearly back to having panic attacks just walking in the door. Not cool.

Because the T-ball game got over at 8pm, we'd promised Emi that she could have a lemon ice on Monday instead of right after the game. So I sat in the Culver's drive through for 15 minutes, waiting on a small meal for me and a lemon ice for her. When I walked in the door, Ox nearly mugged me for my fries and drink (fruit punch, since I was expecting this) and Emi tore into her treat.

I'm very tired. The Advil, Xanax, lunch, and music are starting to help. I still have a crapton of things to do, but I don't feel like telling my backups I'm sick and need to go home.

Tonight is for picking Emi up from dance, doing some back-to-school shopping (Emi's going to be in FIRST GRADE. How'd the time go so fast?!), getting a fast-food dinner, and then sleeping.

Upcoming calendar - Nothing until Saturday. Saturday, if it's not ghastly hot, will be for dressing up in steampunk and going to the Ren Faire in Bristol. If it's ghastly hot, we'll stay home and not get heat stroke.

sabine: (Default)
Friday - I took the morning as a half sick day. I got some stuff done from home, but was mostly so I could sleep in and then keep an eye on Emi and Ox while Downwood went to the dentist. Friday afternoon was BusyBusyBusy, mostly with back to back meetings and trying to get through some of the things that fell by the wayside while I was traveling. Got home late and was very tired.

Saturday - Got to sleep in a bit (7! Woo!), then worked on getting things picked up a bit. We had to clear the kitchen table of random junk, put the leaf in, and get things swept. Then, I spent some time trying to come up with a bit of an adventure for my Scion players. I was despairing and bemoaning my tragic lack of creativity and feeling like a hack and finally resorted to flipping through old pages to see if anything was there. I found something, did a little research, and decided it was a genius idea and all would be well.

We ordered pizza and we spent some time recapping. When it came time for me to monologue a bit to set the scene and all, I went to get a prop. You see, way back on Halloween, we had a drunken conversation discussing how Carmen Sandiego (my costume) and Waldo (Downwood's costume) would play in a Scion game. I decided it was time to pull that in.

So the players found a mysterious red-hatted woman in their hideout. Only one PC had the cultural background to get the reference and the player had him go Complete Fanboy. It was charming and adorable. Though they probably shouldn't have gone along with it, there was a heist and there was a distraction that probably left everything pinned on them, along with some dead bodies. The PCs don't know what she was there to steal and they don't know why she chose them. I'm not sure why they trusted (sort of) an unknown Demigod Scion (of Loki), but there you have it. This may come back to bite them.

Also, near the end of the session, I finally found a bad guy that could actually damage the heroes before being obliterated. There was a thrown motorcycle that got flung back at the thrower and other violent actions. The PCs limped away and got to the starting point for their next jaunt.

After game, after people left, I was in a deep fog. Just totally out of spoons and People Points. I snuggled the kids, read them books, and drew pictures with Emi. Not much brain, no attention span, and didn't really want to interact on an adult level.

Sunday - As usual, all the laundry. I was still in a fog for most of the day, but surfaced a couple of times. We watched the new episode of Mythbusters as a family (with popcorn!). I completely emptied my To Be Hemmed pile (I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!). Both kids got in trouble a couple times and kicked off of screen time despite protests.

I tried to play GW2 a couple times, but can't open the game. I get an anxiety panic attack at the load screen. It doesn't make a lot of logical sense, but there it is. It's mostly a feeling of pressure - that if I don't do certain things, or in a certain way, or something else, that I'm doing it wrong. That I need to do it right. That it's not a fun thing, but a thing that I need to have goals and I need to do the right things and only the right things to get  to the right goal.

I read some, but mostly just did laundry, refereed kids, and existed in a bit of a fog.

Today - I have no idea. I've been easily distracted today, but have gotten some things done. I just still feel in a fog. Bleah. Kind of sad to not have dance tonight. I should find some replacement exercise - maybe I'd feel better.

Tomorrow is going to be no fun. I have a therapy app't in the middle of the day and that doesn't make the rest of the afternoon go well. Drat it all. Sigh.

sabine: (Default)
Friday - Newer Dancer Night and Teacher M dancing! Downwood brought the kids up and we had dinner together. Then, he took a wheezy Ox to Walgreens and I took a hyper Emi up to Med Hookah. We sat with Au and family and RH and family. And it was wonderful. During the first Newer Dancer, I crowded into billzilla's personal space - this dancer has never had a good relationship with where she is in space and nearly smacked me in the head multiple times with her grand, sweeping gestures. Ugh.

But overall it was fun. I have friends! Interesting friends! And my Wonder Woman Moneta dress got many compliments. And there's a picture out there of Teacher M trying to lick my tattoo. Good times. :)

Saturday - Hot and muggy. It was Werk Picnic day, so we got sunscreened up, grabbed swimming stuff, and headed up to town. We met my folks and then trekked over to werk. The picnic food was DELICIOUS. We about had to use a crowbar to pry a very, very sweaty Ox out of the bouncy houses. Emi got a balloon octopus and likewise loved the bouncy houses.

Then, the rain finally started. Hooray for cooling down and giving us an excuse to go inside!

So I took my folks and Downwood on a bit of a tour of campus. I showed our new-ish auditorium. It's impressively huge. Downwood wants them to move GenCon to it. I then took them over to our new buildings. Emi was ASTOUNDED by the new train-station-themed cafeteria and wants to come have lunch with me every day. The grownups were impressed both by the pretty of the buildings and the scale of this construction.

After walking, walking, walking, we went back to the hotel and went swimming. Best. Plan. Ever. Then we just hung out in the hotel room. The kids snacked and played with Grandma and Grandpa. I chatted with my folks. Downwood nearly napped.

The kids were SO TIRED that bedtime was a battle. Too tired to chill out.

Sunday - I fell back into the depression/anxiety pit. I tried to play some Guild Wars, but had the start of a panic attack at the loading screen, so gave up on that. I did a TON of laundry and a bunch of sewing instead. I hemmed many things (test shorts, test capris, dress, skirt, 2 emi dresses, skirt, probably something else), since hemming doesn't really take a lot of brain. I nearly finished two dresses for Emi, but either have run out of or lost my package of 3/8" elastic. Drat.

I also did a lot of picking up with the kids. We got the TV room organized. I also went through both kid rooms and put all the books on the shelves correctly. My former librarian nature came out, though I didn't even bother trying to alphabetize. Instead, I sorted by size and got almost everything stood up with the spines pointing out. Ox thought this was GREAT and spent a lot of the afternoon looking at the books and pulling out favorites that he hadn't been able to find. :) So we got a lot of reading in, which was lovely. It'll probably be a disaster soon, but it made me happy to bring order to a little bit of our chaos.

Bedtime was difficult for Emi. She picked up on my overall sad/anxious mood and it all came out at bedtime. Then, she noticed that I was packing and I told her I'd be gone for a couple days. Cue the meltdown. So sad.

Today - I've got travel anxiety happening. In about 10 min, we'll go over to staff meeting. Then, I'll grab lunch, get my hand prints in clay (WOO! 10 years of werk here!), and race to the airport. I'll get on a plane, go to Dallas, get a rental car, get to the hotel, and then look for dinner. It'll either be Whataburger or Eatzi's, depending on how healthy I feel like being.

I'll come home on Thursday. I've got my standard pre-travel freakout. What if I miss my plane? What if I get lost? What if I get stuck? What if, what if, what if...

Yeah. Welcome back anxiety. I didn't miss you.


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July 2017

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