sabine: (Default)
I'm out of practice and habit of posting. I'm reading everyone, just not making any of my own contributions to the hivemind. The holidays are hitting me hard this year with exhaustion and hermitage and illness.

Both kids started coming down with head colds right before Hogswatch. I now have their colds. This is no fun.

We made a tactical logistical error in our Hogswatch travelling. We first went to Iowa to spend a couple days with my family. We then went straight to Illinois to hang with Downwood's family. On our way home from there, the back of the car was packed to within an inch of its life. It was impressive and reminded us why we don't make multiple visits - too much stuff to bring home.

Yes, the kids made out like bandits. Again. They got legos, dolls, giant fluffy blankets, clothes, and many other things. Downwood and I got a selection of lovely things, too. The gifts we gave seemed to be taken well, so that was a nice feeling. I also got many compliments on the dresses, leggings, and shirts that I made for myself and Emi. 

And there was food and booze. And both kids went on hunger strikes, eating maybe one meal a day. Maybe.

We still haven't been able to see Rogue One. Nor have we been to see Moana or Sing. I want to go, but haven't felt up to leaving the house more than absolutely necessary lately.

I came back to work yesterday. I don't have another vacation scheduled yet to look forward to. The Evil Empire only closes for actual Jan 1, so even though my counterparts will likely all be off on Monday, I'll be here.

I'm tired. I know I've accomplished things, but I couldn't tell you what. I'm ready for the holidays to be over and things to go back to "normal". Whatever that is.
sabine: (Default)
Arrived safely in Dallas, checked into hotel room. Found two of the five blades of my ceiling fan on the floor. Shrugged and decided to deal with it later.

Went down to breakfast. My keycard didn't work on my return to my room, so back down to the front desk to get it fixed. Later, a group of people bang on the door, insisting that it's their room. I send them away. I work out, read my book, do my spanish and meditation, and do homework.

Later in the afternoon, I attempt to take a nap. I'm startled out of bed by a loud pounding on my door. It's hotel management, insisting that their computers say I shouldn't be in this room. I insist that I checked in last night and should be in their computer. The woman recognizes me by my tattoos and hair and says she'll fix it.

I skype with the kids for a bit and then attempt another nap. Thanks be to the listening gods, I actually got a couple hours' sleep. I went down to the hotel quick-e-mart for something to eat for dinner and heard about the computer issue that confused everyone. They gave me my dinner for free, which was nice.

At 11, we headed over to the offices to start work. I didn't have a lot of actual work to do until 3:30. I did some CS work and hung with my analyst crew. We had snacks and coffee, but it was still rough. There were a couple tiny things for me to help with between 4 and 5, but got it ironed out. Ended up leaving the office at 5:15. I got to bed at 5:30 and just stared at the ceiling for a while, too tired to sleep.

Slept until 11. Got up. Worked out. Did more CS homework. Got hotel maintenance to fix my ceiling fan. Read. Killed the world.

Went out to dinner with coworkers to a lovely, eclectic "gastropub". Had an amazing sour lambic beer. Also had the bacon lollipops that I'd been dreaming of since the last time I was down here - super thick cut bacon, maple hollandaise, and funnel cake crispies. And a selection of other amazing, weird, wonderful flavor combinations.

Stayed up a tiny bit too late and had trouble sleeping.

Onsite again. I'm wearing a dress I made - Moneta with pleated instead of gathered skirt, self-drafted v-neck, and self-drafted flutter sleeves in a buttery soft Nicole Miller jersey from JoAnn's.

Things are going wrong, but not so wrong they can't be solved. DEEPLY annoyed at some people who know DARN WELL that I'm not in office and not at their beck and call, but are still demanding impossible miracles.

I don't know if I'll get to go to the sparkly store, which is sad, but not a terrible thing. I really want more sleep. I'm excited that I get to go home in a couple days. I'll miss the elliptical machine, but I want to see my kids, get a hug from my husband, and spend some time with my sewing machine.

Happy daydreams
For his birthday, I'm getting Alex a train toy that he really wants. I'm probably going to get Emi her own sewing machine. That way, if she breaks it, she's done and I'll still be able to work. I've told her for YEARS that I'll teach her to sew when she's seven. That's in two months. Holy buckets. I'm going to see if the grandparents can go in together to get the kids bikes. We'll see.

Costa Rica may happen next year. Need to figure out if we want to go in the summer or over Thanksgiving, so I can get the request in.

I'm a week ahead on my CS homework. So far, it's been tricky and a lot of work, but not super difficult. I kind of like this.

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 I am home. I woke up in St Louis. I made it back to our town in time for Emi's Spring Concert.

Alex demanded to be taken home after Emi performed. It was HOT in the gym and he was done. I was done, too, so I didn't fight too hard. Downwood stayed at the concert through the Grand Finale for Emi.

I get to be home for two weeks. Then I have to travel again. But home for TWO WEEKS. I've been gone for almost two weeks, so this seems miraculous. 

Alex had a panic attack and had to come home from school early on Tuesday. Because Momma had been gone for so long.

I have tomorrow off. I may go to the fabric store and check out the holiday sales. I may just hide in the basement and sew what I already have. I may henna my hair. I may take a walk to the local coffee shop for a fancy coffee. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

But mostly I'm home. Finally home. Thank all the listening gods.

i is ded

Sep. 1st, 2015 08:49 pm
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 I wore contacts for 12 hours today. I wore full makeup for the same amount of time.

I wore a wig, petticoat, and fake eyelashes for 5 hours in the morning and 4 hours in the evening.

My feet hurt SO BAD. I am melted from the sudden heat wave and from being outside those 4 hours this evening.

And yet, I had a marvelous time. Though I'm exhausted and pretty much ded, I loved doing it.

If I can get through tomorrow, everything will be fine. Thursday and Friday are both very light on scheduled things. Thank all the gods.

I need it to be the weekend. Both "the Shepherd's Crown" and "A Red-Rose Chain" arrived in the mail today. I need to spend some quality time in these worlds. Also, now I'm crying because I read the prologue of TSC and this is the last Discworld book ever and I don't think I was done crying for Sir PTerry.

Life does not suck. My feet disagree.

sabine: (Default)
 Emi loves dance. She has now completed Week One of her six-week summer session. She's destroyed one pair of tights and is totally in love with dance.

Ox is incredibly jealous of Emi's dance lessons. He's also jealous of her softball practice (which she also adores) and her swimming lessons (likewise). We've repeatedly told him that his age is the barrier to baseball and swimming, but as soon as he's potty trained, we'll sign him up for dance. So far, this tactic hasn't been enough of a bargaining chip.

I cried a lot at the therapist's office today. I feel raw and worn out. I'm tired of being sad all the time, but don't know how to get away from this.

Dance last night was hard. I don't enjoy this choreography much. It's very complicated and I missed a week and I don't practice enough to get it down. It also just kind of hurts. Don't know. On the right dancer, this would be lovely and a thing of beauty. On me, I feel dumpy, gangly, and not at all graceful. Bleah.

Werk continues to attempt to suck. Taking two days off made my email this morning a total chore. I got it pared down to what actually needs to get done...and then spent time on the phone with other people arguing that someone else's terrible setup shouldn't make my lovely code get held up.

I need to go to bed early tonight. Feeling fragile and broken. I'm re-reading the Finishing School series again, since those books make me happy without weepy bits.

And things keep going on.
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My work calendar has meetings every minute from 9 AM to 5 PM. I have a hair cut at 6, so I can't stay much past 5:15. I'm taking tomorrow and Monday off, so I have a pile of things to do a mile high. I'm getting through them, but also getting all sorts of other "Can you please look at this before you go?".

I'm listening to Amy Poehler's book ("Yes Please"). It's pretty amazing. After seeing "Inside Out", I bumped this up to the top of my "listen to" list. It's worth it. So worth it.

The construction guys have resumed drilling right outside my window. This is not helping my headache any.

I'm trying to decide on a tattoo and whether I can afford one before our Germany trip. My birthday tattoo will be the start of my cardinals. This is my memorial for my Grandpa T. The start will be a male cardinal on an oak branch. If all goes according to plan, it'll be years before I add the female cardinal - Grandma G is still doing well. But I'm feeling the need to go in for something small. Maybe adding the other pair of swallows to the right side of my chest. Maybe an infinity with kiddo names (cliche and trendy, yes, but if I have Emi write her own name and put Ox's on when he learns to write...). Don't know. It's just that there's an awful lot of bad inside my head right now. I lack the guts to actually do anything about it, but getting a tattoo is an interesting way of taking that impulse and turning it into something beautiful.

We have a train ride tomorrow. I will go to JoAnn's and look at cheap knits and fabric dye. I will get an oil change like an adult. I will finish the palazzo pants I cut last night and I will wear them proudly. I will get through this day, even though my calendar and everything is conspiring against me.


Jun. 26th, 2015 07:39 am
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I got home from my work trip last night. I actually got back to the office at 4, but decided to run my errand and go home, rather than make my way up to my office and work for another couple hours. I went to Wall of Green, got Rx refills and vitamins, got the treats I promised the kidz (purple bubble gum and skittles), and headed home.

I got hugs and then had to log on to work and answer a pile of emails. I was not so much a happy camper, but it all got done.

After dinner was for kiddo snuggles and playing. Then bath time. Then bed time. Then a little bit of GW2 time. Then bed time for me.

Luckily, Downwood woke up at 5:30 and ran out to the kitchen to put on the coffee. This reminded me that I hadn't turned my morning alarms back on. I did so, got 10 more minutes of sleep while the coffee brewed, then headed out.

I decided to splurge on an unhealthy breakfast today. I may regret this later, but right now I'm okay with it. Also, I came in this morning to find that my office finally has an actual door. Since we moved into the building at the end of May, we've had these flimsy particle board things. Now we have actual doors. Pretty snazzy.

I have far too much to do today. Just...all the things. So I don't want to do any of it, naturally.

Today: Do work. Do all the work. Eventually go home.
Tomorrow: Take Emi to Superhero Camp at the library. Optionally take her out to lunch, JoAnn's (coupons!), and/or to the movies to see Inside Out.
Sunday: Don't know yet. Maybe coffee? Maybe update the dye on my hair? Decide later.
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Found a meditation app for my phone and tried it last night. Very relaxing. If I wasn't on the phone every minute of today, I'd try it out and see if it makes work easier.

Emi's decided that helping me with my German lessons is fun. Last night she decided that she wanted to do the typing, too. It take 17 times as long, but she's enjoying herself.

Competent coworkers are a joy. People who are really good at their job, who know that I'm really good at mine, and who are good collaborators? Wonderful.

Noise-cancelling headphones. Not so good when someone at my door wants my attention. Good to muffle the continuous drilling that's going on outside my window.

Ice cream.

Pretty fabric. I got a KnitFix this month and was disappointed by 3 of my 6 fabrics. I was able to trade away two of them that I really didn't love. The third was only a disappointment because it was red solid jersey...which I actually had purchased to get my purchase to free shipping. No, it's not the exact same shade of red, but it's darn close. Just...if I'm already buying plain red, it would have been nice to get something else. I guess it makes sense that I'd like it, since I ordered something similar, but it was disappointing to get as a surprise.

Bad days end.
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Got home last night and found Emi sleeping on the couch. Her head  cold seems to be doing better during the day, but she coughs a whole lot at night. Poor kiddo.

Tuesdays are hard. I get home very late on Monday. Dance class goes late, then we chat after, then I have a very long drive home. Then when I get home, I take my nighttime meds and have to wait 30-45 minutes and hope they kick in.

The good thing about my night meds is that they usually help me get tired and go to sleep. The bad thing about my night meds is that I'm kind of dependent on them for sleep. The "Sleep With Me" podcast really helps, but even it sometimes can't break through my mental static.

The other bad thing about my night meds is that they keep me non-functional for about 8-9 hours after I take them. So, if I do the math, I'm getting out of bed on Tuesdays about an hour before my brain chemistry will let me do anything.

And then people want to be cheerful at me at that hour and want me to be pleasant and interactive. And then are surprised when I'm a grouch.

I am not naturally a morning person. Yes, I get to work at an ungodly hour, but it's mostly so that I can get things done without people bothering me. If I don't get in early, I have to stay really late. The only times I'm left alone to work are before 8:30 and after 5. The rest of the time is filled with interruptions, meetings, shifting priorities, and "can you do just this thing for me"?

But being tired, being grumpy, and overall feeling unappreciated really makes me not want to work today. I want to finish listening to Jane Austen's "Persuasion" (aka, How Saint Anne Forbade Bitch-Slapping All Her Relatives), read more of my silly romance novel ("A Kiss at Midnight" by Eloisa James), drink tea and/or fancy coffee, do some sewing, and not get whined at.

My psychiatrist says that my feelings of just wanting to run away from my life - get in the car and drive away from all my responsibilities or clean out my savings, buy a shack on the beach, and learn how to be a pirate - are incredibly common. That it doesn't make me weird or strange, just human.

Sigh. Two weeks until a vacation day. Less than a week until a haircut. Just under two weeks until an ink appointment. 5 minutes to a cup of tea.
sabine: (Default)
There were many good things on the weekend. And several exhausting things.

Friday - Left work a little early, but since I got there silly early, it wasn't actually a big deal. Came home, had dinner, had snuggles, went to bed.

Saturday - Woke up bright and early with cold Ox feet pressed to my spine. Like all kids, he's more happy to be up really early on the days that he could just sleep in. I got up and Emi came out, too. She could also sleep in, but decided that she should be up EVEN EARLIER than on a school day. Suggestions to just go back to sleep were met with a meltdown. This will become a theme.

Prepped for Scion game. Found out that one player wouldn't be able to come (in-laws visiting). Then found out that two other players were on call and getting dragged into work things and might not make it at all. Emi melted down and then refused to nap. This is doing her head cold NO FAVORS.

Eventually people came over and we gamed. Once again, I pull out bad guys that look scary on paper, but turn out to be not even a challenge. At all. The players steamroll over everything in their path.

I'm...frustrated. They seem to be having fun, which is okay, but then Downwood wears his grumpy face all day because the combat's over before he gets a turn and it's just...yeah.

Kids ended up going to bed late, since gaming pushed dinner until late. This wouldn't be a problem except

Sunday - Once again, both kids awake at the crack of dawn. Ox, because he's a morning person. Emi, because she's contrary. Once again, refusing to rest and nap and anything that would help her immune system fight off the cold. Sigh.

I started laundry going and took a couple of steps on a sewing project. Then showered and noticed the freezing rain coming down. Went out in it anyway to go get coffee with RH and Au. Aside from the sidewalk outside the coffee shop being a SOLID SHEET OF ICE, it was a lovely time. Wonderful coffee, tasty scone, good friends, and relaxing conversation. I either saw Mary Robinette Kowal or her doppleganger. I didn't go eavesdrop on their conversation to confirm either way, though I did explore her Facebook and website to see if she had any announced plans to come to Madison. I'm a fangirl, but not quite rabid enough to interrupt a conversation when I wasn't positive. Still, cool.

Stopped by Walgreens for med refills, went home, had tacos for lunch (mmm...tacos...), and did more laundry. I also finished another of my KnitFix projects - a Julia cardigan for my MiL as a birthday present. I made some progress on other KnitFix projects (shirts for Ox), mediated disputes, cajoled kids into picking up their rooms, snuggled Ox, and tried to not be overwhelmed by all of the everything.

Downwood cleaned the kitchen, I got the kids' rooms less booby-trapped (legos on the floor in the middle of the night = hell), and it was the typical "Get all the household things done that I don't have time for during the week" Sunday.

Today - Emi coughed all night long. I didn't get good sleep, but still had to get up really early for work. If I don't get in by 7, I can pretty much kiss my productivity goodbye, especially when I start with meetings at 8.

Emi was up before I got in the shower. Even though she's sick. Even though it's spring break and she has 9 days off of school. Even though she didn't have to get up at all, she was up a half hour before normally I'd be dragging her out of bed by her toenails. She REFUSED to go back to sleep. Ox was up shortly after. Downwood was up shortly after that.

I'm tired, grumpy, and bitter. I get whining at home and come into work to more whining. I've had a lot of coffee, but not much in the way of healthy, good food (which is, honestly, a contributing factor to my mood).

Looking forward to this week:
Tonight - Dance.
Wednesday (probably) - new WtNV podcast
Friday (maybe) - Girl Scouts for Emi
Saturday & Sunday - Easter with MiL

Next week: 
Monday - Dance
Friday - Final ink on peacock
Saturday - BUW workshop and show. I may or may not do the workshop. Tripp Commons is EVIL on my back and knees, but the show is at Monona Terrace and will have a bar

Then the next Monday I have off work and a spa appointment. Somewhere in here I have a haircut, but it's not in my phone so I have no idea. Need to call and check. I'm thinking going shorter for spring, but I don't know what will look nice on me with a minimal amount of effort on my part.

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Forgot to restock my purse Emergency Xanax again. Bad plan, past me. Bad. Plan.

From 8-5 today, I was pre-scheduled for 7 hours of meetings. And then, of course, I've had several other phone calls, OMG!CRITICAL FIX IT NAWO things, and a myriad of smaller concerns. This doesn't bode well for sanity for me.

Forgot my water bottle again. Fuck.

Sitting at my desk on the phone, I keep getting really dizzy. I had a tasty lunch, but probably haven't been drinking enough water. This is distressing and upsetting.

My head is pounding and has been since I arrived at work. This is distracting and upsetting. I try to stretch out my neck, since I know the constant pressure and shouting is making me more and more tense.

I want to go home and work on a new dress. I want to get my To Be Sewn queue down far enough that I can work on the commission a friend handed me. I want to have spare brain cycles for updating my various Storium games. I want to sleep and not wake up over and over through the night. I want to not be so chubby, but I lack the willpower to not snack. I want to not feel guilty about wanting these things. I want to snuggle my kids without a bedtime battle first. I kind of want to throw up.

I want this phone call to end so I can go get more water so I can take some Tums. I want this phone call to end so I don't have to listen to these people any more. I don't want to check my voicemail in between my next two calls.

I want to jettison half of my responsibilities at work. I want to take on new, exciting, and WAY MORE FUN responsibilities, but I haven't the time or energy. I want my TL to act on this instead of just saying that we're in a tight transitional period and it's not possible right now.

I want my new meds to work better than my old meds. I want this med transition to go well. I want my wrists and thumbs to stop hurting.

I want Ox to talk. I want to hear what my boy's thinking about. I want Emi to love Kindergarten and not hate it because she'll have to get up early.

I want to not be freaking out about traveling this weekend for work. I want everything to go well so that I don't have to be awake for 30 hours straight. I want to go to the shiny store. I want to sleep and I want to visit with my favorite people there, not with the ones who've been making my life hell this week.

I want my PMS to wrap itself up already and my uterus to figure things out.

I'm tired of this. As may well be imagined.


Jun. 19th, 2014 09:38 am
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My alarm goes off really early on work mornings. I have a second alarm that goes off 20 minutes later, so I don't just hit the snooze button forever.

This morning, my alarm blared and I shut it off. 2 seconds later, Downwood started snuggling up to me and I despaired of falling back asleep. Then Emi came running in and crawled in on my other side. The thunder was scary, she said, and there were lots of little black bugs, she said, and she needed to be with me.

I despaired, but tried to just enjoy the quiet and let my brain stay offline.

Emi chattered and itched. Downwood tossed and grumbled. I despaired.

After my second alarm, we got up. Downwood started filtering the iced coffee (steeped overnight at room temp) and Emi started being an active four-year-old. I drank coffee and went through my morning routine.

I made it to work physically, but my brain is just not working today. I've dressed up and had extra coffee. I'm so tired and just don't want to be here. I'm grumpy and muddled from getting woken up before I was really ready, but Emi needed Momma and Downwood needed wife, and since I'm both those things, that's what it takes.

I'll keep moving. At some point I'll get to send everything to voicemail, turn off Outlook, and just work on development. I have improv practice tonight again, so that will be fun if I can get past the stress of trying to be likeable and funny and all that goes with it..


Apr. 22nd, 2014 05:28 pm
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I want to escape real life. Again.

But maybe if I eat dinner, it'll all be good again.

And I can get a hug from the kids.

And it'll be okay.
sabine: (Default)
Breakfast was coffee
Second breakfast is coffee
Still, would like a nap

I love my Monday night dance class. It starts the week out right and makes Mondays worthwhile. It just makes Tuesday mornings really hard, especially when my customer demands an 8 AM meeting. I love my house and my town, I just don't like living so far away from the studio. Ouchies.
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Friday - Much relief at Downwood's improved condition. His dad and um-friend came up and played with the kids all day. They took off for home right after I got back from the grocery store. Apparently, the kids wore them out. Go figure.

Saturday - Slept in a little bit and woke up to clouds and drizzle. Emi was heartbroken, since I'd promised that they could play outside again. After a while, the drizzle stopped and the sun came out, though everything was still squishy.

Au and her boy came over in the late morning. The kids ran around the back yard and we relaxed on deck chairs with mimosas. It was lovely. The kids are big enough to be more or less self-entertaining, especially when there are soccer balls, a slide, and dirt to dig in. We let them run around both inside and out.

After a while, I made some fried chicken for lunch and henna-ed Au's arm with a viney/leafy pattern. It was super fun and a great way to spend the middle part of the day. Au and her boy left when it became apparent that Ox was played out. He was stretched out on the floor playing with a toy car, head on the ground, totally out of energy to move or sit up, but still really wanting to keep playing. They gathered up stuff and said goodbyes.

I think their car got out of the driveway before he passed out cold. Maybe.

Downwood took a nap, Emi got a timeout (so tired and whiny), and I chilled. Then I put together some dinner for Emi and me and got dressed up.

The spring show happened. I miss seeing S from Chicago, local professional tribal troupe, F from IA City, ATS professional troupe, or any of the other excellent out-of-town performers that we used to get at this show. Darn. They had a cash bar, which was lovely, and parking was a breeze. There's also a hotel bar connected to the venue, so we went to get drinks and dissect the performances. I laughed a lot and had a lovely, lovely time.

I didn't get home until close to 12:30. This blew up my HabitRPG, which resets at midnight and which I usually double-check for completion before bed. Oops.

Sunday - Blessedly got to sleep in later than usual. Still, since I went to bed so late, it didn't seem that decadent. I woke up to rolls and coffee and kids being kids. And rain. Lots and lots of rain.

After I woke up (all hail caffeine!), I started my usual Sunday laundry routine. This means a minimum of 5 loads of clothes to wash, plus any clothes already washed that just need folding and put away. Since people have been sick, I've also been washing sheets more often and trying to get in a load of fuzzy blankets and/or pillows, just to help out our immune systems.

We played some GW2 with friends while I was doing laundry. Luckily, we play with other grownups who understand that there are chores to be done, toddlers to console, and children who need love and attention. Also, my tendonitis flares up if I play for too long. Stupid thumbs.

I thought about going to bed early, but didn't quite make it. RH got me hooked on a FB clicky game and I was enjoying the fact that both kids were in bed and there were no emergencies.

Today - Morning came too early. I had a really hard time dragging myself out of bed today. I'm still dragging. Ugh.

I started off the morning right by breaking a bottle of nail polish. The top sheared off and ended up on the kitchen floor. The bottle fell into one of Downwood's newish tennis shoes. I maintain that he got it cleaned up. He says there are still green glitter streaks, so he doesn't want to wear them.

Ox found the bottle in the trash can and now has green hands.

I'm having a bad anxiety day. Like, to the point that I was just now having a panic moment (not an attack. Not so bad. Just kind of bad) about using my Audible credit effectively. Because if I choose the wrong book, that obviously means that the world is going to end. Or something.

But things aren't all bad. I have coping mechanisms. I have lists to check off. I have Goodreads, which will tell me all my favorite books and it's okay to pick one of those for my Audible credit. Kids wash, Advil works, and I have dance tonight.

It's going to be okay. It was a good weekend and it's going to be a good week.

sabine: (Default)
I've henna'ed two peacocks on my left arm this morning. Both are rather stylized and I'm not totally happy with either one. Practice, practice, practice.

Still no news on Grandpa.

Dance class was a thing. My Fitbit is an awful jerk and said I didn't have any periods of high activity during class. It's a filthy liar. This choreography has broken my brain. Holy fuck, but it's fast. There's no time to think - you just have to keep going, keep moving, hope that you're on the right foot (or left foot. whichever).

I'm not sure when I'm expected to do work anymore. I'm in meetings ALL FREAKING DAY. Ugh. My new task management system works well, but I don't have enough time in the day to get everything done. All my customers assume they're my only responsibility. They're wrong. At least my new TL is made of awesome and knows that I need to get rid of some of my customer responsibilities if they want me to take on anything internal. There's a new role that I'm deeply interested in, but I don't have the time now.

I need more coffee. I need someone to bring me coffee, as I'm stuck on the phone. Bleah.

I'm not going to go to the Izzy BUW workshop. I love her, I love her style, I really want to learn from her, but I don't want the knee and back pain that I KNOW I'll get from that floor. The last time I went to their workshop there, I had to spend a lot of time and money to get my back and hips put back together (Katie is magic). I'm thinking that maybe I'll just go to the show and see if I can convince people (RH, Au, GPS) to go out for hot chocolate and/or pie after.

Still tired. Still sad. Still stressed. Still worried.

Two things

Jan. 28th, 2014 07:41 pm
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It's cold, dark, and I really want a vacation. We didn't book passes or rooms for GenCon, since there's a family wedding in October, but I might not get to take off any time to go to it b/c of Super Big Governmental Change that'll have me chained to my desk from Sept 20 to November. Sigh.

My drive home is so bumpy (thanks cold and terrible county roads!) that my Fitbit is all like "Go, you, with the walking! Well done!" as I'm driving home. I don't have the spare spoons to do the calorie logging, but it's kind of neat being able to track sleep and motivate me to move.

sabine: (Default)
Friday - I'm so thankful that bad days end. I was really past frustrated with everything involving work.

Saturday - Went and got my hair cut. I didn't double-check my calendar, so I got there at 10 instead of 10:30. So I got to sit, listen to music, drink good coffee, and read in peace until they were ready for me. It was very nice! Then I went home and got ready to game. This involved putting on a floofy skirt and corset, clearing the table, ordering pizza, and getting out a pile of papers.

My poor Scion players. I made the most ridiculous prop in the history of ever for them. It was an 8-page newspaper with horoscopes, classifieds, and custom news articles. I decided to give them a chapter or two of open-ended exploration instead of railroading them through a plot. Letting them discuss and choose which plot hooks they wanted to explore made my job a little harder - had to think on the fly of how things would play out - and a little easier - they spent a lot of time arguing amongst themselves of how they wanted to handle things.

And then Downwood gave me a margarita and made it his mission to keep it full. Holy god. I hope I didn't embarrass anyone, including myself. I eventually poured myself into bed and slept all the sleeps.

I'm thankful for margaritas, forgiving friends, really good sales at We3 Bellydance on eBay, and margaritas.

Sunday - Woke up a little hungover, but coffee and Gatorade fixed that. Folded three loads of clothes, then washed and folded four more. All the clothes are now clean. Oy. Did a little more henna on my legs and finished Downwood's Cthulhu hat. It's pretty amazing. Also, I helped Emi with her new art project. She learned how to thread a needle (a giant, dull yarn needle) with yarn and string beads on it. She's a bit obsessed, but that's okay. She had a lot of fun digging through the beads, sorting them, and figuring out which were big enough for the needle to go through and which weren't.

I'm thankful for Advil, coffee, music, and a little girl who loves making things as much as Momma.

Monday - Wow, I'm tired. I'm also sitting at my desk at work, looking at the pile of stuff I need to do, and wanting to say "Bugger all this for a lark". I need to do work - there are people counting on me and I like getting a paycheck. I just feel totally out of it and don't want to get yelled at or deal with the dumb. I'm just...argh. Burned out, could be the phrase. Frustrated, could be another. Really don't want to be here and dealing with this. Wondering if we're going to have dance because OMG!Mother Nature needs Xanax.

Why didn't I refill my emergency Xanax bottle in my purse? Things are not quite to Utterly Terrible, but are heading that way.

Fuck this. I'm-a go get a coffee. I'm tired of telling people to click on buttons that if they'd just followed the flow chart, they would have found it already.

I'm thankful for coffee (really, I can't emphasize this enough. Coffee and me, we're like THIS), soup, and being able to wear slippers around the office so I don't have to tromp everywhere in my snow boots. I'm also thankful that I have a car with high ground clearance and 4WD so I could get out of my driveway this morning and make it to work without being in the ditch.

sabine: (Default)
I don't wash my hair every day. Maybe 2-3 times a week. This lets my henna stay vibrant longer. Lately, I've been putting it up in a Gibson-esque tuck on days that I really should have washed it, but didn't have time or energy. I read this tutorial, cut the cuff off an old, holey sock, and usually tuck feathers or a flower in. It's easy and pretty.

Emi has a cold and was up coughing last night. All hail cough syrup for helping kiddos sleep. I want her to feel better because she's miserable when she's sick. Also, she's scheduled to go to my folks' this weekend for a vacation. I bought concert tickets for Downwood and me, counting on the kiddos being gone. This is a really selfish reason for me to want my kiddo to feel better. Also, I like sleeping through the night.

I've started dressing much more eccentrically. I bought some bright tights from WeLoveColors and have been layering them with skirts. I also am currently involved in a torrid affair with cardigans and scarves. I feel more like me, so that's something that I'm going to keep doing, I think.

I need coffee. I thought that if I had a really good breakfast, I'd not be so tired. Instead, I now want to nap under my desk. Drat. So tired. Worn out. Need coffee.

Downwood and I want to go to GenCon next year. I want to go because it'll give me a deadline for finishing these costumes that are bouncing through my head. He wants to go because he likes gaming and it's been many years since he was able to go for fun. I'm making lists of the things I'd need to make or buy. This may not happen, but I'd like it to.

Did I mention that I'm tired? My train of thought is not doing so well right now. Sputtering, in fact. The reason I haven't gotten coffee is that I've been on the phone since I got to my desk. No coffee. Maybe if I asked nicely, they'd put a hot water line in my office so I can get coffee while still on the phone. That'd be boss.

If you've read Cat Valente's Fairyland books and you like audiobooks, add these to your list! They're perfection. Absolutely wonderful. I love, love, love this series and having them read to me by people who love the stories just makes everything better.

Oh, good. Call is almost over. Coffee calls.
sabine: (Default)
I'm still not sure what day it is. Working the weekend, getting back late, sleeping in a bit yesterday, and having to get up psychotically early today for an early body has no idea what's going on, but it wants to go back to bed, please.

I have Friday off. I need to get backups.

I have Friday off. I can sleep in and go to the apple orchard. I can work on my evil genius costuming. I can sleep and go for a walk and drink coffee.

Ox is having big skin problems. We're living in the future, so I can message his allergist from my phone app and expect a reply within a day. This app is my absolute, hands-down favorite of all the software the Evil Empire sells.

If I answered questions today in interpretative dance, everything would end with me flat on the floor, face down, unmoving. I can't even listen to loud music because I have to be on the phone all day. 

My jeans are far too tight. I have muffin top happening. It's not pretty and makes me feel really terrible about my appearance. Why bother with anything else? Far too much junk food in the last couple months and not nearly enough exercise to make up for it. Comfort eating and lethargy.

Just keep moving. Emi has a soccer game tonight and I will by gods be there for her. Then one more day of work and then an actual weekend.


sabine: (Default)

July 2017

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