Jan. 1st, 2017 10:37 am
sabine: (Default)
1. Continue wearing more lipstick. Maybe also start more eyeliner and mascara. Maybe.
2. Continue learning languages. Spanish for sure, maybe something else.
3. Do the things that make me happy: coloring, drawing, sewing, etc.
4. Read.
5. Run a 5k.
6. Make mistakes. Try new things. 
0. Love my family. Encourage my kids. Play games with my spouse. Support charities. Call my congresspeople. Make the world a better place.
sabine: (Default)
I caved at Walgreens and bought a bunch of different lip glosses and tinted lip balm. I've been meeting my NY Resolution of "wear lipstick more often" and wanted new options. The lady in the cosmetics department convinced me to try a matte lip gloss, which seems like a contradiction of terms. I picked a dusty rose color that seems to be doing good things, as long as you say that getting lip prints on everything is a good thing.

Alex is on the mend. He's finally well enough to go back to school.
Downwood is down for the count. His immune system finally caved and he's got the crud that the rest of us have been fighting off.

It's voting day! Woo!

Werk Giant Conference of DOOOOM's theme this year is "Adventures in Wonderland". YOU GUYS, I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE COSPLAY POTENTIAL YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

The thing that Downwood and I are writing is just shy of 68k words. I'm proud of us.

My anxiety wants to break free and swallow me. I'd rather it didn't. I think I need to take a walk at lunch.

Emily has been a pill lately. I want to raise her to be a strong woman, but I don't know if we'll survive it. So much attitude in such a small package.
sabine: (Default)
I am wearing lipstick today. It's almost exactly the same color as my lips normally are, but with a gold shimmer. It still counts toward my resolution.

I got to play Lego with Alex yesterday afternoon. He got to do a color consult on a tangle I drew. He proved that he knows more words: door, locked, on, off, big, small, tea, pee.

Downwood gets to have a couple more MRIs and a seizure test. The neuro folks are concerned, but not worried.

My anxiety hasn't seemed so bad lately. This is a nice thing to realize.

Downwood and I are up to 13k words in this game thing. It's starting to be a respectable story. He says I'm a better writer than he is, especially with dialogue. I said that I read a lot more than he does and I've been reading aloud to the kids for a while. There may be other ways to learn about voices, but it's a pretty good one.

I haven't been able to sit and read lately. My attention span isn't working for it. I can sit and write, which is incredibly weird, but I can't read.

My silver Alegria mary jane heels continue to be stompy and sparkly and awesome.

I may be getting some of my responsibilities shifted at work. This will be a good thing, as it'll let me get back to doing other things that I love.

I made my will save against buying new fabric just because it was on sale. I am victorious!


Jan. 4th, 2016 10:56 am
sabine: (Default)
While at home this weekend (more on that later), my stepdad told me that having a resolution to "be a better human" wasn't a good one. He wanted me to come up with something quantifiable so that I can prove progress.

Have I mentioned that he's been in education his whole career? A teacher and then an administrator?

So here are my goals for the year and how I will measure success.
  • Wear lipstick more often. If I wear lipstick once a week or once every two weeks, that will be more often than the once every 3 months (average) of last year. I have to decide if this means I'll wear other makeup, too. We'll see.
  • Get to 65% fluent in Spanish on Duolingo. I'm at 49% right now, so this seems like a reasonable goal. If I make this goal early (say, by June or something), I'll extend it to be a higher amount.
  • Get to a streak of 100 days on Headspace. I'm at 48 now, so I could conceivably get this mark 4 times. I didn't want to say 365, since if I mess up once, I'll have failed. I also didn't want to say that I'll work on being more grounded and in the moment. Headspace is helping with that and if I keep working on it, I'll keep getting this streak.
  • Meet my Goodreads book challenge of 175. This is doable. Re-reading counts. Audiobooks count. Books read to kids count.
  • Game at least once as a player. Pretty self explanatory. I like running games, but I miss playing in them.

Here are some smaller goals for the year:
  • Have fun with my sister at the PostSecret concert in Milwaukee in February. Reach out to Milwaukee natives to find good places to go eat and/or visit during the day.
  • Have fun at the Costume Convention. Don't beat myself up for not being as awesome as I'm anticipating all the other people there being. Relax. If I can make a costume, cool. If not, I can shop in my closet. I have Carmen Sandiego, Poison Ivy, Rainbow Brite (a blond wig would really help sell the look), the Glow Cloud (ALL HAIL), Lucy (need my own wig, though. or lots and lots of hair spray), and any number of historical bits and pieces. I know what I WANT to do, but I need so many foundation garments (proper corset, petticoats, bustle, etc) that I don't think it'll happen.
  • Find a heritage train in either MN or IL for us to ride this summer. We've gone on train rides in WI and IA already and I have this idea that it could be cool to try to hit a train every summer in a different state.
  • Start planning my 2017 sabbatical. Current thought is to take my parents, kids, Downwood, and MiL to a resort in Central America. Something where there are activities for kids, allergy friendly dining, Wi-Fi, and a beach.
  • Continue wearing clothes that fit me as I am today.
  • Continue Kon-Mari-ing my stuff. I've gotten rid of a whole bunch of things and have many, many more to go.
  • Sew from my stash and not buying new fabric. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • Read from my To Be Read pile and not buy new books. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  • Try to use the library instead of just buying all the Kindle books if I don't know the author/series, but don't beat myself up if I don't change this habit right away.
  • Continue Zentangling, drawing, coloring, and paper journaling. These are good things. They relax me and make me happy, so I should do them. Don't beat myself up if I don't do it every day, though.
  • Dance. Breathe. Be present. Be creative. Be smart.


Jan. 2nd, 2014 10:40 am
sabine: (Default)
If anyone else talked to me the way I talk to myself in my head, I'd leave. I'd call them a bully and a mean person and I'd have nothing further to do with them.

So why do I do it? 

I internalized too much of the criticism over the years. I internalized too much of the media focus on "you must be slender and beautiful or else all your other accomplishments mean nothing". It's way easier to think bad things than try to change the script.

Fuck that noise. I can do this. I don't have to be limited by brain chemistry or past failure. I can do this. I can stop the "I'm fat and ugly and it's no wonder I'm sad all the time because I don't have talent or ambition or perseverance or any of the things that make successful people successful".

Yes, my BMI is overweight. Yes, I'm squishy around the middle. Yes, I feel uncomfortable in belly-baring tops. So. Fucking. What. I have amazing legs, a great rack (especially when I wear a bra that fits well), and elegant arms and shoulders. Yes, I need to get more exercise to help my mood and to let me dance more and outrun zombies. When I wear clothes that fit and make an effort, I'm pretty.

I'm pretty fucking talented, too. I'm smart and can book-learn things quickly. I've taught myself things like sewing, crochet, mini painting (with input from Downwood), and lately I've started learning how to henna. I can do these things because I want to.

I can dance. Even if I feel like an ungraceful spastic squirrel, that's no need for me to give up. Fuck that. So I'm not slender and bendy enough or practice enough to be a rotation dancer. So. Fucking. What. That's not the only measure of success for dancing. When Ox is handed a length of glitter dot material, he demands that I tie it 'round his waist. Then he dances and shimmies like a maniac. That right there is success. Emi loves to dance. That right there is success. Both of them love to drum. Downwood loves to drum. We have family drumming time. That right there is success.

I'm a good mom. I work a lot, but when I'm home, I try to be there for my kids. They can be total pills, but Emi's idea that our family resolution should be More Hugs is a good thing. Ox is a snuggle bug. Emi is a snuggle bug. I don't yell and I don't hit or spank. When they do something wrong I remove them from the situation and explain. Emi takes it really hard. Ox isn't sure yet, but he's 2 and he'll get there. They're good kids, inquisitive kids, and I love them to pieces. I help them explore the things that they're curious about and try to plan things for us to do together. I'm a good mom and I'm not hurting them by being around.

Fuck all that hating crap that's constantly on repeat in my head. I don't need it. I don't need any of it. I'm tired, I'm physically hurting, and I'm hungry. And I don't need anything else trying to drag me down.

I'm a human being. I have value. I will see another sunrise. I will give and receive more hugs.

This is going to take work. And time. And being gentle with myself.

So be it.
sabine: (Heris Impersonator)
It's 2009! Woot!

2008 was not as bad for me as it was for some of my friends. There were some things that seemed pretty bad at the time and hurt a lot, but there were more good things, I think.

Things I'd like to accomplish/learn/try in 2009:
  • Buy a house. We don't have a huge list of requirements, but I don't want to live in the falling-apart rental anymore. Bleah.
  • Save money. I feel like I've gotten too attached to material things lately. This is not how I want to live my life. Therefore, since we need cash monies for a house and we'll need to pack all our stuff, this is a good time for it. Fair warning: there may be books, craft stuff, and other thingies that will need new homes. If you live in town, you may be invited to take your pick before it goes to Goodwill.
  • Have a healthy baby. Working on this one. Still terrified, still excited, still suffering a mix of emotions. Also, I need to figure out which OTC cold medicines are safe. Feeling kind of like crap right now.
  • Enjoy the little moments as they happen. If I'm always waiting for a Big Event to feel happy, I never will get there. Even when I'm dinking around and playing silly computer games, there can still be a feeling that I'm doing what I choose to do, therefore it's a good thing. Or something like that.
  • Continue with the gym and SparkPeople thing. I know that I'm going to be gaining weight and changing shape with the baby. That's fine. I also know that I feel better about myself and the world when I'm working out and that workouts help me sleep better and have happier headspace.

That seems like enough things to try to do. I tried to make them reasonable this year. Reaching high is a good thing, but I also need to be realistic. These, I think I can do.

Now to see if my stomach is settled enough to have a cinnamon roll for breakfast. It's our New Year's Eve tradition - I make cinnamon rolls during the day and then Downwood and I spend the evening with just us and a bottle of champagne (this year was bubbly grape juice instead). After the crazy of our family holidays, this is a really good time for us to recharge and relax.
sabine: (Pirate Jen)
I spent the first day of the year watching football (yay Wisconsin!), reading hot Unseelie smut (yay LKH!), crocheting (yay yarn!), leveling in Dead Awaken (yay zombies!), fabric shopping (yay sales!), and running around town to find cold remedies (yay tea!).  If the rest of the year continues in this relaxed of a fashion, I'll be a very lucky Sabine.  I don't expect that every day will be this easy, but I can hope.

Resolutions for 2007 - Things That Might Actually Happen
  1. I will run a game - plot and system to be determined later.
  2. I will play a character who is not crazy.  Or totally afraid of combat.  Or a sociopath.
  3. I will bake something at least once a month.
  4. I will work to the point where I can run 5k without stopping.
  5. I will try to lose ~20 pound, but if I can put on my Heris outfit and not cringe, I'll call this one good.
  6. I will accomplish #5 by reducing junk and trying really hard to meet #4.
  7. I will paint a minimum of 8 minis so that the center portion of my printers' drawer will be filled.
  8. I will continue to love my husband, adore my greyhound, and try to treat my friends as the precious people that they are.

That seems like a reasonable number of resolutions.  Yes, this seems like it may work.


sabine: (Default)

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