So, um, yeah. Things are not what we would call "good" in the mental and emotional landscape of the Sabine. It's been pretty dismal for the last month and doesn't really look like it'll get better until, conservatively, March. I'm trying, I really am, but I'm operating on the reserves that I was able to squirrel away over the very busy summer.
Work is, of course, my biggest stressor. Downwood's concerned that it's siphoning off pieces of my soul. I'm not entirely sure that he's wrong. I try to leave work stress at work, but little bits of it stick to me when I go home. Some of them fall off when I go to the gym, some of them get blown off when I'm walking the dog, any that have adhered at all get squashed when I go to dance class, and the rest usually get peeled away slowly by other interactions.
Yes, my team lead knows that I'm about to break and he's gotten me some help. This would be good if I didn't have to train them how to take over for me. One is very, very new and is getting a baptism of fire. Poor guy. The other knows what he's doing in general but not my app in specific. I'm more concerned about the first than the second, naturally. I think they'll both do stellar work eventually, but for now it's something else that I have to work into my schedule.
Seriously, there can be NO CRISIS from now until December, I have that many things on my plate at work. Dammit.
It doesn't help my equilibrium any that those little bits of work stress that flake off during nights and weekends? Just like an old band-aid, they seem to be pulling bits of me away with them. I feel like my creativity is drying up. I half-compose entries and then can't remember a word when I have a chance to type. My plotbunnies have escaped their cage or just grown better camouflage. I'm scrounging around my subconscious to find enough material for the games I run and play, but I'm about hitting the bottom of the barrel.
Also, I think I'm drinking too much Tazo Calm tea. There were a couple days last week that I think I can chalk up to an ADE between the tea, being a girl, and work stress. Yeah, that was not so much of the good.
Ugh. Too much whining. There are good things that are happening. There are some really good things. I went to my first ever dance workshop on Saturday. My arms still hurt, but it was TONS of fun and I learned a lot. We went to Med Hookah to watch Sonya perform that night and HOLY CRAP was it a blast! Thursday nights are my absolute favorite of the week. Mondays are a close second because Downwood goes off to play Flames of War and leaves me alone for an evening. I get to dance in the more-open living room, sing as loud as I want to whatever music I want, and generally enjoy a little "me time". I'm even getting better, though I wouldn't yet say "good", at dancing to Chicky. Because who doesn't love a good drum solo?
Music is good for me. Techno belly dance
is unsurprisingly good for debugging code. I'm still slowly working my way through the second Malazan Book of the Fallen
while I work out, and my new mp3 player should be showing up next week to give me tunes to accompany me while I read. It's even blue!
How cool is that?!
Also, if you like fantasy, swashbuckling, and thiefy-rogues, you really need to read The Lies of Locke Lamora
. Holy cow. I was laughing really hard in places and totally threw off Downwood's football groove when I shouted encouragement at the main characters near the end of the book. It's TOTALLY worth getting as a paperback. I used my shiny Borders coupon to get the sequel over the weekend. I read the prologue and put it down. I don't know if my nerves can take reading what will happen in the story in order for it to end up in that situation. Eesh.
I also read Empire of Ivory
, the fourth book in the Temeraire series
. Um...wow. It was a very good story, but the ending made me cry. I was sitting in DFW at the time, so it was a little awkward, but...wow, can naominovik
tell a story. I'm scared to see what the next book is going to be like.
This Saturday, my mom and stepdad are driving up early Saturday morning. Like they're leaving their house at 5:30 early. I got us tickets to the Wisc-Northern Ill football game, which will totally rock our collective socks off. I'm hoping to run pirates for Sunday at about 5. I'm thinking of making a loaf of bread and a pot of soup. Mmmm, soup.
Next weekend, the Czar and his lovely wife will be in town. There shall be much talking. Yes, Darwin commands it.
The weekend after that, my dad and my youngest sister will be in town. They're coming in Thursday night, so I took Friday off work to hang with them. I haven't seen him since the wedding and haven't done a particularly good job of staying in touch with him, so this should be good. Since they have to drive from here to Kansas on Sunday, I'm considering running pirates that evening, too.
The weekend after that
, my favorite (and biggest) customer is upgrading. So I have to be at work all day on my birthday. I have nothing polite to say about that.
The weekend after that
, is our anniversary. There will be no plans made for that weekend. Well, none that involve anyone outside of me, my husband, and possibly our dog.
The weekend after that is Thanksgiving. I think we're going to my in-laws' for the feasting day, but I don't know about the weekend. I'm thinking of holding a D&D Certain Death Invitational on that Saturday. I've had the plot around for a long time, just never run it. If I have any brain over the next week, I may send out the invites, just to see who would be around that day.
The weekend after that is December. Sheesh. Really, at this point, I shouldn't wonder AT ALL why I have very little energy left - all of it's going to other places right now. This sucks, but I don't have a lot of choice. I'll keep holding myself together with tea and tunes, random silliness and cute hamsters, and petting my dog every morning and sleeping next to my husband every night. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able take a week or so off in December and try to recharge a little bit.