sabine: (Default)
I caved at Walgreens and bought a bunch of different lip glosses and tinted lip balm. I've been meeting my NY Resolution of "wear lipstick more often" and wanted new options. The lady in the cosmetics department convinced me to try a matte lip gloss, which seems like a contradiction of terms. I picked a dusty rose color that seems to be doing good things, as long as you say that getting lip prints on everything is a good thing.

Alex is on the mend. He's finally well enough to go back to school.
Downwood is down for the count. His immune system finally caved and he's got the crud that the rest of us have been fighting off.

It's voting day! Woo!

Werk Giant Conference of DOOOOM's theme this year is "Adventures in Wonderland". YOU GUYS, I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE COSPLAY POTENTIAL YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

The thing that Downwood and I are writing is just shy of 68k words. I'm proud of us.

My anxiety wants to break free and swallow me. I'd rather it didn't. I think I need to take a walk at lunch.

Emily has been a pill lately. I want to raise her to be a strong woman, but I don't know if we'll survive it. So much attitude in such a small package.
sabine: (Default)
Alex asked me last night to "Read more please."


Holy shit. He has WORDS and SENTENCES.

Okay, it sounded more like "Ree mo plea", but it was WORDS.

Best part of the whole vacation, really.


Aug. 26th, 2015 08:32 pm
sabine: (Default)
Part of the bedtime ritual at our house is that Momma reads to each kid before bed. Every night that Momma's home, we read books. Sure, we'll read books at other times of day, but we always, always read at bedtime. Even when Momma's travelling, sometimes there can still be bedtime stories - I'll Skype and recite some of Alex's books or Emi will call and I'll spin her a bedtime story.

It's only been in the last 6 months or so that Emi's been willing to have non-picture books at bedtime. She was sort of okay with the "level one readers" - the step just above "little kid book" - but didn't always trust them, since I'd occasionally ask her what some of the words were. This is partly why she has Jedi and Sith in her list of sight words.

I tried to get her to listen to some chapter books, but we always gave up. That is, until I found THE book. Browsing through Half Price Books after a med check appointment, I found a chapter book all about the further adventures of Anna and Elsa. I brought it home and Emi was HOOKED. She LOVES Elsa and, though these are basically sanctioned fanfic, she loves the new stories.

We're now on book four of the series.  There are currently six planned.

I also found the "junior novelizations" of recent Disney movies. We read about Big Hero Six, Brave, Frozen Fever (because I REFUSE to spend money on the live action Cinderella. Feh), and Tangled. I also got her to finally listen to "Nurk". Now, we have choices for what story to read. I have hope that this will let us read other The Hobbit, The Fairyland series, Narnia, The Boxcar Children, The Secret Garden, and so, so many others.

Meanwhile, in the other bedroom, Alex has always preferred books that rhyme to those that don't. He'll pull several books from his shelf and have me read as many as he can possibly get away with. He's also the one more likely to go grab a book and ask me to read it...usually, by sitting on me and opening the book.

This is how things have been going. That is, until yesterday.

You see, Ursula Vernon's ([ profile] ursulav ) new kid book came out last week. It's "Hamster Princess: Harriet the Invincible". It's about a hamster, who's a princess under a curse. She's discovered that since the curse *has* to keep her alive until her 12th birthday, she's currently INVINCIBLE. Also, the cover is covered in glitter. 

I had to buy it. Right away. Moral imperative...and I buy all of her stuff the second it comes out. It's just that good, yo.

I read it as soon as I could and loved it. I then offered it to Emi as an option for bedtime book.


I've no idea why, but she just wanted nothing to do with it. So, last night, I asked Alex if *he* would like me to read it to him. I expected an immediate refusal, as there's (a) no rhyming, (b) no dinosaurs, (c) no trains, and (d) longer than 15 pages.

He grabbed it and took it to his room.

Last night, we read the first four chapters. At the end of each chapter, I'd ask if he liked it and wanted me to keep reading. Vigorous nods. He fell asleep on the last page of chapter 4. I kissed him and turned off the light.

Tonight, before organizing his blanket and pillow, he was grabbing for the book to shove at me. We read chapters 5-7. He fell asleep on the last page of chapter 7.

I...didn't expect this to work. I underestimated our little dude, because I expected him to have the same story attention span as his sister. Part of it might be that I'm way better at reading aloud now, but most of it is probably that he's a very different kid than Emi. So far, he's very much digging this story of a warrior hamster princess.

This makes me happy. Both kids (I hope) associate books with a Momma who loves them very much. I'd like for them to have actual friends and interests outside of books (unlike Momma) while they grow up, but I also want them to love good stories as much as I do. That'd be cool.
sabine: (Default)
Friday - Got to work silly early and worked hard. Left work at 3:30 (WHAT?! I KNOW, RIGHT?!) and went to meet Downwood and kids at the doctors' office. Switched cars with Downwood, kissed him, hugged Emi, and bundled Alex in the car to go to my folks' for the weekend.

Much caffeine, some podcasts and Felicia Day's audiobook, and several "conversations" about big trucks later, we arrived at my parents' house. I was both wired and exhausted. Alex was super happy to be out of the car and was a total squirrel until I got us both in bed, rather late by our standards.

Saturday - Alex and I slept in LATE. Mom just let us sleep. We eventually staggered upstairs for breakfast, coffee, and a start of a busy, busy day.

Alex got my mom's Potty Training Boot Camp. He got frustrated with it after a while, poor guy. He still freezes up if asked to do a hard thing many times in a row, at which point you need to sit back and let him calm down before asking again.

He got to open his birthday present - a Cars scooter! We went to watch the town's Founders Day parade. There were FIRE TRUCKS and people throwing CANDY. Given that their town is tiny, there were about 4 floats, a handful of classic cars, the fire trucks and police cars, and that was it. It was just about perfect for Alex.

We washed and vacuumed both Mom's car and my car. So. Many. French. Fries. We had lunch.

Then we walked to the park for the rest of the Founders Day things. Alex wanted to be carried the whole time. I'm wondering if his shoes are uncomfortable. It's a bit of a walk for a little dude, but he wanted to be carried before we got out of the driveway.

We toured the library. Alex enjoyed TWO bouncy houses. We looked at all the fire trucks. Alex got to CLIMB INTO one of the fire trucks. We played at the park and he climbed all the things. He even got brave and decided to try the spinny tire swing. We walked home and Alex got piggy back rides or carried most of the way.

We went to church in the evening. I...don't think I love Jesus the way the priest wants us all to. I mean, I like a lot of what he teaches, but I can't handle most of the other stuff with the religion. Alex slept the whole way to church and actually behaved pretty well during Mass.

Sunday - I managed to get up at a respectable time. I read through the results of the Hugos voting. While I'm sad that "The Goblin Emperor" didn't take first prize, I was very glad to see that the Puppies got NO AWARDED right out the door. I drank coffee and talked with my parents.

When Alex finally got up, we got him some breakfast and went out to run some errands. Alex LOVES the hardware store and my folks needed to go to Menards anyway. It was obviously paradise for little dude. He adored it. We then went to the elementary school's playgrounds, where he got to climb, slide, and dig in the pea gravel. Again, he adored it.

After lunch, I packed the car and we headed for home. Alex slept for the entire first half of the drive.

Once home, I got engulfed in unpacking, doing laundry, picking up, reading to kids, more laundry, decide about dinner, bath, bed, argh! Emi also got a scooter, but hers is Frozen, not Cars. They plan to go to Target today to pick out helmets so they can practice in a nearby parking lot (our driveway is STEEP). Emi was very excited to see us. I think Downwood was, too.

Today - Work, which has been surprisingly chill for a Monday. We're entering the Two Weeks of Hell. Next week is our Giant Work Conference, where parking becomes a nightmare and you shouldn't try to eat out anywhere near WorkTown.

I need to get a lot done this week. Next week Monday-Wednesday will be mostly taken up with Giant Work Conference stuff. Monday and Tuesday, I'll be dressed up as Lucy, as in Lucille Ball, which is TOTALLY EXCITING. Then, it's only 2 weeks until my sabbatical and our trip! Woo!

This week -
Tonight - Dance. I'll be there tonight, but not next week, there for 2 weeks, then out for at least one, maybe two, depending on how jet lagged I am on the 28th.
Otherwise, not a whole lot. I need to talk to the bank and the phone company about international usage. I also need to order some new shoes (my poor shoes are getting holes in) and get some red lipstick. And hairspray. And see if I can get my hair to do the updo thing or if I'll be wearing a wig.

I'm starting to freak out about the travel. I haven't done something this big and expensive since our honeymoon. I haven't been away from my kids this long EVER. It's just...a lot. There's a lot.

oh lord

Aug. 20th, 2015 08:31 pm
sabine: (Default)
Taking two days off of work to spend with my family? Terrific idea.
Coming back to PILES AND PILES of OMG!HALP!!1!? Not so fun.

Yesterday, I got to work quite early and actually left a tiny bit early. This let me get home in time to have a little dinner with the kids before the Paint Nite Downwood convinced me to do. It was for a painting I wasn't really interested in, but the venue is about 4 blocks from my house. YES! A Paint Nite IN MY TINY TOWN! WOO!

So I went and painted. I felt a little bad for myself at first when groups of 2-8 ladies came in and found seats together. It was INCREDIBLY loud and obnoxious. I wasn't pleased about that. But I got a beer (New Glarus Brewery's Two Women. Lovely) and an order of cheese curds and focused on being creative. It took longer than I wanted - see above about loud, obnoxious, and increasingly drunk ladies - but I came home with a pretty picture.

I...really like these events. I get to pretend to be an artist. Art is different from craft. I'm very good at crafting, but actually making art is something different. It's relaxing, a little frustrating, and generally happy. 9/10 - Would recommend.

Today, I got to work not quite as early, but still early. I had meetings pretty much from 9-5. I had a couple of 15 minute breaks, all of which got filled up by people stopping by or calling. Also, my desktop gave me the blue screen of death right as I was jumping on a conference call. Lovely.

I stayed late at work to get some things done. I eventually came home, had dinner with family, nearly finished packing a weekend bag, and have gotten the kids in bed. Now, I need to do my German lesson, have an ice cream bar, and go to bed soonish.

I need to be at work STUPID early tomorrow so that I can leave Pretty Darn Early to take Ox to my folks'. This will NOT be a relaxing weekend for me, since it'll be Potty Boot Camp. I'm already anxious about this. At least the school district is taking Ox's struggles in stride and has a plan to help him. If his issues with talking are actually speech apraxia, that also explains why potty training isn't working yet. 

Everything's going to be okay. Now it is time for ice cream.



Aug. 18th, 2015 06:42 pm
sabine: (Default)

Work. Lots of work. I actually left a little early, but since I got there Really Early, I still worked a lot. I came home and basically collapsed, much like any other Friday.


Slept in a little, then got ready to host the Scion game. I had to do some research and a little bit of preparation for what I expected my players to want to do. They fooled me a little, but not terribly much. They actually chose to NOT pick a fight. They probably would have won, but someone would have died a little in the process.


Woke up reasonably early and packed the car and the kids. We drove to Chicago and the traffic, naturally, sucked. We made it to the Field Museum right about noon and spent the entire afternoon. We saw DINOSAURS and stuffed ELEPHANTS and SPARKLY GEMS and all sorts of other things. By the end of the afternoon, we were all very footsore. On the way back to the car, Ox demanded to be picked up and carried. He then dropped his head on Downwood's shoulder and was asleep about 3 minutes after getting in the car.

We didn't buy the tickets that would let us go into any of their special exhibits. The only one that Downwood was even tempted by was the Vikings exhibit. On the way out, we found out that Vikings will close in November. The incoming exhibit to replace it? All about ancient Greece. I WILL BE BACK, FIELD MUSEUM!!! I WILL BE SO BACK FOR THAT!

We made our way out to a nearby suburb and to our hotel. The hotel, including dinner at Portillo's, was the cheapest part of the weekend. Ugh. But they had a pool and we went swimming. It was nice.

No one got a good night sleep, though. I forgot to turn on my podcast. Emi talked in her sleep and woke up Ox. Ox talked in his sleep and woke up Downwood. Downwood tossed and turned and woke up me. Vicious cycle all around.


The hotel breakfast was respectable. Ox ate 5 Frosted Flakes. Emi ate three bowls of Froot Loops. We sang Happy Birthday to Emi. We packed up the car and drove back into the city to hit the Shedd Aquarium. 

The line to get in the Aquarium was long. It took about an hour to get from just outside the front door (where we started) to buying tickets. I took the kids over to a bench and let them snuggle/play on my phone. Downwood took one for the team and stood in the line the whole time. 

Once we got into the aquarium, Emi started being a pill. Her feet probably still hurt from the day before, she was hungry, and she was thirsty. And some of the tanks were too far up for her to see. Ox had to be picked up for most of the tanks. There *are* tanks that go down all the way to the floor that he could easily observe, but many of them are up on the wall at grownup height. We saw sharks and fish and turtles and more fish.

By the time we left, the line to get in was down the steps and across the block. It was 95 degrees and muggy. Ox demanded to be carried again. We got in the car and headed for home, once again through very slow traffic.

Overall, the value for the Field Museum was FAR, FAR SUPERIOR to the value of the Shedd. Field has more things to look at, cheaper tickets, and wasn't nearly so crowded. There were probably more people actually in the Field than in the Shedd, but it's so huge that it still felt wide open.


We sang Happy Birthday to Ox. I did a bunch of laundry and got a couple Hogswatch sewing projects cut out. We took Ox to the elementary school for his pre-4K teacher meeting. Our school district is completely amazing. He'll have the same teacher pair that Emi had, so they're totally down with handling food allergies.

We played a lot of Lego - both kids got multiple sets - watched Mythbusters, read books, made lotion, and generally relaxed. It was a pretty good birthday, according to Ox.

I just...I've no idea how my kids got so big so fast. The days and hours are long, but the years are just flying by. Ox is still my snugglebug. He's still the one who will climb into my lap and demand cuddles. Emi will snuggle sometimes, but it's getting rarer. They're just so big and changing so fast. I know I sound like every other mommyblogger out there, but it's still true. I love my kiddos and am excited to see the people they'll grow into. I just need to soak up these snuggles now.

This week:
Wednesday - Paint Nite at a bar/restaurant in town
Thursday - Nothing. Woo!
Friday - Take Ox and drive to my mom's for a potty-training intensive weekend. 

sabine: (Default)
 DreamWidth didn't want to let me type an entry until I left Chrome and started logging in through FireFox. Then, suddenly, everything worked. The magic of computers, I tell you.

Ox is in bed. He's discovered the magic of words in books. He's also discovered the magic of figuring out which word on the page is the silliest and have me read that word over and over and over. Potty training is not going so well, but he's SO PROUD when he gets to wear undies. He'll vogue and strike a pose when his undies have cartoons on.

Emi and Downwood are playing SWTOR together. Downwood is tanking for Emi. She ABSOLUTELY FLAT OUT REFUSED to EVEN CONSIDER playing a Sith. Jedi all the way. This process is completely adorable. The game is free to play, so she has her own account and everything. And she's not doing a bad job of it, by all accounts. 

Me? I was at my desk for more than 11 hours today. Tomorrow's going to be just as long, if not more. I had some time to do the things that I liked, but most of it was grunt work and no fun.

So, yeah. I'm tired, my neck and back are spiking pain, and I really want to go to bed.

But there's ice cream in the freezer, I have both a new Hidden Almanac and Sleep With Me for tonight. I also got the audiobook for "The Goblin Emperor" and it's charming, though I foresee problems remembering the names when I can't see them spelled out. I'm almost done with "City of Stairs", which is disturbing and lovely. I need to download episode 1 of the new season of "Indexing". Things are not totally terrible. Werk just sucks. 
sabine: (Default)
 The entry page just ate my very long entry about work and the past weekend. I'm not re-creating that thing.

The highlights:
  • Work is terrible. I haven't gotten to do the things I enjoy in a long time. I have to do the things I'm good at and the company needs, but that kill my soul a little more each day.
  • We went to the zoo on Saturday. It was super fun and we enjoyed it a lot.
  • We played with some fun stuff from my "Things to do without screens" book. If you mix baking soda, salt, dish soap, and water, you can make a kind of dough to play with. Then give the kids a squirt bottle of vinegar. Yay, science!
  • I sewed some of my new hacci knits into a sweater for Mom for xmas.
  • I played far too much of Hatoful Boyfriend. It's the most messed up dating sim in the history of the world. You're a human, hunter/gatherer, living in a cave, getting text messages, and going to school at a prestigious pigeon academy. You must romance the pigeons. If you don't romance pigeons effectively enough, Bad Things happen. I've played through 3 endings and have probably 4 more to go. It's gloriously messed up, but really only worth it if you buy it at 75% off. It's good value for $2.50. 
  • The summer is nearly over. Emi has her last ballet and swim lessons this week. Sunday-Monday are our Big Birthday Trip to Chicago. I'm not sure where all the time went.
  • Emi can be an overly dramatic pill. She can also be a sweet, loving, intelligent, creative kiddo. These are not mutually exclusive.
  • Ox not only knows the letters and that they can make sounds, but has figured out that words make sounds. And that Momma will say a word over and over if he keeps pointing at it. This is hilarious for both Momma and Ox. I thought he was going to either get the hiccups or throw up, he was laughing so hard tonight. This was right after he had me say QUACK about 20 times. 
  • My back and neck are very messed up. I have about 60% of my normal range of motion. Ugh.

Good enough, I think.

sabine: (Default)
Also, last night I was trying to read my new Batgirl comic. Ox crawled into my lap and then had me fast-forward through the book to look at every picture of Batgirl in costume. He was also trying to say Batgirl. At the end of the book, there's a drawing of the new costume. He studied it intently, pointing at some of the details on the drawing and where they'd be on his body. I think I have a tiny cosplayer on my hands.

Emi had a dentist appointment to get a filling put in. This was right before ballet. After ballet, Downwood didn't want her to have anything crunchy, hence the lemon ice. I tried to get her to eat something more substantial than a gobstopper as her bedtime snack. This led to us looking in the fridge and finding some leftover kielbasa. I sliced and warmed it for her. The Emi monologue about sausage that followed is something that Downwood and I agreed to not share on the internet, but was very funny to grownups. Downwood about broke a rib holding in his laughter.
sabine: (Default)
 Emi loves dance. She has now completed Week One of her six-week summer session. She's destroyed one pair of tights and is totally in love with dance.

Ox is incredibly jealous of Emi's dance lessons. He's also jealous of her softball practice (which she also adores) and her swimming lessons (likewise). We've repeatedly told him that his age is the barrier to baseball and swimming, but as soon as he's potty trained, we'll sign him up for dance. So far, this tactic hasn't been enough of a bargaining chip.

I cried a lot at the therapist's office today. I feel raw and worn out. I'm tired of being sad all the time, but don't know how to get away from this.

Dance last night was hard. I don't enjoy this choreography much. It's very complicated and I missed a week and I don't practice enough to get it down. It also just kind of hurts. Don't know. On the right dancer, this would be lovely and a thing of beauty. On me, I feel dumpy, gangly, and not at all graceful. Bleah.

Werk continues to attempt to suck. Taking two days off made my email this morning a total chore. I got it pared down to what actually needs to get done...and then spent time on the phone with other people arguing that someone else's terrible setup shouldn't make my lovely code get held up.

I need to go to bed early tonight. Feeling fragile and broken. I'm re-reading the Finishing School series again, since those books make me happy without weepy bits.

And things keep going on.


May. 18th, 2015 07:40 am
sabine: (Default)
Friday - Came home and nearly passed out. The kids played outside well after dinner time and well after when they usually would be in the tub and heading to bed. It was nice out and they were having fun, so it was okay.

Saturday - Did a little bit of laundry and did some sewing. Played some GW2 with friends. I told Emi that if she cleaned her room, she and I would go do something fun, just us. Her definition of Clean Room and mine are significantly different. She'd have me check and I'd tell her to pick up the things that I told her to pick up 5 minutes before. I ended up texting my mom with an apology for the years of eye-rolling and heavy sighs when told to clean my room.

It eventually got clean. Her treat? Going to Culver's for a sundae. Yes, even with her allergies. :) Turns out that their Lemon Ice is vegan and totally safe. The fruit toppings are also totally safe. So as long as they have this (seasonal), it's a valid treat for her.

Right before dinner, I was tooling around GW and Downwood was doing something and we heard Ox having a coughing fit. We go out there and see that he'd been chewing on the end of a tailor tape measure. The end cap for the tape measure is missing. We ask Ox where it went and he pointed to inside his mouth. Christ.

We searched the living room and around where he'd been coughing, but couldn't find it. Since those are metal, I put clothes and stuff in a bag and Downwood called urgent care. He ended up going up to the hospital with Ox and I stayed home with Emi.

Emi and I snuggled and ate a series of snacks for dinner. She watched cartoons while I crocheted and waited for updates. She went to bed about 2 hrs later than normal - kept getting up and wanting a snack, or a drink, or a hug, or a glowy, or a hug, or a drink, and so on. I made a pan of Machurros (

Downwood and Ox got home shortly before 11. The xrays showed no metal at all inside his body. They were worried that it had been made of plastic and got into his lungs during the coughing, but the ENT on call came in and checked Ox out and said that he didn't have any symptoms that would indicate that'd happened. I got out of bed, gave Ox a hug, then finally was able to fully go to sleep.

Sunday - Good GOD, why do kids drag their feet in the morning during the week but then get up AT THE CRACK OF DAWN on the weekends?!

After a VERY late night, I woke up in the wee hours of the morning with a coughing fit. I couldn't stop, so went out to sleep on the couch (yay, recliners!). Very early in the morning, I had two chipper kids climbing on me. Downwood brought me coffee and machurros.

Lots and lots of laundry and more cleaning. Emi really wanted to go get another Lemon Ice, so I set her a harder task to clean up. I didn't think she'd do it, but I underestimated the attraction of the Lemon Ice, so we went back to Culver's after lunch.

I harvested a couple of stalks of asparagus (our poor plot this year is just not lovin' it) and lots more rhubarb. I finished sewing Emi's summer Elsa dress and some Elsa dress-up accessories (short glittery overskirt and a cape). Emi was thrilled, though not thrilled that she can't go outside and get dirty in the Elsa dress.

Neither kid wanted to go to bed - Ox took a late, long nap and Emi didn't want the weekend to end.

Today - Had to pry Emi out of bed, using Ox as a crowbar. When I left for work, Ox was trying to use the potty and Emi was about to fall back asleep, face first into her cereal bowl. Emi wanted to know if she and I could take the day off.

I'm wearing the kimono cardigan I made out of some KnitFix fabric. I pinned it to my shirt so that it won't continuously fall off my shoulders. I had to make the back wide enough for my body, but since there's nothing pulling across the front, it wants to fall off. Maybe tacking some clear elastic between the back shoulder points would help? Don't know. I love the fabric, but I'm not sure that the lines of this thing are working.

And Staff Meeting starts in a little under 2 hours. Yey.

But I have requested a vacation day for June 12. We will be going to see Postmodern Jukebox the night before and there is not a universe in which I'll be able to get to work and be productive the day after. 10 years ago? Sure. Now, not a chance.

Also, my voice is back. Hooray! But I'm still coughing and kind of miserable. Boo!

sabine: (Default)
Grr time change. We hates it, we does. And I forgot my good headphones so people will be making me crazy today with their loud awfulness.


Ox came down with the same tummy bug as Emi gave me. He started throwing up Thursday night and by Saturday morning still hadn't been able to keep anything down. So I followed our health care protocol and first called our clinic so they could call urgent care and find out which clinic would be best for us to visit.

Urgent care said that if little dude was as dehydrated as it sounds, he'd need IV fluids and they don't have the facility for doing that for little guys, so we should just go to Emergency.

So I grabbed a couple of things and drove up to the UW ED (where they told us to go). We got in right away and Ox got hooked up to things. They drew some blood and put in an IV. Based on his lab results for kidney and liver function, they wanted to admit him to make sure he could keep getting fluids overnight. To demonstrate how sick Ox was, he barely fought when they put in the IV. It was mostly a whine, not a thrashing trying to get away from the pain. Totally lethargic and sick.

So Downwood and Emi brought me my meds and a change of clothes and sat with Ox while I moved my car to the correct parking lot.

And then I stayed with Ox.

Ox slept almost all of Saturday once he started getting fluids. He hadn't really slept at all while he was dehydrated and sick at home, so that was a good chance for him to rest. He started to perk up late Sunday morning and the nurse brought in some toys since Ox wasn't allowed out of the room. And since he was perking up and not sleeping the whole time, I wasn't allowed out of the room, since he wanted me with him.

Ox was still throwing up off and on when we left. Mostly when he'd had too much at once or got worked up about something (like taking tylenol to have his head stop hurting). The ongoing vomiting made me super worried that they'd want to keep him for another day and I just couldn't handle the thought. Very lonely, very isolated, very worried, very sad.

But the doctors said he would be fine, even with the continued tummy upset and let us go home in the afternoon.

We got home and Emi was beside herself. Total hyperactive attention-hogging 5-year-old. Ox played with Lego and a fishing game for a while, snuggled on the couch, drank some juice, had a bath, and went to sleep in his own bed.

I did more loads of laundry, folded all the things that Downwood washed and finally took a real shower.


This morning was rough. I haven't had a good night of sleep since last Monday and it's starting to show. Add in the fact that I'm once again getting up and leaving the house when it's still dark (FUCK this time change) and I'm not happy. The one good thing about the early morning at home is that Ox got up at his usual time so I could get some hugs and snuggles with him before leaving.

I've come into work and defused a situation that I should have been dealing with yesterday (upgrade, so I should have been on call), but I let the main person I work with know what was up with Ox and she basically told everyone there that I was not to be disturbed and they'd just have to call in the after-hours help.

I just got word from Downwood that Ox has had juice this morning and has actually asked for his formula! (first time since maybe Thursday). He's also asking for chips (unsurprising). So he seems to be perking up. I can't decide if I want to go to dance or if I want to go home. I have lots and lots of Momma Worry working right now, plus general exhaustion making anxiety and depression way worse than they need to be, but exercise would help, but but but but....yeah.


I can look forward this week to having Wednesday afternoon off. I'm getting my peacock colored the rest of the way. Expensive, but will be worth it. I can also look forward to finally getting my hair cut on Thursday. I think I'll still keep the length this trip and then at my next one go shorter for spring. Need to look through Pinterest for hair ideas. I can also look forward to Ox feeling better soon. I hope.

poor kiddo

Mar. 6th, 2015 11:06 am
sabine: (Default)
Emi got sick last Friday. I got slammed with sick Tuesday night.

Last night, Ox came down with it. Throw up everywhere, totally miserable. Downwood was up with him a couple of times. I got up at one point to just snuggle him while Downwood put clean sheets on his bed, but then he wanted Daddy snuggles, so I was able to go back to sleep.

When my alarm went off, I found Ox out on the couch with cartoons. He did NOT want me to go through my usual morning routine. He wanted Momma NOW. We watched a couple of Sesame Street YouTube videos, but he really wanted Momma out on the couch to hold him.

Eventually, Downwood got up, realized it was way later than usual, got Emi moving, and got Ox settled on the couch without Momma.

By the time I left for work, Ox was snoozing on the couch, Emi got to the bus on time, and Downwood was preparing for a day of watching Thomas and playing trains.

So now I'm at work and getting not-quite-but-almost overwhelmed with stuff. I'm still dizzy when going from sitting to standing, but my headache is finally almost gone.

But today is Friday. It's also a Girl Scout day for Emi. And then there's losing an hour on Sunday for stupid daylight savings time. And I have an upgrade, so I may be on the phone all day on Sunday.

Ugh. Am tired. Yey.
sabine: (Default)
Not good things about the weekend
  • We ended up staying home instead of driving down to visit my folks. This actually wasn't such a bad plan, since it was bitter cold and they got SLAMMED with snow, which would have made coming home an interesting drive.
  • Emi got sick. She started out the weekend by having a tummy ache Friday evening. And then by throwing up everywhere. She spent most of Saturday either sleeping or wrapped in blankets, sipping flat Sprite. Her appetite didn't come back until dinnertime Sunday night, when she ate All The Things.
  • Ox got sick, sort of. Homeboy's had a head cold for a while. Friday night he was having major coughing and gagging fits. Luckily, my organic faux-Vapo Rub (lotion with eucalyptus, peppermint, and rosemary oil) seems to calm down his cough.
  • I spent most of Sunday in a depression/anxiety haze. No fun.
  • Sunday morning, Ox got down the bottle of carpet cleaner meant to get rid of a milk spill stink/crunch area. He managed to get the top open (how, we don't know), and poured the whole bottle out on the carpet, but nowhere near where it needed to be. I got his hands washed and him into Time Out. Emi also got into Time Out with the "You need to tell us when he first starts on a dangerous track, not after he's already dumped chemicals everywhere". We got the mess cleaned up and both kids took naps while in Time Out, though the TV room wasn't really usable the rest of the day.
Good things about the weekend
  • I did some cooking. I made a huge batch of oatmeal and another of mini quiches to have for breakfast this week. So far, darn tasty and cheaper than buying the (admittedly) cheap breakfast options at work. Also, this way I don't have the daily temptation to get fancy coffee or pastries.
  • I also made some for-real pudding with egg yolks, milk, and everything. It's ASTONISHINGLY rich. zomg. But very tasty.
  • Emi felt better. That's a win.
  • I finished two sewing projects. One - a Moneta dress for me - just needed hemmed on the skirt and sleeves. I also managed to go from printing the pattern, assembling, tracing, cutting, and all the way through sewing on a shirt for Emi. I had a yard of red jersey fabric that needed a home, so I started with this pattern. She chose the hood option, so I dug out some remnants of the blue star fabric from my Wonder Woman dress to use as the hood lining. It turned out super cute. A+, will make again.
  • I did a ton of laundry. This is not unusual.
  • I started listening to a new podcast that I'm pretty sure is hypnotizing me into having a good night's sleep. It's called "Sleep With Me". It's a dude telling a story in a monotone, rambling way, so the sound isn't steady. It starts with a bit of guided meditation to get rid of free-floating worries and then goes into an ongoing story. The episodes are an hour long, so when I fall asleep and then wake up after 10 minutes, I go right back to sleep. In the couple of days since I started listening, I've woken up easily and early. Even today, when my alarm is early, I was awake and - get this - *ready* to get up. Weird, but welcome. Since this is the only part of my bedtime routine that's changed, I'm going to credit it with actually getting rested at night. I'm okay with that.
  • Downwood made some amazing pork spareribs for dinner last night. I made some amazing popcorn shrimp and pasta for dinner Saturday.

On the whole, not so bad. Though I could have done without having to clean up throwup and carpet cleaner.
sabine: (Default)
Friday - Was a long day. I got to work extremely early because I had to leave extremely early. I got more done before 9 than the rest of the day. This should say something about the number of calls, meetings, and interruptions I have. Phooey.

In the afternoon, I went to our elementary school to hang with Downwood and Emi while Ox played with one of the 4K teachers for Early Childhood Development Days. It's a yearly thing for kids from zero to 4 for the teachers to check them out and verify that development is happening at the right pace. Ox's evaluation: for everything except talking, he's WAY ahead of where they expect. He knows letters, numbers, shapes, colors, and prepositions. He just can't verbalize any of it.

Their official recommendation: Come to 4K in the fall. The worst case scenario is that he repeats 4K, which isn't the worst thing in the world. As my mom put it, this fall may be his redshirt 4K year. And that's fine. It would move him from being the youngest kid in the class to the oldest, but not by much. And it may turn out to be just the thing to get him to start speaking suddenly in full sentences.

After the school visit, Downwood and the kids went to get fries and I went home to continue to work. I worked for another couple hours, until Ox came in and literally pulled me away. He wasn't feeling well (fever and cough) and NEEDED Momma to snuggle him on the couch. Where he proceeded to fall asleep in my arms.

Downwood took Emi to and from her Girl Scout troop meeting - cookie sales begin next week! let me know if you want any - and Ox stayed in my arms. He eventually woke up, but still felt puny and didn't want to be put down. Much, much later than usual, he finally went to bed.

Emi was beside herself all evening. Totally wound up and refusing to slow down. Such is life.

Saturday - Had a bit of a slow morning. Downwood didn't feel well, so I hung out with the kids for a bit. Then I packed a lunch/snack and went to the tattoo gallery. My artist was running late (flat tire) so we got a late start and didn't get quite as much color done as I'd hoped. Still, it's INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL and I'm very, very happy with it. We talked and I read my books. I'm sad to hear that she's going to stop being a full time tattoo artist, but understand her reasons. If you're very very good at your job, but it causes your collarbone and ribs to dislocate themselves, maybe it's time for a change. Hopefully, I can stay on her list of clients that she'll take occasional commissions from because DAMN.

Right when I got home, I found out that we'd be going out to dinner with friends. They're moving to Texas in a week and a couple months (staggering to complete a lease and find new place and all that), so we wanted to spend some time. The move makes total sense for these two - it'll get him closer to his daughter, which is always good - but we're going to miss them.

They stayed and talked long after I put the kids to bed.

Sunday - Downwood still didn't feel well, so I got up with the kids again. Emi and I made cinnamon rolls for breakfast and I showed her how to read the label to find the instructions. I did a TON of laundry, played just a bit of GW2, and read lots and lots of books with the kids.

After putting some clothes in the washer, I took a little time to hem a skirt that's been sewn for about a month now. Baby steps. One step at a time.

Ox kept falling off of furniture. One of the crashes was after putting all the pillows they could find on Emi's bed and jumping. He hit his head and was in pain, scared, and upset. He was so worked up that he ended up throwing up all over me, him, and Emi's bed. So more laundry. And more and more hugs.

Both kids were in rare form and I lost my cool more than once. There were still lots of hugs and snuggles and books, though, so that's a good thing.

Today - I am wrung out. I'm very tired and my arm hurts. I'm getting things done, but I'm pretty spaced out. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, since I have a therapy app't at 9. My whole day will be thrown into disarray and I'll either have to stay stupid late or work from home after the kids go to bed. Ugh.

I'm having some major anxiety issues, too. Lots of panic about nothing and worry and many, many feelings of total inadequacy. Little things that should mean nothing are direct reflections of my worth. This is, of course, ridiculous, but it's where my head's at. If I was a good person, I'd finally get my thank you notes written. If I had any worth, I'd be keeping up with the crochet-a-long that I signed up for. If I was a good wife, I wouldn't be bitter about my husband getting to sleep in every day (not entirely true, but feels like it). If I was a real adult, I'd have finalized our Germany plans, budgeted better, and have things done. Since I haven't done any of those things, obviously I'm a failure as a human and just shouldn't be here anymore.

Ridiculous, but it's how things are going today. Bleah.

sabine: (Default)
Lots of laundry done and a couple more loads to finish today.

All the errands and shopping finished yesterday.

Emi off to her first day of Kindergarten. Fed, brushed hair, lunch packed, and backpack set.

Most of the supplies for a muppet belt found. Need to buy the boas, but that's upcoming.

Ox picked out his Halloween costume. I bought the fabric. Now to cut the pattern, cut the fabric and serge it all together. Silver lamé is involved. Ugh.

Kitchen mostly clean. Lunch bento boxes sorted into Emi and Momma bins. New bento boxes purchased to make up deficits.

Ox helped wash dishes this morning. He was thrilled to get to play in warm water, bubbles, and not be told No. He thought it was pretty darn awesome.

Still very dizzy. I'm on the last taper of the Sertraline and it's kicking my butt. Dizzy is no good.

TWO credit cards totally paid off! One more to go! I cashed in some of my bonus stock thingies at werk to accomplish this, but am proud anyway. I may cash in more to make a bigger dent on the one to go and fill up the savings account for Germany trip.

Tummy is upset with me. Maybe too much dairy? Maybe too much worry?

Not beating myself up over forgetting to pre-order "The Winter Long". I can finish "Ancillary Justice" and some other books while I wait for it to show up. It's okay.

Snuggles with kiddos. Ox is obsessed with a book of rhymes about babies. Also, my phone is the coolest toy in the house. Naturally.

Still struggling with jerkbrain and depression. Still trying to fight back against the lies. So I'm listing out the things that have gone well.

And so it goes.
sabine: (Default)
Pretty good weekend, all things considered.

Thursday - Dragged myself through work. At 3 pm, got sucked into Issue That Will Not Die, Part The Umpteenth. I made it home without strangling anyone.

Friday - Got to sleep in just a little bit. Emi came running in to drag me out for our shopping day. We got dressed and some breakfast. Then we went to Party City (birthday supplies), Frugal Muse (books!), Target (back to school supplies), McDonald's (lunch), Great Clips (to fix Emi's self-haircut), then the Game Store (new D&D book). By the time we got home, I was totally exhausted and Emi was in Bear Mode.

Friday night, we went to a goodbye dinner at the new-old Chinese buffet for Emi's bestie. She's going back to Texas to be with her momma. I insisted that we stop by JoAnn's for princess dress fabric for Emi. I got enough fabric to cut two Elsa dresses - one for Emi and one for her bestie.

Saturday - I woke up to the kiddos piling on me. Since we were up early, I got us all out the door and up to the Farmers' Market. SO MANY VEGGIES! We had our snacks and bought healthy options. In the afternoon, I played a bit of GW2, then made a veggie stir-fry for dinner.

I also cut out the pattern and both dresses. So there.

Sunday - Emi turned FIVE! Whoa! We had pancakes, snow cones, presents, and a couple of meltdowns. And SO MANY LEGO. So many Lego. Au and her family came over and the kids had a rocking time. And I unloaded shinies on Au. I still have many shinies left over for other shiny-loving folks.

Today - Work. Staff meeting. New time log system. Snark with friend. Ox turned THREE today! We're having a french fry picnic (his choice) for dinner.

Also, the new Iron Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is live. And I'm excited about the first prompt. It's going to be horrible and wonderful.

sabine: (Default)
I like the Moneta pattern much better with sleeves than not. The instructions for the lined bodice are a little confusing and I think I like how it looks, but it's fussy and annoying. I also like the collar options and I like how it looks with collars. I also like the look of the pleated skirt more than the gathered, though if I narrow the top of the skirt so I'm not gathering quite as much fabric, it looks better and is easier to sew.

I still can't nap. I laid in bed and kept my eyes closed and tried to relax and enjoy the quiet time.

I freak out less about travel when I get Ox snuggles right before driving to the airport. He's such a happy boy. Yes, it's hard to leave, but he makes me feel loved.

The Maze of Games gets harder and harder as you go through the book. But the satisfaction for solving also increases.

Eatzi's is amazing. There were OPERA SINGERS just walking around and being amazing. Also, the food is still darn tasty and what I got is reasonably healthy.

And now we stay awake until they let me go back to the hotel. Oy.
sabine: (Default)
So they released Ingress for iPhone. I'm on the Resistance. Unsurprisingly, there are a TON of hotspots on the Evil Empire campus. Several thousand well-connected, hip, young geeks and a mobile gaming platform? Unsurprising.

I gave up on Jane Austen's "Emma". The protagonist is REALLY DAMN ANNOYING. So I put it back on my virtual shelf and switched to "Persuasion". I want to make clothes. This, too, is unsurprising.

A new Night Vale episode is out. My wireless was being flaky at lunch, so I don't know if I got it all downloaded or not. Need more story!

I'm scheduled in meetings from 11:30-5 today. This sucks. At least I get to talk to my favorite people at the end of it. I also get to tell them that their bosses recanted and I get to come visit them in August! I get to go back to the shiny store! Whee!

Ox didn't want to go to sleep last night. Therefore, when I went in to give him a hug before going to work, he burrowed his head further under the pillows. Sleepy boy. I'm looking forward to getting some hugs and playing in this evening with him. And calling Emi to check on her Grandma vacation.

I impulse purchased Sally Hansen's new Color Foil nail polish. It's purple chrome, so super shiny, but any flaw in a nail or in application is very, very visible. But it's shiny and it's purple and it was cheap. So I don't really regret it yet.

We ran through the drum solo last night. There were a couple of measures where everything fell apart, but overall it went together well. It was an interesting thing, but I'm not the dancer that was designed for. The current choreo has the cheesiest music this side of nachos, but it's fun. It feels way better on my body, anyway.

Yes, I'm making lists of good things so I don't freak out and break shit. Trying to remain calm and not under an anxiety attack.


Jul. 14th, 2014 09:16 am
sabine: (Default)
Friday - Left work right on time and came home. I'd thought about leaving a little early to go to JoAnn's for a new double needle, but decided to just come home.

I came home and pulled the kids outside to play with the neighbors. I talked with the neighbor mom and the kids drew chalk all over the driveway. Downwood was in a terrible mood, so I figured it was best to get us all out of his hair.

The results of my henna experiment are conclusive - the spray gel works REALLY WELL as a henna extender if applied when the henna is more dry than not. It re-moistens it, which lets it stain more. It also holds it on the skin longer - it's actually kind of difficult to chip off. This also lets the stain be longer. I like it and I'm going to continue using it.

Saturday - Tried and failed to sleep in. Both kids came in for snuggles and stealing of Mom's phone. Got up, dinked around online, then went and got my hair cut. I love my stylist. She is amazing and wonderful.

Came home and refreshed my knowledge of the Scion campaign I'm running. I decided that it was time that we should put the Rock back in Ragnarok. So far, it's going reasonably well. The players were understandably distraught when they saw that the cover of the book really is Ragnarok, but they recovered nicely. We had to do some serious recap to remember where we'd left off the last time we played (May), but we had pizza, friends, and dice. So that was all lovely and good.

In the evening, Emi and I worked downstairs. I rethreaded my serger and pulled one of my Project Bins out of the cabinet. This one had "Things to sew when you finally switch the serger to white thread". I hemmed a pile of handkerchiefs (squares of linen and cotton, found in my Great Stash Organizing), mended a rip in one of Downwood's pajama pants, and zipped together new dresses for the girls. Emi helped by clipping the threads from the handkerchiefs and putting them in the washer.

Also laundry, because Emi wanted her favorite clothes clean.

Sunday - Slept in a little bit. Got tackled by Ox, who wanted snuggles, a dry diaper, and my phone. Not really sure if the order of those things mattered to him.

After Emi woke up, we had some breakfast and then got her bags packed. She helped pick out her clothes for her suitcase, the books for her backpack, and the bedtime stuffies/blankies for her bedtime bin. Then Downwood got the car ready and he and Emi took off for Illinois.

Ox was distraught. He went and put his shoes on and went back to the garage. So I put him in the car and we went to JoAnn's for fabric and needles. Then we went to the FLGS for dice and the new D&D Starter Set. Then to McD's for french fries.

After we got home, I did more laundry and played some GW2. Then the rest of the day was for doing dishes, finishing laundry, watching cartoons, reading rules, washing dishes, and entertaining little dude. We got to Skype with Emi, Daddy, and Grandma, after which Ox had another meltdown when he realized it was just pictures on the computer. So we had to call back to have them reassure him everything would be fine.

I made dinner for us. As we finished eating, Downwood came home. When he came inside, Ox had a FULL BODY MELTDOWN when he realized Emi wasn't with him. Ox went to get his shoes and tried to pull me to to door with the expression of "Mom. Dad forgot Emi. We need to go rescue her". Little dude wasn't being reassured AT ALL that Emi was fine, was with Grandma, and we were here, and everything's okay.

As a distraction, I went downstairs and grabbed the Lego kit I'd picked up for his birthday present. Downwood sat with him and helped him build the construction machine. Ox calmed down eventually. While the boys worked on the lego, I went down and sewed together some of the fabric Ox and I picked up. Ox now has a Thomas pillow on his bed. Emi has a Spiderman pillow with glow in the dark webs.

Then it was time for bath and bed for little dude.

We called Grandma to see if Emi was settling in okay. Emi. Was. FINE. In fact, she was so fine that she was bouncing and shrieking "BUBBLES! BUBBLES! BUBBLES!" when we asked what they'd done. Apparently, bubbles were involved. And riding her tricycle. And reading books. And having dinner. And everything else.

I have two VERY different kids. It is becoming more and more apparent. :) This is kind of cool.

Today - I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something. I'm very tired and grumpy and the jerkbrain is loud. I miss my Emi. Ox was still totally snoozy this morning when I left. I went in and told him good morning anyway, since I do that for Emi when she's still sleeping when I leave.

I'm angry at myself for not being more productive with my time. I'm saying bad things to myself for not knowing when we're going to get to Faire this year. I'm calling myself names because of money management issues. I put on clothes and think things are okay and then I look in the mirror and can only think cruel things.

But I made it to work. I have tea. I have a coworker who commiserated with me on the fate of a character in a story we both love. I have Jane Austen on my Kindle. I finished my audiobook ("How the White Trash Zombie Got Her Groove Back" - 4 stars), so I can download a new one.

I have henna and nail polish remover. I finished my Mensa daily puzzle easily. I will get tasty lunch. I can maybe try to leave right on time and swing through JoAnn's for fabric Downwood requested (he's jealous of the kiddos' new pillows). There's dance tonight. I can make a post with all my sewing projects and ideas. I have a new episode of KUEC for tonight.

It's going to be okay.


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