Oct. 17th, 2016 02:29 pm
sabine: (Default)
Thursday - Med check at noon. I took a half sick day after it and just went home. I was headachy, but mostly just needed the mental health break.

Parent-teacher conferences went well. Both kids' teachers are happy with them. Alex, in particular, is so far beyond where he was last year, that his teachers are overjoyed.

Friday - Dressed up for Formal Friday in a vaguely western/steampunkish ensemble. I was happy with it. Came home and collapsed. We thought Emi had Girl Scouts, but our Google calendar tricked us. That was all to the good, as she didn't end up eating much dinner and probably would have been ultra-cranky at the end of it.

Saturday - Alex's cold kicked into high gear. Emi melted down about going to tap, but had a good time once we got her out of the house. I worked on work issues (upgrade happened in the wee hours of Saturday morning), CS homework, cleaning the kitchen, and sewing. I've made a good start on Hogswatch presents.

Emi and I made a tuna-noodle casserole that both tasted good and was safe for EVERYONE to eat. Alex had a couple noodles, but then asked for plain noodles. It was too weird to have all the things mixed up like that, but he tried it. So it was a win.

I ended up going to bed at halftime of the UW game. I am tired and need sleep.

Sunday - Homeboy was pretty miserable. Emi had been begging and begging, so we finally took our fall trip to the apple orchard. The walk from the entrance to the trees exacerbated Alex's asthma and he was totally miserable. Emi and I picked some apples and we were off. Fastest orchard visit ever. Still, we got some good apples, some fresh apple cider, and Emi got to go into their food area and buy some cider all on her own (Alex didn't want to go in, just wanted me to hold him, so Emi stepped up and was awesome).

I got all my laundry done and most of my homework. I still have a couple of bugs to work out of the homework and it's due tomorrow, so I'll be doing that instead of anything fun tonight. I got some sewing done and some more cleaning done. Alex just wanted to lay on top of Mom, so my productivity took a major hit. Still, I got enough done that I didn't beat myself up about it at the end of the day.

Today - zomg. Everything is on fire and full of bees. People across the country are panicking at me. I'm still kind of in a mode of  "Behold the fields in which I grow my fucks. Seest thou that they are barren?". My Calming Voice is getting a workout today. I haven't rolled a 1 on anything yet and my aura of "Magic of Tech Support" has already given me a couple of free saving throws.

Also, I'm tired. Alex isn't sleeping well, so neither are Downwood and I. Ugh.  But I'm wearing my new Nyx "soft matte lip cream" in Monte Carlo. It's a lovely bright red, though the matte texture is taking a little getting used to.


Oct. 12th, 2016 09:56 am
sabine: (Default)
I'm writing a political screed in iambic pentameter. Because why not.

I am frustrated with my current Comp Sci class. I do not enjoy lectures with this professor.

I am deeply enjoying Summer in Orcus (http://www.redwombatstudio.com/portfolio/summer-in-orcus/). It is lovely. I'm waiting to see how it ends before I start reading it to Emi. Because I know my girl and how she overreacts to "scary" things.

Alex was up at 4 this morning with an asthma attack. I got him calmed down enough to use the nebulizer, then Downwood got up and sat with him until that was done. My brain didn't want to go back to sleep. So I got a giant coffee this morning and am now fighting off the waves of anxiety that come with overcaffeination.

I signed up for NaNoWriMo. Because, clearly, I'm insane.

I've already worked two miracles this morning. One of the recipients will never give the thanks that are due. The other will be ecstatic. Because yeah.

I need a Mental Health Day. Because all the things above.

I have ambitious sewing projects planned for Hogswatch. See above about insane.
sabine: (Default)
Thanks to a stellar performance on my final programming project and the good graces of our professor applying a very, very slight curve, I'm sitting at a 4.0 GPA. EVERYBODY HAPPY DANCE!

I've received my official assignment for my Werk Conference of Doooom cosplay. During the massive Tuesday night shindig, I'm the Queen of Hearts! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! I don't have to be QoH the whole week if I don't want to. I have permission to be both Cheshire and White Rabbit if I so choose. MWAHAHAHAHA! Now to negotiate with my official costumer and buy bunny ears.

Kid birthday party is Sunday. I have a Google Doc with lists of things to do, find, clean, buy, and prep. This is how I roll. Our allergy-friendly menu will be hot dogs (Emi only), chips, fruit punch, and sno-cones. I'm tempted to make some Rice Krispy treats, just to have something in which to stick candles. I have face paint, glitter tattoos, DIY bouncy balls, sidewalk chalk, and the entirety of the park to run around in. And lures for the Pokestop that's next to the shelter.

I've spent nearly an hour and a half on the phone with a customer that's not mine. I'm the expert they need, though, so I'll stay on the line. I am both the voice of reason and the voice of experience. They're at a better place now than when their tech manager called me in a panic, so it's all good.

My EC Boom!Box is on the way. I'm SO EXCITED to see what I get! Mystery makeup!!

I'm listening to the Iron Druid Chronicles again. I'm on Hammered and things are starting to go horribly wrong for Atticus.

As always, I have too much to do at work, but I'm doing okay with it so far. So far. We'll see how the rest of the week goes.
sabine: (Default)
Less than a week to go in my Comp Sci class. Final exam is next Monday. Am I ready? Not in the slightest.

Work is crazy. There are so many competing projects and priorities and people panicking over nothing.

School starts relatively soon. We haven't done our shopping yet. We haven't done enough to encourage Alex and the potty. I'm not home much and would rather snuggle than scold when I *am* there. The house is a wreck and I don't have the spare energy to do anything about it.

Coffee with the dance ladies on Sunday was nice. It was good to see friends and get out of the house.

I've been good about getting away from my desk for lunch every day. WoofTrax tells me that I'm walking between 1-2 miles daily. More on the weekends, natch, but even on weekdays I'm usually getting a mile or 1.5 in. I'm also level 17 in Pokemon Go. These things are related, as is the ache in my left hip and ankle and the sudden increase of freckles on my forearms.

We thought my car was seriously broken, but it stopped making the scary noise overnight. I need to call to have the mechanics fix a known issue anyway. But I'm pretty much out of money for the month, thanks to the OMG!Urgent fix at the start of the month.

I started listening to a book that Audible and other review sites assured me was hilarious. I had to turn it off because I was so uncomfortable for the characters. I identify too much with social awkwardness and get really embarrassed for the characters. This happens with books, TV, movies, etc. I can't step back and find the things funny that 90% of other people do. Wacky hijinks based on misinterpreted social cues don't amuse me - they cause me distress.

I have a ton of things on my plate at work and none that I want to do. I *want* to go home, sleep, do some homework, sew, and read a book that I know won't cause me mental anguish (currently, "Beauty" by Robin McKinley. So good).

Just...feeling overwhelmed, tired, and stuck. I'm trying to take the steps to take care of myself, but it's hard. Everything's hard.

friday yay

Jun. 10th, 2016 01:02 pm
sabine: (Default)
Lots and lots and lots of anxiety feelings today. I slept in, so I'm actually feeling rested, but I'm heading to the airport in a couple hours. This creates massive anxiety that I then get to deal with. What if I get there late? What if I miss my flight? What if something goes wrong? What if I can't find my carpool people? What if the hotel didn't actually get reserved? What if I lose something in transit? What if something goes wrong at home? What if the kids get sick? What if Downwood gets sick?

Downwood and the kids came up to have lunch with me. We walked around the new buildings and had a good time. I got to hold onto both kids and get big hugs from them. They left to go get their swimsuits - it's supposed to be 90 today, so they're going to go swimming. I already miss them.

And my phone has been ringing off the hook. My patience with today's shenanigans is wearing thin.

Less than an hour and I head to Dallas. Whee.


Jun. 7th, 2016 02:11 pm
sabine: (Default)
I am no longer scared of my Comp Sci class. I am daunted by the amount of work, but not scared. This is all going to be well within the realm of Things I Am Capable of Doing. It's interesting and - according to others in the software industry - will serve me well. I have done my "Hello, World!" in Java, which made me very happy and proud of myself.

Also, as I sit here and iterate through the code I'm writing to help out a customer, I can see that I already have a lot of the skills that the prof wants to teach us. The willingness to test over and over. The ability to think critically about how I'm going about something. How to logically debug one step at a time. And did I mention going through it over and over?


I'm getting more serious about planning a trip to Costa Rica for next year. It seems like a better and better idea. Maybe late next summer. Maybe next Thanksgiving. We'll see.

I'm doing a better job of exercise. I'm trying a "30 for 30" challenge for the month of June - 30 pushups (wall, because I'm a weakling), 30 crunches, 30 squats, and a 30 second plank. I'm also letting my Fitbit motivate me to get up and walk throughout the day and to get in workouts during the week. I have no idea if this is helping or not. My goal is to be healthy and to not fall over dead when I finally get to go back to dance class.

My swatches from SilkBaron came! So many bits of orange silk! Choices!!

Today is Emi's last day of school. She's nearly a SECOND GRADER. How is she so big already? Time seems to pass in a flash these days. Next week starts swim lessons. The week after that is summer school - she gets to take yoga and Maker Space. I haz a jealous. The week after that starts her summer dance classes.

Alex slept better last night. He was up when I got home shortly after 9, but went to bed without too much of a complaint after that and stayed in bed the rest of the night. We'll see if this continues.


Jun. 6th, 2016 11:21 am
sabine: (Default)
Alex has been having problems sleeping. He'll go to be at his usual time (~7:30), but will then wake up very sad sometime between 9 and 10. Then he gets up another couple times throughout the night. Sometimes he comes in and wants hugs. Sometimes he just stays in bed and sobs. When he's that upset, he loses his words, so we don't actually know what's wrong. I have a suspicion that he's hitting a growth spurt and isn't eating enough food to support it. Whatever the case, it's making morning hard on Momma, Daddy, and Alex. Luckily, he's done with school for the year so that he can get some extra sleep in the morning.

We walked down to our little Farmers' Market in the park on Saturday morning. The kids made a beeline for the sandbox and swings. Downwood and I got coffee and were able to browse the stalls in relative peace. I visited the library to change out exercise DVDs. Then we walked downtown. We stopped at the bakery for bread (for grownups) and drinks (juice/water for everyone!). We then hit up two of our small businesses to get presents for grandpas for Fathers' Day.

Emi has developed a rather alarming habit of bursting into tears at the slightest provocation. Instead of saying that she's upset or asking for something she wants, she immediately starts crying. Not sure where she's getting that, but we talked about it and she's going to try to do better. I told her that I would try to listen better, but she will probably still hear "No" at the same frequency.

Sunday was quiet. Downwood mowed the yard and smoked a brisket. I dyed my hair and finished my Comp Sci homework. I also finished a pair of swim bottoms and have a swim top about 70% done. Not sure how cute this is going to be on me - I think I need to modify the legs to have a slightly higher cut on the thigh - but it's an accomplishment.

I'm still not reading books or listening to audiobooks. I'm still stuck in some fairly negative mental loops. But it's not all negative and things will continue to change. Just...I'm tired and I want it to change FASTER.
sabine: (Default)
Jerkbrain is trying to tell me that I'm fat, lazy, useless, and awful. Logicbrain and Headspace brain are fighting back.

I was in Florida for work from the 14th to the 18th. I then had to cram the rest of my customer work into Thursday and Friday, since I'm out all this week, too (work, then recovery). Over the weekend, I did yard and house work, made rhubarb jam, and did science experiments with the kids on Saturday. On Sunday I did a metric ton of laundry, hemmed a bunch of things*, cut out a new dress (another Megan romper, but a dress), and took my family to the movies.** We got the kids signed up for their summer programs. I also packed because work trip today.

Also, I not only got my steps in on both weekend days, but used the exercise bike while doing my Spanish. So there.

Yes, I'm chubby. I like ice cream. I've also had two babies and work crazy hours. I'm getting healthier and am trying to make better choices. I need to be a good example for my kiddos, but not preach to them (like my mom did me). It helps that I know how to make clothes that fit my body as it is now, which makes me feel pretty.

Um, HELLO?! While in Florida last week, I may have told a sysadmin that I didn't care if it was hard to fix, he just needed to do it. I also pulled together the things we'd need on the database side to fix it. And wrangled the other vendor into helping. All with a smile on my face. This week is going to be mostly answering questions and keeping everyone on task. And going to a baseball game with my team. Go Cardinals!! Woo!

Also, I got all the laundry done, folded, and sorted. I didn't get it all put away because the kids were already in bed, but I got it done.

Also, I need to pay UW for my summer classes. This is the first time in my college career that I've actually had to pay, so it feels a little weird.*** I'll get most of it reimbursed at the end of the summer, but it's a good chunk of cash up front. It'll be worth it, though.

Nah. I could be a better person, but so could everyone else. I've just finished the Change pack on Headspace and it was SUPER helpful. Very, very good tools. I'll do that one again later. Now I'm onto Pro Pack Two, then Creativity. I'm working my way through Duolingo Spanish and am getting exercise while doing it. My hamstrings are terribly mad at me, but they'll get over it.

My kids are generally happy and healthy. I spend time with them and am actively trying to not warp them in the same ways I'm warped. All new mistakes = my goal.

* - Capri leggings with attached skirt for Emi, T-shirt for Alex, Ruffle skirt for Emi, Cut-off shorts for Emi (huge hole in knee = cutoffs), Cut-off shorts for me (too-short pants = cutoffs). I have skillz.

** - I was originally going to take Emi to see the new Jungle Book, but decided to take all of us. Alex did okay, but got squirrelly toward the end. He's four. It's to be expected.

*** - Community college in HS was covered by the school (I ran out of classes to take). Undergrad was covered by a full-ride academic scholarship (I r smrt). Grad school was covered by lab work. Yes, I know how lucky I've been. I also worked my butt off for most of it, but I'm still very, very lucky.
sabine: (Default)
I took the entire time of the con - Friday through Monday - off of work. Here's how it played out.

Original plan had been to head up to the con, grab badges, and go to the "It's My First Con" panel. I didn't do this. I really should have. Instead, I ran to Target and Aldi for the things we needed - snacks for us/kids, pull-ups, basic tank tops, etc.

I got to hang out with Alex a bit, then my folks swung by our house and picked him up for the afternoon. I gave Mom her birthday, Mother's Day, and Thanks For Doing Our Taxes gifts (Julia cardigan; custom tote, hand lotion, treats; two new kitchen knives). I met them up at their hotel in the evening and we chatted for a bit. Then it was off to Emi's recital.

2 hours into the recital, Emi's group finally went onstage. She was act 19 out of about 40. Good things: they kept the show moving. No announcers. No introductions. Just continuous music. Bad things: I am SO SPOILED for good dancing. Srsly. I'll give most of the kids passes because kids, but even the senior solo showcases made me sad. So much badly performed modern dance. So. Much.

After the show, Mom, Emi, and I went swimming for a bit. Then we talked for a bit longer. Emi and I got home about 10. 

I didn't get to go to the social at the Con. That makes me sad, since the reports of the freaking amazeballs costumes were numerous and jealously-inspiring.

We got up reasonably early, but didn't get moving very quickly and ended up getting to the convention just before 10. I wore my Moneta-modded Queen of Hearts business casual dress. I also wore my playing-card-teacup fascinator. Every compliment I got the whole day was due to the hat, but it's tremendously adorable, so I'm not sad about it.

I had lots of costume inadequacy feelings. Still do. There were SO MANY lovely, complicated, gorgeous costumes and mine seemed half-assed by comparison. The panels were either very good or very bad, but I got good information out of each of them, DESPITE some of the presenters. Electrical wiring and lighting, corsetry, pattern modification, linothorax, historical weaponry, and something else that I've forgotten already. 

Downwood and I got a hotel, since we were trying to use this weekend as a minor vacation. When we checked in, I realized that I hadn't packed any of my meds. Not good, especially since one of them is the only reason I ever sleep. Ever. I fought off the anxiety eventually, mostly by calling a nearby Walgreens and asking if they could get me a refill before closing. They could. Hooray!

We had dinner with RH and sister and teacher M. It was very tasty. We compared purchases and swapped some stories. Everyone was impressed by my magical lipstick. This stuff claims to last for 24 hours and DOES NOT LIE. My bright red lips are perfect from morning to evening. So much love. 

We ended up not going back to the con for the evening event. It was the stage show/masquerade. I had too much latent anxiety and not enough People Points to deal with it. Instead of being inspired, I'd just be sad and depressed. So we bought pie and went to the hotel's free happy hour. The bartender gave me something fruity and very red. And strong. Gods bless good bartenders.

Woke up astonishingly early, mostly due to having an early night and not getting interrupted by kids or anything. It was quiet, dark, and the bed was super comfy. The coffee sucked, as did the water pressure, but you can't have everything. 

We drove home and rescued Grandma from the kids and gave her our Mother's Day gift (custom tote, hand lotion, treats). We then went out to brunch for Mother's Day. One of the restaurants in town does a very, very good brunch. Emi ate about two pounds of shrimp. I had more pastries than is healthy. So good.

We then got dressed up and went back to the con, kids in tow. Emi wore the Wonder Woman dress I made her. Alex wore the fleece tabard and knight hat I made and "carried" the sword and shield he got at the last Ren Faire (he claimed to carry them, but it was usually me or daddy). I wore my Carmen Sandiego getup. Downwood pulled on the full Faire gear, including chainmail and leather surcoat. He also put our very expensive, very sharp swords in a rifle case. He wanted to show off his maile and swords to the arms and armor museum guys.

I got to drool over RH's blue and purple steampunk awesomeness. I got to catch the tail end of a Victorian Fashion Evolution presentation. I also got to watch an Underwear Through the Ages presentation. I also drooled over a steampunk Snow White and Aurora duo. So luscious. So ruffles. So color.

I got to see Emi go totally fangirl over first a good Merida (Brave) and then a truly amazing Anna (Frozen). The Anna cosplayer was PERFECT. She knelt down and talked to Emi totally in character. Emi was enthralled and ended up totally convinced that Frozen is a documentary. If I'd had ribbons or other awards on me, I would have given that Anna all of them, just for how she interacted with my kid.

We were only at the con for a couple hours. There wasn't a whole lot geared toward kids specifically, so they didn't have an overall fantastic time. During my underwear session, Downwood introduced Alex to the con suite. There were snacks he could have (carrots and grapes) and people to make friends with. Emi played on my phone.

The vendors were great. My money went POOF!GONE. I bought some random trim from the Jawa bins (everything a dollar, dig until you find something you like). I bought a drawstring threader and swastika measuring guide (terrible description, but accurate. It's an amazing little tool). I got some iridescent snowflake chiffon for Emi and some yellow-gold chiffon for me. I got a book on how to work with Spandex for superhero costumes. Since it was near the end of the day Sunday, I got a deal on Con-engraved pint glasses. I almost bought a set of buttons with gears embedded in resin.

I also bought a pattern for the single-pattern contest next year. And a pair of memberships for next year's con. Now I need to figure out how we're going to get to Toronto and thence to Costume Con 35 next April. And beg someone to stay with the kids.

We spent the evening hiding at home. The kids were tired from the day. I was tired from the day. Downwood was tired from the day. I did a bit of laundry and passed out early.


Slept in. Woo! I got to snuggle Alex and read lots of books. And be totally silly with him. Woo!

Did all the laundry that I would normally have done yesterday. Went up to JoAnn's while Downwood took Alex to the grocery store. I got superhero, utility, and accessory fabric and supplies. I have PLANS, yo.

We picked Emi up at school and had a late lunch together at Culver's (all hail Early Release Mondays!). While I folded clothes, Emi read to me.

I've done both my Spanish Duolingo and meditation. If I meditate tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, I'll get the 180 day streak achievement. Woot!

I've hemmed and sewn the side seams on a petticoat and the ruffles. Now to gather and apply the ruffles, then pleat the petticoat to the waistband. It's a very basic petticoat that should work well under a variety of long skirts.

I'm nearing the time when I need to head up into Madison to go to dance class. I don't particularly want to go back to work tomorrow, but I'll have to leave early to go to both therapy and my monthly maintenance massage.

I'm trying to focus on the things that I did well this weekend. I'm struggling with it, as usual. My jerkbrain is loud and likes to focus on all the ways that I screwed up and was unproductive and a bad person and a worse mother.

I only have until Friday to get all my things done this week. I fly to Florida very early Saturday morning and don't get to come home until Wednesday night. Also an anxiety trigger, but what can you do.
sabine: (Default)
Thing I did - Have finished both my business casual dresses - Queen of Hearts and Cheshire Cat.
Thing I did - Submitted a claim through Etsy to get the person to whom I paid money for Cheshire ears and tail. I've not heard a single word from him/her since I paid. I am resigned to not having these in time for the con.
Thing I need to do - Either find a heart purse on Amazon or go to the store and get some wooden pieces to put together to make a heart scepter. Also, E600 my teacup fascinator to a headband and it's done.
Thing I need to go - Get my Glow Cloud costume bits consolidated. Raid Emi's stuffed animal collection.

Thing I did - Got Mother's Day gifts for both my mom and Downwood's mom.
Thing I need to do - Finish decorating my last linen panel, then sew up the gift bags. I couldn't find any canvas in my stash, but I found some natural colored linen. I have Sharpies. I have mad Zentangle skills. I think you can see where this is going.

Thing I did - Worked from 1:45-3 on Saturday. AM, not PM. Felt pretty miserable all day Saturday as a result.
Thing I did - Got my hair cut Saturday morning. Just a trim to freshen up my layers. My next one's in June and I'll probably have her hack off a bunch of the length then, since it might be summer. Maybe.
Thing I did - Got a new tattoo on Saturday. It's a lotus and it's intensely lovely. It's on my left shoulder and I've decided it's the start of my sleeve. I'd been thinking about sleeving my right arm, but my peacock is so glorious that anything else seems unnecessary. But I can do a bouquet of flowers down my left arm. Yus.

Thing I did - Hemmed a pair of capri leggings for me.
Thing I need to do - The rest of the hemming from that batch of sewing. But first I broke my needle, then when I got out a new one, my bobbin decided to be terrible. So I rage!quit and haven't gone back to it. I also need to go buy more ballpoint needles.

Thing I did - Made my aerobic exercise goal for the week, according to Fitbit. I've found that I can use our stationary bike and do my Spanish Duolingo homework at the same time. Two birds, one stone.
Thing I need to do - Keep it up. Keep pushing myself to do better.

Thing I did - Got permission from work to start taking Comp Sci classes.
Thing I did - Applied to UW to be a "Special Student"
Thing I need to do - Continue waiting patiently for them to process my application. Then, assuming they accept me, get registered, pay tuition, buy books, all the college things.

Thing I did - Figured out the rules for "No Thank You, Evil". Got Downwood, Emi, and Alex through char gen. Ran a small adventure for Downwood and Emi (Alex wandered off).
Thing I did - Explained to Emi what "meta-gaming" and "power gaming" are and why she can't just add new gadgets to do things for her whenever she runs into a snag. Downwood was an excellent role/roll model for her. Surprisingly fun for all of us.
Thing I need to do - Come up with an idea for the next adventure
Thing I need to do - Find a date/time for our grown-up gaming group to meet

Thing I did - Backed out of going to my half-sister's graduation party. I'm going to be in Miami 5/14-5/18 and St Louis 5/23-5/26. My sanity won't allow me to try to shoehorn a trip to Iowa and Kansas in there from 5/20 to 5/23. Not going to happen.
Thing I need to do - Buy a gift card. Mail it.

Thing I did - Found fabric in my stash for new dresses
Thing I need to do - Adjust the sleeves on the wrap pattern to be a bit more snug. Or just put a contrasting cuff on it. Or fix it. See if I can convert a short sleeve to a flutter sleeve for my Moneta pattern. I think I know what to do, just not sure how it will look.
Thing I need to do - Cut them out once I update my patterns.
sabine: (Default)
I have finished my business casual Queen of Hearts dress. It is insanely adorable. My playing-card-teacup fascinator just needs me to get a headband to put it on and it's done, too. Super adorable cuteness.

I have nearly finished my business casual Cheshire Cat dress. It is fun and wonderful - my favorite Moneta bodice in purple with a full circle skirt in purple/fuchsia stripes. I need to hem the skirt and it's done. I also badgered the Etsy seller from whom I ordered ears and tail. Very fun.

I took 2 yards of a space-dyed spandex knit and have turned it into a ruffle skirt for Emi, skirted capri leggings for Emi, a t-shirt for Alex, and capri leggings for me. There's about 3 inches left that I can use for bindings or waistbands in the future.

Emi is feeling better. She got to go to a late night Urgent Care appointment Sunday night with her 105.1 fever. They tested her for various things and sent her home. Fluids, Tylenol, Rest. She's staying home again today - must be 24 hours medicine- and symptom-free - but is pretty much back to normal.

Work has approved me to take the Introduction to Programming Comp Sci course this summer. It's Monday nights from 5:30-8:30. I haz a sad that I won't get to dance, but a happy that I may be able (eventually) to transition to a role that has intrigued me for YEARS.

I'm doing a good job of changing one of my home habits. Now, instead of doing my Duolingo at the table or on my computer, I take my phone to the exercise bike. I learn Spanish and get a bit of a workout. This is working and I like it.

I wore my M4M Megan Romper/Dress to the BUW show. RH was dutifully impressed by the sorcery of the wrap top - even if I lean completely over, it doesn't gape. Truly astounding.

The BUW show was full of extremely high highs (Fritha! Zils!) and low lows (Costume!WTF?, Fetishwear, What is this I don't even?). I love my friends. I didn't go to the workshop and I think I'm glad of it. It was a very, very late night.

The thing I'm writing for/with Downwood? 138.5k words. Holy buckets.

I now look weird to myself in the mirror if I'm not wearing lipstick of some kind. The color doesn't really matter - I'm just used to seeing lips that stand out somewhat from the rest of my face.

I've purchased a pattern from one of my favorite designers (P4P). For a bikini. Yes, I'm going to try to make myself a 2-piece swim suit. I'm having too much fun playing with color combinations on Spandex World. I'm scared, but some of the pattern testers have bodies similar to mine and they look good in their suits. I will try this thing. I may fail, but I hope not.

And now we return to our regularly scheduled programming.
sabine: (Default)
Jerkbrain is being loud. To drown it out, I feel the need to list my accomplishments from the weekend.

In no particular order:
  • Got to go to Med Hookah with Downwood. Got to sit with lots and lots of friends. The conversation was good, the service was INCREDIBLY SLOW, the dancing was good. Like, we got there at 7:30 and got drinks. We didn't get drink refills until 8:30 and didn't get our food until after 9. No bueno.
  • For going to Med Hookah, I dressed up. I did full makeup, including getting to use my new eye shadows from Espionage Cosmetics (https://espionagecosmetics.com/makeup/the-browncoats-collection.html). I also pulled out a somewhat springtime dress covered in bright sunflowers with a reasonably trendy neckline (https://www.colettepatterns.com/catalog/myrtle).
  • I decided I didn't like any of my other spring dresses and made a new dress for Easter. I found several yards of a floral print on what I think is a scuba knit. It's a minty teal with white flowers. I'm guessing it was from Girl Charlee, but I don't actually remember. I made yet another adjustment to my favorite dress pattern (https://www.colettepatterns.com/catalog/moneta) and had a custom fit, very pretty dress for Easter.
  • I got to go to Easter Brunch with Downwood, kids, and MiL. Emi ate ALL THE SHRIMP. Alex ate the snacks that we packed. We didn't want to risk cross contamination with other foods for him. I drank mimosas and ate probably too much. I didn't need dinner later. It was delicious and fun. The kids are generally very well behaved in restaurants, which helps make outings like that enjoyable.
  • I made muslins of both my new M4M patterns. I finally figured out the shoulder fitting issues I was running into with the shirt (http://www.madeformermaids.com/product/mamamya/). I also got lucky with my test run of the dress (http://www.madeformermaids.com/product/meganpattern/). I made a peplum top, since I didn't want to commit the fabric required for a dress. Downwood loves it.
  • I did lots of laundry. Three loads on Saturday and five on Sunday. I am very glad that we have an HE washer and dryer.
  • I read a little bit, including finishing Seanan McGuire's new book. I am torn. While the book got disjointed in the last 1/4, it was an accurate reflection of the inner turmoil of the 1st person narrator. I still enjoyed it and am very much looking forward to the next book with our third and final narrator.
  • My MiL liked her birthday presents. I made her a cardigan. I also found a set of fancy dishes on Zulily. She has had fancy Christmas dishes and now she has some fancy summer plates and mugs. Covered in flowers, yo. COVERED in flowers. Very much her style.
  • I finished up the Happiness pack on Headspace and have started on the Stress pack. Stress seems to be yet another visualization pack, using the same imagery as Balance and Self-Esteem. It's good, though. I need the practice.
  • Emi and I continued to crush our 30 Day Plank Challenge.

See, jerkbrain?! See?! I did a lot of things and did them well! Nothing to be ashamed of! NOTHING!
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  • I'm getting good at Zentangles. I'm nowhere near as good as most of the blogs and I don't really want to pay the $k to become a Certified Zentangle Instructor, but I like it. Downwood wants me to post a picture with some of my favorite ones and a quarter to show the scale. He also thinks I should point out that I'm doing all this with office supplies stolen from werk and not actual art supplies.
  • The thing Downwood and I are writing is at 95.5k words. So. Close.
  • I have fabric for business casual Cheshire Cat and Queen of Hearts dresses. I have patterns and fabric picked out for a formal QoH dress. Because reasons.
  • I've been practicing making teacups out of playing cards. I have roughly 60 packs of cards I can use for crafting. So far I've made two cups, each not quite what I was hoping for. Getting the angle on the cards for the cup is harder than it looks. Also, E6000 is scary stuff. It's my new favorite crafting aid.
  • I'm sick and tired of being exhausted all the time. And of having at least one of the kids being sick. Saturday, Alex crawled into my lap for a snuggle and decided that was a good time to throw up everywhere. It will be a glorious day when the kids are old enough to be able to run to the bathroom and throw up IN the toilet.
  • I've been trying to fix a thing since Friday. Someone at the customer site did something Not Good several months ago and they just went live this weekend, so now they've noticed it. I was on the phone on Saturday and pretty much all of Sunday afternoon. I worked on it this morning for a couple hours, too. IT'S FINALLY FIXED, OMG! http://reactiongifs.com/?p=23411
  • I like colored lip balm. I have a couple of favorites now. I also have a text file called "Lip Balm Reviews" on my desktop. I don't wear other makeup on a daily basis, but I've started to enjoy having colored lips. I've also had to get used to having lip prints on my cups. So that's a thing.
  • Today is Pi Day! There will be pie in about 40 minutes. This is a good thing.
  • Work sucks. Life does not suck. Work is not life. Yus.
  • I took Emi to see Zootopia. We had the theater with the recliner seats. I also talked to the concession people and they went to the back to read ingredients for me. Turns out that Emi can have movie theater popcorn WITH "butter". Super awesome.
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My team at work has decided that we need to be happier. So we have the Happiness Initiative. It's based off of a TED talk that posits that if you do certain things every day, you'll improve your overall happiness. These things include meditation, exercise, listing out gratitudes, journaling, and performing small acts of kindness. I'm participating in this because I can always use more happy.
  • I'm doing the meditation because meditation is awesome. I'm nearing the end of the Self-Esteem pack and I think it's helping.
  • I'm doing the journaling because I found an app that gives simple prompts - what are you thankful for, what are 3 good things about today, what would make tomorrow better, etc.
  • I'm doing the random acts of kindness by inflicting art on others. Every day at work I choose one of my zentangle art cards. I pick a person on our team and write them a note on the back of the card. I then either give them the card with no explanation or just leave it on their desk to find. This gets these cards out of my office and has made people smile.
I'm not doing the daily exercise. I know it'd be good for me, but I'm so out of energy it's not even funny anymore.


Alex is sick. He got hit HARD by the head/chest cold that Emi brought home from school last week and shared with me. I still feel a little puny, but I've been mostly functional the whole time. Alex started running a fever Sunday night and started having trouble breathing. We went to the dr on Tuesday, who prescribed a nebulizer for albuterol instead of just his inhaler. Getting the damn machine was a bureaucratic NIGHTMARE that Downwood finally got figured out yesterday morning. Little dude gets to go back to the dr today. He's not getting better. He may get to have another vacation at the hospital. We'll see.

We're still waiting on the results of Downwood's EEG. He may or may not have a seizure disorder. We'll see.

Emi has Pokemon bribes to do better at school. If she does her homework without being asked, she and Daddy will play a game of Pokemon at the table. If she passes her reading checkout tests on the first try, she gets a special card. She loves math and science, but has trouble with reading and wanting to do well in it.

I'm tired. I went to bed really early last night, but still feel unrested. No me gusta.

I'm worried about my friends. I feel like I can't do anything other than offer stupid platitudes. Maybe we need to go out for coffee again. Maybe we should move our coffee date to Milwaukee to bring in more friends. Stupid winter making everything seem bad.

friday yay

Feb. 5th, 2016 03:09 pm
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It's Friday! Woo!

Tonight is for dropping the car off to get fixed, dinner with friend, books, and buying of ice cream
Tomorrow is for Ice Cream For Breakfast Day, calling Mom to sing Happy Birthday, and picking up my car from the fixers.

Downwood and I just passed 50k words on this thing we've been writing. We started it on 1/6. Therefore, we won a NaNo.

KUEC just said, in response to someone on Twitter wondering if there are dildos in Star Wars, "Anywhere there are humans, they have invented dildo technology! Humans are just like that." I'm laughing too hard to breathe. Now they're discussing the anthropology and archaeology of dildos. I. can't. breathe.

Work is making me crazy. Whatever.

Emi has a pretty nasty chest cold. She shared it with me. She's been pretty miserable lately.

Alex is trying new words and new sounds every day. He's becoming more and more vocal. It's an amazing, wonderful thing.

I've done a good job (I think) managing anxiety this week. Meditation is helping. I'm very much enjoying the Self Esteem pack so far! 15 down, 15 to go.

My zendoodles and zentangles are becoming popular-ish on Instagram. Actual artist people seem to like them. Enormously flattering.

Friday. Yay!
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This weekend was not good for anxiety. My hormones did their monthly BURN IT DOWN, SALT THE EARTH thing. I'm handling anxiety better these days, but still needed some Xanax to get through the worst spots.

There were highlights, though.

I did a lot of drawing. Emi drew with me.
I did some reading. Alex demanded the same couple of books over and over.
I got a pedicure.
I did a ton of laundry.
I sat on the couch in my Star Wars mermaid blanket and wrote on my laptop.
I made brownies. And bacon. And tea.
I talked to my sister.
I helped build a Lego Millennium Falcon. Then put Maz and her lightsaber into the cockpit.

So, not a terrible list of accomplishments. There was a lot more I probably should have done, but this is enough.

This week already looks kind of awful on the "have to do things other than hermit in my house" front:
Monday - Therapy. Then dance. Then drive home with several fresh inches of snow.
Tuesday - Collapse in my usual Tuesday fog
Wednesday - Haircut
Thursday - Maybe, MAYBE go to a Crochet Club meeting thing.
Friday - Collapse?

small joys

Jan. 19th, 2016 09:12 am
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Alex didn't want to get out of bed this morning. So snoozy. When we have to get someone out of bed before they're ready, we'll say that they're "not done on both sides". This is something I remember my grandmother telling me. Alex wasn't even done on one side this morning. He finally staggered out of his room just as I was getting ready to go. He held his arms up and just wanted hugs. He laid his head on my shoulder and refused to let go. So we hugged for a long while.

Our family xmas present from my in-laws was a piano. It's a full keyboard and has all sorts of electronic effects. It has very high reviews on Amazon. The kids are enthralled. Now we need to find a teacher.

It is Tuesday, so I had an extra coffee this morning. Small skim almond latte for the win!

I have only two sessions left in my 30 day Anxiety pack on Headspace. It has helped. I haven't had to take the Xanax in a while! Woo!

My Fitbit thinks I didn't have any active minutes yesterday. My Fitbit doesn't understand me. The Saidi choreography that Teacher M's putting us through is ZIPPY. Holy buckets. Also, my phone is convinced that my Fitbit is out of battery. There's a lot of miscommunication going on here.

I don't have pockets today so I'm not going to refresh my lipstick. Still, I put it on this morning, so that counts toward my resolution.
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I am wearing lipstick today. It's almost exactly the same color as my lips normally are, but with a gold shimmer. It still counts toward my resolution.

I got to play Lego with Alex yesterday afternoon. He got to do a color consult on a tangle I drew. He proved that he knows more words: door, locked, on, off, big, small, tea, pee.

Downwood gets to have a couple more MRIs and a seizure test. The neuro folks are concerned, but not worried.

My anxiety hasn't seemed so bad lately. This is a nice thing to realize.

Downwood and I are up to 13k words in this game thing. It's starting to be a respectable story. He says I'm a better writer than he is, especially with dialogue. I said that I read a lot more than he does and I've been reading aloud to the kids for a while. There may be other ways to learn about voices, but it's a pretty good one.

I haven't been able to sit and read lately. My attention span isn't working for it. I can sit and write, which is incredibly weird, but I can't read.

My silver Alegria mary jane heels continue to be stompy and sparkly and awesome.

I may be getting some of my responsibilities shifted at work. This will be a good thing, as it'll let me get back to doing other things that I love.

I made my will save against buying new fabric just because it was on sale. I am victorious!
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It's snowing. Has been for a while now. Gorgeous fluffy flakes. It looks very slippery. I'm not enthusiastic about going to dance and driving home very late through this.

The weekend was good. We had friends over for board games on Saturday. Pandemic killed us quickly. The Shadow Over Westminster killed everyone but the Templar, who turned out to be working for the Darkness all along. Templars!

Sunday was for laundry, taking down the Christmas decorations, cleaning, and trying to not freak out about the upcoming week. My dad sent us a gorgeous beef tenderloin that Downwood cooked to PERFECTION. It was amazing and wonderful and all things good.

Alex spent the weekend showing off his new words. He has lots. This is an amazing thing. We always knew that he had a lot to say and now he's able to share some of what's going through his head.

Emi spent the weekend being demanding and difficult. She gets bored easily and isn't good at it. She'd rather have us entertain her than try to entertain herself. This is unpleasant for everyone.

Downwood and I spent the weekend doing chores and writing in a game we've played off and on over the years. We're at 9.1k words, which is nothing to sneeze at.

I feel like I never get enough done on the weekends. I have TWO WHOLE DAYS to be productive and I just don't manage it most of the time. And then I start imagining catastrophes and feeling bad about how I expect the upcoming week to go. And it just doesn't feel good. I'm doing better at spending time with the uncomfortable feelings, labeling whether I'm thinking or feeling and whether it's pleasant or unpleasant. It's a trick from Headspace and it's helping.

And it's snowing harder. 1.5 hours until I make the call on what I think the roads will be like after 9. Ick.
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Emi came into our room this morning and woke us up. Usually this means she wants to snuggle, she had a bad dream, she had an accident, or something else. Today's 5:20 AM crisis was different.

"I think I lost my tooth."

Downwood's glasses had fallen under the bed, but he managed to get up and check her out. Sure enough, she lost one of her bottom teeth, though not the one we were expecting to come out next. He checked the clock and told Emi that she missed the Tooth Fairy cutoff time, so she'd have to wait until tomorrow. He put the tooth in a shot glass of water (our family's tradition - none of this mucking about under pillows for our fairy) and checked her pillow and bed for any blood.

He got Emi settled and came back to bed. About 10 minutes later, Emi came and crawled in with me anyway. When my alarm went off, she stayed snuggled into my warm spot. She got up not long after and watched cartoons and showed me the hole where her tooth used to be.

After coffee and light box, I was getting in the shower and went to turn on Alex's light. Little dude apparently decided that PJs were unnecessary and was sleeping in only his Pull-ups. No blanket. No sheet. No clothes. Dingbat kid.

And now I'm at work. I have plot bunnies for a AU game. I caved and got a fancy coffee, so now I'm very caffeinated. I'm wearing my shiny shoes and a peacock scarf. Life does not suck.


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