sabine: (Default)
I'm out of practice and habit of posting. I'm reading everyone, just not making any of my own contributions to the hivemind. The holidays are hitting me hard this year with exhaustion and hermitage and illness.

Both kids started coming down with head colds right before Hogswatch. I now have their colds. This is no fun.

We made a tactical logistical error in our Hogswatch travelling. We first went to Iowa to spend a couple days with my family. We then went straight to Illinois to hang with Downwood's family. On our way home from there, the back of the car was packed to within an inch of its life. It was impressive and reminded us why we don't make multiple visits - too much stuff to bring home.

Yes, the kids made out like bandits. Again. They got legos, dolls, giant fluffy blankets, clothes, and many other things. Downwood and I got a selection of lovely things, too. The gifts we gave seemed to be taken well, so that was a nice feeling. I also got many compliments on the dresses, leggings, and shirts that I made for myself and Emi. 

And there was food and booze. And both kids went on hunger strikes, eating maybe one meal a day. Maybe.

We still haven't been able to see Rogue One. Nor have we been to see Moana or Sing. I want to go, but haven't felt up to leaving the house more than absolutely necessary lately.

I came back to work yesterday. I don't have another vacation scheduled yet to look forward to. The Evil Empire only closes for actual Jan 1, so even though my counterparts will likely all be off on Monday, I'll be here.

I'm tired. I know I've accomplished things, but I couldn't tell you what. I'm ready for the holidays to be over and things to go back to "normal". Whatever that is.
sabine: (Default)
 When I get out of the habit of writing here on a semi-regular basis, it seems like a very hard thing to come back to it. Like, I get anxiety and stress about it, so I avoid it. Yay, me?

It's December. It's cold and dark. The societal pressure of the holidaze is upon us. 

Also, the world is continuing to fall apart at the seams. What the hell, 2016? What the hell?

My hair is amazing. This short reverse bob thing has continued to be a good decision. I'm spending more time on my hair each day, but I'm way happier with the results. 

Work is still crazy. This is neither new nor surprising.

I have a whirlwind trip to Dallas on Monday and Tuesday of next week. How whirlwind? My plane leaves at 7 Monday morning and I get back about 5 Tuesday evening. Yeah. I'll be in Dallas for about 26 hours. This is somehow a good use of my time. I has a confused, but am resigned to my fate.

This weekend is for maybe freshening up the henna in my hair, sewing, and coffee with the girls...assuming we don't get Snowmageddon on Sunday again this week.

The next weekend will be in Illinois. Again, assuming no Snowmageddon. 

Then the next weekend is Thanksgiving. I decided that we're grabbing a nearby hotel room instead of trying to find a place to sleep at Grandma's house. It'll be better for Alex, especially, to have a quiet place to retreat to. Also, my folks are grabbing a room in the same hotel, so we could maybe even split up the kids between the rooms if necessary. We'll see.

We'll be home on the 26th. I have a pedicure on the 28th and work on the 29th and 30th.

Then it'll be January. Maybe 2017 won't be quite the dumpster fire that this year has been. Or maybe it's gonna be even more "hold my beer, watch this" than 2016. Who knows? 
sabine: (Default)
Hogswatch was largely good. I had lots of holiday anxiety, but got a lot of sleep and even got some things done around the house! I did lots of sewing, a little reading, some video game playing, and many, many snuggles. We watched a TON of Mythbusters - the Science channel had a mega-marathon of every episode ever and it's Emi's favorite show.


Hogswatch eve and day were at home and quiet. The kids were excited by their gifts from us and from Santa (coloring books, colors, books, small toy, candy). Emi LOVED the princess dress wardrobe that I made for her. Alex LOVED the wooden train pieces that I got him. Downwood loved the Star Wars PJ pants I made. We smoked chicken and salmon for dinner, but didn't really treat the day as a super-special thing.

By boxing day, I needed to get out of the house a bit, but not really be in public. So I went for a walk in the cold drizzle when the full-on rain stopped. I took the kids with me. Emi wanted to run and race. Alex jumped and stomped and splashed in every puddle he could find. It was fun, wet, and exactly what I needed.

We got our second big snowstorm of the year on the 28th. That happened to be the day I needed to drive up in to Madison for therapy and med check visits. I'd been planning on going to get a coffee in between the appointments, but I didn't want to go back out into the ick. So I sat in the lobby, drew a tangle, and read a book for the hour between the visits. I then went to the grocery store since I was already out. When I got home, I couldn't get my car up the driveway. Not an awesome end to the day, but not the worst thing ever.

Tuesday was Paint Nite with Au and RH and Au's little dude. The venue was cramped and kind of awful. I won't go back. But the chocolate martini was lovely, the painting was fun, and I love my friends. Also, RH liked the plaque I made for her and remembered the joke it's meant to commemorate. Life is good.

Emi got to have her first-ever real optometrist appointment. The appointment was early in the morning on NYE. She was super-awesome and impressed both the tech and the doc. She also has perfect vision. It was a good start to the day. Afterwards, we hit the drug store and the grocery store. Downwood and I spent our usual quiet NYE at home. We had terrible snacks (this year it was my fault), played some games, and I decided that the ball dropping in New York was a good enough midnight for me.

New Year's day and weekend we spent in Iowa with my family. It was mostly good. I ate FAR too much junk food, but didn't get too much in the way of awful from my mom. She was on good behavior, so I was, too. I got to hang with my sister and give good gifts. My daughter kidnapped my cousin and convinced her to play ponies for HOURS. I got to see Alex playing with my BiL specifically to annoy my nephew. He knew what he was doing, too, the stinker.

And now I'm back at work. I've made my resolutions and have started taking the steps to achieve them. The kids don't like getting up for school (big surprise), but Alex has discovered that Momma will read a book before she leaves for work. I'm tired and very glad that the holidays are over. We need to take down our tree and lights. I want to get back to sewing on my Star Wars pea coat. I also want to consider seriously working on my Victorian underthings. I won't get this done before the costume convention, but I'd like to get started.

Life does not suck. My brain doesn't always agree with me, but I'm in a better place than I was 6 months ago, which is a relief.
sabine: (Default)
In an effort to appear more like I have my act together, I've been walking around today with the posture I'd use if wearing a big flowy cloak. I also have had Darth Vader's march playing in my head. These things are related.

Too many things have gone 'splody today. I needed to buckle down and get work done, but SO. MANY. INTERRUPTIONS. Very frustrating.

My notebook at work is slowly filling up with intricate doodles. I'm okay with this. I like making pretty things.

I have presents yet to wrap. This is troubling. I have no presents yet to buy. This is validating.

I will leave work today and go to the bank like a mother-fucking adult. Our holiday bonuses aren't direct deposited and I'd like to pay off a good chunk of my credit card debt. I will go to Walgreens and pick up my prescriptions. I will go to the grocery store for provisions for the upcoming weekend.

I will then go home and not leave until Monday. I can do some sewing, some reading, play some Guild Wars 2, and crack open all the Kickstarter games that are piling up everywhere. I won't have to wake up with an alarm clock until the 31st - Emi has an early morning eye appointment. I'll continue working through the Anxiety pack on Headspace. It's a different mental practice than some of the other cognitive behavior therapy techniques I've been taught over the years. This is relaxing and doesn't seem to be adding to the anxiety in my head. This is a good thing.

I'll see my sister in a week.

I need dis.


Dec. 20th, 2015 08:09 pm
sabine: (Default)
 We went to my in-laws' this weekend for xmas #1. On the way out of town Friday night, it started snowing. The weather forecast said NOTHING about snow, so we figured it'd pass.

It. Got. WORSE. It took a very, very long time to make it to our usual dinner stop outside of Rockford. Downwood was driving and had such a blood pressure spike that he couldn't function the rest of the night. Super slow driving, super dangerous roads, super DUMB drivers. I mean, really, if your van loses a WHEEL, don't leave your van IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD. If you absolutely couldn't move your car, at least PUT ON YOUR FUCKING HAZARD LIGHTS SO DRIVERS KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE.


We got to McD's and got food. I got internet. I found that if we wanted to throw in the towel, we could grab a hotel room and continue on in the morning. I also found that the snow was ONLY in a 60 mile wide band stretching the width of the WI/IL border. If we kept going, we'd be fine. 

I took over driving. The roads sucked until we got about 15 miles south of Rockford. Then everything was fine. 

The kids were wired, of course, and didn't want to go to bed. The 3.5 hour drive took about 5.5 instead. It was not fun.

The weekend was good. There were tons of presents. The kids were/are ecstatic. My handmade gifts were received with pleased gratitude. I got exactly what I wanted (new boots and a new fitbit). My MiL bought us tickets for Star Wars and watched the kids while we went out. 

I wore my new Darth Vader dress. And my new black boots. I looked pretty darn good.

The movie? Yes, there are problems with it, but OH MY GOD A NEW STAR WARS MOVIE THAT DIDN'T SUCK AND HAD DIALOG THAT SOUNDED LIKE HOW REAL PEOPLE TALK. I loved it. Rey is my favorite. Finn is awesome. Leia is still the strongest of all of them. There were lasers and light sabers and the Force and I was home.

Emi and Daddy will go see it during her school break. She's thrilled.

We got a fairly late start today, so we got home late. I drove the whole way and then had to start unpacking and laundering clothes when we walked in the door. I'm run a bit ragged right now as a result.

Everyone else is sleeping. Downwood still feels terrible, so went to bed early. I need to switch laundry around a couple more times before I can go to bed. I've written thank you notes for the gifts we've received. I ordered pizza. I mediated disputes. I held Alex while he threw up everything we finally convinced him to eat - dude has a head cold and feels icky.

I'm tired. This was not a relaxing trip for me. 

I have three days of work. Just three days. 24 hours of being at my desk. Then I'm done for the year.

I can do this. 

sabine: (Default)
I'm having a high anxiety day. Travel this evening is getting to me. Also, I have far too much to do.

To make today be a little better, I'm listening to "Hogfather" again.

Many of Sir PTerry's books talk about Big Important Concepts underneath a layer of silly and jokes. Of these, the two that are the most important to me are "Hogfather" and "Small Gods". Small Gods talks about organized religion and faith and makes very good points about both.

Hogfather, though, talks about belief and faith in concepts instead of gods. It's about holiday traditions and what it means to be human. It's hilarious and wonderful. My paperback copy has a bunch of little scraps of paper in it that mark pages with interesting or important statements.

If you've never read this book, I won't spoil it for you. It's well worth reading, especially during this time of year. It would help if you'd read any of the Discworld novels in the Death arc, but it's not necessary.

If you've read it, you will enjoy the long, long list of quotes on the Goodreads page for this book.

Happy Hogswatch, everyone. HO. HO. HO.
sabine: (Default)
I bought a new iPhone charger from ThinkGeek. It's a string of Christmas lights. It is glorious and makes me smile when I look at it.

I will be finalizing packages to send to PA and TX tonight. I will probably delegate the actual visiting of the post office to Downwood, but I will have the gifts out of the house and on their way to make far-flung friends happy.

I have a haircut and brow wax tomorrow after work. WOO!

I will be re-henna-ing my hair on Saturday. Sparkly hair for the holidays!

We have gaming on Sunday. Will be able to hand out xmas presents, too. Though I didn't get one of them finished. Oh, well. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It'll be fine.

Somewhere this weekend we'll have to bottle the Saison de Noel. I MUCH prefer the brewing to the bottling. Bottling is no fun. But bottling this weekend means we can drink it on xmas. And that I'll have enough room in the Brewing Closet to start a batch of Innkeeper Ale and a test batch of Cranberry Mead.

Only 10 more work days and then a long break.

Also, the book I was listening to ("Off to be the Wizard") had a main character who was being a dumbass. So I put it back and started re-listening to "The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making". This was a good decision
sabine: (Default)
Work is being annoying today. I have things to do that are monotonous and annoying. They need to be done, but they're not fun or intensely interesting. And I have to log in at 9 pm to do some work that ABSOLUTELY MUST be done after hours. Tomorrow will require more coffee than usual.

I have 11 working days left until my xmas break. I'm really, really looking forward to this.

Downwood racked my amber ale from the primary fermenting bucket to a carboy today. As he was prepping all the stuff, Alex ran back to the den and brought my new 1-gallon test batch equipment in. He tried to set it up so that he could do what Daddy's doing. So cute. He'll get to help me when I put together my 1-gallon test batch of cranberry mead. I don't want to commit to 5 gallons when I'm not sure this will work. We'll see.

I made it all the way through dance last night. The choregraphy is a Reda/Yousry mashup that's delicate and deceptively fast. My lungs didn't fall out. WILD SUCCESS!

I'm slowly filling up my work notebook with elaborate doodles. Intricate doodles. Mehendi-inspired, Zentangle-inspired, fantastic doodles. Art helps. It's centering and meditative.

I put on new Espionage Cosmetics nail wraps today - Treasure Map. I haven't seen the glow in the dark easter eggs yet, but I will later tonight. I don't actually love this design on my nails though...they're an antiqued parchment color that's just not working with my bleached porcelain complexion.

Life does not suck. It's frustrating and sometimes boring and worrying, but it doesn't actually suck.


Dec. 7th, 2015 01:53 pm
sabine: (Default)
I'm still sick, but getting around better. I should probably go to the doctor at the end of the week if I'm still rattling and hacking. My cough is pretty darn impressive.

Thursday evening was Emi's winter concert. Alex won't be in it until next year. Since I'm sick and Alex goes to bed early, he and I stayed home and watched the livestream of the concert, texting my mom as we all watched together from our various living rooms.

Did I mention our rural elementary school livestreams important events - concerts, graduations, and the like? Because it totally does. I love living in the future.

Friday was mostly for coming home from work and dying. So tired.

Saturday was mostly lovely. I didn't get to sleep in, but I got to get things done when everyone was still sleeping. Downwood took the kids grocery shopping and left me alone in the house for 3.5 glorious hours. I did my meditation, drank tea, and did a lot of sewing on xmas presents.

I also didn't get to sleep in on Sunday. I woke up coughing and went out to sleep on the couch. I don't think I was out there long before Emi and Ox were up and bouncing on me. Ugh. I love them, but no jumping on Mom when she can't breathe.

We put up the Christmas tree. Ox was BESIDE HIMSELF with joy. SO EXCITED.

I did a lot of laundry and frantic sewing. One of our friends with small kids is facing a possible entire lack of presents from Santa. I was already going to send them something, but decided to make some more things. Luckily, I had enough fluffy warm fabric on hand to make a mermaid tail blanket for each girl.

Then Emi wanted to wrap presents. This was not fun for me. I had to bring all the wrapping stuff upstairs. Then I had to go through all the presents and pull out everything not for our immediate family. And get it sorted. And then teach Emi how to wrap. And how to spell "Grandma". And every other name in our family.

Not. Fun.

But all the presents to go to our families are wrapped. All the presents that need to be mailed are wrapped. The presents for the friends mentioned above have no From names on them, the better to be from Santa if necessary.


I'm having my usual winter anxiety and mental upset of the holidays. It's not so bad this year, mostly. I have days and hours where the anxiety's getting to me, but it's not quite as constant as I remember it being.

Reasons for better mental state this year: meditation, art, therapy, new anti-anxiety meds.

I'm trying to shut down the negative thoughts and be more at peace with who and where I am. It's not easy. Coloring and drawing are helping. Sewing is helping. Not setting up intricate travel plans is helping.

I'm REALLY looking forward to the week between xmas and New Years. There will be psych appointments. There will be Paint Nite. There will be sewing. There may well be sleeping. There will be games to play.

I can do this. I can make it through this.

I can also re-listen to some of my favorite books. That helps.
sabine: (Default)
I went home shortly after noon yesterday. I drank tea and soup. I sat under a blanket and colored. I waited for my fever to peak and break. I disappointed both kids when I couldn't read to them because my voice and throat hurt too much. I slept for about 11 hours straight.

Today is better than yesterday. I'm able to sit up and mostly eat, drink, and talk without pain. Mostly. I still have a terrible cough, so I might tell Emi that I'll be watching her holiday concert online from our house instead of giving these germs to half the town. If I watch from home, then I can also get Alex in bed on time. Everyone wins!

The dentist this morning pronounced my teeth and gums to be in fine shape. They also took a picture of the roof of my mouth and throat to have a record of all the little red dots, indicating that I probably have a cold, sore throat, and cough. My hygenist didn't scold me for not flossing, but she did mention that it's apparent that I'm drinking more coffee and tea. Oh well.

I'm feeling really scattered today. Some of it is still being sick. Some of it is seasonal anxiety. Some of it is that there's far too much to do and I have very little drive to get it all done. I want to be at home with some tea, a coloring book, a fuzzy blanket, and my kids. And my sewing machine.

...have to put up the xmas tree this week. And wrap things. And package things to be mailed. And and and and and and and ARGH
sabine: (Default)
But I am sick and distracted and frazzled.

Things I have recently learned and/or experienced:
  • Thanksgiving was awesome. It's my favorite holiday. There's no pressure for gifts or fancy costumes (though I do love me a fancy costume). I just have to cook good, simple food and have my house clean enough that there are places for people to sit. The food was delicious and our people were great. It was wonderful.
  • This year's emergency call to [ profile] bexdragon wasn't for butter, bread, or any of the usual items. It was for super glue. For first aid purposes. Yes, I managed to slice my thumb open pretty badly while prepping veggies. Bex was a hero and bought superglue for the sealing of the wound. It's healing nicely.
  • In related news, Emi learned that she shouldn't play with super glue. She glued two of her fingers together and was sobbing because it was instant and hurt to pull them apart and then the glue wouldn't come off her fingers. She learned some important lessons, but I told her it was okay because she told me the truth about what happened and she didn't glue her finger inside her nose or eyes and she didn't glue her buns to the toilet seat. She laughed and things are okay.
  • I think I'm done with my holiday shopping. I'm waiting on some things to be delivered, but I think I'm done. This is good. I have a couple things yet to make (princess dresses and mermaid blankets), but those are pretty easy. Now I need to wrap all the things. Ugh.
  • My kids are wonderful. Alex is getting new words and sounds. He's trying SO HARD to communicate. Whew! Emi is a bundle of drama. There are moments when I regret having kids - mostly when our child-free friends go on spontaneous vacations - but then they do something cute and I'm glad I'm their Momma.
  • I have a chest cold and feel icky and my voice is dropping octaves. I want to go home at noon so I can rest and not talk. And sew.
  • I've been working on Things To Make Me A Better Human. These include: continuing to use Duolingo daily, but switching to Spanish instead of German, using my coloring books and colored pencils, making Zentangles, making elaborate doodles with colored pens, and learning meditation. I think I'm in a better place because of all these...and a new anti-anxiety med. I'm now on a regime of LOTS OF MEDS, so I need to find the other things that will smooth out the edges of my mental state and let me remember what "relaxation" feels like.
  • Meditation is interesting. I'm using the Headspace app. I bought a year membership so that I'd commit to doing this daily. So far, it's been a nice thing. I'm worried about how I'll get the time when we're visiting family, but I can use it as a "I need to lie down" moment and hopefully maintain my calm. I have a voucher for a free month if anyone's interested. Voucher claimed on FB!
  • Dance is good. We're working on a choreography that is mostly gentle, 1970s-style. Lots of Reda. It's a nice change from the OMG!DRAMAH of the last piece.
  • Work is still work. Lots of things to do and my levels of cope are low. No bueno.

sabine: (Default)
All ads that say "Thanksgetting is coming" can DIE IN A FIRE.

stay good

Nov. 18th, 2015 08:44 am
sabine: (Default)
I will not impulse purchase more cute clothes. Yes, retail therapy feels good. Yes, I like looking cute. Yes, I have far too much stuff and I don't need to bring more into my life before I KonMari the hell out of my bedroom.

I will actually try the meditation app I downloaded. I can find 10 minutes in my day to be quiet and reflective. It won't be the same 10 minutes in the same place daily, but I can commit to this for 10 days before getting a subscription.

I will try to not stress about presents. Presents don't have to be perfect. I don't have to find the exact thing that will show that I understand a person, care about them, and know what's lacking in their life. "Good enough" is, in fact, good enough.

I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be good enough. I have to try my best at things, but I need to keep a sense of humor and relaxation. Perfect is a lie. Pinterest is a lie. Advertising, movies, and TV are lies.

I need to remember how to relax. Coloring books are awesome.

I will do the things that make me happy. I will do the things that let me try to be better than I am.

I will attempt to let go of worry and fear and anxiety. I may not succeed, but I will acknowledge that these feelings exist, that I have them, and that I don't actually need them most of the time.

I will read with my kids. I will give hugs. I will praise, smile, and be a good enough momma.

I will not flip out about the pile of things one of my customers just emailed me for a meeting in 68 minutes when I have another meeting for the 60 minutes directly before that meeting. Eep.

first xmas

Dec. 22nd, 2014 09:13 am
sabine: (Default)
We went to Iowa over the weekend to celebrate the holidays with my mom's family. I ate far too much, particularly cookies. I don't want to see cookies again for a while. Oog.

Everyone was as warm, welcoming, loving, and family as always. We played cards, watched basketball, dodged the kids who were having an all-out Nerf battle - including Emi who now wants "guns" of her own, and talked. Emi and Ox were both thrilled with the presents they got. I'm getting to the point where I really like getting things that I can use up. Like, say, the GIANT box of coffee my sister gave me. I'll use that and then won't have to have a place in my house to keep it.  This is why I encouraged Emi to look at the jellies and mustards when she was picking out presents for Grandma and Grandpa. It's just where we're at.

We got home shortly after 5 Sunday evening. Both kids slept most of the way back, which was lovely. I got zero alone time, of course. At least I didn't have anyone walking into the bathroom to say Hi, like I do at home.

Came home and checked my email to find a very generous Amazon gift card from my father. I promptly cashed it in for a new car seat for Ox (one that can convert to a booster when he's a bit bigger) and new flannel sheets for both kids. Practical, yes. Necessary, pretty much. I also bought some lotion ingredients to try to blend something that will help out the kiddos more than straight coconut oil. Not necessary, but I think it will help.

I'm having mixed feelings about the weekend. I'm so glad to have seen my family - especially the ones who live far away. I'm sad that the visit was short and was bracketed by long car drives. Someday, I'd like to move back to the Des Moines area...or convince my family to move here. I'm exhausted from enforced social time and herding of small children. I'm happy that the presents I picked out went over well. I'm feeling guilty for not spending more time with them. My back is really mad at me from the not-comfortable bed and the car ride.

I'm looking forward to having some time off work. I have to be at my desk until 5, then I'm off until January 2. I'm not exactly mentally present today as a result. I tried to trick my brain into work mode by dressing up - nice sweater, my green Mabel pencil skirt - but it's not really doing much to help. I'm tired, anxious, and sad. I'm looking forward to getting a massage tomorrow morning and having a date night tomorrow night.

Just...lots of holidaze free floating anxiety. Lots of feeling beseiged and beset. Lots of digging deep for new stores of patience and understanding. Lots of just wanting to be alone for a while. Lots and lots of stress, mostly self-imposed. Ugh. Holidaze.
sabine: (Default)
Here's how my last couple of days have gone:
Yay! My code works! I'm amazing!
Argh! It doesn't work! Everything sucks!
Hooray! I figured it out!
AAAH! Now something else isn't working!
Whew! I got it!
Noooo! It doesn't work. I suck....
Hey! I fixed it! I'm a genius.

Repeat. Over and over.

I have a giant dev project that I need to get the dev done before I head out for Hogswatch, so I'm cramming a couple weeks' worth of work into a couple days. It also happens to be in an area that I'm not an expert in and something that I didn't want to write in the first place. So there might be a little bit of bitterness there, but it's getting done.

So today is my last Wednesday of the year at work. All I have left is some documentation and some administrative work. My code works, does everything that it needs to, and it's pretty cool. So there's that.

Things to look forward to: No more of the choreography that I really didn't like. Mom family xmas this weekend. Vacation starting on Tuesday. Ink appointment moved to Friday. Also, soon it will be the solstice and days will be getting longer and my SAD should get better.


Dec. 8th, 2014 12:57 pm
sabine: (Default)
Last week at werk was hard on me. Just a lot of everything all at once. This week is shaping up to be no different. Guh.

Saturday morning, we packed up the kids and went to get their annual portraits taken. Both kiddos handled the waiting well. We were early, the place was insanely busy, and then they had to wait while I picked out the pictures. The pictures turned out pretty well. Ox was initially uncooperative, but after he saw Emi hamming it up, he was okay with it. We went out to lunch after and due to the slow service and overwraugh kids, I was DONE. So we went home. Talked to Mom, did some sewing, and sorted out all the gifts I've purchased into piles based on how I'll get them to the recipients (mail, IA trip, IL, here in town, etc).

Sunday was supposed to be for sleeping in, but the kids decided against that. Instead, it was for laundry, wrapping, and setting up the tree. And then yelling at the kids to Leave The Ornaments And Lights Alone, Darn It. I went through a roll of wrapping paper and promptly bonked Emi on the head with the empty roll (moral imperative). I didn't get the sewing finished that I wanted to. I also didn't get my new skirts and dresses cut out, so I won't have cute new things for xmas with the fam. That's fine, though. I have LOTS of clothes. We also got some GW2 played, some snuggles in, and some books read.

SPEAKING OF BOOKS, I'm reading an awesome one. "The Drunken Botanist" by Amy Stewart. It's $1.99 on Amazon *and* Nook right now and TOTALLY WORTH IT, especially if you like plants, booze, non-fiction, science, or any combination thereof. Super awesome and well worth the two bucks.

Things to look forward to this week:
  • Dance tonight. (Positive thinking about the new song and choreo. Thinking positive thoughts. Yus. Positive thoughts.)
  • Moar gift wrapping
  • Reading more of this fantastic book
  • Finishing sewing on the last couple impulse gifts.
  • Hair cut on Wednesday!
  • Manicure on Saturday!

And a former minion was willing to take my key card and go get me a lunch from the cafeteria. So I'm fed and much happier now.

Also, anyone know of a good online sheet music store that sells gift certificates? One of my favorite people is retiring from her organization and I want to get her a practical gift she'll use. She loves her piano, so I thought this would be a good thing to do. Anyone in the Collective know of a good, reputable site for this?

sabine: (Default)
  • Work is eating my brain. The constant interruptions and OMG!NOW crises are mostly just annoying me instead of causing me heartburn and anxiety. Not that constant annoyance is any more productive than constant anxiety, but at least it's different. My jaw tends to hurt by the end of the day, though, which can't be good for me.
  • My immune system is letting me down. I have the dry, dry sinuses and scratchy throat that indicate Bad Things to come. I'm getting lots of vitamin C and am trying to get lots of rest, so hopefully my system will figure out what it's meant to be doing and things won't suck long term.
  • I went out on Black Friday to two small businesses and three chain stores (coffee, fabric, tarjay). I went out on Small Business Saturday with Emi and visited five small businesses in our town. Cyber Monday saw me spending money online for tights, lotion, and geek toys. Giving Tuesday ended with me sending money to feed people and cheer sick kids. Of all these, I think the last group of payments were my favorite to click Accept.
  • Dance class on Monday was interesting. We were going to start a choreography to a very, very traditional folk piece full of LOUD folk instruments. Teacher M's brain bailed and refused to give forth the motifs for the new song, so we just ran through the dabke number a couple more times to solidify the ending and get the step patterns back in our heads. I'm okay with this, as I'm not a huge fan of this new song. I'll dance it and do my best but it's not something that makes my heart go pitter-pat.
  • I made an infinity scarf from impulse-purchased fleece. For Downwood. Now he can't even use the excuse of "But my neck will be cold" when I ask him to please, please trim back his beard to something reasonable.
  • I'm re-reading some of my favorite Tamora Pierce series. Totally worth the time.
  • I need to start wrapping gifts. This will let me get packages ready to be mailed. I also have to finish my pledge from January for "comment and I'll make you something" people and get those mailed. Am a slacker. Boo.
  • I'm in a very bad overall mental place right now. Some of it is that it's dark and cold outside. Some of it is my perfectionist jerkbrain making everything SO IMPORTANT that things be PERFECT for EVERYONE this holiday season. Some of it is other personal interactions being bad. Just not good. Had a meltdown on Sunday when nothing was good, I couldn't do anything right, I was completely out of spoons and People Points, and I just wanted everyone to BE QUIET. It was not good.
  • I've made appointments for the kids to get their annual pictures taken and for me to get my annual shellac manicure. These were easy to check off the list.
  • My last day of work for the year is the 22nd. That's less than 3 weeks away. That's good. My Iowa family holidays will be the weekend before, which may suck for timing, but I'll get to see my sister and nephew, so it will be at least a little good. Downwood's Illinois family holidays are a little up in the air. There should be some time in there for crafting, books, and gaming. It should be okay. Probably won't be, but should be.


Dec. 20th, 2013 03:37 pm
sabine: (Default)
We're going to be staying home this weekend. The combination of Snow/Icepocalypse and kiddos still not feeling well has proven to be too much.

Honestly, I'm a little grateful. I really wanted to go, but I feel so unprepared - even though I have all the lists ready and stuff lined up - that it's calming to just go to the store tonight, get stuff for the week, and have some relaxing days with my kids.
sabine: (Default)
So Downwood and I are trying to figure out this coming weekend. The original plan was to head to his mom's house Saturday morning and spend a couple leisurely days with her. There are two complications with this.

Complication 1 = Health
We all have a cold. Typhoid Emi brought a virus home from school. On top of the virus, she's now working on getting rid of a bacterial infection. Ox is mostly okay, but throws up at night because he's swallowed so much mucus throughout the day. Downwood has a sore throat, I have sore throat and deep, hacking cough. We're all on the mend, but not at 100%.

Downwood's grandma isn't doing too well. His mom is the primary caregiver for her mom. She - totally understandably - doesn't want to get sick and then give it to Grandma C.

Complication 2 = Weather
We're supposed to get some freezing rain here overnight, which is to be starting just before I head home after my shellac manicure and ending sometime tomorrow morning.

Starting tomorrow and going through Sunday, Illinois's supposed to be getting ice storms.

I really want to go. I love seeing family at holidays. I love giving gifts. I love letting my kids play and play. I love my mother-in-law.
I also love being alive and not having a car in a ditch. I also don't want to cause pain or suffering to his family by passing on our germs.

We haven't decided yet. I've made my list of everything that needs to get in the car if we choose to leave tomorrow evening early, at the butt-crack of dawn on Saturday, or not at all.

Sigh. Being a grownup kind of sucks. Where's my teleporter, dammit! I want to just be there without the trouble.


Dec. 3rd, 2013 09:45 am
sabine: (Default)
Teacher M decided that since December is Month of AAAAAHHHH!, she's going to reprise one of her "Greatest Hit" choreographies each week. Something that she can teach us, start to finish, in an hour and change. Last night, she brought out "Jimellah" - the beautiful choreography with the super long backbend in the middle. After the end of class, we ran through "Elements" - including the ending that I'd not yet learned (eek) - a couple times. M wants to video it to give to another group to perform (drat) and wants us to be able to do it justice.

Today, my upper back is threatening to secede from the rest of me. I have a good idea of why and am telling it to just shut the hell up, it was worth it.

I also woke up this morning to a blond boy with a BIG grin staring at me. Someone figured out how to get out of his room and that it's fun to scare Momma in the morning. So I started the day with big hugs from my little dude. It was awesome.

I can't believe it's already December. I have so many things I want to do/make - glitter Zen bottles for friends, these nifty quilted bowl things I found, Downwood's present, some other gifts. I need to wrap All The Things and decide which of the things for kids will be from Santa. Santa doesn't wrap gifts in our house. Gifts just show up on the couch (no fireplace) in piles with the appropriate initial on a sheet of paper.

Anxiety levels are high today.
Sadness levels are low.
Stress levels are medium. Manageable, but if I get a crisis dropped on me, I'm going to freak out.
Hug levels are good.
Glitter levels are extremely high. All hail the glitter jar!
To Be Read pile is skyrocketing. Only 3 weeks until vacation and I can read and read (hopefully) and craft and read.
Caffeine levels are tragically low. Send coffee. Stat!


sabine: (Default)

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