things

Apr. 12th, 2016 10:13 am
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Teacher M is down with my plan to start a Comp Sci certification program this summer. Anything to make me more stable and happier in my job is a good thing, especially since I don't plan on quitting. My health insurance is amazing, yo, and I need it.

Back in January (I think), I was working on a wearable muslin of a pea coat pattern. I kept thinking that it'd be okay, but turned out to completely not fit. So I took it to class last night and had ReplyHazy try it on. It fit and I told her it was hers. She has to sew on the buttons and cut the button holes, but everything's there. I am sort of sad because it's totally awesome, but I don't have the energy to take it apart to make it fit better. I know more for next time, that's for sure. And RH is super cute in it. And she can appreciate the total nerdery of the somber exterior and kind of silly lining.*

I did a bunch of yoga over the weekend. It felt nice, so I'd like to keep doing this. I didn't have the energy this morning, though. Tuesdays are hard. Maybe after work. Or something. I just need to get more active again. I'll feel better.

Werk's Spring Conference of Minor Doom is this week and next. Our culinary options are limited, since we're feeding all the extra people instead of the usual employees.** I bought bananas and granola bars to have at my desk to help with the limited menus. They're still sitting at home on the kitchen table. I has a sad.

Dungeon Roll is the current game of choice for Downwood and me. It's us against the dice instead of us against each other, so it doesn't end with hurt feelings (he crushes me in pretty much every game we play ever). It doesn't take forever to set up.*** Also, Emi and Alex can roll some of the dice to help, but they don't yet understand that they can't then manipulate the dice until Momma or Daddy has decided what to do about the current layout.

I cracked 125k words on the writing project I'm sharing with Downwood. The plot thickens and the characters are about to have a series of very bad days. Mwahahahaha.****

I caved and bought all three new flavors of peanut M&Ms. None of them suck. I was surprised. The Honey Nut are standard peanut M&Ms, just a bit sweeter than normal. The Coffee Nut ones have a nice coffee bitterness to them. The Chili Nut ones have a surprising amount of heat on the back end. Downwood claims that the red Chili Nut M&Ms have more heat than the other colors in the pack. Clearly, I need to eat more M&Ms. FOR SCIENCE.

I've been wearing tinted lip balms for the last couple months and I love it. My current favorite is Neturogena MoistureSmooth color stick in Rich Raisin. I feel pretty.

My officemate has been in the office the last two weeks. She's been on the phone and loud pretty much constantly. She was going to be out this week and I was excited. Then she cancelled her trip because of things on fire and full of bees. I am disappointed.

I'm wearing my new dress from this pattern. I'm wearing a tank top under so that the v-neck is more work-appropriate. It's comfortable and cute, which is nice.

----
*Star Wars. It's mostly lined in flannel with a lovely navy contrast print on lapels and cuffs. Totes adorbs.

**Not bitter, truly, just annoyed that my usual routines are disrupted. They're moving my cheese and I do not approve.

***I'm looking at you, Pathfinder card game. You're fun, but SERIOUSLY.

****A lot of guys ignore the laugh, and it's about standards. I mean, if you're gonna get into the Evil League of Evil, you have to have a memorable laugh. What, do you think Bad Horse didn't work on his whinny? His terrible death-whinny?
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Headspace tells me that meditation leads to making better choices. Would it be wrong of me to comment on certain YouTube videos that they should really try some meditation?

small joys

Jan. 19th, 2016 09:12 am
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Alex didn't want to get out of bed this morning. So snoozy. When we have to get someone out of bed before they're ready, we'll say that they're "not done on both sides". This is something I remember my grandmother telling me. Alex wasn't even done on one side this morning. He finally staggered out of his room just as I was getting ready to go. He held his arms up and just wanted hugs. He laid his head on my shoulder and refused to let go. So we hugged for a long while.

Our family xmas present from my in-laws was a piano. It's a full keyboard and has all sorts of electronic effects. It has very high reviews on Amazon. The kids are enthralled. Now we need to find a teacher.

It is Tuesday, so I had an extra coffee this morning. Small skim almond latte for the win!

I have only two sessions left in my 30 day Anxiety pack on Headspace. It has helped. I haven't had to take the Xanax in a while! Woo!

My Fitbit thinks I didn't have any active minutes yesterday. My Fitbit doesn't understand me. The Saidi choreography that Teacher M's putting us through is ZIPPY. Holy buckets. Also, my phone is convinced that my Fitbit is out of battery. There's a lot of miscommunication going on here.

I don't have pockets today so I'm not going to refresh my lipstick. Still, I put it on this morning, so that counts toward my resolution.
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I put on eye makeup, but forgot lipstick. Bleah.

The new Star Wars Legos are AMAZING. Downwood bought me the set with the Maz minifig. Best husband ever. Considering spending some Christmas money on more sets. There's one with a minifig of GENERAL ORGANA. Be still, my fangirl heart.

Dance last night was good. The choreography is very zippy. I'm continuing with my "walk like a Sith" approach to body language and posture. It's still dreadfully amusing, especially when doing tush pushes.

Almond lattes are wonderful.

I found some note cards in the supply room that are entirely blank on one side. I've started doing my work zentangles on those in addition to my lined notebook. I try to post something daily to Instagram. It makes me really proud when "real" artists "like" my pictures. I'm very proud, especially when I go to their feed and look at their amazeballs work.

My "Ms Zero" nail wraps are finally giving up. I put these on over New Year's Eve, so I've gotten a pretty good run out of them. They're really pretty and I'll totally buy them again when they go on sale. Emi lost her mind when she saw that I had Elsa nails.

P4P released a new slim fit raglan shirt pattern today. I want it.

Every so often throughout the day, my Headspace app will pop something up on my phone to remind me to be mindful. The one just now said "When was the last time you did something for the first time?". Hm. Excellent question, phone.
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In an effort to appear more confident and put-together at work, I've been walking around with an invisible Darth Vader and/or Evil Queen cape around my shoulders. This forces my shoulders down and back, my chin up, my gaze up, and all of me to have just a teensy bit more swagger.

This also means that I'm generally walking at 104 bpm as my theme song plays in my head.

This had an unintended side effect last night in dance class, though.

Imagine, if you will, Darth Vader or - even better! - Kylo Ren belly dancing. Walking like a dancer, hip dropping, acting cute, and getting down with a new Saidii choreography.

Yes. This will work.
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 Wait, what?! How is it already the end of the year?! I'm pretty sure it should still be Halloween or maybe Thanksgiving. The year just sort of evaporated on me. And now I'm at the end of my vacation with not nearly as many things done around the house as I should've.

This year I...
  • Learned
    • that I can make art just for the sake of making something pretty and it doesn't suck.
    • that it's okay to go back to therapy
    • German and Spanish. Sort of. 49% fluent, anyway.
    • how to meditate
    • that work doesn't suck so much if I have a team lead who's willing to work with me and actually get me things that bring me joy and take away the things that bring me misery and woe.
    • how to navigate railway systems in three cities where I didn't speak the language.
    • that I can drink 4.5 liters of beer in a day and not have too bad of a hangover the next morning.
    • that getting a new cell phone is horrible and painful and I don't want to deal with it for another three years. Or until a new shiny iPhone comes out and I can upgrade for free.
    • that it feels really good to go through things and fill boxes and boxes with STUFF for donation.
    • that my friends are awesome and even when my jerkbrain tries to tell me to not leave the house, they're still glad to see me and things will be okay.
    • how to blow dry my hair and get the lovely flips and waves that my hairdresser can get.
    • how to wear red lipstick.
    • that taking my husband and son to the ER sucks. Staying with my son for the next day in the hospital is also no fun.
    • how to use super glue for first aid and that liquid bandages are great.
    • that I get an allergic reaction to red pigment in tattoos. This is troubling. Also, I completed my shoulder peacock and got my birthday cardinal. And an adorable tiny pumpkin.
  • Read
    • lots and lots of good books. Goodreads has my full list. 
      • Highlights include: Uprooted, The Thirteenth Tale, William Shakespeare's Star Wars, PrinceLess, Castle Hangnail, Furiously Happy, The Martian, and Ancillary Mercy.
    • many old favorites cover-to-cover
      • Highlights include: Eleanor and Park, Sunshine, Snowcrash, The Enchantment Emporium, Hogfather, The Wee Free Men, The Finishing School series, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, The Girl who...Fairyland books, American Gods, and Good Omens.
    • not much in the way of newspapers or magazines.
    • probably too much online.
    • chapter books to BOTH kids, including the entirety of the Dragonbreath series to Alex.
    • that while most dating sim concepts make my eyelid twitch, a PIGEON dating sim will make me cackle maniacally.
  • Watched
    • not much TV, honestly. 
    • some good football
    • some terrible football
    • Emi at ballet
    • Alex at soccer
    • Emi graduate from Kindergarten
    • only a couple movies, but TWO were in the theater (Inside Out with Emi, Force Awakens with Downwood)
    • not enough bellydance, but some of it was Ozma, so that balances everything out.
    • cultural events in Berlin, Munich, and Brussels. I have no idea what was going on for most of it, but it was very interesting. And confusing
    • Alex start trying out words and talking to us
    • my kids LOSE THEIR MINDS on a train ride, in the Field Museum, in the Shedd Aquarium, and at the new cafeteria at werk.
  • Tried
    • more cosplay. Specifically Lucille Ball. For work. LIVING THE DREAM.
    • making more clothes. I made LEGGINGS THAT FIT. This is miraculous.
    • to not let the depression and anxiety win. I think my record's about 50/50.
    • to come up with a way to kill myself, but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't traumatize Emi. Not the best reason, but certainly not the worst.
    • to not beat myself up about being on 5 full time psych meds and another for emergencies.
    • to cut most alcohol out of my diet. I do pretty good most of the time now.
    • meditation. I love it.
    • using colored pencils and coloring books. So fun. Especially when I get pages from Colorful Language or the Sweary Coloring book.
    • to brew some beer. Still need to bottle. Bottling sucks.
    • to teach Alex how to use the potty. Still struggling. But he can mostly get clothes on and off by himself, so that's a big step forward.
  • Didn't
    • play any pen-and-paper RPGs. I ran my Scion game, but didn't play anything other than computer games.
    • play all the board and card games I bought
    • take any belly dance workshops (I think). I went to some shows, but not to the workshop...at least, not that I remember.
    • always listen to my jerkbrain. Tried to let some of it go, in fact.
    • chicken out of going on the trip of a lifetime
    • go to any funerals
    • have any serious injuries
    • get any piercings or change my hair color. I'm still using the same henna as the last couple years and I love it.

 
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  1. I'm wearing my new peacock feather palazzo pants. They're comfortable and adorable.
  2. Alex said something very close to "Love you" this morning.
  3. The coffee cart nearest my building was open this morning. I have a mocha and a pumpkin muffin.
  4. Dance class last night was good. The new choreography is gentle and kind. Mostly.
  5. I have started to KonMari my closet and clothes. I have too much stuff. I brought some of my shoes to dance and GPS found a couple pairs that fit. I wished them happiness together. She promised to break up with them gently if it doesn't work out.
  6. I have a new set of pens for doodling. They are at home. As long as I'm not trying to mimic an actual object, I do okay with doodles. I just can't draw real things.
  7. I've started learning how to meditate. I'm using the Headspace app for this. So far, so good.
  8. We're entering the time of year when all the summer hires at work are submitting their final programming class exercises. I'm one of the reviewers for these exercises. I have power and wield it like AN IRON FIST OF DOOM. I'm picky, pedantic, and rip things to shreds. It takes time, but it's worth it. Also, tearing apart code is one of my joys in life. I get to indulge my inner perfectionist. It's lovely.
  9. I'm considering making a Darth Vader dress for going to see the new movie in. I need black and grey jersey. And an iron-on chest patch, since I have neither an embroidery machine nor the time, patience, and stuff to either embroider or wire a chest patch. Though...that would be interesting.
  10. Neko Atsume is an adorable little app. You're a crazy cat lady and you put food and toys in your yard to lure in stray cats. It's not as soothing as 1010 or Sudoku, but it's far less brain.

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I got my birthday tattoo on Saturday. It's a gorgeous male cardinal. Grandpa Tom wouldn't approve, but I think he would understand.

My neck and shoulders are nothing but pain. I have a massage tomorrow for my birthday. Everything hurts. Much stabby.

It makes me a little crazy when people say "dithered" instead of "disabled" or "deactivated" when it comes to a button that isn't lit up for clicking. There are all sorts of words you could use, but that one's just wrong.

We went out to Hookah as a family Saturday night. I was hoping for a Newer Dancer Night, but not enough other people volunteered. Instead, we had dinner with an old friend and a fellow Mnah-Mnah dancer. It was lovely. We also watched new dancer K's first set as a roster dancer. She needs to slow down a bit - she was trucking back and forth between the rooms super fast. She also underestimated how long it would take her to collect tips, so she was just dancing with a basket of money for a while. She'll learn. Alex was ENTHRALLED. It was nice.

Emi has been nothing but whiny lately. Either she's picked up a bad habit from a TV show or from friends at school. Either way, it's entirely on all of my nerves.

Alex has been a snugglebug. He's also been using more and more words. This is awesome.

A couple weeks ago, Downwood put up several gallons of cider and honey to start brewing. Yesterday, he racked it to secondary fermentation and I put down a batch of Saison de Noel. It was nice to be brewing again. I'd forgotten how soaked everything gets...and that I need a new thermometer.

I need to go through things and winnow/clear. I have a box of gifts downstairs that needs to be inventoried so I know who still needs a present for the holidaze. I need to go through my brewing stuff and see what I have and what's still good. I need to clear my closet and shelves of things that don't fit or I don't like. I need to declutter my life. Too. Much. Stuff.
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I'm dressed all in black. Black shirt, black pencil skirt, black leggings, tall black boots. I have black gloves and red lipstick sitting on my desk. My red trench coat and red hat are hanging on the wall. At lunch, Carmen Sandiego will stalk the halls of the Evil Empire.

This afternoon we have a team party. For this, I have a headband and a plastic star destroyer to attach to it. I will be "V95.4 - Spacecraft accident injuring occupant". This is one of my favorite ICD-10 codes for obvious reasons.

I have been rocking out this morning. I've also almost convinced myself that I could dance at Newer Dancer Night. I have ideas. During my rocking out, I've been tearing apart new programmer exercises. I'm one of the mean reviewers who won't let you get away with ANYTHING. Mwahahaha. My laugh is an evil laugh.

The kids took their costumes to school today for the Halloween Parade and Party. Emi has her Black Widow coverall (purchased, as I didn't want to deal with it). Alex has his minion clothes on and his minions accessories (hat and glasses). They are STOKED about the holiday.

I have purchased two events today. The first - Paint Nite during xmas break! With RH and Au! Drinks, painting, and friends! WOO! I may smuggle in some glitter to add to my painting. Or I'll add mysterious hooded figures to my painting. Or both! The second event is a massage and pedicure for my birthday. WOO!

Life does not suck. My new antidepressants are kicking in. I'm less anxious overall and feeling better about the world. This is nice.
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Apparently, being at work is bad for my mental health. I get way more anxious and the parts of my brain trying to kill me are more believable at work. I need to make some changes, apparently.

Also, coworker is making me cranky. She's trying to foist off some troubleshooting on me and also trying to make me the owner of it. Suck it up, buttercup, and DO YOUR DAMN JOB.

Dance class last night was...interesting. Miss "Refined Sugar is the DEVIL" girl was there, as was Space Invader M. I did get a nod of approval from Teacher M when I pulled Space Invader into the middle of our drill lineup so that she'd have people on both sides of her who knew what they were doing. She's apparently auditioning or something for a big dance weekend in NY with Dance Grandpa. I don't know what it means and I don't particularly need to know much more than the "Woe is me! I must polish a 6 minute piece! And get into better shape! And not bring shame upon the heads of my teachers". Whatever.

We started a new choreography last night and it will be interesting. The drum solo is over, done with, quite cute, but over. We're on to a modern Egyptian piece full of TEH DRAMAH, guitar, violin, piano, saxophone, and orchestral backing. It will likely be lovely - I'm afraid we're going to be adding veils to the beginning - and may be something that I enjoy. The song is over the top, but it suits Teacher M pretty well.

I have new books to read! "Ancillary Mercy", "White Trash Zombie Gone Wild", and a new episode of "Indexing: Reflections".

Alex was still super sleepy this morning and had a bit of a meltdown when I went to work. Apparently, he also melted down last night when Momma wasn't home. I promised to be home close to dinner time and to read him some more of the Dragonbreath book tonight. Poor kiddo. We all got spoiled by last week's vacation.
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Today is a Tuesday that feels like a Monday. Ugh.

Yesterday was for playing with kids, Skyping with parents, sewing, and dance class. It was nice to sleep in. It was nice to snuggle with the kids. I got some sewing done, though not as much as I would have liked. I cleaned off the top of my desk and found all sorts of interesting things.

All in all, it was lazy, but with the tinge of "you have to go back to work tomorrow and you still have all these things NOT DONE around you and there's too much so you can't do it all so how can you decide what has to get done at all" anxiety. No fun.

Dance class was usual. No Au (yay baby!) and no New Dancer K (whew), but Entomologist Dancer was there, which was kind of nice. The drum solo is...probably not going to happen in my brain. It's fast and I'm coming in two weeks late. Also, I'm going to be at class next week, then skipping at least one week. By the end of the choreography hour, I wasn't completely lost, but I was utterly dependent on GPS and Teacher M to make it through.

Sigh. I didn't feel completely hopeless, at least. I just...I'm not very good at the sharp, staccato movements that drum solos require. I feel like they don't look very good on me. I still try hard, but I just don't really enjoy this kind of dancing.

Sunday was also lazy for most of the day. Alex and I snuggled while I read Seanan McGuire's latest. The big highlight of the day was taking the kids to the annual Library Book Sale and park. The kids pooled their money to buy a canvas bag, which they then had me stuff with books. I spent $5 on a 1876 copy of Alexander Pope's translation of The Odyssey and $10 on a 1880-1890 2nd edition copy of Darwin's Descent of Man. I haz a smug about this. Afterward, the kids played at the park. The heat index was insane (for Wisconsin) so when our water bottles were empty, it was time to head home. We went down to the basement to cool off and I got a couple more Hogswatch presents finished and put into the Present Box. Also, Emi lost her right front tooth and the left is super wiggly. She looks like a hockey player now.

Saturday was supposed to be for going to Faire. I'd promised it to myself as a "Get through Work Week of Hell and Don't Slap Anyone". But with a heat index in the triple digits, I decided that there was no way I was taking the kids out in the heat all day. So we lazed around, I read "The Shepherd's Crown", then Emi and I went to JoAnn's (all hail 25% off entire purchase coupon!) and Woodman's (UGH!). When we were at JoAnn's, Emi explained that she really NEEDS a new tiger blankie. Her blankie is pretty small (basically one square yard) and doesn't cover her anymore. So we got fuzzy, furry fabric for new blankies for her and Alex. And some knit for me for a skirt and leggings. And some surprise fabric.
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Work is batshit crazy. My task list is out of control, as is my notepad, as is my inbox. I am slowly, slowly restoring order from chaos. I've put out the fires and am getting some things done before the next outbreak.




Therapy yesterday was no fun, as usual. Trying to confront the fact that my internal monologue is not very nice to me. The lists of Rules are really not helpful. Don't look like you're sad. Don't look like you're worried. Don't admit that you're not enjoying life. Don't brag. Be proud but never boast. Pride is a sin, anyway, so you should stop that, too. Don't take the last piece of anything. Stop taking up so much space. Be perfect. Always, always be perfect.



Kidz are kids. Ox is getting more and more vocal. Not so much with the words, but still MOAR SOUNDS! Emi is creative, strong, and determined. And sometimes a pill.



Still can't play GW2. Stupid anxiety, but this is apparently a break I need to take.



I got past the uncomfortable place in my book ("The Magicians", Lev Grossman) - the place where I could see the main character about to make some incredibly stupid mistakes and had to put the book down because the Fictional Uncertainty Principle states that until the badness is observed (read) the characters are still okay - and now am in a part that's less uncomfortable and more interesting. I want to slap the main character, but he's 21 and hasn't yet figured out that the world doesn't actually owe him squat, much less happiness.

I'm listening to "Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers", which is both interesting and gross. But mostly interesting.




The people in the offices around me seem to do nothing but socialize all day. This wouldn't be bothersome except that one of them is someone I'm trying to train to be amazing and I just want her to do her work, dammit.





I'm not doing any of the SitG workshops or shows. The workshops seem expensive for what I may or may not get out of it. Also, I'd much rather hang with friends in a lower-stress environment than sit through a show. Dunno. Am emotionally, mentally, and physically tired.



I wonder if there's a time next week when I can call in sick and go get a tattoo. That'd be nifty.

bits

Jul. 14th, 2015 01:36 pm
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Dance - Finally done with this choreography and have a bit of a break. I'll be traveling for some of it, but still.

Achievement Unlocked! - At the end of class, teacher M had us run through the choreography with a veil. We ditch it after about 2 minutes and keep going with the song. The choreography ends with a bow, then you come up, wave to the audience, and float offstage with the last couple measures of the song. We did this. All of us in the class took a lap of the "stage", said goodbye to the audience, and snapped up our veils on the way out. Teacher M was delighted. It was her Proud Dance Mama moment of the night, since she hadn't specified this - we just did it because that's what we're supposed to do.

Books - I'm listening to "The Martian" and it's wonderful. I'm reading "Other Worlds Than These" and am a mite disappointed - some of the stories in this anthology just aren't doing it for me, unfortunately.

Sewing - I have a couple more pant patterns to try out. I need to see what flatters this weird tummy of mine. Also, I'm terribly tempted by this pattern. Emi would love it.  https://www.etsy.com/listing/240378497/the-princess-power-suit-one-piece?ref=shop_home_feat_4

Werk - Stress. Anxiety. Triumph. Frustration. Success.

Weird - Night Vale tickets have been confirmed. I'm discovering other Night Vale citizens and rejoicing to see who else will be there. One will be my team lead who is now thoroughly addicted. Mwahahaha!

Adulting - I'm tired of being an adult. Adulting is hard. Why did I want to grow up, anyway?

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 Emi loves dance. She has now completed Week One of her six-week summer session. She's destroyed one pair of tights and is totally in love with dance.

Ox is incredibly jealous of Emi's dance lessons. He's also jealous of her softball practice (which she also adores) and her swimming lessons (likewise). We've repeatedly told him that his age is the barrier to baseball and swimming, but as soon as he's potty trained, we'll sign him up for dance. So far, this tactic hasn't been enough of a bargaining chip.

I cried a lot at the therapist's office today. I feel raw and worn out. I'm tired of being sad all the time, but don't know how to get away from this.

Dance last night was hard. I don't enjoy this choreography much. It's very complicated and I missed a week and I don't practice enough to get it down. It also just kind of hurts. Don't know. On the right dancer, this would be lovely and a thing of beauty. On me, I feel dumpy, gangly, and not at all graceful. Bleah.

Werk continues to attempt to suck. Taking two days off made my email this morning a total chore. I got it pared down to what actually needs to get done...and then spent time on the phone with other people arguing that someone else's terrible setup shouldn't make my lovely code get held up.

I need to go to bed early tonight. Feeling fragile and broken. I'm re-reading the Finishing School series again, since those books make me happy without weepy bits.

And things keep going on.
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The construction dudes outside my office window are busy, busy, busy. I'm kind of jealous of them because at the end of their day, they have something to show for it. I just manipulated a bunch of pixels and bits.

I think that's why I love crafts so much. I'm relaxing (sometimes), but I have something to show for it at the end. I like getting the "You *made* this?!" reactions, too. Someday in the future when we're all hard-wired into the internet, I want to still be one of the people who make useful and/or decorative things without 3D printing.

Dance class last night was brutal but enjoyable. The new choreography is to music that's majestic and magnificent. The intro sounds like the dancer should be carried onto the stage on a litter by strapping young men. It's that kind of old-school pomp and orchestration. Lovely, yet difficult to live up to.

I've signed Emi up for dance lessons at last. It's a 6-week summer session of Fairytale Ballet. Once the registration goes through, I'll call the studio to get her signed up for her free intro to ballet class. *IF* she likes it, we'll consider signing her up for "real" ballet in the fall. This summer, Emi has swimming lessons three mornings a week, softball Wednesday afternoons, and now ballet on Tuesday and Monday evenings. Super busy girl.

Emi's super excited about swimming lessons - she LOVED them last summer. She's also excited about softball - she's been dragging Daddy outside every afternoon to practice throwing and catching. She's gone from dodging the ball to catching balls in the air! She *wants* to put in the extra time to practice for this, which is totally cool. She doesn't know yet about the dance classes. I figure this can be a surprise for after Kindergarten Graduation.

Ox has some summer school scheduled. Instead of 4x/week, it's down to once a week. We're to keep doing the things that we're doing and to work harder on potty training. He'll get to go swimming, since we have a family pass, but swimming lessons start for kids who are 4 at the beginning of the summer, not the end. In the fall, we'll discuss signing up for soccer. Just like Emi two years ago, we don't know what Ox will want to get into. He may love soccer or he may hate it. I just want to give them both the opportunity to try new things to figure out what they love.

Tuesday

May. 19th, 2015 01:39 pm
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Starting to be stuffed up. My sinuses have decided to join the party. I'm very tired of whatever this bug it.

It may have been a mistake staying through the end of dance last night. I got home totally wiped out and the overnight coughing was not good. But it was nice to loosen up some of my muscles and use different parts of my brain. I also got to experience the ending of the choreo we've been working on. It was surprisingly easy, given that the combinations are mostly things that we've either done in warmups for years (yet still look cool) or are combinations that we drilled. It's really fast, though, so to an observer - or to me of 5 years ago - it's difficult.

But, honestly, if I think about where I was 5 years ago with various skills - parenting, sewing, dance, code ninja, customer service - I can see I've come a long way. That's kind of neat. I obviously have far, far to go with all these skills, but I'm trying new things and learning new skills, and working on the ones that I've already picked up. I'm okay with this.
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I will never be able to repeat this, but I had a Shining Dance Moment (tm) last night. We were noodling around to an accordion baladi and there was a part in the music where the accordion and I had a Moment. It was magical and lasted for all of ~8 measures. But it really worked while we were there. It helps that I'm ridiculously tall, so level changes look dramatic on my body. But still, it was lovely and Shining and just for a moment, all was right with the world.

My head hurts and there's a muscle near my right shoulder blade that's spasming and making it hard to both type and use my mouse. I suspect the head hurting is a direct effect of having very tight muscles all through my neck and upper back. Also, I don't get enough sleep on Monday nights.

I'm completely stumped by the latest puzzle in the Apocrypha Adventure Card Game Kickstarter. I've solved the previous four problems and gotten the badges, but this one is baffling me. It's got phone numbers that you need to decode to find the name of a body part. I've tried the trick of substituting the letters on the phone buttons, but that's not getting me anywhere. I've translated the numbers to letters and fed them through Caesar Cipher generators. I've tried manipulating the numbers to get different letters. Nothing. I need a hint of a new direction to go.

There were boxes of Dunkin Donuts in the break room this morning. There were actually donuts there when I wandered in to get water. There were not donuts there 15 minutes later when I went to rinse my coffee cup. Early bird, worm, and all that.

My sister will be here for the weekend of May 9. I want to find something fun for us to do. I also want to have some alone sister time with her. My therapist said that if the real me's personality, wants, hopes, dreams, and characteristics are fragmented into a million puzzle pieces, I should spend time with the person who knows the shape of most of them and likes me anyway. That'd be my little sister.

Also, to wrap this up, I read Mira Grant's (aka Seanan McGuire) new novella "Rolling in the Deep". It's about mermaids. I'm never going swimming again.
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Friday - Got to work silly early. Left early. Got the last little bit of my peacock tattoo colored in. It's SO FREAKING PRETTY. Technicolor magic, yo. Got Emi to Girl Scouts on time, even.

Saturday - Woke up and took a careful count of my spoons and people points. Decided that I could make it to a big garage sale, since there would be no talking with people and (hopefully) no judging. Decided that I couldn't handle the BUW workshop, as it would involve parking, campus, lots of people (most of whom are very nice, yes), and a floor that's designed to make me hurt.

Did some sewing. Did some laundry. Played with kidz. Got all dressed up.

The BUW show was surprisingly good this year. No glaring costume WTFs. No real con-fusion WTFs. Minor quibbles and a couple of performances in styles I personally dislike, but overall it was very nice.

Afterwards, we trouped over to the bar nearby to rehash the whole thing. RH took minutes. We had drink. It was lovely....but I got home about 12:15. Oops.

Sunday - Tried desperately to sleep in, but no dice. Was Grumpy Momma for most of the day. Washed all the laundry. Read my books. Tried to not freak out about things. Did...something downstairs in my sewing area, but for the life of me, can't remember. I think it was piling up all the things that need to be hemmed with black. It's...tragic. Obviously, I dislike hemming.

Monday - Had the day off from work. I try to do this for the Monday after any dance weekend. Saves sanity.

In the morning, I went to the spa for a calming scalp massage and nice pedicure. My toes are sparkly coral. Yay! In the afternoon, I got to pick up Emi from school (early release) and go for Culver's. After Culver's, Downwood took the kidz to the hardware store and they bought a bunch of sand. Now, instead of a weed-filled, extremely sad excuse for a garden, we have a giant sandbox.

Ox is in HEAVEN. This is the best thing ever. Better than birthday AND Christmas AND Halloween. So awesome.

Dance class was good, if hurty. We had some BUW girls, which was nice. I had major problems with the step combinations in the proto-choreo M was throwing at us, but it was overall okay. I'm sore today, which is to be expected.

Today - Started the day by working from home for a while. Then went to therapy. Now am at work. Have had several conversations I'd rather not have. Have also been getting freaked out at by various people who need to not be freaking out at me. This makes me sad.

But, I'm back to juggling madly and not doing too bad a job of it.


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I got to work at quarter to seven this morning. I decided this entitled me to go get a fancy coffee a couple hours later. I decided to get the special. The special this month is Lavender Mocha. It's...weird. Will not buy again.

I'm leaving work at 3:30-ish today. I get to go get the final bit of my peacock tattoo colored in. I should be thrilled, but I'm just exhausted.

I only have one customer call today. This is good, as my customer service politeness reserves are dangerously low.

My eyelid is still twitching. Balls.

I organized some of my sewing table last night. I moved some patterns around and pinned together some quilt squares that were taking up space. I also had to get out the dustbuster to clean up the flying fuzz from the fabric. Ick.

Still conflicted about the workshop tomorrow. Only bit of conflicted about the show is whether I should wear a fluffy petticoat under my dress or not. I'm leaning toward not, since the seats and aisles are not that big.

Kids are still cute. Kids are still trouble. Kids are about to be sold to the gypsys. Kids don't understand why Momma is sad and grumpy and not a fan of being screamed at.

And my mouth still tastes like flowers and coffee. This is not good. Bleah.
sabine: (Default)
  • Work is eating my brain. The constant interruptions and OMG!NOW crises are mostly just annoying me instead of causing me heartburn and anxiety. Not that constant annoyance is any more productive than constant anxiety, but at least it's different. My jaw tends to hurt by the end of the day, though, which can't be good for me.
  • My immune system is letting me down. I have the dry, dry sinuses and scratchy throat that indicate Bad Things to come. I'm getting lots of vitamin C and am trying to get lots of rest, so hopefully my system will figure out what it's meant to be doing and things won't suck long term.
  • I went out on Black Friday to two small businesses and three chain stores (coffee, fabric, tarjay). I went out on Small Business Saturday with Emi and visited five small businesses in our town. Cyber Monday saw me spending money online for tights, lotion, and geek toys. Giving Tuesday ended with me sending money to feed people and cheer sick kids. Of all these, I think the last group of payments were my favorite to click Accept.
  • Dance class on Monday was interesting. We were going to start a choreography to a very, very traditional folk piece full of LOUD folk instruments. Teacher M's brain bailed and refused to give forth the motifs for the new song, so we just ran through the dabke number a couple more times to solidify the ending and get the step patterns back in our heads. I'm okay with this, as I'm not a huge fan of this new song. I'll dance it and do my best but it's not something that makes my heart go pitter-pat.
  • I made an infinity scarf from impulse-purchased fleece. For Downwood. Now he can't even use the excuse of "But my neck will be cold" when I ask him to please, please trim back his beard to something reasonable.
  • I'm re-reading some of my favorite Tamora Pierce series. Totally worth the time.
  • I need to start wrapping gifts. This will let me get packages ready to be mailed. I also have to finish my pledge from January for "comment and I'll make you something" people and get those mailed. Am a slacker. Boo.
  • I'm in a very bad overall mental place right now. Some of it is that it's dark and cold outside. Some of it is my perfectionist jerkbrain making everything SO IMPORTANT that things be PERFECT for EVERYONE this holiday season. Some of it is other personal interactions being bad. Just not good. Had a meltdown on Sunday when nothing was good, I couldn't do anything right, I was completely out of spoons and People Points, and I just wanted everyone to BE QUIET. It was not good.
  • I've made appointments for the kids to get their annual pictures taken and for me to get my annual shellac manicure. These were easy to check off the list.
  • My last day of work for the year is the 22nd. That's less than 3 weeks away. That's good. My Iowa family holidays will be the weekend before, which may suck for timing, but I'll get to see my sister and nephew, so it will be at least a little good. Downwood's Illinois family holidays are a little up in the air. There should be some time in there for crafting, books, and gaming. It should be okay. Probably won't be, but should be.

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