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 Just going to leave this here. Public stating of goals makes it easier to keep them, right?

Basic challenge 28/52
1. A book recommended by a librarian - Ths Just City by Jo Walton
2. A book that's been on your TBR list for way too long - Envy of Angels by Matt Wallace
3. A book of letters
4. An audiobook - Yeah, lots. I love audio books.
5. A book by a person of color - The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin
6. A book with one of the four seasons in the title
7. A book that is a story within a story - Magic for Beginners by Kelly Link, specifically "Lull"
8. A book with multiple authors
9. An espionage thriller
10. A book with a cat on the cover - We Are Never Meeting In Real Life by Samantha Irby
11. A book by an author who uses a pseudonym - Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander (J.K. Rowling), read by Eddie Redmayne
12. A bestseller from a genre you don't normally read - Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by 
13. A book by or about a person who has a disability - Borderline by Mishell Baker
14. A book involving travel - Magic For Nothing by Seanan McGuire
15. A book with a subtitle - We Are Legion (We Are Bob) by Dennis E. Taylor
16. A book that's published in 2017 - Dusk or Dark or Dawn or Day by Seanan McGuire
17. A book involving a mythical creature - The Palace Job by Patrick Weekes
18. A book you've read before that never fails to make you smile - Shades of Milk and Honey by Mary Robinette Kowal
19. A book about food - Sunshine by Robin McKinley
20. A book with career advice - The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck
21. A book from a nonhuman perspective - Vampire Vacation by CJ Ellisson
22. A steampunk novel - Etiquette and Espionage by Gail Carriger
23. A book with a red spine - My Dad Wrote a Porno (Belinda Blinked 1 - Fully Annotated Edition) by Rocky Flintstone, et al.
24. A book set in the wilderness - Silver on the Road by Laura Anne Gilman
25. A book you loved as a child
26. A book by an author from a country you've never visited
27. A book with a title that's a character's name Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell. This book breaks my heart.
28. A novel set during wartime
29. A book with an unreliable narrator - All the Birds in the Sky by Charlie Jane Anders
30. A book with pictures - Many graphic novels.
31. A book where the main character is a different ethnicity than you - Home (Binti #2) by Nnedi Okorafor
32. A book about an interesting woman - Mirabile by Janet Kagan
33. A book set in two different time periods
34. A book with a month or day of the week in the title
35. A book set in a hotel
36. A book written by someone you admire - The Halcyon Fairy Book by Ursula Vernon.
37. A book that's becoming a movie in 2017
38. A book set around a holiday other than Christmas
39. The first book in a series you haven't read before - The Invisible Library by Genevieve Cogman
40. A book you bought on a trip
 
 
Advanced Challenge 5/12
 
1. A book recommended by an author you love - Half Resurrection Blues by Daniel Older, recommended by Jim Hines
2. A bestseller from 2016 - The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo by Amy Schumer
3. A book with a family member term in the title - Please Don't Tell My Parents I'm a Supervillian by Richard Roberts
4. A book that takes place over a character's life span
5. A book about an immigrant or refugee
6. A book from a genre/subgenre you've never heard of
7. A book with an eccentric character - All of the Sin du Jour books by Matt Wallace.
8. A book that's more than 800 pages
9. A book you got from a used book sale
10. A book that's been mentioned in another book
11. A book about a difficult topic
12. A book based on mythology - Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman. Yeah, I'd say it's based on myths.

sabine: (Default)
Less than a week to go in my Comp Sci class. Final exam is next Monday. Am I ready? Not in the slightest.

Work is crazy. There are so many competing projects and priorities and people panicking over nothing.

School starts relatively soon. We haven't done our shopping yet. We haven't done enough to encourage Alex and the potty. I'm not home much and would rather snuggle than scold when I *am* there. The house is a wreck and I don't have the spare energy to do anything about it.

Coffee with the dance ladies on Sunday was nice. It was good to see friends and get out of the house.

I've been good about getting away from my desk for lunch every day. WoofTrax tells me that I'm walking between 1-2 miles daily. More on the weekends, natch, but even on weekdays I'm usually getting a mile or 1.5 in. I'm also level 17 in Pokemon Go. These things are related, as is the ache in my left hip and ankle and the sudden increase of freckles on my forearms.

We thought my car was seriously broken, but it stopped making the scary noise overnight. I need to call to have the mechanics fix a known issue anyway. But I'm pretty much out of money for the month, thanks to the OMG!Urgent fix at the start of the month.

I started listening to a book that Audible and other review sites assured me was hilarious. I had to turn it off because I was so uncomfortable for the characters. I identify too much with social awkwardness and get really embarrassed for the characters. This happens with books, TV, movies, etc. I can't step back and find the things funny that 90% of other people do. Wacky hijinks based on misinterpreted social cues don't amuse me - they cause me distress.

I have a ton of things on my plate at work and none that I want to do. I *want* to go home, sleep, do some homework, sew, and read a book that I know won't cause me mental anguish (currently, "Beauty" by Robin McKinley. So good).

Just...feeling overwhelmed, tired, and stuck. I'm trying to take the steps to take care of myself, but it's hard. Everything's hard.
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I'm wearing leggings today that I made. I finished them on Saturday, along with a mostly matching pair for Emi and cardigans for my Mom and MiL. The cardigan for my MiL was going to be for me, but is ever so slightly too small across my shoulders. Pity. The cardigan for my Mom has the best stripe matching that I've ever done. My leggings have unintentional nearly perfect pattern matching around my knees. The width of the pattern on the fabric just happens to match the circumference of my knees, apparently.

I was able to catch up at dance last night. The new choreo is Greek and very fast, but folk-ish, so mostly footwork. Years and years of marching band have given me a good brain for footwork. Mostly.

Everyone seems to be mostly well. I'm still rattly through my chest, but don't feel nearly so wiped out with this cold as I did over the weekend. It was a good thing that I didn't have to do anything or leave the house. Ugh. Alex is back to normal. The nebulizer is amazing and I'm very glad we have it.

I think I have two shirt patterns altered to mostly fit. I need to add length - I am NOT 5'5" - but I graded between sizes and the shirts seem to fit well. I still need to hem both shirts (boo) but they look nice as proofs of concept. For those playing along at home with the PDF patterns, it's the P4P Slim-Fit Raglan and the M4M Mama Mya. Next on the block of "Patterns I want to make fit me" is the M4M wrap dress. It's adorable, but I'm worried about making it right. If all continues to go well, I'll be able to take some of my cheap, shapeless tunics and remake them into cheap, well-fitting tunics. Fingers crossed.

I have PLANS for more sewing projects. The Werk Giant Conference of DOOOM's theme is Wonderland, so I plan to take full advantage. I have a steampunk-ish Queen of Hearts outfit planned and have sourced decent jersey for the making of Queen and Cheshire Moneta dresses. And leggings. And maybe tunics. I care not if I get to do official work cosplay. I'll make these anyway just because I can. I might actually have something new for the costume convention. That'd be spiffy.

I've had a hard time lately being interested in books. That's okay. My worth as a person isn't determined by how many pages I read. Yes, even if it's a book I've been looking forward to.

If I meditate tonight (which of course I will), I'll complete one of my resolutions. I will have gotten a streak of 100 days on Headspace. I think this has made me a better person. I'm nearly certain it's made me more balanced. It's absolutely given me tools to let me just enjoy and experience life instead of always regretting or anticipating.

I get to see my sister this weekend. We're going out for sister time. No husbands, no kids. Just us. And the soundtrack to Hamilton. I'm inflicting it on her. She'll curse me because she'll be forced to purchase a copy. Mwahaha.

I really don't want to finish my work day today. I want to go home and sleep. I am very, very tired. It's Tuesday. This correlation is strong for a reason. That reason is Monday nights are late.

Things are okay. I am not a failure. My jerkbrain is wrong.

things

Jan. 27th, 2016 07:45 pm
sabine: (Default)
Less anxiety and panic today! Woo! 

My hair is GORGEOUS. It's flippy and curly and wonderful. I <3 my hairdresser.

I have an Iron Druid book to read. It's good. I know why you never want to be Nigel in Toronto.

I still can't strangle people through the phone. Maybe I need a video conference to be able to force choke like Vader. Worth a try, anyway.

Tacos for dinner!

Tea.

I made some lovely little tangles today.

Au proclaimed that she's a wizard. I work in a building themed like the library from Hogwarts. So I took a picture of the GIANT WALL OF WANDS in one of our conference rooms for her. Because that's the kind of weird friend I am.

Is it the weekend yet? No? Phooey.

I need to put Emi in bed and do my meditation. And probably drink more tea and read some more. Because that's how I roll.
 
sabine: (Default)
That fangirl sob you just heard was from me. I read Kevin Hearne's lastest newsletter. He confirmed that the Iron Druid book coming out next week is the penultimate book in the series.

THERE WILL BE NO MORE ATTICUS AND OBERON STORIES SOON!

I know I have two books and probably a couple of novellas yet to enjoy.

But, but, ENDING?!?!?!

*sob*


/fangirl

This has been your daily dose of drama. Any more drama today will be over your RDA. If you need a dr's note to explain your avoidance of drama, please alert management and we will assist. Thank you for your understanding.
sabine: (Default)
I'm having a high anxiety day. Travel this evening is getting to me. Also, I have far too much to do.

To make today be a little better, I'm listening to "Hogfather" again.

Many of Sir PTerry's books talk about Big Important Concepts underneath a layer of silly and jokes. Of these, the two that are the most important to me are "Hogfather" and "Small Gods". Small Gods talks about organized religion and faith and makes very good points about both.

Hogfather, though, talks about belief and faith in concepts instead of gods. It's about holiday traditions and what it means to be human. It's hilarious and wonderful. My paperback copy has a bunch of little scraps of paper in it that mark pages with interesting or important statements.

If you've never read this book, I won't spoil it for you. It's well worth reading, especially during this time of year. It would help if you'd read any of the Discworld novels in the Death arc, but it's not necessary.

If you've read it, you will enjoy the long, long list of quotes on the Goodreads page for this book. https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/583655-hogfather

Happy Hogswatch, everyone. HO. HO. HO.
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Life is eating me. I'm working hard on my LARP of a Responsible Adult. I'm tired of adulting, but I need to just keep moving. It doesn't help that now I'm in an office with a window. Gray, rainy days sap my motivation to keep moving and doing things. When I was in an interior office, I never saw outside, so the weather had no affect on me. Also, SAD is starting to kick in. No me gusta.

The kids are SO ready for Halloween. Super excited. I'm not stressed about it, just a little anxious. We went to the annual Halloween Party last weekend. I made a royal blue dress (Moneta bodice and two layers of circle skirt) and got new rainbow socks, arm warmers, and belt. I didn't get a wig, but I still made a pretty adorable Rainbow Brite.

I'm on the final day of a week of not fun antibiotics. A couple weeks ago, I picked at a hangnail and it got infected. Last week I realized it wasn't getting better on its own and my finger was literally twice the size of the same finger on the other hand. I went to the dr and got a course of antibiotics. It's helping, but annoying. My finger is still kind of sore and swollen - zils were NO FUN on Monday - and the antibiotics are a "take 4x a day on empty stomach". Very annoying.

I started playing Guild Wars 2 again. The expansion came out and the Halloween event started. I love the Halloween event, so I started it back up. I only need to carve 30 more pumpkins and I'll have the entire meta-achievement done. This will mean nothing to non-GW2 players, but it's a badge of honor, skill, time, or something like that. They also came out with a new character class, so Downwood and I created twin characters. Our names are Castor and Leda, because that's how we roll.

I have too many good books piling up. I finally read "Ancillary Mercy" and it was WONDERFUL. I cared more about the AI in this book than I will ever make anyone care about a "real" character in something I come up with. WONDERFUL, I say. I have "Radiance" and the WtNV novel on my desk and I CAN'T DECIDE. As soon as I read one, I'm not reading the other. WOE IS ME.

I interviewed a new tattoo artist at the shop by asking for a small piece. Mostly, I wanted to be sure that we could get along (he loves books, so YEAH) and that his ideas about color are in line with mine. I love my new little pumpkin and am excited for my birthday tattoo - a memorial cardinal for Grandpa Tom.

My birthday tattoo will be on Nov 7. This is the same day as Newer Dancer Night. Emi thinks I should dance to "something classical". I don't know if I'm going to be able to get something good by then....and if I'll want to dance after a couple hours of tattooing. I kind of want to just put on something nice and sit back with friends and a drink.

And now it's time to work. The things I kicked off are all done. I need tea and to warm up some breakfast so that I can take my penultimate antibiotic before lunch and the last one in the afternoon. I will say one thing for this regiment: it's REALLY cut down on my snacking habits!

the HELL?

Oct. 8th, 2015 02:28 pm
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 Came home from work after new psych app't and found Amazon box. Full of music theory textbooks.

What. The. HELL?

No one in our house knows a damn thing about music theory. I chatted with Amazon help and they can find no record of anyone sending me these as a gift.

I haz a confused. I haz a BIG confused.

So I'm sending the books back to Amazon. I just...the HELL?
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Apparently, being at work is bad for my mental health. I get way more anxious and the parts of my brain trying to kill me are more believable at work. I need to make some changes, apparently.

Also, coworker is making me cranky. She's trying to foist off some troubleshooting on me and also trying to make me the owner of it. Suck it up, buttercup, and DO YOUR DAMN JOB.

Dance class last night was...interesting. Miss "Refined Sugar is the DEVIL" girl was there, as was Space Invader M. I did get a nod of approval from Teacher M when I pulled Space Invader into the middle of our drill lineup so that she'd have people on both sides of her who knew what they were doing. She's apparently auditioning or something for a big dance weekend in NY with Dance Grandpa. I don't know what it means and I don't particularly need to know much more than the "Woe is me! I must polish a 6 minute piece! And get into better shape! And not bring shame upon the heads of my teachers". Whatever.

We started a new choreography last night and it will be interesting. The drum solo is over, done with, quite cute, but over. We're on to a modern Egyptian piece full of TEH DRAMAH, guitar, violin, piano, saxophone, and orchestral backing. It will likely be lovely - I'm afraid we're going to be adding veils to the beginning - and may be something that I enjoy. The song is over the top, but it suits Teacher M pretty well.

I have new books to read! "Ancillary Mercy", "White Trash Zombie Gone Wild", and a new episode of "Indexing: Reflections".

Alex was still super sleepy this morning and had a bit of a meltdown when I went to work. Apparently, he also melted down last night when Momma wasn't home. I promised to be home close to dinner time and to read him some more of the Dragonbreath book tonight. Poor kiddo. We all got spoiled by last week's vacation.
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Today is a Tuesday that feels like a Monday. Ugh.

Yesterday was for playing with kids, Skyping with parents, sewing, and dance class. It was nice to sleep in. It was nice to snuggle with the kids. I got some sewing done, though not as much as I would have liked. I cleaned off the top of my desk and found all sorts of interesting things.

All in all, it was lazy, but with the tinge of "you have to go back to work tomorrow and you still have all these things NOT DONE around you and there's too much so you can't do it all so how can you decide what has to get done at all" anxiety. No fun.

Dance class was usual. No Au (yay baby!) and no New Dancer K (whew), but Entomologist Dancer was there, which was kind of nice. The drum solo is...probably not going to happen in my brain. It's fast and I'm coming in two weeks late. Also, I'm going to be at class next week, then skipping at least one week. By the end of the choreography hour, I wasn't completely lost, but I was utterly dependent on GPS and Teacher M to make it through.

Sigh. I didn't feel completely hopeless, at least. I just...I'm not very good at the sharp, staccato movements that drum solos require. I feel like they don't look very good on me. I still try hard, but I just don't really enjoy this kind of dancing.

Sunday was also lazy for most of the day. Alex and I snuggled while I read Seanan McGuire's latest. The big highlight of the day was taking the kids to the annual Library Book Sale and park. The kids pooled their money to buy a canvas bag, which they then had me stuff with books. I spent $5 on a 1876 copy of Alexander Pope's translation of The Odyssey and $10 on a 1880-1890 2nd edition copy of Darwin's Descent of Man. I haz a smug about this. Afterward, the kids played at the park. The heat index was insane (for Wisconsin) so when our water bottles were empty, it was time to head home. We went down to the basement to cool off and I got a couple more Hogswatch presents finished and put into the Present Box. Also, Emi lost her right front tooth and the left is super wiggly. She looks like a hockey player now.

Saturday was supposed to be for going to Faire. I'd promised it to myself as a "Get through Work Week of Hell and Don't Slap Anyone". But with a heat index in the triple digits, I decided that there was no way I was taking the kids out in the heat all day. So we lazed around, I read "The Shepherd's Crown", then Emi and I went to JoAnn's (all hail 25% off entire purchase coupon!) and Woodman's (UGH!). When we were at JoAnn's, Emi explained that she really NEEDS a new tiger blankie. Her blankie is pretty small (basically one square yard) and doesn't cover her anymore. So we got fuzzy, furry fabric for new blankies for her and Alex. And some knit for me for a skirt and leggings. And some surprise fabric.
sabine: (Default)
 Finally done reading Emi's Frozen fanfic book. I'm trying to convince her to read one of my favorite books next (Secret Garden, A Little Princes, etc), but she really wants more movie books. Sigh.

Alex and I are starting on the Dragonbreath series. We've encountered the sentient, rogue potato salad for the first time. It won't be the last.

I was wrong about the work conference of doom theme for next year. There actually isn't a solid theme yet, which is worrying our major event planner, tbh.

Work conference of doom is over. I can put my alarms back to being 20 minutes later and park close to my office.

I've started sending my OOO emails at work. September 16 is coming up FAST!

I am tired.

 
sabine: (Default)
I use Chrome as my browser at home. I don't know what it's been on lately, but the DW post entry form won't come up. I can enter a title and any of the metadata, but the actual "Type here to create an entry" box is inactive. If I can't see any of the formatting buttons, I can't type in the box.

Sometimes if I close and reopen a tab, I'll get an active box.
Sometimes if I open the tab in a new window, I'll get an active box.

Most of the time, though, I have to open dreamwidth in a brand new, incognito window. I enter my password again and BAM! I can type an entry. This gets old, fast.

-----

In other news, Alex and I finished reading "Hamster Princess: Harriet the Invincible" tonight. The last pages in the book show the covers of  other kids' books that [livejournal.com profile] ursulav has written. Alex saw the covers for the Dragonbreath books. I said I had them all. He flipped out.

So that's why Alex stayed up past his bedtime. We *had* to read the first chapter of the first Dragonbreath book.

------

Emi's first day of FIRST GRADE was yesterday. When I called in between werk shenanigans, she said it was awful because she couldn't get the latch on her locker open. But then she said they gave her a new locker and everything was wonderful. Her desk partner is Alivia and she still gets three recesses.

Alex's first day of 4K was today. He was super happy about it when I came home. He also didn't get to see me all day yesterday, so he crawled into my lap for dinnertime snuggles.

Downwood has injured his foot somehow. He's been hobbling around all week and saying that he'll call the doctor if it doesn't get better. Sigh.

I need it to be the weekend. I have books to read, things to sew, and a trip to stress and worry about. Also, I need to stop waking up at 5:15 for werk. This is wearing me down.

i is ded

Sep. 1st, 2015 08:49 pm
sabine: (Default)
 I wore contacts for 12 hours today. I wore full makeup for the same amount of time.

I wore a wig, petticoat, and fake eyelashes for 5 hours in the morning and 4 hours in the evening.

My feet hurt SO BAD. I am melted from the sudden heat wave and from being outside those 4 hours this evening.

And yet, I had a marvelous time. Though I'm exhausted and pretty much ded, I loved doing it.

If I can get through tomorrow, everything will be fine. Thursday and Friday are both very light on scheduled things. Thank all the gods.

I need it to be the weekend. Both "the Shepherd's Crown" and "A Red-Rose Chain" arrived in the mail today. I need to spend some quality time in these worlds. Also, now I'm crying because I read the prologue of TSC and this is the last Discworld book ever and I don't think I was done crying for Sir PTerry.

Life does not suck. My feet disagree.

 

books

Aug. 26th, 2015 08:32 pm
sabine: (Default)
Part of the bedtime ritual at our house is that Momma reads to each kid before bed. Every night that Momma's home, we read books. Sure, we'll read books at other times of day, but we always, always read at bedtime. Even when Momma's travelling, sometimes there can still be bedtime stories - I'll Skype and recite some of Alex's books or Emi will call and I'll spin her a bedtime story.

It's only been in the last 6 months or so that Emi's been willing to have non-picture books at bedtime. She was sort of okay with the "level one readers" - the step just above "little kid book" - but didn't always trust them, since I'd occasionally ask her what some of the words were. This is partly why she has Jedi and Sith in her list of sight words.

I tried to get her to listen to some chapter books, but we always gave up. That is, until I found THE book. Browsing through Half Price Books after a med check appointment, I found a chapter book all about the further adventures of Anna and Elsa. I brought it home and Emi was HOOKED. She LOVES Elsa and, though these are basically sanctioned fanfic, she loves the new stories.

We're now on book four of the series.  There are currently six planned.

I also found the "junior novelizations" of recent Disney movies. We read about Big Hero Six, Brave, Frozen Fever (because I REFUSE to spend money on the live action Cinderella. Feh), and Tangled. I also got her to finally listen to "Nurk". Now, we have choices for what story to read. I have hope that this will let us read other books...like The Hobbit, The Fairyland series, Narnia, The Boxcar Children, The Secret Garden, and so, so many others.

Meanwhile, in the other bedroom, Alex has always preferred books that rhyme to those that don't. He'll pull several books from his shelf and have me read as many as he can possibly get away with. He's also the one more likely to go grab a book and ask me to read it...usually, by sitting on me and opening the book.

This is how things have been going. That is, until yesterday.

You see, Ursula Vernon's ([livejournal.com profile] ursulav ) new kid book came out last week. It's "Hamster Princess: Harriet the Invincible". It's about a hamster, who's a princess under a curse. She's discovered that since the curse *has* to keep her alive until her 12th birthday, she's currently INVINCIBLE. Also, the cover is covered in glitter. 

I had to buy it. Right away. Moral imperative...and I buy all of her stuff the second it comes out. It's just that good, yo.

I read it as soon as I could and loved it. I then offered it to Emi as an option for bedtime book.

She REFUSED.

I've no idea why, but she just wanted nothing to do with it. So, last night, I asked Alex if *he* would like me to read it to him. I expected an immediate refusal, as there's (a) no rhyming, (b) no dinosaurs, (c) no trains, and (d) longer than 15 pages.

He grabbed it and took it to his room.

Last night, we read the first four chapters. At the end of each chapter, I'd ask if he liked it and wanted me to keep reading. Vigorous nods. He fell asleep on the last page of chapter 4. I kissed him and turned off the light.

Tonight, before organizing his blanket and pillow, he was grabbing for the book to shove at me. We read chapters 5-7. He fell asleep on the last page of chapter 7.

I...didn't expect this to work. I underestimated our little dude, because I expected him to have the same story attention span as his sister. Part of it might be that I'm way better at reading aloud now, but most of it is probably that he's a very different kid than Emi. So far, he's very much digging this story of a warrior hamster princess.

This makes me happy. Both kids (I hope) associate books with a Momma who loves them very much. I'd like for them to have actual friends and interests outside of books (unlike Momma) while they grow up, but I also want them to love good stories as much as I do. That'd be cool.
sabine: (Default)
 DreamWidth didn't want to let me type an entry until I left Chrome and started logging in through FireFox. Then, suddenly, everything worked. The magic of computers, I tell you.

Ox is in bed. He's discovered the magic of words in books. He's also discovered the magic of figuring out which word on the page is the silliest and have me read that word over and over and over. Potty training is not going so well, but he's SO PROUD when he gets to wear undies. He'll vogue and strike a pose when his undies have cartoons on.

Emi and Downwood are playing SWTOR together. Downwood is tanking for Emi. She ABSOLUTELY FLAT OUT REFUSED to EVEN CONSIDER playing a Sith. Jedi all the way. This process is completely adorable. The game is free to play, so she has her own account and everything. And she's not doing a bad job of it, by all accounts. 

Me? I was at my desk for more than 11 hours today. Tomorrow's going to be just as long, if not more. I had some time to do the things that I liked, but most of it was grunt work and no fun.

So, yeah. I'm tired, my neck and back are spiking pain, and I really want to go to bed.

But there's ice cream in the freezer, I have both a new Hidden Almanac and Sleep With Me for tonight. I also got the audiobook for "The Goblin Emperor" and it's charming, though I foresee problems remembering the names when I can't see them spelled out. I'm almost done with "City of Stairs", which is disturbing and lovely. I need to download episode 1 of the new season of "Indexing". Things are not totally terrible. Werk just sucks. 
 
sabine: (Default)
Work is batshit crazy. My task list is out of control, as is my notepad, as is my inbox. I am slowly, slowly restoring order from chaos. I've put out the fires and am getting some things done before the next outbreak.




Therapy yesterday was no fun, as usual. Trying to confront the fact that my internal monologue is not very nice to me. The lists of Rules are really not helpful. Don't look like you're sad. Don't look like you're worried. Don't admit that you're not enjoying life. Don't brag. Be proud but never boast. Pride is a sin, anyway, so you should stop that, too. Don't take the last piece of anything. Stop taking up so much space. Be perfect. Always, always be perfect.



Kidz are kids. Ox is getting more and more vocal. Not so much with the words, but still MOAR SOUNDS! Emi is creative, strong, and determined. And sometimes a pill.



Still can't play GW2. Stupid anxiety, but this is apparently a break I need to take.



I got past the uncomfortable place in my book ("The Magicians", Lev Grossman) - the place where I could see the main character about to make some incredibly stupid mistakes and had to put the book down because the Fictional Uncertainty Principle states that until the badness is observed (read) the characters are still okay - and now am in a part that's less uncomfortable and more interesting. I want to slap the main character, but he's 21 and hasn't yet figured out that the world doesn't actually owe him squat, much less happiness.

I'm listening to "Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers", which is both interesting and gross. But mostly interesting.




The people in the offices around me seem to do nothing but socialize all day. This wouldn't be bothersome except that one of them is someone I'm trying to train to be amazing and I just want her to do her work, dammit.





I'm not doing any of the SitG workshops or shows. The workshops seem expensive for what I may or may not get out of it. Also, I'd much rather hang with friends in a lower-stress environment than sit through a show. Dunno. Am emotionally, mentally, and physically tired.



I wonder if there's a time next week when I can call in sick and go get a tattoo. That'd be nifty.

bits

Jul. 14th, 2015 01:36 pm
sabine: (Default)
Dance - Finally done with this choreography and have a bit of a break. I'll be traveling for some of it, but still.

Achievement Unlocked! - At the end of class, teacher M had us run through the choreography with a veil. We ditch it after about 2 minutes and keep going with the song. The choreography ends with a bow, then you come up, wave to the audience, and float offstage with the last couple measures of the song. We did this. All of us in the class took a lap of the "stage", said goodbye to the audience, and snapped up our veils on the way out. Teacher M was delighted. It was her Proud Dance Mama moment of the night, since she hadn't specified this - we just did it because that's what we're supposed to do.

Books - I'm listening to "The Martian" and it's wonderful. I'm reading "Other Worlds Than These" and am a mite disappointed - some of the stories in this anthology just aren't doing it for me, unfortunately.

Sewing - I have a couple more pant patterns to try out. I need to see what flatters this weird tummy of mine. Also, I'm terribly tempted by this pattern. Emi would love it.  https://www.etsy.com/listing/240378497/the-princess-power-suit-one-piece?ref=shop_home_feat_4

Werk - Stress. Anxiety. Triumph. Frustration. Success.

Weird - Night Vale tickets have been confirmed. I'm discovering other Night Vale citizens and rejoicing to see who else will be there. One will be my team lead who is now thoroughly addicted. Mwahahaha!

Adulting - I'm tired of being an adult. Adulting is hard. Why did I want to grow up, anyway?

sabine: (Default)
I love my hair stylist. She makes me feel special and pretty. And she does really neat things with my hair. Going to an actual stylist at an actual salon is more expensive than Great Clips, but I'm okay with it.

Ox is a sweetheart and a pill. He only wants Momma to put him to bed, which is generally okay, but awkward on nights when Momma gets home late and wants to finish dinner. He gives the best hugs.

I read Bryony and Roses by T. Kingfisher (aka [livejournal.com profile] ursulav) today. It's another retelling of Beauty and the Beast and is very well done. It's mostly about gardening. There are other pieces of the traditional story, but it's about growing things and hard work and waiting.

Emi is watching the new Strawberry Shortcake cartoon on Netflix. All the berry girls are trying to break records. The records they want to break? Highest Hairstyle. Tallest Souffle. Most Stitches in a Dress. Most Pirouettes. The only one that's not intensely stereotypically girly is the one who wants the record for reading the fastest. Christ. Insipid twits. And now it turns out that the "record judges" are really doctors who are concerned by the weird behavior spreading through the population. *headdesk*

I think I'm finally on the mend from this cold bug. Less coughing, fewer sneezes, way less sinus pain. Woot! Just in time for long weekend!

sabine: (Default)
I will never be able to repeat this, but I had a Shining Dance Moment (tm) last night. We were noodling around to an accordion baladi and there was a part in the music where the accordion and I had a Moment. It was magical and lasted for all of ~8 measures. But it really worked while we were there. It helps that I'm ridiculously tall, so level changes look dramatic on my body. But still, it was lovely and Shining and just for a moment, all was right with the world.

My head hurts and there's a muscle near my right shoulder blade that's spasming and making it hard to both type and use my mouse. I suspect the head hurting is a direct effect of having very tight muscles all through my neck and upper back. Also, I don't get enough sleep on Monday nights.

I'm completely stumped by the latest puzzle in the Apocrypha Adventure Card Game Kickstarter. I've solved the previous four problems and gotten the badges, but this one is baffling me. It's got phone numbers that you need to decode to find the name of a body part. I've tried the trick of substituting the letters on the phone buttons, but that's not getting me anywhere. I've translated the numbers to letters and fed them through Caesar Cipher generators. I've tried manipulating the numbers to get different letters. Nothing. I need a hint of a new direction to go.

There were boxes of Dunkin Donuts in the break room this morning. There were actually donuts there when I wandered in to get water. There were not donuts there 15 minutes later when I went to rinse my coffee cup. Early bird, worm, and all that.

My sister will be here for the weekend of May 9. I want to find something fun for us to do. I also want to have some alone sister time with her. My therapist said that if the real me's personality, wants, hopes, dreams, and characteristics are fragmented into a million puzzle pieces, I should spend time with the person who knows the shape of most of them and likes me anyway. That'd be my little sister.

Also, to wrap this up, I read Mira Grant's (aka Seanan McGuire) new novella "Rolling in the Deep". It's about mermaids. I'm never going swimming again.
sabine: (Default)
 I have purchased my annual WorldCon supporting membership. I am beginning to think critically about my Hugo votes. I try to only vote for things I've actually read, not just things that sound real good or are by someone I recognize.

I am...perturbed by the slate this year. Many words by much finer authors than I have been written. I will attempt to compete in neither eloquence nor length.

I am a SF/F fan. Have been for a long, long time. I read widely and I read a lot. I am passionate about both the things that I love and the things that I dislike, as my Goodreads reviews would undoubtedly tell you.

I've never been to a WorldCon. I have too much social anxiety disorder for that to even seem like a fun time. There are few large gatherings that I can contemplate attending. Even TeslaCon or GenCon - where I'd probably have a great time - incite panic when I think about actually attending. Finances and children are handy excuses, but the heart of the matter is that I simply can't figure out how I'd go to one of these without being a mess before, during, and after. Not enough Xanax in the world.

I do, however, always buy a supporting membership to WorldCon. Have done for several years now. 

Why? It started when there was a story nominated for a Hugo. "Rat-Catcher" by Seanan McGuire. It's Tybalt's origin story and I NEEDED to read it. The only problem was that it was published in an anthology that I couldn't get my mitts on. But it was nominated for a Hugo and Scalzi started a project where publishers would provide copies of nominated works so that voters could make an informed decision. 

So, yes, I started out as a Hugo voter simply so that I could get one particular story in the voter packet. Shallow? A bit. Worth it? Completely.

Since then, I keep buying a supporting membership. I like the illusion that my opinion will help someone win a Major Award. I like having the opportunity to read the best of recent fiction - especially the novellas and short stories that I normally wouldn't come across.

And now we have this year. And this slate of nominees. And for the first time, I feel cheated. $40 is a fine price, but this year it feels like a rip-off. I *don't* want to read most of what's likely to be in the packet. I *want* to vote NO AWARD in several of the categories, just by looking at the authors.

This isn't my fandom. This isn't what I wanted to happen. I nominated my favorite things - and one of them's on the ballot - but this just makes me sad. 

I get the feeling of being left out of a popularity contest. Really, I do. I get passed over for awards at werk while newer folks get recognized for what feels like lesser work. Popularity never works in my favor. 

But, even though my feelings are hurt, I don't understand the desire to break the award system. I'd rather keep working and keep doing the best that I can do and hope that it's seen than have someone game the system. Popularity may not be fair, but it's more fair than the alternative.

I just...am sad. SF/F fandom was supposed to be a place where we can shout about the things we love, find other people who love them too, and not have evil to contend with. Evil was supposed to stay on the page, not out in the open. 

I'm going to curl back up with a book that I love and try to not think about this for a bit.

Also, in case you were wondering, "The Goblin Emperor" is clearly the best book in the Novel category. If your tastes are more SF than F, "Ancillary Sword" will probably be your vote for best novel. But, still, that's my opinion for this popularity contest. And your opinion is more than welcome to not be the same as mine.

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