Goals!

Jan. 1st, 2017 10:37 am
sabine: (Default)
 Goals!
1. Continue wearing more lipstick. Maybe also start more eyeliner and mascara. Maybe.
2. Continue learning languages. Spanish for sure, maybe something else.
3. Do the things that make me happy: coloring, drawing, sewing, etc.
4. Read.
5. Run a 5k.
6. Make mistakes. Try new things. 
0. Love my family. Encourage my kids. Play games with my spouse. Support charities. Call my congresspeople. Make the world a better place.
sabine: (Default)
I had a dentist appointment. Nothing new is wrong. They're having me come in to have a very old filling replaced before something goes horribly wrong with it. Since I have dental insurance, I'm okay with this plan.

The rubber on my Fitbit is starting to pull away from the hard plastic display. I checked out the Fitbit forums to see what to do. Unanimously people said, "Contact Fitbit support. They'll send a new one." So I did. And they are.

I haven't started packing for Dallas yet. I'll do that tonight, I guess. I haven't contacted any of the people I know down there. Feeling guilty about that, but after an overnight shift and long days, I know I won't be good for much. I should, I know. But....am listening to anxiety brain. Not good.

I've bought more musical soundtracks. Now I can listen to Hamilton, Repo! The Genetic Opera, and Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. There might be something wrong with me.

My hair is shorter and super cute. I can pull it up off my neck in a very small ponytail and the layers on my face look like anime. Super-duper adorable. Also, my stylist is still jealous of my henna. Apparently I'm not supposed to get as good of results with it as I do. I am an anomaly. I am okay with this.

Downwood is sick. I'm leaving town tomorrow. And the kids are home on summer break.

I'm kind of sick to my stomach, but that could be the extra coffee talking. And the lack of water. I'm feeling better today, probably because I got almost enough sleep.
sabine: (Default)
It is decided that:
  • This year is starting out not so good for beloved pop culture icons. Knock it the hell off, 2016. Fuck cancer.
  • I'm leaving work early today.
  • I can be proud of my zentangle doodles. For they are pretty and kind of neat.
  • I will not feel guilty about going in for a massage on Sunday. My shoulders are messed up.
  • I will have fun putting together STAR WARS LEGO with my kids. I have the Maz minifig. You can be jealous.
  • Meditation is probably the best thing I've started in a while. Yay for mental space.
  • I can no longer say that I can't write. The thing I'm working on with Downwood is nearing 19k words. I have probably 2/3 or 3/4 of them. My character talks A LOT.
  • Tea is the best.
  • Chocolate is the best.
  • Sleepy kiddos hugs are the best.
  • Coffee is the best.
  • Weekends are the best.
sabine: (Default)
I put on eye makeup, but forgot lipstick. Bleah.

The new Star Wars Legos are AMAZING. Downwood bought me the set with the Maz minifig. Best husband ever. Considering spending some Christmas money on more sets. There's one with a minifig of GENERAL ORGANA. Be still, my fangirl heart.

Dance last night was good. The choreography is very zippy. I'm continuing with my "walk like a Sith" approach to body language and posture. It's still dreadfully amusing, especially when doing tush pushes.

Almond lattes are wonderful.

I found some note cards in the supply room that are entirely blank on one side. I've started doing my work zentangles on those in addition to my lined notebook. I try to post something daily to Instagram. It makes me really proud when "real" artists "like" my pictures. I'm very proud, especially when I go to their feed and look at their amazeballs work.

My "Ms Zero" nail wraps are finally giving up. I put these on over New Year's Eve, so I've gotten a pretty good run out of them. They're really pretty and I'll totally buy them again when they go on sale. Emi lost her mind when she saw that I had Elsa nails.

P4P released a new slim fit raglan shirt pattern today. I want it.

Every so often throughout the day, my Headspace app will pop something up on my phone to remind me to be mindful. The one just now said "When was the last time you did something for the first time?". Hm. Excellent question, phone.

stay good

Nov. 18th, 2015 08:44 am
sabine: (Default)
I will not impulse purchase more cute clothes. Yes, retail therapy feels good. Yes, I like looking cute. Yes, I have far too much stuff and I don't need to bring more into my life before I KonMari the hell out of my bedroom.

I will actually try the meditation app I downloaded. I can find 10 minutes in my day to be quiet and reflective. It won't be the same 10 minutes in the same place daily, but I can commit to this for 10 days before getting a subscription.

I will try to not stress about presents. Presents don't have to be perfect. I don't have to find the exact thing that will show that I understand a person, care about them, and know what's lacking in their life. "Good enough" is, in fact, good enough.

I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be good enough. I have to try my best at things, but I need to keep a sense of humor and relaxation. Perfect is a lie. Pinterest is a lie. Advertising, movies, and TV are lies.

I need to remember how to relax. Coloring books are awesome.

I will do the things that make me happy. I will do the things that let me try to be better than I am.

I will attempt to let go of worry and fear and anxiety. I may not succeed, but I will acknowledge that these feelings exist, that I have them, and that I don't actually need them most of the time.

I will read with my kids. I will give hugs. I will praise, smile, and be a good enough momma.

I will not flip out about the pile of things one of my customers just emailed me for a meeting in 68 minutes when I have another meeting for the 60 minutes directly before that meeting. Eep.

oh lord

Aug. 20th, 2015 08:31 pm
sabine: (Default)
Taking two days off of work to spend with my family? Terrific idea.
Coming back to PILES AND PILES of OMG!HALP!!1!? Not so fun.

Yesterday, I got to work quite early and actually left a tiny bit early. This let me get home in time to have a little dinner with the kids before the Paint Nite Downwood convinced me to do. It was for a painting I wasn't really interested in, but the venue is about 4 blocks from my house. YES! A Paint Nite IN MY TINY TOWN! WOO!

So I went and painted. I felt a little bad for myself at first when groups of 2-8 ladies came in and found seats together. It was INCREDIBLY loud and obnoxious. I wasn't pleased about that. But I got a beer (New Glarus Brewery's Two Women. Lovely) and an order of cheese curds and focused on being creative. It took longer than I wanted - see above about loud, obnoxious, and increasingly drunk ladies - but I came home with a pretty picture.

I...really like these events. I get to pretend to be an artist. Art is different from craft. I'm very good at crafting, but actually making art is something different. It's relaxing, a little frustrating, and generally happy. 9/10 - Would recommend.

Today, I got to work not quite as early, but still early. I had meetings pretty much from 9-5. I had a couple of 15 minute breaks, all of which got filled up by people stopping by or calling. Also, my desktop gave me the blue screen of death right as I was jumping on a conference call. Lovely.

I stayed late at work to get some things done. I eventually came home, had dinner with family, nearly finished packing a weekend bag, and have gotten the kids in bed. Now, I need to do my German lesson, have an ice cream bar, and go to bed soonish.

I need to be at work STUPID early tomorrow so that I can leave Pretty Darn Early to take Ox to my folks'. This will NOT be a relaxing weekend for me, since it'll be Potty Boot Camp. I'm already anxious about this. At least the school district is taking Ox's struggles in stride and has a plan to help him. If his issues with talking are actually speech apraxia, that also explains why potty training isn't working yet. 

Everything's going to be okay. Now it is time for ice cream.

 
sabine: (Default)
 My hair looked amazing today. So did my eyebrows. All hail the magic of the salon.

Also, my hairdresser once again got upset when another stylist complimented her on my hair color and she had to say, again, that I henna it at home and she has nothing to do with it. The other stylist was SHOCKED. I was proud and smug.

My hair is amazing.

That is all.
sabine: (Default)
I have a haircut tonight. My hair will be shorter. Probably hacking it off to my shoulders, maybe a bit shorter. Need a change on this front.

I'm thinking of getting this pattern for girl dresses (https://www.youcanmakethis.com/products/girls-piko-top-newborn-18-tween) and making it with either this fabric (http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/1663167) or this fabric (http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/3662809) or this one (http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/1662132) as the skirt and a solid as the top. Then, probably, make a sparkly cape that can be added, if Emi feels like being a full Snow Queen in Summer.

Started sketching ideas for a steampunk jetpack in a meeting yesterday. Also sketched an airship engineer-type outfit. Too many irons in fire? NEVAR!

I'm SOOO close to finishing up a couple of cute t-shirts for Ox from some of my KnitFix fabric. All I have left is the neck-binding. They're v-neck shirts. I should maybe have done this step earlier so that if I totally screw it up, I won't be as sad. But I'm pretty sure I can handle it. Pretty sure. After they're done, Emi wants me to make her another shirt or something. So that's easy.

We're driving to down-state IL tomorrow morning and coming back Sunday afternoon. Emi's beside herself with joy. Ox has a cold and was all snotted up last night and kind of miserable. So we'll see how that goes. Things I must remember to pack: MiL's bday present, FiL's xmas present, MiL's GS cookies, FiL's GS cookies.

My TL helped me jettison my Worst Customer onto someone else. Now I have a couple extra hours a week that I used to use in Dire Frustration And Wanting To Throw Things. Now, I get to use it to do some of the stuff I love. So he told me to just go forth and do the things I love and to also think about how I can get more of what I love into my daily job and what else we'd have to change in order to make that happen. He actually wants me to be happy at work. HAPPY?! What a concept!

When I get home, I will have some comic books waiting for me. And a new silicone muffin tin. And a pound of raw cocoa butter. And some new oils. The homemade lotion route seems to be going well for the kidz and there was a sale.

And now, I go to get tasty Indian food for lunch. Because it's there and I'm hungry. Later, I have time to do work (gasp!) and will put on new nail wraps (Literary, from the first Nailed It KS). I'm wearing my Glitter is the New Black shirt. Things do not totally suck, no matter what my jerkbrain says.

Today is

Mar. 10th, 2015 11:03 am
sabine: (Default)
Today is fog.
Today is also "listen to WtNV in the car".
Today is buying sewing patterns and knit fabric.
Today is trying to not let anxiety win.
Today is Ox feeling better, but still not awesome.
Today is going between meetings and never feeling like things get done.
Today is tasty Indian food.
Today is sad for no particular reason.
Today is phones acting weird.
Today is fog.
sabine: (Default)
Not good things about the weekend
  • We ended up staying home instead of driving down to visit my folks. This actually wasn't such a bad plan, since it was bitter cold and they got SLAMMED with snow, which would have made coming home an interesting drive.
  • Emi got sick. She started out the weekend by having a tummy ache Friday evening. And then by throwing up everywhere. She spent most of Saturday either sleeping or wrapped in blankets, sipping flat Sprite. Her appetite didn't come back until dinnertime Sunday night, when she ate All The Things.
  • Ox got sick, sort of. Homeboy's had a head cold for a while. Friday night he was having major coughing and gagging fits. Luckily, my organic faux-Vapo Rub (lotion with eucalyptus, peppermint, and rosemary oil) seems to calm down his cough.
  • I spent most of Sunday in a depression/anxiety haze. No fun.
  • Sunday morning, Ox got down the bottle of carpet cleaner meant to get rid of a milk spill stink/crunch area. He managed to get the top open (how, we don't know), and poured the whole bottle out on the carpet, but nowhere near where it needed to be. I got his hands washed and him into Time Out. Emi also got into Time Out with the "You need to tell us when he first starts on a dangerous track, not after he's already dumped chemicals everywhere". We got the mess cleaned up and both kids took naps while in Time Out, though the TV room wasn't really usable the rest of the day.
Good things about the weekend
  • I did some cooking. I made a huge batch of oatmeal and another of mini quiches to have for breakfast this week. So far, darn tasty and cheaper than buying the (admittedly) cheap breakfast options at work. Also, this way I don't have the daily temptation to get fancy coffee or pastries.
  • I also made some for-real pudding with egg yolks, milk, and everything. It's ASTONISHINGLY rich. zomg. But very tasty.
  • Emi felt better. That's a win.
  • I finished two sewing projects. One - a Moneta dress for me - just needed hemmed on the skirt and sleeves. I also managed to go from printing the pattern, assembling, tracing, cutting, and all the way through sewing on a shirt for Emi. I had a yard of red jersey fabric that needed a home, so I started with this pattern. She chose the hood option, so I dug out some remnants of the blue star fabric from my Wonder Woman dress to use as the hood lining. It turned out super cute. A+, will make again.
  • I did a ton of laundry. This is not unusual.
  • I started listening to a new podcast that I'm pretty sure is hypnotizing me into having a good night's sleep. It's called "Sleep With Me". It's a dude telling a story in a monotone, rambling way, so the sound isn't steady. It starts with a bit of guided meditation to get rid of free-floating worries and then goes into an ongoing story. The episodes are an hour long, so when I fall asleep and then wake up after 10 minutes, I go right back to sleep. In the couple of days since I started listening, I've woken up easily and early. Even today, when my alarm is early, I was awake and - get this - *ready* to get up. Weird, but welcome. Since this is the only part of my bedtime routine that's changed, I'm going to credit it with actually getting rested at night. I'm okay with that.
  • Downwood made some amazing pork spareribs for dinner last night. I made some amazing popcorn shrimp and pasta for dinner Saturday.

On the whole, not so bad. Though I could have done without having to clean up throwup and carpet cleaner.
sabine: (Default)
I can completely enslave humanity in 412 days. Plague Inc is my new favorite phone game. It's a really good phone adaptation of one of my favorite computer games. The concept is that you control an organism - bacteria, virus, parasitic worm, etc - and try to destroy humanity. You can modify your DNA to change infection vectors, gain antibiotic resistance, and symptoms. While it's incredibly satisfying to see my tiny bacterium kill the entire world, I'm more a fan of the Neurax Worm vector, since with the right set of symptoms, you can enslave humanity. Very satisfying.

The voice memo function on my phone is good for when I'm in bed, very tired, and need to get some lists out of my head so that I can fall asleep. Listening to them in the morning is weird, though.

I'm not yet developing agoraphobia because of one major detail in my life. If agoraphobia develops when you start avoiding the places that make you anxious, I'm building an immunity every day that I walk into work expecting bad things. My breathing gets weird, my chest tightens up, and I start freaking out. I have to get to my desk so I can have breakfast, so I have to get through the rising panic.

I have a peppermint mocha this morning. It's the only thing keeping me from jumping down the throats of people who want to make everything my fault/responsibility to fix.

Buying presents doesn't freak me out. I like buying things or making things for people. Wrapping presents this year is causing me stress. Not cool, subconscious. Not cool.

I'm getting to hand off one of my most troublesome customers. One of the two that I cringe whenever I see their email or reception says are on my line. The hand off won't be complete until February, but I'll get to start handing off part of my workload starting in the next week. This is amazing and wonderful and not to be trifled with.

Community/Family Calendar
  • Saturday - Pictures of the kiddos followed by playing in the mall. I may brave the bra store to get a fitting and a bra that fits. I need a new one and it's worth spending money on.
  • Sunday - Maybe friends over for gaming? Maybe not? Definitely on call for a work thing that, should things be going haywire, I won't be able to fix. Good times.
  • Monday - Dance
  • Wednesday - Hair cut. Finally. My bangs are out of control.
  • Saturday - Manicure
  • Sunday - Gaming? Maybe?
  • Monday - Dance
  • Friday - Leave work early, go to Iowa
  • Saturday-Sunday - Family togetherness
  • Monday - Work. Dance?
  • Tuesday- No work. Massage and date night.
  • Then Christmas
  • Then the first round of color on my peacock
  • Then New Years
  • Then back to work on 1/2/15
sabine: (Default)
...but I may not be so lucky at dinner.

But I look nice today - peacock blue dress, hair actually looking okay in a high ponytail, new faux pearl choker and earrings. And the weekend starts in a couple of hours. Also, I've been on the phone or in meetings all day today and gotten work done in spite of that.

And there's a new email chain where we're hammering out costuming for the new Mnah-Mnah Troupe. And the Swedish Chef's theme song is stuck in my head.

And I'm almost through with "Mansfield Park" by Ms Austen and it's FULL OF HORRIBLE PEOPLE. Just like some of my customers.

But I've done a decent job of derailing the jerkbrain today. Better than usual, anyway.

And the weekend starts in a couple hours.
sabine: (Default)
My new dresses from eShakti fit beautifully (as usual), make me feel pretty (as usual), and are high quality (as usual). Yes, I *could* tailor a non-knit dress to fit me exactly. I could also pay someone else to make me something custom and spend my sewing time on other things.

Alex was pretending to be a bear when I came home from work last night. It was adorable, charming, and hilarious. He then spent dinner roaring at us. Still no words, but so much to say! When school starts for Emi, he'll have 30 min sessions 3x a week at the school and another 45 min session at our house weekly. They're going to help him find ways to tell us what's going on behind those bright eyes.

I bought a new brand of pen for my henna design book. I'm not sure I like it, as the brush tip is way more flexible than my favorite brand of pen. I'm still learning how this works, so it's okay to make a $6 mistake in pen. So it goes.

I have tomorrow off work. This is good, since today is my 11th day straight of work, including an overnight. I'm tired and need the day off. Emi and I are going to have a Girls' Day Out. We're shopping for birthday party stuff, getting her hair evened up, and going out to spend money and have fun. I just wish she could have ice cream, since ice cream is totally a part of a good shopping day.

Peanut Butter M&Ms are awesome.

I will have my Sekret Dress finished for Sunday. This is good, as we will have friends over for Sno Cones for a low-key birthday party. Emi's "real" birthday party will be in the beginning of September so she can give invites to her friends after Kindergarten starts.

And I can sleep in. This is good.

Better

Aug. 7th, 2014 01:30 pm
sabine: (Default)
Today is better than yesterday.

Yesterday, Emi got in mega-trouble for taking one of the pairs of kitchen shears to her room and cutting holes in her t-shirt, shorts, mermaid doll, pillow case, planet, and probably some other things she didn't admit. Today, I woke up way before my alarm, felt rested, and got snuggles from my girl. She had fruit salad for breakfast and helped me put a load of laundry in before work.

Yesterday, I forgot my emergency Xanax. Today, I remembered my emergency Xanax. I haven't taken any of it yet, but just knowing that it's there is an easing of this burden.

Yesterday, I cut out my new Sekret Project dress. Today, I can sew some of it. I don't like cutting fabric, thanks to my thumb tendons and general m'eh-ness. I like sewing, though. And I know I'm going to like the outcome of this project.

Yesterday, I had to go to the grocery store. Today, I can go straight home.

Yesterday, I had 7 hours of scheduled meetings. Today, I only have 5.5 hours of scheduled meetings. True, I got another couple hours of meetings tacked on last minute, but still.

Yesterday, I was PMSing. Today, my uterus is celebrating its continued vacancy.

Yesterday, I caved and had chocolate chip cheesecake with lunch. Today, I caved and had hot fudge pudding cake with lunch. There's really no comparison here. Both were amazing treats in the middle of the day.
sabine: (Default)
It's okay to buy fabric. Yes, it's a little spendy, but it's fabric for three dresses and a top. I'll get all the fabric for the price of one of the dresses from eShakti. Also, I love making dresses. So nyah, jerkbrain.

I'm doing a good job. My TL asked my customers for feedback and got back UNANIMOUS high praise. Every. Single. Customer rated my service as 4 of 4 stars and I got glowing, gushing reviews. My TL is happy with me. He also LISTENED when I told him where I wanted to go in the next year or so and he's going to do what he can to help me get there. So double nyah, jerkbrain.

I'm going to get a new medication this afternoon. So long to the med that's making my anxiety and depression a little less, but has also caused MAJOR weight gain, continual exhaustion, and completely shut off my libido. The new med (yet tbd) will likely have other side effects. It's a balancing act of figuring out what side effects I can live with. Also, I'll get a refill of Xanax, which is a lovely anti-anxiety security blanked. Neener neener, jerkbrain.

I'm using my Google-fu and eBay skillz for evil. For fluffy, fluffy evil. I regret nothing. The jerkbrain has nothing to say about this. I think it's overwhelmed by the fluffy feathers. This gives me ideas for dealing with the jerkbrain in the future. The jerkbrain runs away from MUPPETOSITY. Sweet.
sabine: (Default)
My to do list at work is insane. What the hell, reality?

I got a pedicure yesterday. I also went to the grocery store, did several loads of laundry, organized clean sheets for all beds, and did some sewing. I'm not a failure for wanting to play some GW2 and work on my Maze of Games book. I got things done and that's okay.

Sewing update: I finished a beige slip yesterday, so I can wear my pencil skirt with confidence! I need to put black thread in my regular sewing machine, and I'll be done with my black slip. Both are lining fabric tubes with an elastic casing at the top and lace at the bottom. I didn't have a pattern, just an idea of how I needed them to work.

I almost finished my Lady Skater dress. I need to topstitch the neckband and hem the bottom and it's done. I tried it on and it fits like a freaking glove. I'm afraid to look in the mirror because I felt fabulous when I put it on, but I know I won't feel fabulous when I see myself. The majority of the dress is this feather fabric from Girl Charlee (http://www.girlcharlee.com/feathers-on-silver-peony-cotton-jersey-blend-knit-fabric/girl-charlee-p-7910.html?cPath=149 ;), but the neck and sleeve bands are the deep peacock. I also added a 5 inch band of the peacock around the hem. I'm glad I did, since otherwise it would be much too short. Next time, I make the skirt longer. Yus. This is the peacock fabric (http://www.girlcharlee.com/peacock-blue-solid-cotton-spandex-knit-fabric-p-7166.html?cPath=90_114 ;). Overall, it's a lovely pattern and I'll make it again.

eShakti's having a sale. I could get a couple of the poplin dresses that I love for far cheaper than usual. Crap.

The guy in the office next to me is ALREADY cursing at the top of his lungs. Fuck.

I'm glad I upped my Kickstarter pledge for the Maze of Games to get the PDF of the book as well as the hardcover. I'm working through the first set of puzzles, and it's nice to not be scribbling in my book while doing it. Some of the puzzles are HARD, yo. It's stretching my brain in weird ways, but I like it. It's a good story, a neat concept, and it's hard. It makes me feel smart and clever when I solve the problem.

Okay. Time to get another cup of caffeine and tackle this to do list. Yes.

fabric!

Jul. 2nd, 2014 09:58 am
sabine: (Default)
I bought fabric today. This really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.
  • From Denver Fabrics, I bought stretch lace for overlay panels and, inspired by Au's success with iced pink velvet, gold stretch velour for a trumpet skirt.
  • From Girl Charlee Fabrics, I bought dark peacock knit for a Moneta dress, bright peacock knit for a Mabel skirt, black knit for a Mabel skirt, and a really bright feather pattern knit for an a-line skirt.

I'm wearing skirts or dresses almost every day now. It's easier to get them to fit and I don't have the same anxiety that jeans, slacks, or shorts give me. Making my own skirts and dresses is satisfying, I have several eShakti '50s shirtdresses that fit beautifully and other maxi skirts that I've collected over the last year, and I like skirts. Also, trying on pants in store dressing rooms makes me sad and very upset with myself.

Blah. It's okay to like dresses and feel pretty in them. Also, dresses take very little thought in the morning. No coordination necessary!



Made it

Jun. 27th, 2014 12:58 pm
sabine: (Default)
I made it to the end of the day. I wanted to call in sick this morning, but it was more mental health than anything. By noon, a tension headache'd started and it never actually switched over to migraine. So I just kept doing work and trying to make it through.

I filled up my first henna sketchbook yesterday. I'm out of pages! Luckily, I'd purchased 2 when I got the first one, so I was immediately able to pick up and keep going. I've also killed my first real artist marker. I bought 2, but I'm not sure where the second one went. I'm sure it's on my desk somewhere.

Dahlal has Magic Dresses back in stock. They have both purple with silver beads and teal with silver beads. Damn them. They don't have bra/belt sets that fit my Amazonian stature, but the Magic Dresses are Magic.

I need to call my psych MD. We changed up my meds over the winter and, while one of my symptoms is better, the side effects of the med are kicking my butt and making the other symptoms worse.

Things to do on my way home: Stop at wall of green for refills. Stop at grocery store for cider. Call Mom. Listen to "Shattered" (seriously, you guys, you need to read this series. Atticus FTW!)

Things to do this weekend: Dye my hair, excavate my desk, clean my bathroom, laundry, finish my Mabel skirt, finish poofy pants. Read books to my kids. Drink coffee. Walk to our downtown and go to the craft fair. Continue looking at beautiful tattoos online. Rest. Read. Play video games. Hug my kids. Breathe.

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sabine

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